DanR2008 Posted July 10, 2008 Share Posted July 10, 2008 Me and My g/f have been in a relationship for 5 year, 1 year ago we had a baby girl, and our relationship really began 2 get rocky with lots of fall outs and breaks! around 3 month ago i caught her texting a guy she claimed she had met on facebook, so we had a big row and we have never been the same since, we both werent really sure where each of us stood. then i found pictures of her with this guy looking very cosy in a pub. i confronted her about it and she swore on her own babys life that she had never been with him in any way. well i have since found out from him that they met and had sex !! when i confronted her about it she lied and lied and then tried 2 say they nearly had sex b4 finally i got it out of her that they did have sex! she says that i hurt her very much with some of the things i said 2 her and that she went back to his house after a night on the town (he picked her up in his car and took her 2 his which is 20 miles away) she then claims that he barely touched her and that she never touched him in anyway and that they only had sex for 1 minute , and when he was inside her she was crying because she says she felt physically sick by what she was doing. and 1st she said he took her right home, then changed her mind and said she went home in the morning. i am not sure if i can believe this story either. I found all of this out yesterday and she already had a girls holiday booked 2 kavos departing 2day, she has now went on holiday 4 1 week and expects me 2 trust her that she will never ever be with another man again. I am really confused , i really do love her and i wanted 2 try and make our family work, but since i have found out that she has had sex with someone else and the fact that she lied about doing it for so long and even swore on her own daughters life she never. Also the fact that she has took off 2 a foreign country for a week and left me in limbo. i just dont no what to do for the best? would you take back a lyer like that ? and would you trust her in the future? HELP i am soo hurt and confused Link to post Share on other sites
critter909 Posted July 10, 2008 Share Posted July 10, 2008 Sorry Dan Trust will be a major issue for the rest of your relationship if you choose to continue it. I place a lot of value on honesty and trust, especially when it comes to something like this. I could not continue a relationship like this, at least not right away, they would really have to prove themselves to me. But everyone is different, you have to decide for yourself if this is something that you could ever forgive. You have to be honest with yourself and her, you dont' want to be in an unloving, resentful relationship, if for nothing else then your daughter. I would recommend that you go to couples counseling if you do want to give it a go, and know it will probably be rough for a long time and may never get better. No easy answers here... Link to post Share on other sites
Author DanR2008 Posted July 10, 2008 Author Share Posted July 10, 2008 i nooo i am so so hurt and confused, i really do love her even though i no i didnt show it as much as i should of ! i just cant stand the lies and now she is in kavos with her friends on a booze filled holiday, i dont no how i am going to cope! she has left with everything still up in the air Link to post Share on other sites
critter909 Posted July 10, 2008 Share Posted July 10, 2008 She may get some things straight in her head on the holiday. Use this time also to figure out what you want. Try to control the panic and think through what you want to say when she gets back. If you are still too emotional and angry you may need to step back for even longer to clear your head. Try not to make any decisions or say things that you will regret, it's hard to take something back once it's out there. I know I have regrets about things I said in my R, it's over now and I still have the regrets, so take your time and do it right. Link to post Share on other sites
Author DanR2008 Posted July 10, 2008 Author Share Posted July 10, 2008 im so terrifeid she is gonna sleep with sum1 over ther , and i will never find out Link to post Share on other sites
critter909 Posted July 10, 2008 Share Posted July 10, 2008 This is exactly why you should be very careful as to whether you want to continue this relationship or not. You will likely always have this fear, or if not always for a long time and it will take a lot of work to get past it. She has to be willing to do this also, don't forget she's the other 50% Link to post Share on other sites
