Used N Abused

[missheartbroken]

I suppose i dont know what you could call my situation but it hurts like hell cos i feel so stupid basically he was my first ever boyfriend if you could call him that... since we never got down to the 'ur my girl im ur man' talk. im 18 yrs old and ive always been fiercly independant and i've always expected the best for myself i realise now i sound like a snob but no boy had reached my standards.. hence the reason why i've never felt the need to go out with the first boy thats asked me out which is why this situation just knocks me of balance as i dnt know how to deal with this. as soon as i saw him i thought he was the one lol felt something i never felt before... n lately i had been gettin tired of seein everyone coupled up i wanted to know what the fuss was about .

 

so we started chattin and pretty quickly i realised we had loads in common it felt abit dream like and i actually felt bored and i said to myself mentally 'this is it ....is this all their is?' i felt abit disapointed like it was all to easy i had so much confidence i could get him n keep him.

 

anyway we carried on our conversations on the phone n the net and back then amusingly but now i find disturbingly on our first conversation he asked me private intimate questions...and as i had never been touched before let alone kissed i felt overwhelmed but at the time i felt turned on cos i found him sexy lol we would joke and laugh at the same things and it felt like we had an understanding

 

then came the rumours...oh they tried to warn me but i was smitten and thought it was all a misunderstanding. when i confronted him about the rumours he admitted cheating in the past and playing around. but all this was so alien to me cos i had the mentality of 'different toilet same shiit' lol as in everyones the same you just have to find someone attractive n make it work with them. i thought i could make him see sense...

 

the first date went okay i supose but i dont know i got strange vibes of him almost how you would feel from a perv...i put it to to the back of my mind and when he texted for another date i quickly texted it was fine with me

 

this date went horribly he was a different person almost like a bully he drove us to a secluded place and told me about the millions of girls he had slept with n how he had treated them all badly he found it funny i was turned off n he called me boring because i wasnt jumping on him so he turned it into a game of truth n dare n threatened to leave me in the middle of nower n drive of if i didnt play along so we ended up kissin n he was grabbin me i felt sick we didnt have sex cos i pushed him of me then he was drivin n he was kinda insultin me n i was like so shocked i didnt know wat to say i felt so small usually i get guys beggin to go out with me

 

and i also got the feeling he wanted sex of me...and that he was dissapointed in me for not getting none....i felt guilty for going out with him after what he talked about on the phone because i hasdnt had sex with him i felt like a tease that i was leading him on n not givin him any and he would contantly act frustrated and look pissed of

 

i felt weary and weak because all my friends had told me not to go out with him and he knew this n despite this was still treating me like shiit i hated him but i had to make him change to wat i connected with n to get over the humiliation of the first boy i had allowed to take me out treat me like this

 

the next date was fine and i avoided conflict by not mentionin how i felt i brushed it under the carpet n just hoped he realised he was wrong cos after the 2nd date i was intimidated by him...by the 4th date he had flipped again we was out in the park n it was far too soon in my eyes to have sex he was like 'wats wrong with you are u a lesbian' n he made me feel so small he stared shoutin at me n started grabbin me n lookin dsgusted in me i felt scared he grabbed my head n i ended up givin him a bj i felt sooooo degraded n so low

 

i couldnt get over how someone could do that i thought deep down he must be nice and hes been through alot i realise now i was just makin excuses so putting all my pain aside i smothered him pretending i was fine because as i mentioned before i was fiercely independant i hated relying on people and above all hated pity, deep down i was dying inside from the humiliation

 

after that i ended up doin it a few more times i was lost n thought it was my fualt cos this is wat girlfriends were suposed to do

i realised the more i was doing for him the worse my treatment was getting... pretending i was ok was not helping he took it as a his que to humiliate me further it was as if he found it funny seeing how much i would take finally i snapped over the phone n told him to treat me properly he apologised and i saw hope

 

the next time we were out with his friends he started chattin about me in a degrading sexual way and everyone laughed and his friends left to go and he followed them n left me all by myself after a while i had enough of sitting by myself and i walked up to them i couldnt believe how quickly the tables had turned but his friends were really nice to me n included me in their conversation while he look pissssed of that i had come to join him after that i vowed to myself if he doesnt want me im not going to beg i'll just go so i kept that up for a while then he rings out the blue and stupidly flattered i agreedd to meet him and he tried to make me do all kind of wierd unnatural things which i refused but i ended up doin the usual

 

anyway a few hrs later i see him with another girl and im not one to make a scene i thought maybe thats his friend or whoever so i call him to ask who she is and he hung up i feel so disgusted that i could see him and do things with him while three hrs later hes with another girl. weve spoken once after this incident where he predictably used the ''you knew wat i was like'' line.' n he ended up laughin, but i feel so traumatised n low i put so much effort into this turned my back on my friends..i dont wanna start again iv left out alot of the details cos i cant bring myself to write it but wat hurts the most is fom talking to him i realise he knew exactly wat he was doing n thats wat kills it even if he didnt realise the impact it wouldnt be that bad but to delibrately cause that much pain wat is wrong with him?

[MattyTee]

I'm sorry to hear about this heartbroken!

 

Really, I'm not sure what to say. This guy is a creep and you need to steer well clear of him.

 

There are lots of warning bells, anyone who pushes you into doing something you don't want to do (sex or otherwise), anyone who disrespects the way you feel about something, anyone that makes you feel intimidated, well those are the people to keep out of your life.

 

He probably never thinks about (or even cares) what it is like to be treated the way he has treated you. There could be reasons that he does this, bad childhood etc. but there is no excuse.

 

My advice would be to get away from him quickly. Take some time for yourself to think about the experience and learn from it, don't dwell on the negative or blame yourself for anything.