confuused55 Posted January 11, 2008 Share Posted January 11, 2008 I need closure about something. A while ago I went on a group trip out of the country and as part of the trip we had some foreign students from that country join us for part of the tour. I got to know some of the foreign students but there were some that I hadn't really gotten to know well. One day we had a speaker come and talk to us and I made a comment during the talk and afterward some of my friends started telling me that I made a really good comment.... Then, next thing I know one of the foreign students who I hadn't really spent that much time with (but, who, let me say was extremely hot) came up to me and started saying how my comment was so good and he was impressed.... Then that night we all went out to this really crowded place and somehow he saw me in the crowd and started talking to me but was then whisked away by some of the guys in our group. Then the next day he ended up sitting next to me on the bus and I was so nervous. He was just so good looking and on top of that he had grown somewhat interested in me because of something that I had said, because of my mind and intellect. So, we started talking and he asked me a lot of questions about myself.... things were going pretty well until I started looking at him and getting nervous again. And then I started thinking that I couldn't think of anything else to say because of my nervousness and I didn't want to look stupid not saying anything to him and I was so scared of that that I pretended to be sleepy and told him that I was going to take a nap. Right after I did that I felt bad about it but it was too late, I had to fake sleep. After this incident he started paying less attention to me and so I started to think that I was totally imagining everything the whole time and that he had never had a special interest in me, that it was all in my mind. Then, the next day we were moving chairs to sit in the hotel and he was right behind me and he offered to take my chair for me in a quiet sweet voice but I told him that I was strong enough to take my own chair. When I said that he looked kind of shocked and I wondered if I had somehow offended him. I basically just need some objective views and closure on this. I could really use some perspective. Thank You. Link to post Share on other sites
Lee725 Posted January 11, 2008 Share Posted January 11, 2008 Hi Confuused55, didn't you post this thread a couple of days ago? I am taking it that you didn't get the perspective you were looking for. Link to post Share on other sites
eknchick Posted January 12, 2008 Share Posted January 12, 2008 You've posted this thread before? This'll sound harsh, but it doesn't sound like you need someone to tell you whatever you want to hear. Firstly I think 'closure' is a load of BS. What has happened has happened and now YOU need to deal with it and take what you can from it. From what I've read it sounds like he wanted to talk to you, you got nervous and accidently, or defensively acted uninterested? Obviously you caught his eye and the conversation went well until you got uncomfortable. By telling him you wanted to nap then politely telling him that you could carry your own chair he probably got the vibe that you were avoiding him. Rather than beating yourself up over this encounter with the hot foreign guy, try look at it as a learning experience, it's not like you can go back and change it. You're kicking yourself because your nerves got the better of you? Come up with some strategies on how to get the best outcome next time your nerves set in. Perhaps have a small list of questions or topics in your mind for those situations when small talk is required. Clearly you have some intelligent things to say, be confident about that. If you accidently say something wrong or silly, laugh it off. A little strategy I have is actually admitting that I'm nervous. It's a feeling everyone can relate to. As cliche as it sounds, next time that hot guy approaches you just be yourself. When you conquer those nerves you'll feel on top of the world. Link to post Share on other sites
Ronni_W Posted January 12, 2008 Share Posted January 12, 2008 I basically just need some objective views and closure on this. I could really use some perspective. Objectively...you lost self-confidence which caused you to act in a way that isn't natural for you. To cover-up that mistake, you acted over-independent when the poor guy just offered to help you with your chair. Depending on his background, this could have come off as rude/deeply offensive or as if you are some b@ll-busting women's libber, neither of which is too attractive in any culture. Closure...he probably wrote you off, after the way you treated him (even though, that's not your usual manner.) Link to post Share on other sites
Author confuused55 Posted January 12, 2008 Author Share Posted January 12, 2008 thank you for your words. i just want to mention that when i said i was strong enough to carry my own chair i didn't say it in a serious way, i was being sarcastic and joking. but i guess he didn't get it. thanks again. Link to post Share on other sites
Author confuused55 Posted January 12, 2008 Author Share Posted January 12, 2008 sorry, one more thing, when we were on the bus, at first the conversation was going well, but when i started getting nervous i couldn't think of things to say and so an awkward silence was begining and to avoid looking stupid and out of fear of sitting there in awkward silence the whole but ride i pretended to be sleepy. now that i think of it what was the big deal about a short silence, i could have thought of something else to say or maybe he would have asked me something else. he probably would have because when i told him i was going to take a nap he didn't look very happy. i feel so bad and stupid about the whole thing, especially if i hurt his feelings somehow which i never intended to do. Link to post Share on other sites
Ronni_W Posted January 12, 2008 Share Posted January 12, 2008 (edited) i feel so bad and stupid about the whole thing, especially if i hurt his feelings somehow which i never intended to do. That's the real hard part about the closure you're looking for -- what do you need to think or know, to truly forgive yourself for every aspect of this encounter? I totally understand that your behaviour was not intended to put out any negative vibes. And it is too bad that your intentions kind of got 'buried' under your temporary lack of self-confidence. The good part(?) is that he did not know you well enough for you to hurt him -- maybe just confuse him , and/or have him questioning your social skills . It is over and done with, at any rate. Your behaviour did not represent who you truly are, and whatever is his opinion of you doesn't change who you truly are, either. It was a learning experience, is all. Forgive yourself, accept the lesson and have a happy-rest-of-life EDITED TO ADD: If I had to guess, the lesson might be about using sarcasm to cover feeling nervous or anxious. Edited January 12, 2008 by Ronni_W Link to post Share on other sites
Author confuused55 Posted January 13, 2008 Author Share Posted January 13, 2008 hey guys, thank you for all your advice! I am very grateful for you taking the time to help me. I have one last question, if you have time to answer it. Was I crazy for thinking that this guy was interested in me? Was it all in my head? If you can provide some input on this it would really help me. Thanks again! Link to post Share on other sites
malaclypse Posted January 13, 2008 Share Posted January 13, 2008 He probably told his friends "There's this really cool girl, but she's just so weird and confusing..." Link to post Share on other sites
Ronni_W Posted January 13, 2008 Share Posted January 13, 2008 Was I crazy for thinking that this guy was interested in me? ...some input on this would really help me. Are you SURE our interpretation is going to help you??? Cos, yeah -- I think he was. I totally agree with malaclypse's take on that. But don't let this info make you feel worse than you're already feeling or beat-up on yourself even more. It's all done and over with. Link to post Share on other sites
Author confuused55 Posted January 13, 2008 Author Share Posted January 13, 2008 thank you guys! Yes, your interpretation has helped me very much. I have been constantly thinking about what happened and what I originally thought was exactly what you said, that he was interested but my stupid nervousness gave him the wrong impression.... but then i started thinking that maybe i was wrong thinking that he ever had any special interest in me, but then if that was true then his other actions wouldn't make much sense, because he didn't seem to have any interest in me at all before i made that comment that impressed him.... so, thank you for your comments they have been so helpful in allowing me to close this whole issue. ** Also, if there are any guys reading this, could I please get your input, i would really like to know what a guy thinks of this whole thing. Thank You! Link to post Share on other sites
Author confuused55 Posted January 15, 2008 Author Share Posted January 15, 2008 could i please get some more male responses if at all possible? thank you! Link to post Share on other sites
malaclypse Posted January 15, 2008 Share Posted January 15, 2008 Another thing...this thread shows nicely why it's almost always a good idea to take the risk to find out for sure if the attraction is mutual - even rejection is less stress/less painful than the constant 'what ifs' after being too scared to act... Link to post Share on other sites
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