celinedion1 Posted July 10, 2008 Share Posted July 10, 2008 Me and My g/f have been in a relationship for 5 year, 1 year ago we had a baby girl, and our relationship really began 2 get rocky with lots of fall outs and breaks! around 3 month ago i caught her texting a guy she claimed she had met on facebook, so we had a big row and we have never been the same since, we both werent really sure where each of us stood. then i found pictures of her with this guy looking very cosy in a pub. i confronted her about it and she swore on her own babys life that she had never been with him in any way. well i have since found out from him that they met and had sex !! when i confronted her about it she lied and lied and then tried 2 say they nearly had sex b4 finally i got it out of her that they did have sex! she says that i hurt her very much with some of the things i said 2 her and that she went back to his house after a night on the town (he picked her up in his car and took her 2 his which is 20 miles away) she then claims that he barely touched her and that she never touched him in anyway and that they only had sex for 1 minute , and when he was inside her she was crying because she says she felt physically sick by what she was doing. and 1st she said he took her right home, then changed her mind and said she went home in the morning. i am not sure if i can believe this story either. I found all of this out yesterday and she already had a girls holiday booked 2 kavos departing 2day, she has now went on holiday 4 1 week and expects me 2 trust her that she will never ever be with another man again. I am really confused , i really do love her and i wanted 2 try and make our family work, but since i have found out that she has had sex with someone else and the fact that she lied about doing it for so long and even swore on her own daughters life she never. Also the fact that she has took off 2 a foreign country for a week and left me in limbo. i just dont no what to do for the best? would you take back a lyer like that ? and would you trust her in the future? HELP i am soo hurt and confused My ex lied to me continuously for years, i stayed cause I thought that things would change but never did, the got worse. Finally last month I caught him cheating on me, and broke up with him immediatelly. I realized that he was a chronological lier and that's just how he is. To answer your question no because honestly is a very important part to a relationship. Some people can work through the cheating and the lying and stay with their partners. I couldn't do that because of the infidelity and the constant lying. I know it's really hard to deal with, but you will get through it. Just take each day at a time, and think about this do you really want to be with someone who you can't trust? Best of luck to you. Link to post Share on other sites
kyta Posted July 11, 2008 Share Posted July 11, 2008 I gave my x wife a chance after she cheated, and i regretted it for the nxt 10yrs, depend on who and how u are if u can deal with it, i couldnt, it ate me up for 10 yrs, only stayed for the kids, wrong reason, i ended up cheating on her, i know its not rite but it was the only way i could live with her, every time i cheated all i thought about was what she done to me, so for me i know i cant do it again with my new x that has just cheated on me, as the song goes she history. The final desicion is yours and yous alone, only you know if you could forgive her and forgt it, but if you cant forget it it will eat you in side, trust is a big thing in a relationship once that break has happened then i say its time to leave (imo) or maybe stay and have to face it again in 5 yrs time, then u will kick yourself even harder. Its hurting now, but stying will hurt as well, you have to decide on what pain you want to deal with, witch ever way you go its going to hurt, and i feel for you as i know how it hurts, and it hurt like no other pain you will feel. You can think with you head or with you heart and only time will tell, there are no garantees in anything we decide. Link to post Share on other sites
VashX21 Posted July 11, 2008 Share Posted July 11, 2008 sup bro...sorry to hear that but i know exactly what you are going through..and by that i mean i was with my ex for a little over five years...we had a love hate relationship and we also had a lil girl..though out the relationship she cheated on me and i also cheated on her as a way to return the favor but we still cared for each other deeply and wanted to make it work for our lil girl...but let me tell you the things that we did to each other could never be forgotten espechilly once you really start to care for each other...its always going to be in the back of your head no matter what u do or where you go...we tried to make it work soo many different times we agreed what we did to each other was real messed up and we even sat up some nights and just cried to each other because we loved each other so much and just wanted to erase what we had done. In the end no matter how hard you try its not going to work and i know from experience...you might say well we can make it work and you will for a lil while but next time you have a fight it will come out...anyways in my opinion i would get out while i can because the longer you stay in a relationship like this the more its going to hurt when you get out...when we finally broke it off i went through so many things i felt like everyone was against me i even blamed god for puting me through something like that at such a young age(22), i went through jobs, alcohol abuse, drug abuse, partyin and im afraid to think where this might have ended if i hadn't been a man and went to someone i trusted and just poured my heart out to them in the most pathetic way...but it really helped me and now im great i got a sweet job new girl and everything is going great..i still see my lil girl all the time and you know if i was this with the ex i would be miserable..REMEMBER ONE THING THO...ONCE A CHEATER ALWAYS A CHEATER...and if the fact that you two have a lil girl didnt stop her from doing what she did then nothing u say or do will..anyway its your choice and i hope it works out for you... Link to post Share on other sites
