confuused55 Posted January 15, 2008 Share Posted January 15, 2008 I'm sorry for posting this again (thank you everyone who offered me advice). I thought I would make a separate request looking for a guy's take on this whole thing since I'm guessing that guys understand what other guys think better than I do and that would really help me out. I need closure about something. A while ago I went on a group trip out of the country and as part of the trip we had some foreign students from that country join us for part of the tour. I got to know some of the foreign students but there were some that I hadn't really gotten to know well. One day we had a speaker come and talk to us and I made a comment during the talk and afterward some of my friends started telling me that I made a really good comment.... Then, next thing I know one of the foreign students who I hadn't really spent that much time with (but, who, let me say was extremely hot) came up to me and started saying how my comment was so good and he was impressed.... Then that night we all went out to this really crowded place and somehow he saw me in the crowd and started talking to me but was then whisked away by some of the guys in our group. Then the next day he ended up sitting next to me on the bus and I was so nervous. He was just so good looking and on top of that he had grown somewhat interested in me because of something that I had said, because of my mind and intellect. So, we started talking and he asked me a lot of questions about myself.... things were going pretty well until I started looking at him and getting nervous again. And then I started thinking that I couldn't think of anything else to say because of my nervousness and I didn't want to look stupid not saying anything to him and I was so scared of that that I pretended to be sleepy and told him that I was going to take a nap. Right after I did that I felt bad about it but it was too late, I had to fake sleep. After this incident he started paying less attention to me and so I started to think that I was totally imagining everything the whole time and that he had never had a special interest in me, that it was all in my mind. Then, the next day we were moving chairs to sit in the hotel and he was right behind me and he offered to take my chair for me in a quiet sweet voice but I told him that I was strong enough to take my own chair (in a sarcastic joking way). When I said that he looked kind of shocked and I wondered if I had somehow offended him. I basically just need some objective views and closure on this. I could really use some perspective. Was I crazy to think that he was interested in me at all? Please help me! Thank You. Link to post Share on other sites
Saxis Posted January 15, 2008 Share Posted January 15, 2008 Err... you fake slept while he was sitting right beside you... because you were nervous?? Also, without knowing where he was from and how he took your joke, it's possible he thought that was quite rude. My guess? Your actions showed a very stern disinterest in him, and he backed off. Link to post Share on other sites
Author confuused55 Posted January 15, 2008 Author Share Posted January 15, 2008 thanks for the advice, can I just add something. about the chair incident, I believe my words were something like, "It's okay, I can carry it, I'm strong." Or something like that. Also, was it crazy of me to think that he was interested in me? I really have no idea how guys think. Link to post Share on other sites
richardcruz Posted January 15, 2008 Share Posted January 15, 2008 Well here is the thing..most of us guys know that you females are more that capable of carrying a chair, its not like you were lifting a 16th century hand- carved solid oak throne or anything. So sometimes (me personally) we ask those kind of things to someone that we find maybe attractive or interesting in order to present a kind gesture or as a base to strike up some sort of conversation. If I would get that response, I would take it as sign that you do not wish to engage in even the most basic conversation..thus meaning you probably aren't interested in me.. Thats just my opinion though. Every guy is different. Link to post Share on other sites
Author confuused55 Posted January 15, 2008 Author Share Posted January 15, 2008 (edited) hey guys, thank you for the advice and for the inside look into the male mind. I just want to add something, after the whole bus and fake sleeping fiasco, I felt bad and stupid about the whole thing so I tried to join in more conversation with him that day but he seemed less interested in me and then the whole chair incident happened. Does this bit of information (about me trying to join in conversation with him) change anything. I guess I really have no idea how guys think, I just really didn't think that anything I was saying sounded like rejection, but i guess it did. Edited January 15, 2008 by confuused55 Link to post Share on other sites
