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My Dilemma...


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Right... there's a lot to this story but I'm going to try and keep it as short and sweet as possible.

Me and my ex had been together for 20 months,

This was by far my longest relationship... and we're only ages 18 (Me) And 17 (Her).

 

Obviously throughout our relationship we had problems, but we'd always managed to over-come them.

At one point she had a serious crush on this guy.. and once when we were on a break she was texting stuff to him, really hurtful kind of stuff to me considering it was supposed to be a time where we sorted ourselves out.

Not being put off we worked it out, and she apologised to me... and well, she never did it again.

 

More recently she developed a new crush, which also happens to be her best male friend.

They kissed a couple of weeks ago... and although at the time she told him it shouldn't have happened, and nothing could happen between them we were on a downward spiral.

After a short while we began to argue because of this situation, it was almost sure to happen eventually, I had enough of it.

This guy has known her for 4 years, 2 longer than me.

He's always liked her, and tried breaking us apart when we first got together... he even tried to do things with her.

But at that point she came home, crying on the phone to me because she felt really bad he did that, and was scared I'd end up leaving her for it.

 

18 months later... And now that stuff's going on again... I didn't even find out until someone else told me.

So after a week, we decided a break was in order, to sort our heads out and she said that "The situation wasn't fair on me"

But why end 20 months of solid relationship for just a crush?

Well, 1 more week later and now they're together.

Apparently the awkward situation between us, and the fact he's been there have tipped the balance.

 

I don't know what to do at the moment, because I want to be close to her still.. it's natural, I still love her after all.

When the relationship started, since we live an hour off and I was younger... I actually sold my xbox/gamecube so I could be on the trains to see her occasionally.

I literally would give anything to be there with her, they were amongst my favorite material items.

I'm trying my best to move on and I'm well aware I still have the rest of my life ahead of me, but after everything we've done.. and all the memories we have together, it's hard to imagine how it can be over just like that, especially after all that time and in such a short one.

 

She's sleeping at his house tomorrow night... and I don't feel too great.

What should I be doing here?

 

 

Any advice is much appreciated :)

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You have said in your post why end 20 months of a solid realtionship for just a crush?

 

If the relationship was solid, there would not be crushes and from what i have read it seems that she has done this time and time again.

How can the break not be fair on her when she keeps getting crushes on other people and kissing other people??? she seems VERY selfish.

 

I know that the men i have had in my life would not have put up with the kind of continual behaviour that you have.

 

You seem to be very forgiving.... perhaps to much so?

 

In forgiving her as much as you have it seems that you have set a precident for behaviour, she thinks she can do pretty much whatever she likes and you will let her get away with it.

 

You need to let her go.

From the sounds of it she will come back to you again if it does not work out with this one.

 

You need to move on, find someone else yourself (even tho that may be hard to imagine right now) and hopefully if she does come back you will not let her back in.

She will keep hurting you as long as you let her.

Be strong, dont contact her, (even tho you do care) pretend you dont.

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You have said in your post why end 20 months of a solid realtionship for just a crush?

 

If the relationship was solid, there would not be crushes and from what i have read it seems that she has done this time and time again.

How can the break not be fair on her when she keeps getting crushes on other people and kissing other people??? she seems VERY selfish.

 

I know that the men i have had in my life would not have put up with the kind of continual behaviour that you have.

 

You seem to be very forgiving.... perhaps to much so?

 

In forgiving her as much as you have it seems that you have set a precident for behaviour, she thinks she can do pretty much whatever she likes and you will let her get away with it.

 

You need to let her go.

From the sounds of it she will come back to you again if it does not work out with this one.

 

You need to move on, find someone else yourself (even tho that may be hard to imagine right now) and hopefully if she does come back you will not let her back in.

She will keep hurting you as long as you let her.

Be strong, dont contact her, (even tho you do care) pretend you dont.

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I know what you mean.

But it's only happened twice.

 

I think I am too forgiving... and I am trying to move on.

But part of me would still like to be with her, if she could understand the mistakes she's making.

 

Don't get me wrong though, I'm going to try and find other people.

I won't be waiting around for her.

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I know what you mean.

But it's only happened twice.

 

You know the saying, fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me.

 

At such a young age you have learned to be forgiving towards those who don't deserve it, very noble of you. But, you must realize most people don't deserve a second chance as they haven't learned their lesson from your forgiveness. Like someone else said, you have set a precedent in her mind that she can get away with anything because you will forgive her.

 

I think I am too forgiving... and I am trying to move on.

But part of me would still like to be with her, if she could understand the mistakes she's making.

 

Don't forgive her anymore. She needs to learn to respect you and she can't do that if you keep forgiving her time after time. I am sorry to be harsh but the reality is she does not respect you. She has betrayed your trust and you have rewarded her by forgiving her. This has to stop now or you can keep being disrespected by her. Do you like being disrespected by someone you love? I don't think so.

 

Don't get me wrong though, I'm going to try and find other people.

I won't be waiting around for her.

 

Good, you are 18. At your age I'm sure you can find plenty other girls to date. It will be very hard to forget about her because 20 months of memories won't be easy to forget but many have done it and so can you.

 

Trust me, she will eventually come back after she sees the new attitude in you. But, by the time she does I hope you are man enough to know that at such a young age she's displaying horrible qualities which won't change by being forgiven time after time.

 

Don't call her, text her, e-mail her, myspace her or anything at all. Drop dead from this planet as far as she is concerned.

 

Do not answer her calls or her IM's or anything else. Either she will eventually come back or she will get the message that you don't want her and hopefully your time of no contact will help you heal from this toxic ex of yours.

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