Author DanR2008 Posted July 12, 2008 Author Share Posted July 12, 2008 I have now since found out that she was at the movies with him and i have confronted the guy and he says that they were seing each other! also a week ago she was sending him dirty messages on facebook after she had slept with him wanting to have some more "fun". she told me theat after she had sex with him she felt physically sick and would never do anything like that again, but then send him those messages! she keeps saying to me that she is not gonna lie 2 me and that she has told me everything, but then i will find something else out from someone else! i really want to try and get through this with her but do you think i will ever be able 2 trust her ? Link to post Share on other sites
xjohnsgirlx Posted July 12, 2008 Share Posted July 12, 2008 Hey, Reading your message nearly bought me to tears. I can tell you love her so much but its like she doesnt feel the same. If your story is true to as to what she said to you. I wouldnt trust her. And i would find it very hard to trust her in the future. My x always told me he loved me and would never hurt me and would never love another girl... His my x for a reason. I trusted him with my life, but once someone does one thong wrong by you... how do you know that they wont continue. Shes lieing to you because she thinks she got away with what happened and she will continue to do it in the mind set that she will continue to get away with it. How could she just leave you hanging like that and go on a 'girls wk away' Like hello if she cared about u and loved you she wud have never left you without solving this very big issue. I know its not up to me to tell you what to do, But if i was in this situation i would be strongly having 2nd thoughts about her. Im sorry that you have to be in such a situation, it wud hurt and it wud be confusing. But babe you only live once, is this what you want to be stuck with somebody that you dont no if you can trust? Link to post Share on other sites
xjohnsgirlx Posted July 12, 2008 Share Posted July 12, 2008 Hey, Reading your message nearly bought me to tears. I can tell you love her so much but its like she doesnt feel the same. If your story is true to as to what she said to you. I wouldnt trust her. And i would find it very hard to trust her in the future. My x always told me he loved me and would never hurt me and would never love another girl... His my x for a reason. I trusted him with my life, but once someone does one thong wrong by you... how do you know that they wont continue. Shes lieing to you because she thinks she got away with what happened and she will continue to do it in the mind set that she will continue to get away with it. How could she just leave you hanging like that and go on a 'girls wk away' Like hello if she cared about u and loved you she wud have never left you without solving this very big issue. I know its not up to me to tell you what to do, But if i was in this situation i would be strongly having 2nd thoughts about her. Im sorry that you have to be in such a situation, it wud hurt and it wud be confusing. But babe you only live once, is this what you want to be stuck with somebody that you dont no if you can trust? Link to post Share on other sites
xjohnsgirlx Posted July 12, 2008 Share Posted July 12, 2008 Hey, Reading your message nearly bought me to tears. I can tell you love her so much but its like she doesnt feel the same. If your story is true to as to what she said to you. I wouldnt trust her. And i would find it very hard to trust her in the future. My x always told me he loved me and would never hurt me and would never love another girl... His my x for a reason. I trusted him with my life, but once someone does one thong wrong by you... how do you know that they wont continue. Shes lieing to you because she thinks she got away with what happened and she will continue to do it in the mind set that she will continue to get away with it. How could she just leave you hanging like that and go on a 'girls wk away' Like hello if she cared about u and loved you she wud have never left you without solving this very big issue. I know its not up to me to tell you what to do, But if i was in this situation i would be strongly having 2nd thoughts about her. Im sorry that you have to be in such a situation, it wud hurt and it wud be confusing. But babe you only live once, is this what you want to be stuck with somebody that you dont no if you can trust? Link to post Share on other sites
