depressed..dont know hot to cope and move on, i miss him

[alwayssme]

i am going through it like i never have in my life. i'm usually a happy person but for the past 2 months and a half my world has turned upside down. I dont even know myself anymore. i feel like i have lost myself. i have a job, go to school, have friends but nothing and i mean nothing gets me out of my depression. i wake up thinking of him and he is on my brain 24/7. i thought i was getting better but now i'm back to feeling depressed. its the weirdest feeling but nothing seems right, my life feels so empty and the only thing thats missing is HIM. but why does it feel like my life makes no sense anymore? i was used to spending my days/nights next to him and now that he's not here, i dont feel whole. i feel like im alive but im not living. everybody tells me to snap out of it and move on, life goes on but i just cant seem to stop feeling like this. my house feels empty without him, my whole life feels empty. i feel so depressed and nothing can shake me up, especially these past couple of days i have been at home. i dred going to work, going to school. i dred getting up every morning and living. i wish i could just sleep, cuz my reality is too painful to deal with. why am i feeling like this over a lost love? its over and done with. why am i hurting so much? im usually stronger than this

 

any suggestions or ideas on how to stop feeling this way? anything that could help?

[northstar1]

i am going through it like i never have in my life. i'm usually a happy person but for the past 2 months and a half my world has turned upside down. I dont even know myself anymore. i feel like i have lost myself. i have a job, go to school, have friends but nothing and i mean nothing gets me out of my depression. i wake up thinking of him and he is on my brain 24/7. i thought i was getting better but now i'm back to feeling depressed. its the weirdest feeling but nothing seems right, my life feels so empty and the only thing thats missing is HIM. but why does it feel like my life makes no sense anymore? i was used to spending my days/nights next to him and now that he's not here, i dont feel whole. i feel like im alive but im not living. everybody tells me to snap out of it and move on, life goes on but i just cant seem to stop feeling like this. my house feels empty without him, my whole life feels empty. i feel so depressed and nothing can shake me up, especially these past couple of days i have been at home. i dred going to work, going to school. i dred getting up every morning and living. i wish i could just sleep, cuz my reality is too painful to deal with. why am i feeling like this over a lost love? its over and done with. why am i hurting so much? im usually stronger than this

 

any suggestions or ideas on how to stop feeling this way? anything that could help?

 

There is no magic solution to make it vanish immediately, but there are some things you can do to help move on:

 

Exercise - cardio for 30 plus minutes will allow you to burn stress and release endorphins which will make you feel better

 

Get out as much as possible - even if you have to force yourself - go out with friends.

 

Make some short and long term goals - whether it's to learn something new, or take classes, or volunteer - something to put on the calendar and work towards

 

Plan a trip - whether it's a weekend away with friends, or a trip away someplace you've always wanted to go.

 

If you are home alone, fill your time as much as possible - read a book, watch some movies, take up a new hobby.

 

Time - it's hard to see it now, but things will get better.

 

Just try not to sit around and do nothing but think about the ex and drudge up memories - as they say, the devil finds work for idle hands to do -

 

I know it's hard, and right now you feel like you are going through the motions, but it will get better, over days and weeks.

[Meaplus3]

i am going through it like i never have in my life. i'm usually a happy person but for the past 2 months and a half my world has turned upside down. I dont even know myself anymore. i feel like i have lost myself. i have a job, go to school, have friends but nothing and i mean nothing gets me out of my depression. i wake up thinking of him and he is on my brain 24/7. i thought i was getting better but now i'm back to feeling depressed. its the weirdest feeling but nothing seems right, my life feels so empty and the only thing thats missing is HIM. but why does it feel like my life makes no sense anymore? i was used to spending my days/nights next to him and now that he's not here, i dont feel whole. i feel like im alive but im not living. everybody tells me to snap out of it and move on, life goes on but i just cant seem to stop feeling like this. my house feels empty without him, my whole life feels empty. i feel so depressed and nothing can shake me up, especially these past couple of days i have been at home. i dred going to work, going to school. i dred getting up every morning and living. i wish i could just sleep, cuz my reality is too painful to deal with. why am i feeling like this over a lost love? its over and done with. why am i hurting so much? im usually stronger than this

 

any suggestions or ideas on how to stop feeling this way? anything that could help?

 

Your hurting because you lost someone who was once very special to you and when that happens it hurts. Your best bet is to try your best to focus on something else like a friend, family memeber or a hobby that you enjoy. By focusing on something or someone else, it will keep your mind busy and you will have less time to think of him. Really, it does take time but you will get there. Keep busy and hang in there. You'll be ok.

 

AP:)

[alwayssme]

would contacting him to tell him how i feel be a bad idea?

