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luv2muchlibra

So...this is my first post I`m hoping I`ll get a few responses.Ok, my boyfriend and I have been together 2 & 1/2 years I love him and am very used to him living with me.He`s lived with me for 2 years of our relationship.He is 8 years older than me and we come from 2 different worlds but very similar in the way we think. He has taught me sooo much and I have grown very much since being with him. I never have been nieve but just 'to nice'. Okay I drink socially and smoke a little pot ever so often but I`ve been like that since 14. Okay here we go:this man that so many people look up to and he is very popular with the ladies (I`ve never known a man to know so many women from just being there friend,everyway we`d go he`d know a female, I was insecure at first but I`m okay now) he`s devoted to me & only me (I know for a fact) He pays pretty much all my bills and I spend my paychecks on my daily living expenses. But I`ve never gone through so much stress and heartache in my entire life. He is addicted to Crack Cocaine and has been for about 6 years. He can go for 2 weeks without it but half the time he is doing it nearly everyday. He doesn`t do it at our home,he goes to another 'smokers' house. I`ve been through it all with him and his addiction yelling,screaming,crying,crazy fights everything. He`s packed his things multiple times but the next day he always comes back. He is one of the kindest most understanding "real" down to earth protective man I`ve ever met. If it wasn`t for his addiction he`d be nearly perfect. We have talked and talked about how he`s going to quit and everything will be great etc. Nothing has changed in 2 & 1/2 years we always pay our bills and rent, we hardly go out to dinner or movies,we watch tv,occasional sex and then I deal with his addiction. I`m unhappy in continuing to live my life this way but I`ve gotten so used to him being there and loving him that I don`t have a clue what to do. I feel like if I could just save him and then he could leave but I would always know he`s fine and doing good, I would be happy. I love him but I`m no longer `in love` with him. I couldn`t bear to let him go and watch him or worse unknowingly go down the drain....I`m so caught in a web I can`t move any direction but stay the same day to day life I have been living. My family has no idea of his addiction, my 3 girlfriends do know but they know he`s a good man, of course they say all the things a good friend would say..."I can do better" etc but they also know that I love him so words only go so far and he also gets along well with them. Lord help me I`m just back & forth up & down the same road....any advice I would love to hear. :sick:

-think outside the box-

luv always

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Newtotheblogthing

Oh, I feel your pain. I know from experience that YOU CANNOT do anything to save him. He has to save himself. You can do some research on him getting help or going to 12 step meetings but I am telling you, that NOTHING you do will be able to help him unless he wants to stop.

 

I had a relationship where both of us were using and unfortunately, I had to leave it in order to get healthy. People have to hit their own botoms and you will continue to have this pain if you stay in the relationship with the ideas that you are helping him whilst all you are doing is hurting yourself.

 

Go to an Al Anon or Narconon mtg. Or just check out their website. They are people who are going through similiar situations with loved ones.

 

This won't end.. I am sorry to say it but unless he wants it to, it won't end. Both my ex and I went through similiar stuff and we are doing better but I had to leave the relationship to take care of myself. We love these people but love isn't enough when you are dealing with someone who has a substance abuse problem.

 

I feel for you and send you my best.

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luv2muchlibra

Yes we`ve talked about mulitple times,to many times to count. He`s swore he`d stop and we`d be good for a few days and then it would just go back to the same thing. Thank you for replying I`ve taken your advice...I guess if he won`t get help and continues, I`ll have to let go....it will be the hardest thing i`ve had to do thus far in my life. Sooo we`ll see what happens. Thank you again, I will visit those websites too when I get a chance.

-luv always

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Newtotheblogthing

I took a break from this post but what's amazing is that it's because i have been dealing with my ex who crashed his car while drunk. He is now getting the help he needs but it's an example of sometimes it takes almost dying to make some realize they have a problem. I still can't let go.. it's horrifying how much I love him but he has to take care of himself in order to have any chance at being a friend or anything more to me.

 

Your boyfriend needs to get help otherwise he is useless to you and the pain you experience will keep increasing. How have you been?

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Newtotheblogthing

P.S Doesn't mean he's a horrible person.. I am not a bad person, my ex well, I am on the fence about him right now but in general alcoholism or drug addiction is a disease. We can't help it but WE CAN HELP WHAT WE DO ABOUT IT!

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My xboyfriend (we are currently broken up) is a crack addict. He went through my money on it, ended up in prison for a few years, went back to it, went to rehab & is currently out of rehab & living on his own with a friend from his program who got kicked up because of a crack binge.

 

He told me that they ended up in a hotel room a few weekends ago, his friend peeking out the window, some crack whore jumping on the hood of the friends car...things I've been through before and he was smoking too.

 

Although they like to be weekend warriors on this drug, it doesn't work. Anytime they have a problem, they need a hit.

 

It was hard for me to be broken up from him as we've been together for seven years. After evaluating the situation, they were not the best years at all.

 

It's hard to be alone, but I don't believe with a "true" addict by which I mean, one who really likes to get high, the relationship will always be at odds.

 

You've been through the fights, you know the routines, the relapse rate is extremely high as crack addicts do not know how to handle a problem or enjoy success without celebrating by getting high.

 

It doesn't get any better.

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