kyta Posted July 12, 2008 Share Posted July 12, 2008 After the new info you have heard, id say just get rid of her, your worth more than that, no should endure the pain of being cheated on and lied to, drop her like dump her get rid of her, it may be easy for ppl to tell you this as they dont feel for her like you do, but she ovioulsy doesnt love you in the way you should be loved, she showing you no respect, next time you spk to her dont beg her dont plead with her dont cry show no emotion and tell her its over, she expects you to hang on in there, she wont expect you to end it, move on with your life now, u wont be able to trust her, i dout if she can trust herself, turn the tables on her now. GET RID. Link to post Share on other sites
wannabehappy Posted July 12, 2008 Share Posted July 12, 2008 Same thing happened to me. The swearing on the child is the worse part. My husband swore may my kids be cripple and when I finally got an answer on how he could do that he said he crossed his fingers. I learned liars lie because they are cowards who can not face the outcomes of the truth. It becomes easier to lie when you have to build on the lie. Can u ever trust her again that is up to u and u need time to see that. Is it worth getting hurt again? Is the real question. If the whole relationship is worth the chance you take then go for it, but you both need therapy cuz that is stuck in your mind and you have to vent your fears and doubt without her getting mad and in therapy it is an peacefull place where u and her can talk freelly. I do believe in second chances but how u use the second chance can change everything. If u use it to accuse her and then she will continue to lie so she does not have to face the truth. I really believe many people lie because of the reaction of the other person. So how u react is very important. Babies know when there is tension so be carefull and like I said in therapy you will be able to speak your mind and not have arguing and fighting at home. Keep the home peaceful reguardless of what she says or does. Link to post Share on other sites
Author DanR2008 Posted July 12, 2008 Author Share Posted July 12, 2008 another thing is she is now constantly telling me how much she loves me and that she only ever has wanted to be with me ! apparantly she done what she done because i made her feel like i didnt want her! now she is saying that when she gets back from this "holiday" she is going to devote herself to me! i just really do not no what to do for the best, i love my baby girl and want her to have a happy childhood. and i want soo much to be able to forgive HER and to be able to trust her again, but i cant get out of my mind what else she has got up to in the past 5 years that i still have not found out about! and i no she wont tell me, its in the back of my mind thinking that if i do get bak with her can i handle if anything else comes out of the woodwork. also i really dont no if she does actually love me how she says she does, her mates hate me and i no they will be trying to convince her to sleep around on holiday, i really cannot believe that she has gone on this holiday so soon after me finding out about this, but when i think about it, if i hadnt of found out, she would have happily went abroad and had the time of her life without a crae for what she had done. so this adds to my confusion wether she is actually genuinly sorry for what she did and genuinley does love me with all her heart like she says she does, or she is just sorry that she got caught ! she says he ment nothing to her , nut yet they met numerous times , she says the sex was awful and she regretted it big time , but yet 2 week later she was msging him on facebook telling him to come round hers becaus they had some business to attend to ! she says she wrote that message to lead him on and she was never going to do it again, but i just dont believe her . I never knew how heartbroken and destroyed i could be, im not usually a emotional person, but i am finding myself crying myself to sleep, this is hurting so so much. and the complete confusion is making it a thousand times worse. Link to post Share on other sites
kyta Posted July 12, 2008 Share Posted July 12, 2008 Im telling you from waht you have said there is only one thing you can do, and that is drop her like brick. If the shoe was on the other foot would you of gone on holiday or stayed to sort it out? she didnt chose u, and she messaged him on fb to lead him on, why lead him on? for what purpose? if she was really truly sorry she wouldnt ever contact him again, its all lies, you situ isnt that disimilar to me and my x wife, she did it again, and the lies they tell, doesnt matter what the lies are, they are still lies, and honesty is the important thing, she may lie to not hurt u anymore, but she doesnt mind messageing him again, kick her to the kerb, she made her bed now let her lie in it, you may love her, but she dosent think the same about u, as for ur little one, u will still have a life with her, i have 2 kids with my x and i stayed after the first time she cheated on me for the kids sake, but it didnt help at all, and when she cheated again and we ended i had a good time with my kids without her, the pain does go in time but u have to move on and build a new life for u now, let her regret what she has done to you, and think you are worth more than her and what she did. They all say sorry when they are caught out, and i allso found out when it was all over that there was more men she had cheated on, it all comes out when its over. Link to post Share on other sites