[northstar1]

would contacting him to tell him how i feel be a bad idea?

 

Honestly yes. You need to let it be for now and move on with your life. Contacting him will do one of two things 1)Make you feel bad if he does not reply, or replies in a negative tone. 2)Push him ever further away.

 

You are hurting, we've all been there. The natural response to this is to reach out to the ex, to establish contact. From most people's experiences on here, it rarely works out well.

[alwayssme]

it sucks. i miss the warmth of his body. but since he's gone i want a new relationship. i want to fall in love again, im so in love with my ex but we're over, he's like my drug...i need to get over him, i wish i could find someone i at least like..

[wayfaerer1]

Hang in there...

 

I feel the same way you do.

 

It's been over a month now, and I was doing pretty well - I was proud that I had decided to go no contact.

 

But recently things are starting to really set in, and I keep having flash backs of all the fun things we did together.

 

I too miss her body next to mine, and I miss every little thing about her, and it's a kind of pain that I wouldn't wish upon anyone.

 

Be strong alwayssme - I need you to be strong so that I can be strong too...I'm counting on you.

 

One of the quickest fixes is simply to mingle with the opposite sex, I found that even simply having a conversation with another girl made me feel a little better. It reminds you that there is hope - And there is.

 

I feel just as terrible as you...Hang in there...

[alwayssme]

it hurts so much,

 

im trying to be strong but i feel weaker by the second

[CherishG]

girl,

u got me worried about u sooo much, more than my own self.

you have to be strong. I know it sounds so cliche and easier said than done, but there's nothing more that u can do.

I wish the PM system on here would work 4 me, but I only have so many posts.

if you need to talk, maybe we can exchange AIM or emails.

I wish there was some magic pill we can all take to make the pain go away, but there isn't.

only time can make us heal...

just hang in there, I'm here 4 u like everyone else.

[0hpenelope]

would contacting him to tell him how i feel be a bad idea?

 

Yep, it will be. As northstar has already said, either one of those two things can happen. You expect that sharing your feelings with him will make you feel better, but you're expecting something from him that he won't be able to provide: lasting comfort. In spite of sharing how you feel with him, it's most likely that he still won't change his mind or feelings about things between you two.

 

We can't control other people. We can only control ourselves. If you have to experience every single nuance of the pain to make you realize that "I really need to make aggressive attempts at ridding myself of this funk," then do it. Your experience is something I share with you and I needed to feel the worst in order to believe that I can become happy again. "It can't get any worse than how I'm feeling right now," I told myself.

 

I found out Lawrence has a girlfriend a few weeks ago. I was right: the worst did come to pass. I was bummed, but I was still ok. I am still ok. Don't do it. Don't feed his ego and let him know that he still has power over you. Focus on detaching yourself from him.

[alwayssme]

thank u cherish

it would be nice to talk through aim or email

im just really going through it, i dont understand why

it sucks

[Federica]

Threads merged.

[justme9]

well this is my first post here. i've been reading the past few weeks since my breakup, but just felt i had to answer and try and help you out.

 

it may not seem like it, alwayssme, but i know what you are going through. i devoted 3+ years of my life to one person (long story short, it was an LDR where he attended a military academy and i am at college). it was almost a given that i was to give give give in order for this to work, considering time flexibility etc.

 

out of the blue, he broke my heart AGAIN. yep, that's right it was our second chance and he broke me again. it's hard, i know it is, but we can stick together and help each other out. we're all in this together!

 

take this time to focus on yourself. be selfish! sometimes it really is all about forcing yourself to smile and just bear through the day. it seems you're pretty young like me, and i know that with school and work i have alot on my plate. i just try to bury myself in my work, cry when i need to, and reach out to friends and family. if they are truly good people, they will understand. if you think it's too much for them, post on here. again, we're all here to help each other and get through it together

[Karma101]

alwaysme,

 

I know the pain you are going through feels like the end of the world... sometimes it feels so heavy and overwhelming that it's hard to catch your breath... like you're having a panic attack. I know because I feel it myself, and all I can advise is to take a deep breath, get out of the house and force yourself to keep busy. It will help.

 

And my two cents about contacting your X... I am a textbook fool about NC after my recent break up. I have remained in constant contact with my X since our break up one month ago, and have even seen him several times. My contact is usually in response to him contacting me first. My situation is very different, but the relief from contact is short-term. It's like a sugar high, and when you crash, you crash HARD. My X tells me he loves me, his misses me, how hard this is, etc. He cries. We are NOT getting back together due to circumstances beyond my control. It's nice to hear these things, but in the end it only makes me feel worse. And if he was ambivalent or just cold, I would also feel bad. It's a no-win situation.

