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Feels like I lost my soul mate


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Will I ever find love again? I thought that I had finally found my soul mate and after 2 years together she decided that she wanted to be friends. I know she got frustrated that we weren't engaged yet and I wanted to and told her this but i had just gotten laid off from my job about a year into the relationship and was working freelance and another part-time job so I wasn't exactly were I wanted to be financially.

 

So now let me give you a broad overview of our relationship. Now, she was not my first girlfriend but she was my first that lasted longer than a year. However, I was her first boyfriend and their was a slight age difference. When we first started dating I was 27 and she was 22 and came from a very strict family and in the beginning everything went very well then a little after the 6 month mark she became very clingy and would get to the point that she would sob if we weren't going to see each other that day. Now most of her friends were away at school so she really didn't have any friends and she said that she never really felt comfortable around my friends (which is easy to see because some of my friends girlfriends/wives tend to be anti-social with new girls in the group) so I never made her hang out with my friends and encouraged her to make some of her own friends. Her coworkers would invite her to go out often and she would always refused. So when they would invite her to go I would encourage her to go and we would both go and when she wanted to leave we would leave. Then seemed to get better for a while she became less clingy, but then I noticed that I was getting invited to go out with them less and less and the I was never invited. Then a couple of months before our 2 year anniversary her attitude seem to change she would just come over my house and fall asleep. I also know that she was getting a lot of bad advice from her friends making me sound like i wasn't motivated to find full-time work again, and on top of that one of her guys friends started texting her all the time towards the end. She would ask me if I was ok with him texting her and I told her that I was uncomfortable with it, but I was never going to tell her who she could and could not be friends with. Also her family was an issue because one minute they loved me and her Mom would always praise me on how good of a guy I was and how she wished my girlfriend's sister would date guys more like me, and then the next minute they hated me and I never knew why.

 

I could tell she was getting frustrated with not be engaged yet and started to have doubts that I wanted to marry her and I felt as if I tried to convince her other wise and that things would turn around eventually but she can be very impatient. Her friends were also telling her that you never marry your first love even though she was surrounded by people who did. So she then lays the whole I think that we should just be friends line on me and shortly after we broke up she starting dating that guy friend that was texting her. It's been over 3 months and I am still heart broken and I feel frustrated and feel like this was my last chance at love. I was looking forward to getting married to her and being with her forever. I realize that she has moved on and I need to as well but I can't get me mind off of her and think about her daily. Now she has contacted me wanting to be friends and still do a lot of the fun things that we did as a couple like go to the beach, ballgames and things like that. I told her that I couldn't do that and I would need time to get over her and that we shouldn't have contact for a while, and she got a little upset saying that I should be able to talk to her and she still doesn't understand why I wont talk to her even now (she has texted me a couple of times asking if I was ready to talk yet). I don't know why I won't let myself heal I keep dwelling on the past and what we had and everything that I wanted to do together in our future. I just can't seem to move on. Whats wrong with me?

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Don't worry man .Don't rush it.Needs time.I am in the same situation for over 5 months now.Thinkin bout her constantly.Let the grief make its circle.And remember that right now your mind is pretty messed up . So don't use words like "never"or "always" .We will fall in love again .We r young we have our lives ahead us.As long as we allow ourselves to fall in love again it will happen.I think i lost the meaning of existance by losing her.I was feelin a lot of times bad and only the thought of her would help me get up and move on.I was addicted .I was depending on her.She was everythin i dreamed of and felt all 4 yrs we were together very very lucky.So imagine what happened to me when we broke up in christmas time.3 days before my birthday .3 days after her birthday.But now i feel a bit better.And i know it will get better and better.Just be friends with your sorrow and allow yourself to grief.Give time to the healing proccess and try to do things to improve yourself.I am going boxing the last 2 months.Man is the best antidepressive believe me.No rebound relationships .And def NC .You r not alone dude remember that.

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