richardcruz Posted January 15, 2008 Share Posted January 15, 2008 It kind of did sound a bit like rejection but here is the thing..Most guys are used to that. Now to clarify myself, Im talking about the daily, low level type rejection of trying to talk to a female at a night club, gas station, store, any place really. Usually us males are the ones to initiate conversations so I know personaly if I was interested in a female and she acted that way (i.e. the whole chair comment), I wouldn't even bat an eye and would thing absolutely nothing of it. I would just go on about my day and would probably forget about it within the minute. But if that same girl came up to me the next day and talked to me, I would be just as interested as the previous day. Don't over analyze it. If the guy was really interested in you, those comments wouldn't phase him at all. Link to post Share on other sites
LoveIsABeauty Posted January 15, 2008 Share Posted January 15, 2008 (edited) Mind if I ask why you are so worked up about this? Are you planning on seeing this guy again? The thing is he was interested in you. Interested in talking with you if not more. You weren't imagining anything. The way you were acting made him feel that you weren't interested in him though. And when you striked up a conversation again he probably was a little confused or taken aback, therefore seemed a little less interested even though he wasn't. When he tried again with the chair thing after what you said I would say he felt a bit rejected, therefore he pulled away from you. And foreigners think differently than Americans. So he might have been offended something in the culture maybe. Where was he from? Another way to put this is Richardcruz's way. Normally guys wouldn't even be phased by that. They might say something back, which is called flirting if he was really interested or they just go on like nothing happened because in reality nothing did. But in your case I beleive he probably just wanted to get to know you a little better to just talk and what you did just discouraged him and he went on with his life. Why do you need closure if all you did was talk to this guy for a bit? I just find this a bit odd or maybe I'm just not understanding exactly what you are looking for...sorry. Hope I at least helped! Edited January 15, 2008 by LoveIsABeauty Link to post Share on other sites
Author confuused55 Posted January 15, 2008 Author Share Posted January 15, 2008 (edited) thanks guys, i think i should clarify something, when i said that i tried to join in a conversation with him i meant in a group conversation since we were all in a group the whole time. i did i actually talk to him one on one for a little (it was very hard to get any alone time on the trip since we were always doing all these group things) and it went well (i think i was telling him about some foreign words that I had learned and he found it amusing). and then we did some more group things and then the chair incident happened. Edited January 15, 2008 by confuused55 Link to post Share on other sites
hellp12234 Posted January 16, 2008 Share Posted January 16, 2008 look, it seems like the guy was into you but felt rejected and then started ignoring you a bit. then he probably thought maybe he was wrong about you after you started trying to talk to him more and he probably felt bad about ignoring you and maybe you unintentionally said something intelligent again that sparked his interest which then caused him to offer to take your chair for you. but you rejected him again, even if you didn't mean to, and he may have even thought your comment was rude since he may not gotten your sarcasm. so, i don't think you were crazy to think he was interested, it sounds like he was interested but he thought you weren't interested since you probably made him think that he puts you to sleep and so he backed off. next time, don't doubt yourself so much and even if you get nervous just hang in there and don't go to sleep, he may have been just as nervous. how would you have felt if he faked sleep while sitting next to you? so, just realize that he probably was interested and use this as a learning experience. Link to post Share on other sites
JHS Posted January 16, 2008 Share Posted January 16, 2008 (edited) Err... you fake slept while he was sitting right beside you... because you were nervous?? Also, without knowing where he was from and how he took your joke, it's possible he thought that was quite rude. My guess? Your actions showed a very stern disinterest in him, and he backed off. Yeah I agree with Saxis except I would not say it was stern. You sound like a game player - you fake sleep? When people do that kind of stuff they only fool themselves, PLUS you started a disconnect by doing that. It sounds like you think way too much about all this stuff. Just go with the flow. As for the chair - all the time you hear women complain about no gentlemen being around, yet I see this type of thing - the guy was trying to be a gentleman and you didn't let him. Edited January 16, 2008 by JHS Link to post Share on other sites
