Im completely destroyed LONG POST

[hp6703]

I've been with her for 3 years. I know she was tired of our living situation living at my parents while I went to College and being unemployed and all and spending most of my free time reading instead of spending time with her. She has a child who was 3 months when i met her named Jaden Troy.Im the only dad this boy has known for 3 years and have always been called da da i stopped going to school and have been trying to get into the military so i can get out of my parents house and take care of them. i was turned down by the marines over some juvenile offenses and it hurt me really bad i did everything to try and get in it was no go so i went to the army and they said i can go but i was upset bout the conditions and the jobs they were offering me. i wanted to step back and and look at all my options but i took to long lil over a month i wanted to make sure i made the right decision because i planned on sticking with it for the rest of my life . Day b4 yesterday she came home after getting baby from day care she came in and said she wanted to put her clothes from the closet into babys room so she didnt wake me up in the morning. Then she offered me shnoo shnoo. she cooked dinner for me and we went to bed together. i woke up and around six o'clock my moms friend and her friend Kathy was here and i thought she was going to take them to day care my wifey was taking her clothes in hampers and said she was going to wash them over at kathys house while baby was in day care. Kathy called me over and said that wifey didnt want to hurt me but shes going to live with her dad and kathy hopes we'll still talk and maybe get back together when i can get on my feet. I was devastated and mad that wifey was gonna leave and she wasnt even gonna tell me. i got really mad and got pissed off and shouted at her that she broke my heart and blah blah. Show me some more of those fake f_cking tears. she left and i havent heard from her since she wont answer my calls i cant get a hold of her i left her messages ive sent her texts. Kathy said wifey lied bout moving into her dads, and i suspect she moved in with here friend Tony (female) because they been talking alot lately. the day after she left i called the army beacuase i want to show her that i want to support her and jaden. im going into army now and. I cant get ahold of her. I havent spoken to her since she left. I wrote her a letter but i cant get it to her i need to tell her why i was the way i was these past three years.

 

++++++++++++++++++++++Letter+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

From the time we started our relationship I was scared you'd leave me. It became a hidden wound that got larger and larger the more I fell in love with you until i started becoming mean, and cold and distant without any explanation. It got so bad i became a repeat of the same mean jerk, and i didnt realize what i was doing. it took u leaving me for me to see that i had destroyed the relationship that meant more to me than anything. I love you K and i love our crazy son too. Im sorry i was to afraid to tell you how i was feeling maybe we would have been able to talk about it and made me realize my fear in anger was hurting us. I understand why you left me I just wish you would have gave me some warning so i could have changed things between us. Unlike alot of guys i do have the ability to learn from my mistakes. I've changed myself alot throughout my life. I want to take care of you and Jaden and i'm not waiting to find out what you want me to do anymore, I called the army yesterday and went to meps im just waiting to go get sworn in and ship off. I want to show you i can provide for you and our son. I want you to see i didnt mean to treat you the way i did. I want to show you i can be better than the guy you first fell in love with. I want to show you I'm manning up now. I'm not asking you to take me back right now. I'm just asking that you remain my friend and let me show you that I'm not a worthless a&&whole. I wasnt intending on keeping your things. I just thought that if i could get you to talk to me b4 i let you have everything. Please dont forget the good things. and please dont dwell on the bad. I love you more than anything kay and im sorry i waited so long to get us out of this house and provide a life for you and Jt. I miss you to the point of death. But i will go on i will prove that i can be more than the guy you first ell in love with.

+++++++++++++++++++End++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

 

i cant tell her anything im afraid shes never gonna talk to me again and im dying inside all i want to do right now is die i havent slept or eaten in 3 days. I'm a wreck i cant stop crying i want her back so badly. I want to show her that im serious about manning up and taking care of her and jt getting our own house and being a family. I dont know what to do i dont want to live without them. I cant get through to her I can call her cellphone but she doesnt answer and I dont know what to say in voicemail or if she would even check it. Same with text message. Any advice please and dont just say to move on because i've already hear that. anyadvice on what to say to get her to listen to me and what i should say. I apreciate your kindness.

[hp6703]

wow no advice on what i could say or do. what if i see her again what if she calls me what should i say anybody? do you think there is anything i could say or do to show how serious i am and im not just blowing smoke up her butt?

[Cad Rake]

not to be curt, but you might get more readers and, hence, more responses, if you break up your paragraphs somewhat.

[dropdeadlegs]

I'm not sure what to say to her, but it will be hard to say anything if she won't take your calls and you are about to leave for boot camp.