 

It's sucks to hear, but if it's meant to be, you'll find your way back to each other. Right now, you need to focus on YOU. It seems like you're relationship has become an obsession/addiction, which is not at all healthy. You sound really clingy and needy, which will surely only turn him off. I am NOT trying to bash you in any way. I have been right where you are in past relationships. Disappear and allow yourself to be happy. From my experience, an X can almost smell when you have moved on and are happy again, and suddenly, you become appealing again. And by this time, you might realize that YOU don't even want HIM anymore!

[SushiX]

I am going through the same thing as you. I know exactly how you feel, maybe even worst. She cheated on me. We just broke up 2 weeks ago. I feel miserable, and keep thinking to myself that she isn't good enough for me. I am trying to keep myself busy but its hard! I can only wish time goes by faster so I can forget...

[alwayssme]

the problem is that i am a very persistent person, i don't like to give up especially when i really want something. yes, this is bad and i'm being so clingy and needy, just a mess. I haven't talked to him about this anymore because I tired and tried and tried plenty of times. Nothing changed his mind. I just can't beleive how this happened out of nowhere, when I thought we were reaching our highest, i fall HARD! He hurt me so much and I want to move on, but then I feel like I am having a hard time accepting this and hoping we would get back but deep down I know it's over. God, it's so hard to let go of the one you love, no matter what. It's like they're glued to your heart and taking them apart just simply hurts! This is the worst feeling in the world, I would not wish this even on my worst enemy, never!

[alwayssme]

he was so good to me and made me happy. i have nothing bad to say about him, he was everything i ever wanted, which makes it even worse.

[Sysyphus28]

You sound pretty upset. I'm sorry you are going through this. You are'nt alone because people everywhere are experiencing loss, even as deep as yours. They know what they want and they can't have it and they just want it more. I don't even think I like my ex anymore. She listens to good music and is fun and creative BUT.........I think I might want her really bad because she doesn't want me anymore. I feel powerless, and so do you. Having no control of your emotions, or getting the person you desire back SUCKS. It isn't fun, because you can't HELP but feel crummy during "the healing process". But yuo got to let yourself. You can't try and try and try. It is overly dependent and unhealthy for your state of mind. My ex might think I am unstable because I acted so upset and miserable. I cried and apoligized and cried again....the whole time her cell was buzzing off with texts from her new b/f in NY("i miss you" "I want you",etc)

The joke was on me because I didn't move on.........Its time. Are you kidding me?! It was laughable, and I was a mess! Like your situation, I couldn't change them.

As a man, my pride and confidence took an uppercut!

You can't make people love you again, that is for movies and romance novels and etc. Think of what they gave and what you took from that relationship! Cherish the good stuff cause you won't relive the innocence of that love again. He hurt you bad! People that hurt us aren't out friends or future lovers. It doesn't matter if it was intentional or unintentional..........hurt is hurt. Face the pain. keep posting here. Get it out. Hold your head up.

[alwayssme]

You sound pretty upset. I'm sorry you are going through this. You are'nt alone because people everywhere are experiencing loss, even as deep as yours. They know what they want and they can't have it and they just want it more. I don't even think I like my ex anymore. She listens to good music and is fun and creative BUT.........I think I might want her really bad because she doesn't want me anymore. I feel powerless, and so do you. Having no control of your emotions, or getting the person you desire back SUCKS. It isn't fun, because you can't HELP but feel crummy during "the healing process". But yuo got to let yourself. You can't try and try and try. It is overly dependent and unhealthy for your state of mind. My ex might think I am unstable because I acted so upset and miserable. I cried and apoligized and cried again....the whole time her cell was buzzing off with texts from her new b/f in NY("i miss you" "I want you",etc)

The joke was on me because I didn't move on.........Its time. Are you kidding me?! It was laughable, and I was a mess! Like your situation, I couldn't change them.

As a man, my pride and confidence took an uppercut!

You can't make people love you again, that is for movies and romance novels and etc. Think of what they gave and what you took from that relationship! Cherish the good stuff cause you won't relive the innocence of that love again. He hurt you bad! People that hurt us aren't out friends or future lovers. It doesn't matter if it was intentional or unintentional..........hurt is hurt. Face the pain. keep posting here. Get it out. Hold your head up.

 

 

thank you..i love wat u wrote...it's the stuff i need to be reminded of constantly..and you are right...yes we love them, but the fact that they don't want us anymore made us go even more insane because they took away that comfort/love they gave us, the more you don't have it the more you crave it, it's like a drug. But I really pray to God that I move on, SOON because I'm realizing that I'll never get him back. I tried so much, everyone thought I went crazy. Now he's a good man (to be fair to him) and he didn't mean to hurt me (he feels bad for it actually) but truth of the matter is, even after seeing me cry and tell him how much i love him (over and over again) he STILL prefers to be without me. There is nothing else I can do, I hope God gives me the strength to move on and to let him go.

