blon_dee Posted December 12, 2007 Share Posted December 12, 2007 I posted yesterday... I broke it off with boyfriend of a year.. about 7 wks ago i found out he had been contacting people on an adult site.. Kicked him out there and then.. Turns out he was feeling trapped in the relationship and felt we had lost our spark. He begged and begged for me to take him back and i did. Since then, i have been over the top insecure and paranoid about his every move , we ended up arguing about it the other day, i broke it off in a rage.. Hes now agreeing it was for the best because he wasnt sure if he could commit. Now i just so desperately want him back. This guy i really feel is the love of my life. I am trying so hard not to contact him but i cant help myself. I know he is sad too and missing me. I've suggested a break for a while then maybe counselling. He says he needs time to think... Am i just being crazy and irrational?? it just hurts so damn much, i am lost Link to post Share on other sites
CaliGuy Posted December 12, 2007 Share Posted December 12, 2007 Yes it's normal. Once you implement and stick to NC it will become easier and easier on you. The more you learn to love and respect yourself, the easier it will be to maintain NC. Link to post Share on other sites
ElvenPriestess Posted December 12, 2007 Share Posted December 12, 2007 Don't worry about feeling urges, that's normal. If things were meant to work out, they will. Just give it time. Caliguy are you really in Cali (you never know) if so what part? Link to post Share on other sites
BeautifulMystique Posted December 12, 2007 Share Posted December 12, 2007 Give it some time and you'll get over him. Going back to or taking back an ex is just something I wouldn't do. It's over and done with. You might think you can work things out the second or third time around... sad truth is.. you just can't. It's better to move on.. Link to post Share on other sites
BlueEyedSarah Posted December 12, 2007 Share Posted December 12, 2007 Like the others have said stick to nc. This guy is unsure he wants to be with you if you contact him you will only end up disapointed and hurt. Its best to maintain the nc with him. Link to post Share on other sites
cj1988 Posted December 12, 2007 Share Posted December 12, 2007 Yes, I felt this way at first because he was dumping me, but now I am dumping him....you only feel that way because he does not want you....be glad and move on while you can....never go back it never works ! Link to post Share on other sites
bustertypsy Posted December 12, 2007 Share Posted December 12, 2007 You're paranoid about his every move,he cannot give commitment!! These are 2 serious obstacles to overcome.The thing is,if he was doing things behind your back then there is a serious trust issue for you. Can you overcome this? You say you love and miss him,but unless these problems are addressed,then they will probably resurface in the near future,and then you are back to square one. I think you both need a limited time apart from each other,completely NC during the period. See how you both feel after this time apart.If you both feel you want to reunite,then I recommend you get some professional therapy to help make the relationship have a better chance of surviving. Link to post Share on other sites
Author blon_dee Posted December 13, 2007 Author Share Posted December 13, 2007 Thanks for the advice.. I have sent him a msg asking him to reconsider counselling, he just says right now he needs time to think.. Is that just a kind way of letting me down??? I really believe he loves me, i just dont think either of us tried hard enough to make it work.. We had promised to go to counselling when we first got back together, but we never did it.... I just dont feel like letting this go.... Im so sad... Link to post Share on other sites
ElvenPriestess Posted December 13, 2007 Share Posted December 13, 2007 Letting go is of course the hardest decision. But you said it so well, about both sides trying hard enough. There's been some back and forth on this in the past but realistically he started this with a betrayal, as you stated in your opening post. Don't forget that. And don't call him again, you've called him once and he showed you he doesn't have a serious intent. If he did he would have agreed to counseling. The ball is in his court. Whether or not you choose to let him go or keep fighting for this, don't contact him. Link to post Share on other sites
CaliGuy Posted December 13, 2007 Share Posted December 13, 2007 Don't worry about feeling urges, that's normal. If things were meant to work out, they will. Just give it time. Caliguy are you really in Cali (you never know) if so what part? Yes, San Diego Link to post Share on other sites
ElvenPriestess Posted December 13, 2007 Share Posted December 13, 2007 Yes, San Diego Sweet! I'm from Carlsbad. Link to post Share on other sites
Author blon_dee Posted December 13, 2007 Author Share Posted December 13, 2007 Thanks guys.. im trying really hard, i have not made any contact whatsoever now for 24 hours... Lol.. well, its a start... I still feel i want him back, but maybe it will pass???? Do you think the "I need time to think" thing is a cop out on his behalf?? Link to post Share on other sites
ElvenPriestess Posted December 13, 2007 Share Posted December 13, 2007 Thanks guys.. im trying really hard, i have not made any contact whatsoever now for 24 hours... Lol.. well, its a start... I still feel i want him back, but maybe it will pass???? Do you think the "I need time to think" thing is a cop out on his behalf?? That sounds like he doesn't know what he wants. And good for you for not contacting him! This naturally WILL pass if you want it to and if you let it. We become complacent having someone in our lives and sometimes when we suddenly don't have that we simply miss the feeling of having someone. That's natural, just make sure it's the right "someone.":) Link to post Share on other sites
CaliGuy Posted December 13, 2007 Share Posted December 13, 2007 Thanks guys.. im trying really hard, i have not made any contact whatsoever now for 24 hours... Lol.. well, its a start... I still feel i want him back, but maybe it will pass???? Do you think the "I need time to think" thing is a cop out on his behalf?? You're breaking an addiction to someone. It's going to take time. As with any change, it doesn't feel right/good at first. Over time things will become easier and easier and you'll see that you can and will live without this person in your life. Sweet! I'm from Carlsbad." Definitely a nice area. When I moved down here that was one of the places I was looking at. As it turned out, I found what I wanted closer to work here in Del Mar. I'm a few miles from the race track and about a mile from the beach Link to post Share on other sites
