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Should I Tell A Girl I'm A Virgin?


GuitarGuy7

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I'm 23 years old, never kissed a girl, never had sex, never even touched boobs. As you can see, when it comes to dating, i'm pretty much a noob. There's a high chance I will be apart of the virgin club at 25 years old, possibly even older.

 

The problem is, when I start dating, I don't know whether I should tell a girl i'm a virgin or not.

 

If I tell a girl i'm a virgin, she might understand and realize i'm going to suck at first. But she might be turned off at the fact that i'm a total noob and not want to continue dating me. But if I go ahead and keep my virginity a secret and try faking my skillz, she might realize I suck and have no idea what i'm doing and dump me anyways.

 

 

Should I tell a girl i'm a virgin or not?

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She will know you've never kissed a girl before and it's not too much to extrapolate the rest from that. Don't try to hide it because you won't be able to.

 

This will sound weird but do you have a close female friend who would be willing to teach you how to kiss? Many or most might say no, but there are some who would do it to help you out and thereby do a service to future women in your life.

 

Much more classy than going to a prostitute which some guys in your situation do to get their first experience over with.

 

If you kiss well, decent women your age would be very understanding of your virginity and might actually enjoy the process of helping you learn.

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OP, you can do a lot of 'stuff' without having sex. I did all that when dating. Dancing, physical affection, kissing, enjoying the wonderous mechanism of brassieres, you name it. Just nothing involving genitals. In my generation/demographic, however, such was often too 'slow' for the ladies so I got dumped. They were used to having sex a lot faster. Women choose. If a man snoozes, he loses. Did that a lot, not because I was sleeping but because I felt the intimacy was insufficient to meet my standards for sex.

 

For you it'll be easy. You have no inhibitions about the progression of sex. Start with the easy stuff and just let it happen. That's really all it is. Letting it happen. In fact, these days the work is to not let it happen.

 

Lastly, no woman ever asked me if I was a virgin. Not one. If one had, I wouldn't have lied. However, I never volunteered it. No need, from my perspective. I did kinda laugh (to myself) because the period when I did become sexually active was right during AIDS and STD tests were standard and yup I got a panel of them and a report even though, duh :D

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This will sound weird but do you have a close female friend who would be willing to teach you how to kiss? Many or most might say no, but there are some who would do it to help you out and thereby do a service to future women in your life.

 

 

 

Great idea, i'll ask my sister...

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LivingWaterPlease
Great idea, i'll ask my sister...

 

Please don't learn to kiss with your sister. :eek: I think he was suggesting you actually allow someone to teach you through kissing you...

 

Maybe you're going to ask your sister to explain the technique. But, you'd be better off kissing a close friend a few times with the understanding it's a lesson, nsa.

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Mission Unsuccesful: Sister said "ewwwwwww nooooo, you some sort of creep?"

 

 

Oh well...

 

I always have my pillow

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Mission Unsuccesful: Sister said "ewwwwwww nooooo, you some sort of creep?"

 

 

Oh well...

 

I always have my pillow

 

You have a sense of humor! :lmao:

 

Maybe your sister could set you up with someone.

 

My daughter set my son up with his first girlfriend.

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You have a sense of humor! :lmao:

 

Maybe your sister could set you up with someone.

 

My daughter set my son up with his first girlfriend.

 

 

Well my sister works with a bunch of hot sorority girls. Maybe i'll go in to where she works, walk up to one of her coworkers and be like ayyy gurl, i'm her cool and totally awesome brother, wanna go out sometime?

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I'm 23 years old, never kissed a girl, never had sex, never even touched boobs. As you can see, when it comes to dating, i'm pretty much a noob. There's a high chance I will be apart of the virgin club at 25 years old, possibly even older.

 

The problem is, when I start dating, I don't know whether I should tell a girl i'm a virgin or not.

 

If I tell a girl i'm a virgin, she might understand and realize i'm going to suck at first. But she might be turned off at the fact that i'm a total noob and not want to continue dating me. But if I go ahead and keep my virginity a secret and try faking my skillz, she might realize I suck and have no idea what i'm doing and dump me anyways.

 

 

Should I tell a girl i'm a virgin or not?

 

 

 

Older but in the same boat and like you I have asked myself this question. I think if you don't there will be issues and if you do there will be issues so my advice throw a coin and then decide.

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If she asks, yes. Or if things don’t go smoothly during the first time then mention it. Otherwise be confident and take things as they come.. no need to declare it until or unless relevant.

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Being a virgin doesn't have to mean you are clueless or you'll suck. If you learn the general idea of how to please a woman it will get you headed in the right direction. Of course no two women are exactly alike, however they all have the same buttons, learn those button then it's just a matter of which ones to push at what time and how long. One proven way to somewhat insure you aren't bad is understand sex for women starts long before you ever touch her.

 

As far as telling, well I don't think you should say "hello my name is virgin" but it should be fairly early in the process.

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healing light

I am a woman but was an older virgin until recently (at 32) purely out of circumstantial reasons. So, that being said, I didn't rush into confessions with my boyfriend. I told him when he asked about being exclusive because I felt he had the right to know, but before that I just flowed with the dates and enjoyed getting to know him in a light-hearted way. And against some of my close friends' advice and my sister's advice, I knew I wasn't going to hide it from him.

