My 3 yr. relationship...i messed up? whats going on? going for the worst?

[KNB]

Well first off I just want to say I am very glad I found this community! Everyone here sounds very nice, and are helpful to one another...which is something hard to find nowadays.

 

(bear with me please, if its too long read the last 2 or 3 paragraphs)

 

So I have been with this girl for 2 years and 9 months. I turned 21 this past Dec., and she just turned 20 this past Dec. We met at traffic school almost exactly 3 years ago (May 22). The weird thing is that I postponed my traffic school 3 times, and the last time I rescheduled, I changed it to another school in another area having hopes to meet someone. (theres much more coincidence to this but its for another thread. We always say it was fate and we were meant to be.)

Well, before that I have been out with girls, but never had a true long term relationship (relationships of a few months max). I am her first boyfriend, and her first true friend. She did not have that many friends in highschool, and still does not in college. She tells me that she is bitter towards friends especially females because they backstab her, and are unreliable. She gets along with guys much better.

I had to give her alot of my attention at first, which was very hard because I had great friends. I dramatically had to cut down time with my pals for her. I still hang out with my friends (3 best), but of course I know that they are a bit hurt that I kinda "abandoned" them for the first 2 yrs or so, but they are awesome and I appreciate them greatly for still having me as a friend.

For the first few months she had problems with her parents not letting her go out, then after a year or so when she went to college her parents were much more lenient. We had a blast, and hung out often maybe about an avg of 3 times a week. We go to the same college and had 1 class together every semester, and now we are up to about 3 semesters of college together. We are always open to eachother about everything, maybe even too open which caused arguments sometimes.

About 10 months ago we had a break. She just wanted sooo much of my time that I couldnt give it to her. She always wanted to hang out and talk. We had an argument that day because I told her I couldnt talk with her everytime she called or talked to her every single night (we talked every single night and fell sleep on the phone together every single night) I told her that we should just have some space sometimes, and do our own things and it would be healthy for our relationship. She got very very hurt, and she gave me an ultimatum: either give her what she wants or its over. When she told me that I was so shocked. I thought it was soo immature. I told her that, and we ended up having a break, but not breaking up (iam too nice). The break only ended lasted about 3 days. When we got back she was understandable, and gave me my space. I tried my best to have time on my own and time for her as well. It worked out well. We talked about it months later and she said she is still very sad over it when she thinks about it.

A few months go by, and I get a new hobby. I enjoy modifying my car. This past December I had some serious work done on my car, and for a month or 2 I was not giving her her usual attention. I never completely ignored her, but I did cut down some of our time together. During that time it seems as if she met alot of guys at work. She is a bank teller. She told me about guys hitting on her almost daily. Well, Its been over 2 years and she has completely changed physically. Shes a more attractive girl now than ever and gets more confidence as the day goes by. I started to become jealous, and now insecure. When I got my car back it seems as if she was jealous of me spending too much time with it. I realized this and hit myself in the head. She started to spend alot more money around this time as well, just as what I was doing on my car. She also got a new job from some customer that was flirting with her. He is a successful guy. He is a 33 and a financial planner, and she looked up to him greatly. I became very very insecure, and pathetic. I gave her soo much attention when she got that job. She knew I was worried. The guy ended up being a big flake (he promised her things/work but never delivered) so she quit the job after 2 weeks. I felt relieved, but I knew it was not completely right. I knew that she felt somewhat pressured to quit. After this things became slower. I try my best to be a great boyfriend without crowding her. Its been 2-3 months after and things seem better, but there isnt that flame in our relationship anymore.

Sigh...I know I messed up and became overprotective, but she is still here, and says that she still loves me. I am just afraid its one of those "I love you, but am not in love with you" type deals. I might just be too insecure. We still talk every single night, but theres not much to talk about as before. We are trying to concentrate on school more. We are both worried about what we want to do with our lives regarding school, and our majors. She got a new job in accounting because she wants to do something that will benefit her major. She seems very excited for this job, and I am very happy for her. We are trying to concentrate on school and work more. I am doing the same and am going to a different college next semester because I changed majors, and I might apply for a new job once the position opens up. Right now it looks as if our relationship is going to a halt. I am not sure is it because of me, her, or school/life. We try new things such as double dating, or just hanging out together with others and now because i am of age, drinking occassionally. I dont want to break up with her, and it seems that she does not want to break up with me.

Mothers day just passed and she came over my parents and grandmas house to drop off flowers when I wasnt home. I did the same as well that morning. We hung out that weekend and had a blast. It felt like old times. Now its the week again, and things are slow again. We are both putting into the relationship, but it seems as if nothings coming out like it used to. We both agree that we just need to have our feet planted in school/work first then our relationship will show its happy head.

 

...wow...so yup thats about it, if you made it this far I really appreciate your time and help

 

I really just need to talk to soemone about this, because as you can probably see in my writing that I have been thinking about this too much. Thanks!