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Taking a break - a mutual decision


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I never agreed with the whole "take a break" thing and here I am, taking one.

 

My boyfriend and I have been together for 6 months or so. Were both 26. We have recently gone through a few solid weeks of fighting, stuff that has been small but never fully resolved has now exploded. Whilst we seem to be making each other miserable lately, we have had so many good times. I honestly just care so much about him and I believe that he does about me.

 

I have this annoying problem, where I start becoming needy and demanding when things get tough in my life. It has totally pushed him away recently.

 

We had a long talk and both agreed that we could not throw ourselves back into the relationship after the last few weeks. But we also agreed that neither of us could see life without the other and that maybe we just had to sort out our own personal stuff. So we decided to "have a break"-ish. Just maybe calling every now and then, but taking it slow, but still not being together but kind of....i dont know? Im so confused.

 

Basically, I just want to know if we will get back together, if this sort of thing is successful. I know I have my own demons to fight, so does he. Im not going to call or pressure him.

 

Any ideas?

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I'm going through almost the exact same thing right now so you're not alone. We've just been fighting like, every other day for the last two weeks. I really hope things become better and the way they used to.

 

We just have a lot of drama/people interfering in our relationship. I hope things work out for you too, but I honestly don't know how "Breaks" work, because I've never been on one either.

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hey sweptaway,

 

sorry you guys have been having such a hard time. try not to be too hard on yourself for needing support when life gets tough!

 

what, more specifically, are your issues?

 

i don't know if taking a break works, but i just wrote a similar question last night and have had a couple answers. i, like you, never really believed in "taking a break". but it came to that in my relationship too. what i guess i'm hoping is that taking a little space from having the SAME fights and conversations over and over will allow us both to come to some clarity about it all. maybe we'll become a little more objective or something, and it will be more clear whether these are things that are solvable and we want to try, or if we are ready to move on.

 

i'm still hoping others can tell us about experiences with "taking breaks" and whether it was helpful or not.

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mental_traveller

IMO "taking a break" is just delaying the inevitable. And if, against the odds, you are going to get back together and make it work, then taking a break is still harmful.

 

The reason is that it's a half-assed measure. Not enough to get over someone, not enough to start anew and date or be truly single. And not serious enough that you'd miss your gf/bf enough to realise you truly loved them. So I think it's just a bad move all round. Either break up properly or not at all.

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Taking a couple of days to calm down after a lot of fighting, isn't a bad idea. Any break which takes a long time is more escapism than dealing with the problems. Try to talk out your problems.

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Well all our problems seem to stem from communication issues. He can be pretty insensitive, I tell him, he doesn't really get it, I get hurt, it takes time to heal and in the meantime I notice all the little annoying things he does, he does something again etc etc. Im guilty of not fully explaining the way I feel.

 

I have taken out personal issues on him too. Its just a nasty cycle were in.

 

We both decided that we needed time to learn to trust each other again, and that we needed to talk more than we did.

 

We haven't spoken since the big discussion. I dont know if I should call him or wait for him to call and for how long should I wait......this is really exhausting. I'm usually the one doing the chasing so I didn't really want to call him.

 

I dont know what to do. Im pretty devastated and miss him.

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waitingforlove

Hey SweptAway,

When did the big conversation happen? If it has only been a couple days, don't worry!! He'll eventually call if you would just not call him. Sometimes it could take a while. Hang in there!! I know how hard it is since I've done it too (and I'm still doing it), but you'll be very happy eventually when he calls! I was in the same boat not long ago, and I found myself doing all the chasing, calling, etc., and he never called anymore! So then one day I decided (after an intense conversation with him), then I would not call him anymore. I didn't tell him that, though. I just stopped calling. After about three days, he called. I tried to sound happy and nice on the phone, but I was also busy, so I tried to hang up before he did (I used to wait till he said "I had to go" to let him hang up first). Then I kept not calling. Another three and a half days went by, and he called and asked me out again! But even now, I'm still not calling him unless it's really important. I try to make sure he knows I'm not mad, though, by telling him after he started calling again, that I was just trying to give him the space that he needed. But in the meanwhile I stay happy. Also, it's important to make the encounters PLEASANT for him when he does call!! That way he'll keep coming back, wanting more. If you bring up your issues again before he's ready to deal with them, it would just push him away. So try not to bring them up again; just be casual and uplifting when he calls. Trust me, he'll call!! Hang in there!!!

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