Author confuused55 Posted January 17, 2008 Author Share Posted January 17, 2008 thank you guys! i seriously was not intentionally playing games. does it really sound that way? i'm usually not like that around guys, but for some reason my confidence just sank momentarily and i just thought that he might be happier if i was asleep than having to talk to boring me. that was pretty stupid. i guess i should have had more faith in myself. if anyone has more advice about what happened here and if he was interested or not please post! thank you Link to post Share on other sites
Author confuused55 Posted January 17, 2008 Author Share Posted January 17, 2008 okay, so i basically get that i goofed and i will not do that again. but, can you guys help me out and tell me if based on what i wrote if he did like me or was interested in me? it would really help me out. thank you! Link to post Share on other sites
LoveIsABeauty Posted January 17, 2008 Share Posted January 17, 2008 Girl lol come on now...we all said a million times that he was interested in you but then lost interest. What do you not understand hon? Have more confidence in yourself. It seems to me you don't want to beleive that he was interested or can't beleive he was. HE WAS. Now move on;) Link to post Share on other sites
Author confuused55 Posted January 18, 2008 Author Share Posted January 18, 2008 yea, i know people were saying he was interested.... but then i posted some more information about trying to talk to him.... and so i think a couple of people were saying different things, so i just want to get some more opinions. so, if you guys could please read my updates if possible and tell me what you think i would really appreciate it. i guess i just need confirmation of my thoughts. thank you for all the help! Link to post Share on other sites
JHS Posted January 18, 2008 Share Posted January 18, 2008 yea, i know people were saying he was interested.... but then i posted some more information about trying to talk to him.... and so i think a couple of people were saying different things, so i just want to get some more opinions. so, if you guys could please read my updates if possible and tell me what you think i would really appreciate it. i guess i just need confirmation of my thoughts. thank you for all the help! Well, one thing you did not post was where he was from - I assume that you are both Americans but if you are and he is from another country, there could be some cultural differences that caused the two of you to not hit it off. Romance is a delicate thing - imagine a spinning top. The littlest thing can knock it from its place. He probably was only marginally into you and the two things that occurred (the chair fiasco and the fake sleeping) were enough to send him in another direction. Consider those two same things if you knew him for 6 months (or longer). No big deal, right? Or maybe in talking to you he changed his mind - maybe you turned him off once he got to know you. How are we to know? You were there and you don't know, right? The fact that you still have not gotten what everyone is telling you to me means you are thinking way too much. You screwed up, learn from it, get over it, move on. That chair thing IS something you should think about, however. As I commented earlier, let a guy be a guy. There are some women who can't just say "Thank you." when they are paid a compliment or don't let a guy get a door. I realize that gentlemanly behavior is harder to find so all the more to encourage it when you see it. And one other thing - you were not meaning to play games - not really the point. Many things happen w/out meaning to be done. Have you ever seen a kid fake sleep? Usually only the kid is fooled. Link to post Share on other sites
Author confuused55 Posted January 18, 2008 Author Share Posted January 18, 2008 just to answer your question, he was not American, I think I said in my post that he was a foreign student. Link to post Share on other sites
JHS Posted January 20, 2008 Share Posted January 20, 2008 just to answer your question, he was not American, I think I said in my post that he was a foreign student. Yes you did. Well in that case one bright side is that you don't have to worry about the embarrassing moment of running into him again. I was just reminded of a woman I met on the beach near Venice. A beautiful Italian girl with blue eyes named Allesandra. She was so charming whenever she'd smile and say, "Grazie, Giovanni," to me. Man was I smitten. I took her out several times but something didn't seem to click. At first they did but then it kind of fizzled. I boiled it down to one of three things: 1) she just was not that into me - she did not tell me she didn't want to see me, just that we were friends; 2) she decided that because I was only there for a summer, it would be better to be cautious rather than allow our emotions to run off only to be squelched later by the distance between us; or 3) she saw me out with someone else (a remote possibility). On what turned out to be our final date, however, she started being very warm and nice to me. I couldn't figure it out because she had given me definite signs of distance before. I just kept asking her, "Perché adesso?" because I couldn't understand....ah, Venezia. Sorry to highjack the post but it seems like this is done and I was feeling nostalgic. Link to post Share on other sites
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