heart2 Posted November 11, 2007 Share Posted November 11, 2007 I am a lesbian. She convinced me to become a couple approximately 6 years ago. We did everything together. We even opened a store that closed after 2 yrs. she has a baby, who I helped raise since age of 6mths. This is my first relationship and I am already 39. approx. 1 year ago, she changed her mind.... "I like men" and packed my stuff in one bag and told me to be her "friend" only. For one year, I hoped and prayed, she would call me and I would join them for dinner. I would call her and she was busy. I helped her with her career, her new home, raise her kid, I pushed her to excel in everything she tried. I gave up my family for her. I felt like I was walking on eggshells. I understand she was controlling, but it has been one year. She is going out with a man now, and I am feeling so much anger. she told me that we can't be friends anymore and to stay away from her.... I just introduced myself to the man. (He knew about me). I wish I could yell at her and tell her how much she hurt my heart. I don't understand how someone can say "I love you" one day and the very next day... goodbye. We are both well off, independent financially from each other. I would love to hate her. Why do I think about her all of the time, when will it end? Link to post Share on other sites
Amy22 Posted November 11, 2007 Share Posted November 11, 2007 heart2, I can't tell you when it will end but I do promise one day it will. It doesn't sound like she treated you very well. I am sorry about that. It sounds like you gave her a lot and she didn't give much in return. Try and tell yourself you deserve better. There is someone out there that will treat you better then that. I think anger is a normal feeling and I think that will pass to in time. Do you think it would help to write all your feelings down for her in a letter and then tear it up? I think you think about her all the time because you care about her, but know that it will end, you will think about her less and less as time goes on. Good Luck and keep us up to date. Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted November 11, 2007 Share Posted November 11, 2007 Yes, you were pretty nice to her...maybe a bit too nice. But you loved her, she changed directions and has moved on in her life. Where you fit into her itinerary at one time that is no longer the case. Yes, it's painful...sometimes extremely painful...but it happens thousands of times a day. Celebrate the times you were together and move on. You don't know what's going on with her but try to understand the only way she can cope with this is to break all ties with you. I've been through this myself and I promise you it's the best thing in the long run. Why would you want to wait around for somebody who's not going to return. It's just part of life, as much as it sucks. It doesn't sound like she was so narcissistic as much as you elected to make her the center of your universe. Now, make YOU the center of the universe. Put her on the blackboard of your mind and erase her with a wet rag. Some relationships last a short while, some a long while but every single one in the history of man has ended...I unconditionally guarantee that. And most of those partings were painful. The next time you get in any kind of a relationship just understand that if you aren't the one who goes first, you will feel pain. That's just the way it is (as the song goes). Now stay away from her and stay away from her man. I mean completely stay away...NO CONTACT whatsoever. Have some class!!! Give yourself some time to heal and move on. There are better things ahead and wallowing in the grime of pain caused by a relationship that's totally over is just not where you want to be. Life is way too short to waste the time. Link to post Share on other sites
SunnyLady Posted November 11, 2007 Share Posted November 11, 2007 Some relationships last a short while, some a long while but every single one in the history of man has ended...I unconditionally guarantee that. And most of those partings were painful. The next time you get in any kind of a relationship just understand that if you aren't the one who goes first, you will feel pain. That's just the way it is (as the song goes). quote] I hope to find a man i exchange vows with who will not leave me...ever. :)That's what marraige is supposed to be about afterall although divorces are so frequent. So whether you've been through a divorce, a painful break from a relationship, or a civil partnership...comfort yourself with the thought that someday you will find someone who will want to spend the rest of their life with you...Some people grow old with their partners... till date do them part. Who says it can't happen to any of us? You will be fine...with time. You were good to her, its hurts. But you will find someone who will reciprocate your love. best wishes. keep us posted. Link to post Share on other sites
Author heart2 Posted November 13, 2007 Author Share Posted November 13, 2007 The comment I have read are very true. I had not really paid attention to the fact that I put her on a pedestal. I have to forgive myself.... and forgive her also. Being apart 110% is right on. These past two weeks without contact have been the best for 1 year for me. I am concentrating on myself. I enjoy doing the things I like, no one to give me a disappointed look or like I previously said, walking on eggshells. I look back and I had completely changed. My friends tell me to get even.... I won't do that. I am leaving it to God. He has other plans. I can't interfere. I think that this is the right path for recovery. right? Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted November 13, 2007 Share Posted November 13, 2007 The best revenge is to heal and live you life happily. As much as you loved her, this woman was POISON to you! She changed you in a not so good way, you lost who you were when a couple. Take it day by day and grieve the loss, but also enjoy YOUR TIME to do what you want, when you want. Link to post Share on other sites
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