 

I can't know your whole story, even form a long post, but has she expressed her dissatisfaction with things for a long time, and many times? If so, it might be a case of too little, too late.

 

She could be needing some time to think before speaking to you. She might just be done with the whole relationship.

 

Leave a message on her voice mail stating that you have joined the Army and would like to speak to her before you ship out, then leave her alone. That's the best I can as far as advice at this point.

 

Hope things work out for you. As an American, I appreciate your willingness to serve in our armed forces, especially at wartime. Thank you and stay safe.

[hp6703]

Thank you.

[hp6703]

I don't know what to say if she calls, I'll only have one shot and i dont want to mess it up

[dropdeadlegs]

Just tell her some of what you said in the letter you wrote. Tell her that you love her and Jaden, that you're sorry for your part in things going so wrong, and that you are doing everything you can to make amends.

 

Don't sweat the conversation too much. She will have things to say, too, and you will know how to respond.

 

Good luck!

[Diplok]

I don't know what to say if she calls, I'll only have one shot and i dont want to mess it up

 

The first thing is to grab a hold of your emotions. Right now you are your own worse enemy.

 

You have to learn to respect her wishes. If she isn't picking up your calls is because she doesn't want to hear from you. Let her be, give her space. She will contact you if and when she wants to. When she does, it is up to you to talk to her. Always be in control of your emotions. You are a man not a puppet.

[hp6703]

Something i think i left out. When cathy told me wifey started crying, and when i tried to give her back the 500 dollar ring she bought me she wanted me to keep it, and i put in in the box she was carrying and started crying again. I haven't tried to call her for about three days now because i want to wait until i know when im gonna ship out first. She was my sun my moon and my stars in the sky and i told everyone how much i loved her except for her.

I cant eat right i cant sleep right, all food taste bad and

[alwayshurt]

hey man. I am really sorry for what you're going thru. Honestly, I don't think there is much that you can do at this moment. I know you don't want to hear it but moving on and NC is the wisest thing you can do. You may hear from her again or not. You got 50% chances. But if you keep on contacting her your chance to talk to her again drops to 0%. You're going to serve the army which is something great. Force yourself to concentrate on your new challenge. Keep yourself busy and your mind distracted. Good things will happen and sometime from now you will laugh thinking about this moments you're now going thru. Good luck.

[hp6703]

she called me tonight i was so scared. I didnt know what to say. I felt weak in a way that i never experienced b4. She said hi and asked how i was doing said shes been busy working and that she misses the dog.. lol.

I cried and told her how sorry i am and that i havent been able to eat or sleep since shes been gonna, and that im sorry for everything. She said it wasnt just me but it was all the drama around here with my family. (i have six family members living on the same block.) She said it broke her heart when i gave her the ring back. I said well i thought you were leaving never to see or talk to me again. I could tell she almost started crying when i was. I told her about the army and she said so your leaving. kinda dissapointed sounding. i said i don know yet im going through the process.

she told me she listened to my voice mails but she cant get the texts because theyre really expensive on her phone but calling and voice mail is free after certain time.

she said she misses bear bear (dog) and almost cried again. she said she has to go to bed to get up early for work i said ok. she said she would call me later next week. i told here i love her and she said yeah ok and we hung up.

 

any thoughts about this is there anything im missing i'm glad she called and said she would call agan. why am i so scared. how should i handle the next conversation i know it'd be to soon to ask her to take me back. but im getting into a position now. where its gonna end up being to late. I can offer her things if i go but....

[hp6703]

**********************************************************

[hp6703]

I think shes living with her friend cathy now. I dont know. Im so distraught. shes called me several times and and has even said she loves me. I told her that i want to take care of her and Jaden and she just started talking about my mom and her job. and i told her that i want to marry her still and take care of her and jaden so she doesnt have to work anymore and she can stay home with him because i know thats what she wants. she said she's just really stressed about everything right now. and i've heard that "everthing used b4 and assume its me. and im just really scared that she say "Im just stressed about you now". I said well you don't want to be with me anymore and she said "Im not the one that said that." I just dont know what to do she said she was gonna call me tonight after 9 and here it is 10 oclock. I just feel like giving up on everything her myself life. I .....

[dropdeadlegs]

It's up to you if you want to give up, but it hasn't even been a week since she left. She probably needs more time to believe you have any intentions of changing.

