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Men types? Sanity check?


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Carrott,

 

it sounds very selfish to me. He knows how you feel about him, still he's telling you all this things.

He wants to be a friend, he wants to feel good about himself knowing that you will always be there cleaning his mess. And what when he meets somebody that he wnats to be with? What will Carrot mean in his life then? Will he still want Carrot to be a friend.

Honey, I know it is hard but do yourself a favor and just cut this guy off. Save yourself a lot of pains that are to come. I only see darkness for you if you stick with this guy.

I am sure that ones you get over him you may be his friend as along as he keeps the word "I" to the minimum and start really appreacite your friendship on a mutual way. Right now I can only see a selfish depressed man who needs a lot of attention to cope with whatever is goin on in his life. And you know what? He chose you becuase he knows you will be there for him no matter what.

Don't allow that. You are a great person and deserve much more.

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It sounds like he doesn't trust himself with his feelings enough to accept and give love. To put it into a list like he did is maybe his way of putting those feelings out there???

 

Ask him what he does want. Instead of him saying all the things he doesnt want ask him what he does want.

 

I look at things in a real simple way. If you love and care about someone why question it? Why not follow what you feel and worry about things later? I think when people see what it is to really love and care for someone they suddenly think that there must be all these strings and rules and standards to be followed. If you trust your heart and yourself then the answers should be clear.

 

It sounds to me that he has some type of comittment/stability issues in regards to feeling secure with someones love. He is having a hard time just ACCEPTING your love. The last item about him just wanting you and only you contradicts every other item on the list. If he did then he would accept you and all the other 26 items for you just being you.

 

In retrospect with my ex and I, I look back and see how much I put my love and my heart out there for her. She returned that love in much the same way I did. That made it a two way street with us. Happiness. But after time, she stopped returning that love and pretty soon it was a one-way street. She became distant and eventually caused the inevitable "talk" about the underlying issue.

 

I learned something then. In the future, either with her or someone new, I will have my bar raised to meet someone who is fully capable of accepting and returning of love. I dont think she was capable/mature/ready to do so. If I learned anything about myself in that r/s was this: Don't I deserve to be with someone who reciprocates the love I show and put forth?

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Guys, oh no, sorry he didn't put it into a list at all. My bad for posting halfway through. the whole thread. I had trouble with the link. Sorry.

 

Those were different things that came up during a 4 hour conversation at my place last night. After I called him and was admittedly, very unpleasant, he immediately wanted to make amends for forgetting we had plans and blowing me off last weekend.

 

He didn't want to let it go another night and that was really brave of him considering the verbal beating he'd just taken. He came over to see me and we just talked. Both of us. It was not at all a one sided thing.

 

I wrote the things down in the list and grouped them that way for myself. They are things he said, but out of order, out of context and this was how I made sense of things. Sorry for giving the wrong impression.

 

I feel like an incredible jerk now. Is it asking too much to ask you to read from the beginning?

 

Carrot

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Thats cool ;)

I went back and re read the previous pages.

 

This guy looks too deep into things. Again, he has to just ACCEPT your love for him. Why does he care what you do for him? You do it because you WANT to. If he feels he cant return it to you in the same way, who cares? He is over complicating everything.

 

Everyone expresses their love in different ways. Me...I show it by holding, caressing, treating her to nice things, pampering, etc. Her...she did it by doing things I liked to do, staying home, cooking for me, taking care of me. Two different approaches but for the same reasons. He has to learn to just accept the ways he loves and the ways you love.

 

Am I making sense?? I look at stuff like this in cut and dry terms. Black and white. Sometimes I think I take too simplistic of an approach to these issues.

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