His Intentions?

[carolinarntobsn]

My ex and I have been dating for 1 yr 2 mos...we got engaged about 7 weeks ago. We have had problems throughout our relationship with communication and I have some self esteem issues which causes me be be somewhat insecure. I have a history of sabatoging a good relationship when things are going well...I tend to let things build up and then explode and blow things way out of proportion saying mean and hurtful things that I later regret...anyway...(also my ex is the sweetest, dearest man who treats me better than any man I have ever known).

 

About two weeks ago we had an argument where I was the meanest I had been and said some really awful hurtful things. We broke up but since that time we have been emailing and texting back and forth...I would not talk to him the first night of the argument at all as I was so incensed with anger. I did write a long letter of apology addressing each thing I said and why I said it and how I knew I was in the wrong. I also made a couseling appointment to work on communication and self esteem issues (it is next week). He has texted telling me he loves me and misses me and I have done the same along with receiving emails whereby he said ...think positive, don't give up hope, if it's meant to be it will, he understood I love him, he loves me, etc.

 

Last Friday night he texted me that he loves me and misses me and then on Sunday he emailed me asking me if I would go to dinner on Tuesday with the understanding that he was not closing any doors but felt he could not be in a committed relationship with me at this time. Well, that hit me wrong and I said you are either committed to me or you are not so I would not agree to go out. Monday I found out that had he went on a date Saturday night with someone else and was in shock...I kept thinking how could he tell me on Friday night he loves me and misses me and go out with another woman on Saturday. I had gone to his house to pick up some things and saw an email laying on his truck seat giving directions to the woman's house. I then called his cell phone and left a vm saying ...how could you think so little of me as to already be dating while you are telling me you love me and miss me at the same time...I was crushed. He goes home for lunch after hearing the vm and writes me an email telling me his heart yearns and aches for me and he realizes how hurt I am, then he texts me saying...are you ok?...anyway, to make this long message shorter...we talked on the phone last night and he says the date was nothing...just a dinner date and he just didn't know what was goin to happen between us and he didn't know if I wanted him back. We talked about the communication problems and how I put him on the defensive and rake him over the coals and how he is afraid what is goin to happen with me each time we're together...he asked to see me today and he says he can't go through this again...that if it's going to work it has to work now.

 

I am happy he is willing to see me and he said he has been miserable for the two weeks and missed me terribly.

My stupid problem is that I can't get over the fact that he could actually go out with someone else while still writing back and forth with me and telling me he loves me. I asked him on the phone how he would feel if I had already dated someone during this past two weeks and he said he would not like it at all...and I asked him if he was going to continue dating other people and he said...probably not. What is your take on the situation...other than I am a selfish dumb*** ...which I already know.