Author blon_dee Posted December 14, 2007 Author Share Posted December 14, 2007 Well... i still havent contacted him again.. And i havent heard from him either :-(.. His last msg said "I dont know, i need time to think"... that was about 36 hours ago.... I just feel like asking if he wants to catch up next week, he has previously said numerous times he still wants to catch up next week to give each other xmas presents that we had already bought... I dont know what to do.... Link to post Share on other sites
flosslight Posted December 14, 2007 Share Posted December 14, 2007 I would say stick with the no contact. It is really hard the first few days, but he did say he needed time to think. If he is using it as an excuse, there is nothing you can do. On the other hand, if he needs the time, you will just be pushing him. I also agree with bustertypsy. If you take time, you can figure out if you can trust him again. Link to post Share on other sites
Author blon_dee Posted December 14, 2007 Author Share Posted December 14, 2007 Thanks for that comment. i hadnt thought of it like that.. I just feel so lost and confused.. I really believe we could make it work if we both tried, i guess thats not just up to me though.. Then on the other hand, i still dont know how i can get past the trust issue. I guess if he really loved me like he has always said he did, he wouldnt have betrayed my trust in the first place.. Its just so devastating.. I've been seperated for 3 yrs, and divorced for one. Im a 35 yr old single mother now, and i dont know just how much more heartache i can take... It sucks so bad.... Link to post Share on other sites
ElvenPriestess Posted December 14, 2007 Share Posted December 14, 2007 Well... i still havent contacted him again.. And i havent heard from him either :-(.. His last msg said "I dont know, i need time to think"... that was about 36 hours ago.... I just feel like asking if he wants to catch up next week, he has previously said numerous times he still wants to catch up next week to give each other xmas presents that we had already bought... I dont know what to do.... You know what? If he wants to do that then he needs to set a time and date with you, and be the initiator. Not the other way around. Link to post Share on other sites
ElvenPriestess Posted December 14, 2007 Share Posted December 14, 2007 Definitely a nice area. When I moved down here that was one of the places I was looking at. As it turned out, I found what I wanted closer to work here in Del Mar. I'm a few miles from the race track and about a mile from the beach I used to drive out there, just a few minutes from the track where my hairdresser relocated to. Nice area out there too. Link to post Share on other sites
ElvenPriestess Posted December 14, 2007 Share Posted December 14, 2007 Thanks for that comment. i hadnt thought of it like that.. I just feel so lost and confused.. I really believe we could make it work if we both tried, i guess thats not just up to me though.. Then on the other hand, i still dont know how i can get past the trust issue. I guess if he really loved me like he has always said he did, he wouldnt have betrayed my trust in the first place.. Its just so devastating.. I've been seperated for 3 yrs, and divorced for one. Im a 35 yr old single mother now, and i dont know just how much more heartache i can take... It sucks so bad.... You know him betraying your trust doesn't mean he doesn't love you, just means he has to figure out what's important. I know it hurts, and I wish I could help you ease the pain. But like I always say, decide if this heartache as you put it is worth it, I mean you need to be healing and happy eventually, one way or the other. You deserve that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author blon_dee Posted December 14, 2007 Author Share Posted December 14, 2007 Thanks again for the advice.. Im almost 48 hrs NC. I thought i would have heard from him by now... Im trying so hard, but it still hurts soo soo much. Last time i saw him was last Sunday, when he left everything was fine, it was just through a few phone calls and texts that we ended up like this. Its so hard to accept.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author blon_dee Posted December 14, 2007 Author Share Posted December 14, 2007 Update.. he just sent me a txt, it just said, "We need to talk, lets catch up early next week".. Oh god... i dont know what to make of that.. Im thinking its probably bad...?????? Any input on this one? Link to post Share on other sites
Author blon_dee Posted December 14, 2007 Author Share Posted December 14, 2007 Update no 2.. i just replied with an "ok". He just sent me another text saying "I do miss you".... what does this mean???? this weekend is going to be agony, not knowing....... Link to post Share on other sites
ElvenPriestess Posted December 14, 2007 Share Posted December 14, 2007 Update no 2.. i just replied with an "ok". He just sent me another text saying "I do miss you".... what does this mean???? this weekend is going to be agony, not knowing....... This means that from your choice to not contact him he began to realize you were "ok." Now when he started feeling that you might actually be "ok" without talking to him every single day I think he got scared. He needs to know you need him, whether things are offish or not. And that's why he told you he misses you. He really does. As I said before he's just confused. But he probably genuinely misses you. Just be cautious when you see him. Don't give away too much, see how he reacts to you. And let us all know how it goes. Link to post Share on other sites
Author blon_dee Posted December 14, 2007 Author Share Posted December 14, 2007 Hmm.... its tough not knowing... Not knowing whether he misses me and wants to work things out, or is he just saying that as an afterthought... i cant make sense of it.. its killing me...... gggrrrr... Anyone else got any ideas on this one??? Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts