Why is he still contacting me?

[sb129]

Ok guys- you have been brilliant so far with advice.

 

My ex is seriously starting to behave strangely. We broke up a while ago, it was my call, and despite early confusion and wondering if I had done the right thing, I know now that I have.

 

I think he is struggling to move on. I KNOW its not my concern anymore, but he keeps bombarding me with texts/emails all of which are insulting and disgusting. He tells me he has moved on, which is clearly not the case.

 

So he hates me- I can live with that!!

But if he does, why is he spending so much time on me? I have changed my number twice, he still manages to get it- from where i have no idea. He says he has "sources" who tell him what I have been up to. (including sleeping around etc..!!!! like, whatever!)

 

Today he has emailed me a FOUR PAGE word document about some "mental illness" I apparently have called Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) and he says that all my friends and family should read it too cos then they will know what I am truly like (and prob want nothing to do with me- as if!!). I deleted it without reading it.

 

I have been hurt before- but never went this far. Why do people flip out SO much when someone breaks up with them? How can they waste so much energy on HATING their ex so much?

I am trying to put on a brave face, as this kind of brainwashing was commonplace when we were together and I refuse to buy into it anymore. But its getting exhausting!

[pjammer]

Ok guys- you have been brilliant so far with advice.

 

My ex is seriously starting to behave strangely. We broke up a while ago, it was my call, and despite early confusion and wondering if I had done the right thing, I know now that I have.

 

I think he is struggling to move on. I KNOW its not my concern anymore, but he keeps bombarding me with texts/emails all of which are insulting and disgusting. He tells me he has moved on, which is clearly not the case.

 

So he hates me- I can live with that!!

But if he does, why is he spending so much time on me? I have changed my number twice, he still manages to get it- from where i have no idea. He says he has "sources" who tell him what I have been up to. (including sleeping around etc..!!!! like, whatever!)

 

Today he has emailed me a FOUR PAGE word document about some "mental illness" I apparently have called Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) and he says that all my friends and family should read it too cos then they will know what I am truly like (and prob want nothing to do with me- as if!!). I deleted it without reading it.

 

I have been hurt before- but never went this far. Why do people flip out SO much when someone breaks up with them? How can they waste so much energy on HATING their ex so much?

I am trying to put on a brave face, as this kind of brainwashing was commonplace when we were together and I refuse to buy into it anymore. But its getting exhausting!

He wants you to feel guilty for what you did, its that simple. My girlfriend broke up with me about 5 weeks ago, and I am nowhere close to recovered, but I have turned over a new leaf. I am still not going to give up on her, but I know she needs her space right now, and I love her too much to not give her that. At first, I did everything wrong - begged with her to take me back, used logic, gave her flowers, wrote letters, etc. I did that because I loved her, and I still do love her. I never once did anything that would show hatred, because I love her with all of my heart, and I really am a kind and forgiving person. We broke up because it was MY FAULT. I am man enough to admit that. All I can do now is try to improve myself, and show her that I am the person she was attracted to to begin with.

 

But this guy is going a 'wee' bit too far. If I were you, just continue to ignore him, or if you feel up to it, confront him about it, and tell him to grow up or you will get a restraining order against him. Idle threats work. Anyway, the decision is up to you. If you are comfortable with him bombarding you with all of this, then that means that YOU havent moved on either. If you are done with him, then step up, let him know that, and threaten him.

[sb129]

I am NOT comfortable with this at ALL! I have threatened him, I have told him to grow up and leave me alone.

His constant shredding of my personality is getting me down. I am not the evil person he says I am. I just don't love him anymore.

I have met a new guy who is much more suited to me, but this constant crap from my ex is tough for him.

[joriel]

first, it's stupid and immature for your ex to be behaving like this. he's clearly doing it to make you feel guilty and doesn't realize that it's pushing you further away than you already were. no one deserves to be consistently put down, etc., etc...

 

that said, what is it about the dumper that makes him or her believe that they should walk away from their dumping unscathed? when you up and drop someone from your life, possibly completely surprising them, you do a hell of a number on their confidence and potentially make them feel like hell. they start to rethink everything they've ever done with, to and for you and wonder if that's the straw that broke the camel's back. by dumping your ex (and you may have had a great reason) you made him feel like crap. now he's returning the favor.

