Looking for confirmation

[g1976b]

I do have my opinion(s) on this, but since I love the feedback LS can provide I'll lean on my friends here.

 

The ex and I have been done for nearly 7 weeks. She finally moved her stuff out last weekend. We hadn't really had a chance to talk about the whole breakup as she has refused, but last night we met for drinks. She had to work really late (after 10pm) so I agreed to drive up to meet her.

 

The breakup has been messy. She's been very snippy and hurtful and I've responded somewhat similarly. I finally decided this is NOT how I want this to end, so we decided to talk through some things.

 

The talking went pretty well and I drove her home and helped her unload some of her things I'd brought with me. She wanted to show me her new apartment so I did that and started to leave. We agreed I probably SHOULD, but she didn't want me to and I didn't really want to.

 

Long story short, I did stay. We kissed a little, but no sex. This morning she is mad at me and saying that I shouldn't have stayed...it was inappropriate and she didn't want to lead me on. I don't feel that way in the least.

 

Earlier in the evening we had talked about her coming down sometime next week to get the rest of her things and we'd try to have one more final night of talking and fun. Now today she doesn't think it's a good idea and feels guilty.

 

I truly do want to get together one more time. For closure and also to try to end things on a semi positive note. What do you think? One more evening together before our "final" goodbye or do you think it would do that much harm?

[tonyeltiger]

From what I've followed of your story, I feel that this relationship is nothing but heart-ache. I think the sooner she is out of your life the better. She obviously doesn't have her stuff together, and that needs to happen before she can be in any healthy relationship. I vote go find a woman that is perfect for you and not afraid to admit it.

[btc8]

Don't pain yourself any more than you already have. Regardless of whether your last 'fling' will provide you closure, it's going to end up backfiring. I would avoid it, and put all of her shyt in one (big) box so that she can get her stuff once and for all, or meet her somewhere half-way and give her her stuff. Your meeting may end up providing less closure and more heartache.

[justaman99]

If you truly want closure I say go for it. My ex was delaying the final swap of personal stuff and I said "you know what? I'm coming by tonight 'cause I need to do this". There were some things I needed to say and I am so glad I did. I got everything off my chest, so did she, we were civil to each other and understanding. I told her the truth, I said I loved her, I told her what I did wrong in the relationship and also what hurt me and that I hope you find what you're looking for. I was honest and open and that was that. If this is truly your intention do it but if what you want is a little bit of hope that something will change you're in trouble.

[Trimmer]

...we'd try to have one more final night of talking and fun..... One more evening together before our "final" goodbye or do you think it would do that much harm?

This idea of an evening together of talking and fun is called a date.

 

I think a civil, heartfelt, final goodbye shouldn't require more than a few minutes, and can be done at the door, in a hallway, in a driveway after the car is packed for the last time, etc.

 

Over means over. Done means done. "Closure" is what you do after the goodbye.

[g1976b]

I guess there's not much 'decision' to be made at this point. Seems like she's pulling back. I got a text finally that said "I just don't think it's a good idea. We will have that chance if we are meant to be".

 

It's unfortunate, but understandable. She's talked about being really confused about things lately and I suppose she thinks this just adds to that.

 

As for why I wanted to have one last night together, it was two fold. I truly did want to end things on good terms and would have looked forward to a civil, friendly evening. But also, for any 'future' chances we may or may not have together, I want us both to be thinking of things in a more positive light than we have been lately.

 

It's time for me to move on with my life...I know that. It just hasn't been easy. I've been riding the rollercoaster lately and just happen to be in a bad spot again. Time to turn it around!