WiseOne1 Posted July 12, 2008 Share Posted July 12, 2008 Man i seen this happen before, and i been through this. When she says they had sex for a minute is a lie, shes saying that just so you don't feel like a big crime was committed, that it was almost full sex. Dude they really did it all the way, and maybe time after time that night. Put yourself in her place, if you would have cheated on her, you would say it only was a minute or the whole thing didnt go in. You need to ask more about the sistuation, because shes keeping way to much back from the light, because shes scared if she told you the whole story you would leave. And just think about it! If you would have even had sex with a girl for 10 secs she would probably break up with you and kick you to the curve. I can promise you if you put this off for awhile and try to make things work this is gonna come back up in the future, 10 months for now its gonna happen again and your gonna feel so dumb because all you did was allow your self to get hurt again and for it to happen again. So end it now. Anyone who cheats on someone and really loves them are not gonna leave and go on some trip, they would stay and do all they can do to make it up to you and show how much they love you. But she goes on a trip??? a trip like everythings okay at home??? Link to post Share on other sites
Author DanR2008 Posted July 12, 2008 Author Share Posted July 12, 2008 yeh i no its bugging me , i really rthink they have had alot more sex than she is saying but i just cant get it out of her. i have confronted the guy and he says it was 5 minutes n they both stopped and she didnt look like she was into it. but i dont no if i can believe him either. as for the holiday situation, she is not due back till next friday, but now apparantly she has booked a flight home on monday to come and sort this whole situation out! thanks for all of you peoples advice. i no it sounds stupid but i still dont no what to do ! Link to post Share on other sites
WiseOne1 Posted July 12, 2008 Share Posted July 12, 2008 yeh i no its bugging me , i really rthink they have had alot more sex than she is saying but i just cant get it out of her. i have confronted the guy and he says it was 5 minutes n they both stopped and she didnt look like she was into it. but i dont no if i can believe him either. as for the holiday situation, she is not due back till next friday, but now apparantly she has booked a flight home on monday to come and sort this whole situation out! thanks for all of you peoples advice. i no it sounds stupid but i still dont no what to do ! Man when you think about it 5 minutes is a long time for sex, and it really might be longer than that. He's being kind to her and not trying to get her in trouble. I mean she had plently of chances to stop it, like when they started to kiss, or when they started to flirt, or when he started to pull her clothes off and while he was pulling his clothes off, ya know what i mean? But since i know how you feel, your never going to be able to get over it, everytime another guy looks at her your gonna think about it, or whenever she seems like shes being secreative. And its also gonna effect your sex life, whenever shes not in the mood, or doesnt wanna do it, the first thing thats gonna come to mind is, "you were in the mood to do it with that guy". All im saying is you feel that you can make it work, but your just not going to be able to, no matter how hard you try, the only way you can make your self feel better about what happened is if you go and cheat! And 2 wrongs dont make a right, but thats what alot of people have to do to deal with what happened. Link to post Share on other sites
WiseOne1 Posted July 12, 2008 Share Posted July 12, 2008 And the messages shes sending him doesnt help, im going thru that with my ex gf right now, shes with her BF and we did it once and it was cool and we acted like it never happened. She cried the 2nd time we did it and says she felt disguisting for what she did and felt like a bad person. Everysince then she promised me and herself that it would never happen again, and so far me and her did it 6 times. So her current bf nows nothing about whats going on, but thats were our stories are similiar they both cried and acted like they just felt so bad about what was happening, and still they both will keep going or coming back, in my case she will keep coming back to me for more. Link to post Share on other sites
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