 

perhaps the two of you need to sit down and talk. you both obviously still have a big impact on each other. you're both hurting. start there.

[Rooster_DAR]

I am NOT comfortable with this at ALL! I have threatened him, I have told him to grow up and leave me alone.

His constant shredding of my personality is getting me down. I am not the evil person he says I am. I just don't love him anymore.

I have met a new guy who is much more suited to me, but this constant crap from my ex is tough for him.

 

Sounds to me you may have grabbed another branch before letting go of the first branch. If that's the case, I can understand why he is doing this. If you broke up with him before you started seeing someone else, then I also agree with the other posters that he needs to move on and stop the harrassment.

 

Breaking up is a difficult thing, especially when the other person is not expecting it or really loves you.

 

Good luck!

[sb129]

Just to clarify- no I didn't meet new guy before we broke up, so my conscience is clear about that. I was fine with being single, but this guy is really great, and its a LDR so in that respect I will be taking things slow. Its very early days yet.

 

I agree- i KNOW the dumper doesn't come out of things unscathed. And I am FAR from perfect. But this is the third time I have broken up with this guy, and he has put me through SO much grief during the course of our relationship. I am not trying to pay him back for this- I just want out before we destroy eachother. Thats what was happening- I know we aren't compatible for lots of reasons, and there IS fault on BOTH sides. We just couldn't get along. I would have ended up hurting him much more if I had stayed with him, as the resentment was building up- he kept saying how great our relationship was, and I wasn't feeling it. He suppressed my personality and wanted me to be someone I am not.

 

I am very sad that he is being so nasty. I tried to be reasonable. I don't think we can talk juts yet. I don't even know if I want to - its a chapter I want closed. I have sent him a final email apologising for hurting him.

[ur mom]

wow....pschyco!!! i got my heart ripped out through my a**(figurtively) and i didnt go off like this. i appologise on his behalf, he makes good guys that really want another chance look bad. honestly all i can say is get the restraning order and dont look back. at least u have someone with u to help. but i hope all goes well and remember that u r nothing that he says u r. he is just hurt and has a real problem rationalising his anger. peace!

[sb129]

Thanks- thats really reassuring.

[debs]

sb.....

I think the hardest part is "OUR" moving on. We do so by changing the cell and land line phone numbers. We do so by blocking the "others" emails, messenger contact, etc etc.

 

Most have a mobid curosity and "allow" the "other" to keep in distant contact due to feeling bad about having to "dump" them!

 

Make the hardest move of your new life, change the numbers, block to your lists online and block any and all email and screen names he has!

 

Let him go and he will let you go! You cannot control what he says or doesn't say about you. But you can control he can't hurt you anymore unless you allow him to!

[Rooster_DAR]

Just to clarify- no I didn't meet new guy before we broke up, so my conscience is clear about that. I was fine with being single, but this guy is really great, and its a LDR so in that respect I will be taking things slow. Its very early days yet.

 

I agree- i KNOW the dumper doesn't come out of things unscathed. And I am FAR from perfect. But this is the third time I have broken up with this guy, and he has put me through SO much grief during the course of our relationship. I am not trying to pay him back for this- I just want out before we destroy eachother. Thats what was happening- I know we aren't compatible for lots of reasons, and there IS fault on BOTH sides. We just couldn't get along. I would have ended up hurting him much more if I had stayed with him, as the resentment was building up- he kept saying how great our relationship was, and I wasn't feeling it. He suppressed my personality and wanted me to be someone I am not.

 

I am very sad that he is being so nasty. I tried to be reasonable. I don't think we can talk juts yet. I don't even know if I want to - its a chapter I want closed. I have sent him a final email apologising for hurting him.

 

Breakups are almost always extremely tough, and usually one person usually get the brunt of the pain. Sound to me he is lashing out and blaming you, perhaps he does not understand the failure was possibly part of him as well. You are just going to have to N/C, and let him figure it out for himself.

 

Regards,