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Passive Aggressive Ex ?


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I will try to keep this short but the ex and I have been broken up for a few years but still keep in touch. She had some serious issues (she was married with a baby but never mentioned that to me and not that I condone the lie I understand how it happened).

 

I went to visit her as she was graduating and going back home to be with her family. We are just friends but she was very nice and then got very passive aggressive towards the end. Looking for any excuse to jump on me for things. She asked me questions (which she knew how I would answer ) and then was mad with the answer I gave her. I as very good to her over the 3 years we have known each other and as we are just friends what is driving this anger and her wanting me out of her life. I told her I am not going to be involved in her life when she goes home because its not fair to her or her family as she tries to sort things out but that I am not going to run away. If she wants me out of her life that is her choice but I will always consider her a friend.

 

I am not overly upset but just confused. She said she just wants to be friends and I haven't come close to crossing that line...respecting her choices and she just stays angry..

 

Thoughts?

 

There are alot more details but I dont want to make this a novel.

 

Thanks.

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What you're describing is not passive-aggressive behaviour. I'm uncertain what type of behaviour it is to conveniently not mention a child or being constantly angry and jumping all over you for issues.

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The behavior when I went to see her was very passive aggressive, picking fights over nothing etc... In between she was very nice.

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http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?t=126877

 

Here, if you have a lot of time, read up on the excellent input from some very helpful members on LS, if you really want to know what passive-aggressive is.

 

Her behaviour is more belligerent for whatever reason, rather than passive-aggressive. This type of behaviour is used to deliberately drive someone away or because there are underlying stresses, frustrations and dissatisfaction with the relationship.

 

Did you communicate well together where issues were resolved, or did you avoid issues?

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I didn't know about the married and baby...if i knew that before I never would have entered into it. I am not that stupid. As for the other part. We are just friends so there is no need to push away etc. That anger isn't because of me but is aimed at me. She's acting like she is trying to break up but we aren't in anything. So what is the issue?

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Why not ask her? Maybe she was looking for more from you or felt you led her on? As long as you didn't lead her on or talk from both sides of your mouth, you have nothing to feel bad about.

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There were issues when we were together but I didnt have the complete picture...since we arent together and dont live in the same city I don't know how there can be issues. She does confide in me more than anyone else but like I said we are just friends...so I just give her space and let her live her life...thus my confusion at this anger.

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I have been completely honest with her and at the same time respected what she needed. It's not like she needs to guess what I am thinking but I don't beat her over the head with it. My guess is she isnt happy with her life and wants me to be a bad guy so she doesnt have to make choices in her life...but I won't make any decisions for her.

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