ex walked away but i walked head held high

[ukmale]

hi. ive posted my story on here few weeks ago. was together over 4 years. last couple of months we was together things where pretty bad on both sides. i felt neglected, she felt unloved. she is about to finsih her degree in sept so stress on her part was high. we had an argument and left it for a week without speaking. i txt asking what the deal is with us and she said 'its over, u obviously think u can do better, u blame me for everything' i was quite shocked, she was angry in her responses. (i always think if a woman is giving u up there is an interest elsewhere, i asked the question but she said last thing on her mind) she said her feelings had not changed for me. very hurt i respected her wishes in that she doesnt know what she wanted and to leave her be so she can think on her own. a week later i sent flowers sayin thinkin of you. response back was why couldnt you do thoses things when we was together.

 

i left it again for a few days but it hurt so bad i sent an email telling her the deep feelings i had for her and that we could have a different life when she is finsihed uni in a few months time. she said respect her and give her time to decide. she said something really silly. ' she has realised you need more than love' in a relationship. i find that strange.

 

what hurt me was for 4 weeks this tug of war with her mind and heart dragged on. she was never sure. i would get txts like

 

'i think is has hit me, dont think i could live without u in my life'

 

it feels like you have really moved on from, its killing me'

 

' i really do miss you, love you for life'

 

u sound like you have accepted we are not going to be together, im actually sayin now i might want us to be together'

 

'im in no mans land, unsure what is best thing to do'

 

 

there are plenty more, i could go on, this dragged on for 4 weeks. we met up twice, she said she felt a strong bond but didnt know if to much had happend to go back now. i feel she behaved very selfish, not thinking what this was doin to me. i wrote a letter stating closure on the situation, for my sanity. we met up the same day, it was very emotional, tears on both sides, i asked for the chance to prove myself, she said if it would work she would try, she didnt even give me the chance. we agreed no contact, in our situation cause we had a deep love friends is not an option.

 

2 days later i get a txt at 3.30am sat nite, saying 'love u' im thinking wtf. especially after that meeting.

 

we didnt speak for 2 weeks, i got some concert tickets when we was together, they came the other day, i was thinking what to do with them. i decided to pass them on to her mom to give her. she txt saying how kind a gesture it was and that it would of been a lovely suprise if we was together. i repllied saying have them as a well done for uni, u worked hard etc. she txt back saying its no consilation but i do miss you.

 

the only thing i can do is get on with my life, ive got to get past the 'is there hope' stage cause i will be left at a stand still, i can look back and say to myself i tried everything for the one i love, even in defeat i didnt get angry and say things that i wanted to say about our relationship, i behaved like a man even though i got my head messed with. i learning about myself everyday now, im very hurt and she is on my mind for a large portion of the day, but i know i can do nothing about it.

 

just wanted to share this with other readers.