 

Not to be mean, and I understand that you are very sad, but your posts are coming off as very insecure. Who is ready to give up anything worth fighting for after 6 days? You sound defeated instead of sounding like you will fight and do anything to get her back. Women like confidence and a good attitude. She is talking to you, and that is more than some people will do after a breakup. You two have three years of history, and the problems didn't start the day she packed up and left. It's going to take some time to rebuild whatever has been lost or destroyed.

 

I admire you for enlisting, but a prolonged absence might not be what she is looking for. It might be hard to patch up the relationship when you are away.

 

I don't know, I wish had something more to offer. Try talking about the changes you intend to make instead of reading into her words that she wants to be done altogether. Try being more positive, even if you have to fake it. She probably IS stressed out - she has a young child, a job, and has recently moved in with a friend because she broke up with her boyfriend. That's a lot to handle for a young lady.

 

If speaking to you goes anything like your posts, it is added stress to remain in contact. She needs to think things through. I can't imagine that she hasn't been voicing some dissatisfaction for quite some time, it just took her acting on it to make you open your eyes.

 

Focus on the positive things you intend to do. If she sees your conversations as stressful, she won't call so much. Remember that this is hard for her, too.

[hp6703]

The thing is that i told her that i had to change the papers because i had her down as my fiance and she said "We're not?" under her breathe

I said you don't want to be with me anymore and she said "I'm not the one that said that." under her breath

"I didn't move out because of you." clear as day

But why is she acting like this if she does want to be with me.

Do you understand the mixed signals I'm getting

I've been here b4 where you ask a female whats wrong and they say "everything" what yuh thinking about "everything"

I just wish i could get her to open up because i think i deserve to know what the hell is going on and that's what I'm talking about.

I want to be with her for the rest of my life but what am i to do.

If she really thought that we were still engaged she wouldn't be calling me every other day sometimes.

[dropdeadlegs]

I see your frustration. I do not like mixed signals, running hot and cold, and passive aggressive communication.

 

Has she always had difficulty discussing things that might be controversial? things that might result in an argument?

 

When she was saying these things under her breath, did you ask for an explanation? I am confused by the changing of the papers. Her reply of "we're not"...was that a question or a statement? It looks like you were explaining the change and she was confused by you doing that.

 

It's hard to understand everything that's going on simply because I am not privy to conversations. Maybe she moved out because she didn't want to live with your family anymore and didn't intend to break up. However, the way she did it indicates that she isn't very good with communicating with you.

 

To get to the bottom of things you both need to be clear and honest with one another. Be sure everything is completely understood. I'm getting the feeling that neither of you are clear about the status of the relationship at this point. You've got to sort this out soon. Is she willing to speak to you face to face? I really suggest that important conversations are done in person. Body language and facial expressions say so much when one can't find the right words.

 

Good luck hp6703. Any news on your boot camp date?

[hp6703]

Living with borderline personality is no fun. IM done with it she told me i need to get a job and an apratment if i was to be engaged with her again. I got a guranteed job 15.00 dollars an hour but she wont even answer the phone when i call her to tell her. I wish i had friends lol.. I know it seems shes afraid to tell me directly. maybe she'd tell a friend if i had one lmao. I give up im finished.. I cant live without my baby girl and my baby boy. cathy was behind it all lmao. i hope cathy burns in hell too.

[dropdeadlegs]

Living with borderline personality is no fun. IM done with it she told me i need to get a job and an apratment if i was to be engaged with her again. I got a guranteed job 15.00 dollars an hour but she wont even answer the phone when i call her to tell her. I wish i had friends lol.. I know it seems shes afraid to tell me directly. maybe she'd tell a friend if i had one lmao. I give up im finished.. I cant live without my baby girl and my baby boy. cathy was behind it all lmao. i hope cathy burns in hell too.

I'm a little bit confused. Cathy is the girl, right? Is she "your baby girl?" I think Jaden is "your baby boy," right?

 

I'm sorry if things are over. You never know if it will work out. I hope things go however you want them to.

 

So, is the Army still in the picture or is that over, too?

 

Good luck and may peace be with you.

[AngelsFan09]

I have some experience with this.. Where the "dropping of the ball" is quiet evident on your part. Right now, you need to get your *hit straight (Job and life stable). If you can't take care of yourself and haven't taken care of yourself all this time, how can she expect you to take care of her and her child now?

 

Do you really want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with you? If she really loved you, she will come back to you once she find out through the grapevine that you have become a responsible adult.

[Cad Rake]

can you describe borderline personality disorder I think I know someone who has it