puhpee30 Posted October 22, 2007 Share Posted October 22, 2007 Okay. I've been going out with my bf/ex bf for a little more than 6 months. I really still am in love with him but tried to break up with him 3 times. I know its sounds nuts, why did i break up with him when I still love him a lot... Well, for one I am 33 and have a son and the rest mostly lie on that. Like, he says we are for keeps but doesnt talk about the future. He is a guy who doesnt speak much to anyone about feelings so he never talked to me about our future. He doesnt show me much how he loves me and has a lot of girl friends that I feel he treats as much importance as me.. ...He intoduced me to ALL his relatives (who LOVE me) but just so happens to be busy to meet even my mom (i think he was scared). My friends and family dont know him so well and they were scared that they didnt know him well and he looks irresponsible, I'd be hurt again, so they reasoned with me to break with him:eek:. But ALL his friends love me. They all think its serious because they've known him so long and havent seen him proud of anyone as he is of me.. (so confusing). I never got to relay all my complaints at FIRST but he coaxed me to. I reminded him once in awhile so i just felt like a nag. He WOULD change after a break up but be the same again afterwards.. so i felt i cant fix it . I try to be better for him too... I never got to push through breaking up with him 1st couple of times because he'd tell me he's really loves me, that he's in it for keeps, his world revolves around me, etc (really sweet w/c is so not easy for him with anyone).. and one time even cried (!!!).Still loving him, I took him back... Then after a couple of days he'd be a distant for a day then really sweet for a few then distant..(pattern, i guess). So, a week and a half ago I decided after all the talks with friends and family and from his inconsistencies and other stuff, I break up with him. I couldnt see him in person to break up because I knew I couldnt do it because I love him but since I know he's not good for me, broke up with him over the phone. For the first time, he just sounded shocked kept quiet and pretended not to listen by watching tv. It got me crying and all bec he seemed so cold and uncaring and he said 'I dont know what to say' over and over. So i felt so bad and got off the phone. The next night. He comes and apologizes. He tried so hard to see me, so I agreed. He was so happy, kept saying sorry but we never spoke about it. Then of course slept together. Next day, he was distant again. So i told him, 'we broke up right? We never really mended stuff, you never tried to do anything but apologize..'. Then told me 'up to you' and said he had to go. COLD. then the next day ask my schedule and all then I'd try to talk about the situation, he'd get off again and not answer my calls or what. Last serious thing i tried to ask him was through text messaging 'i tried to break up with you but you didnt want.. you are so distant, does this mean we're history?? pls let me know where we stand or else i'll keep asking..'.He never answered me...AND the pattern goes on with him being hot and cold.. Then Saturday, he called me up a bit drunk, asking me to go to his place (because he wanted me to part of the week live with him before when i can) or go to the beach with him for a couple of days... I agree but we both fall asleep. Then cold yesterday (sunday). I even asked him to have dinner (so I could talk to him already but he didnt know that) but he just changed the topic. And today,a bit nicer since I'm sick. So now, I dont know where I stand and I dont know why he wants to stay friends if he's just going to be cold on and off.. Sometimes he acts like my bf and sometimes seems to be so bitter. I dont even know if we are still going out or not... Obvoiusly not, I guess. I have his extra laptop and desktop that he lent me. He has a bed, bedframe that i gave him and some of my clothes and toiletries are still with him.. But I dont really need them and he never offered them back. I feel like I'm being hurt being his friend now since he gets so cold...Should I still stay friends with him? Should I just return his computers and write him a letter on how I feel-- still love him but I knew I cant be treated as well as I want and I forgave him because I still love him.. I dont know what to do:confused:. I regret breaking up BUT im scared he'll be worse than before since he seems a bit bitter towards me now. If we stay broken up, I want to be his friend, I can contain my love but I wish there wasnt all this ups and downs. I pretty much know he still loves me though. AND he has no other girl.. A guy is going for me now but I'm not entertaining him. PLS HELP. So sorry for the LONGGG story. Am just so confused. Dont know who to talk to... Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted October 22, 2007 Share Posted October 22, 2007 You broke up, so stay broken up. You wouldn't be so confused if it was clear how he felt and what he wanted. Since he's not any clearer about showing you his feelings, or telling you what he wants - most especially because he's not TALKING about anything, just continue the break-up. And don't have sex with him anymore! It shouldn't be this hard and confusing. It it is, then it's not going to work out. Take back his computer and stuff. Or not. That's up to you how much trouble you want to go to for him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author puhpee30 Posted October 23, 2007 Author Share Posted October 23, 2007 Thanks Norajane, for your reply. Yeah, it wouldnt be so confusing if he was just clear about things.. I dont plan to have sex with him again too. Just that once when he was apologetic after i broke up with him. And we both thought that meant we were back together. I guess this means i should also do NC if i'll write my letter with my feelings and return his stuff.... Hard, but I guess it would be the best way.... To be honest I still dont feel like doing this but if it would things easier, I would. Link to post Share on other sites
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