[CherishG]

thank you..i love wat u wrote...it's the stuff i need to be reminded of constantly..and you are right...yes we love them, but the fact that they don't want us anymore made us go even more insane because they took away that comfort/love they gave us, the more you don't have it the more you crave it, it's like a drug. But I really pray to God that I move on, SOON because I'm realizing that I'll never get him back. I tried so much, everyone thought I went crazy. Now he's a good man (to be fair to him) and he didn't mean to hurt me (he feels bad for it actually) but truth of the matter is, even after seeing me cry and tell him how much i love him (over and over again) he STILL prefers to be without me. There is nothing else I can do, I hope God gives me the strength to move on and to let him go.

 

If your faith in God is as strong as you say,

then listen to these words...

LET GO... and LET GOD.

if you give him the "cross" you carry during this difficult time,

let him carry you across the rough waters.

As much as I want to reach out to my ex and beg him over and over to come back,

I trust in God that there is a true underlying reason why this happened.

 

LISTEN TO ME:

 

To get something you never had, you have to do something you never did...

When God takes something from your grasp,

He is not punishing you,

but merely opening your hands to receive something better.

The "will" of God will never take you where the Grace of God will not protect you"

Something good will happen to you someday...

something that you and only you have been waiting for.

Just know I am your friend, and I have faith you too will get over this.

 

cherish

[theconfusedone]

alwaysme,

 

I know the pain you are going through feels like the end of the world... sometimes it feels so heavy and overwhelming that it's hard to catch your breath... like you're having a panic attack. I know because I feel it myself, and all I can advise is to take a deep breath, get out of the house and force yourself to keep busy. It will help.

 

And my two cents about contacting your X... I am a textbook fool about NC after my recent break up. I have remained in constant contact with my X since our break up one month ago, and have even seen him several times. My contact is usually in response to him contacting me first. My situation is very different, but the relief from contact is short-term. It's like a sugar high, and when you crash, you crash HARD. My X tells me he loves me, his misses me, how hard this is, etc. He cries. We are NOT getting back together due to circumstances beyond my control. It's nice to hear these things, but in the end it only makes me feel worse. And if he was ambivalent or just cold, I would also feel bad. It's a no-win situation.

 

It's sucks to hear, but if it's meant to be, you'll find your way back to each other. Right now, you need to focus on YOU. It seems like you're relationship has become an obsession/addiction, which is not at all healthy. You sound really clingy and needy, which will surely only turn him off. I am NOT trying to bash you in any way. I have been right where you are in past relationships. Disappear and allow yourself to be happy. From my experience, an X can almost smell when you have moved on and are happy again, and suddenly, you become appealing again. And by this time, you might realize that YOU don't even want HIM anymore!

 

Hi Karma101! Your situation right now sounds like mine...im in touch with my ex but i am so confused, i would really like to chat to you maybe you can help me understand whats going on? msn???

 

ANA xx

[alwayssme]

If your faith in God is as strong as you say,

then listen to these words...

LET GO... and LET GOD.

if you give him the "cross" you carry during this difficult time,

let him carry you across the rough waters.

As much as I want to reach out to my ex and beg him over and over to come back,

I trust in God that there is a true underlying reason why this happened.

 

LISTEN TO ME:

 

To get something you never had, you have to do something you never did...

When God takes something from your grasp,

He is not punishing you,

but merely opening your hands to receive something better.

The "will" of God will never take you where the Grace of God will not protect you"

Something good will happen to you someday...

something that you and only you have been waiting for.

Just know I am your friend, and I have faith you too will get over this.

 

cherish

 

 

i try my hardest to let it go and to feel okay, but it just simply hurts so much. I don't know, I have met someone who is nice and likes me but how can I even think of another guy touching me? It's torture.

[zazue]

I've been right where you are. It's been five weeks for me. Two weeks ago my Doctor put me on a mild antidepressant and it has made a world of difference. Sure I still have my bad days, crying for no reason, but I have far more good, normal days now. I get up with a purpose, and I feel loads better. I don't know if I can say what I'm taking, but it's called levapro. Hang in there, we're all here for you.

[alwayssme]

takin anti-depressants? what do they do?

[zazue]

:)They balance out the chemicals in your brain that are causing you to feel so hopeless, and depressed.

 

Divorce is the first thing on the list of causes for depression.

 

Go to your doctor. Talk to him/her. Ask for a mild anti-depressant, You will feel better after a week or two on them, It makes it easier to cope.

 

Good luck