 

I wasn't completely sexually inexperienced (I had had boyfriends when I dated in high school and freshman year of college), but I did have older male friends who were virgins. One was 28 before he lost his virginity--and he was exceptionally socially inept, so no explanation needed there (now married)--and another one of my friends was deployed in war for many years on multiple deployments. He is now engaged to the woman that he lost his virginity to in his 30s. So, know you're not alone--and that there are women that will not only take your virginity, but be grateful for it and possibly even marry you. :)

 

I had always desired men with less sexual experience even when I was in my late teens and early 20s. I gave up on that hope as I got older since I knew it was unrealistic. I had a couple of other friends who felt the same way.

 

So, my advice to you is to enjoy getting to know the women. Tell them when it feels right to you or if they ask. But don't rush to offer the information on the first date and don't rush on the physical aspect if you're not comfortable. Some women will find it endearing--don't assume this means you suck and that all women universally find lack of experience to be a negative thing, because that simply isn't true. You're still in your early 20s and even though that may feel like a weight on your shoulders, when I was the same age I knew many other guys in your situation, not just a handful.

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healing light
Being a virgin doesn't have to mean you are clueless or you'll suck. If you learn the general idea of how to please a woman it will get you headed in the right direction. Of course no two women are exactly alike, however they all have the same buttons, learn those button then it's just a matter of which ones to push at what time and how long. One proven way to somewhat insure you aren't bad is understand sex for women starts long before you ever touch her

 

Also, this ^^. The first time I slept with my boyfriend, he was blown away and told me that was the best sex he had ever had--and he had been with a dozen women before me. So, don't assume that because it's your first time you'll be completely awful.

 

It does start for women before the sex ever happens. If you're caring, attentive, considerate of her needs, respectful, etc. I'm sure she will be much more eager to accommodate your lack of experience than if you weren't. Additionally, every time with a new partner is a learning curve for both parties--you don't know each other's bodies yet, your likes and dislikes. And just because someone is experienced also doesn't mean that they're necessarily good in bed, so don't assume you're automatically worse than any other guy.

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IMO, when you start dating, get to know them. I sure wouldn't say, first thing on the first date, "Hey, I'm a vrigin!" Let the relationship grow organically and, if/when it comes to sex, you can tell her then. She might be charmed! It might be a turn on for her!

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If you try and bluff your way through your clumsiness will come across as selfishness and insensitivity. Good way for her to next you.

 

Trust me. Been there. Done that.

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Guitar Guy

 

Do not announce your status. That's just creepy.

 

Again, most women will be able to figure out that you are not Mr. Suave. There is no need to attach awkward words to it Talking about it will make everything worse.

 

Be yourself. Use your sense of humor to your advantage. Do ask your sister for introductions. Also ask your buddies' GFs to fix you up.

 

It's like your job hunt . . . it will take a while. Be patient but it will happen. Meanwhile put your best foot forward.

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Cookiesandough

I’m not that experienced myself, so an inexperienced guy wouldn’t bother me. In in fact if I thought he was attractive and he was inhibited/didn’t have some hang ups , it would probably even make him more attractive to me. Sex is kind of an instinct and not incredibly hard to pick up, I don’t think. It’s more like rhythm or dancing than playing an instrument.

 

I’d prefer he just go with the flow and not make a big deal about it

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Sex is kind of an instinct and not incredibly hard to pick up, I don’t think. It’s more like rhythm or dancing than playing an instrument.

 

Haha not in my experience. The first few times I had to be guided by my gf. Kept poking in the wrong places :laugh:

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I had it good when it came to learning sex. My gf and I were both virgins when we lost our virginity. Neither of us knew what we were doing when it came to intercourse. Had intercourse total of 3 times before we broke up. The next woman I was with was 29 and divorced and I was 20 and still a student. While I wasn't a virgin, I was still very inexperienced compared to her. She didn't mind. I think she relished the opportunity to "raise me right." And that she did! Had intercourse more times on the first night with her than I did during the entire previous relationship. We were together for 8 years and married for the last 5. Wonderful woman. I think the age difference and my skipping the whole sowing my wild oats thing in my 20s did us in.

Edited by Jj66
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I'm just shy of 30, and I've never even been on a proper date with a girl, let alone done anything remotely physically affectionate. I honestly don't believe I ever will, either, but I do think about it a lot, and this is a subject I sometimes ponder about.

 

Like, obviously you wouldn't just blurt it out randomly with no context on a first date. But I imagine once you've been on a few dates, certain conversations and discussion points start coming up, and... I dunno, I mean, I wouldn't want to lie, but I also feel like the truth would make things horribly awkward. Like, most guys aren't really completely dateless/ "affectionless" at 30+.

 

The thing is, too, if I started dating someone, I think I'd be way too nervous/ skittish about initiating any kind of physical affection or intimacy. Like, I don't know that I'd be able to initiate a first kiss. I'm pretty sure I would not try to initiate sex in any way. So... I don't know how much of a problem that would be, either.

 

I dunno. I guess it doesn't matter much, because these are all just rhetorical scenarios that I'll never actually be in, so...

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OP, perhaps of little consolation but I did date, have sexual relationships with and also married women who self-professed to being quite sexually experienced (numbers of lovers/husbands, etc) and I found no correlation between levels of 'experience' and prowess, or even sensitivity or intuition. More can mean 'better' but the two aren't necessarily correlated. Why? Humans are individuals and process experience and learn differently.

 

From the other end of life my tip to you is the less you dwell on this the less it will matter and, more importantly, take up less of your valuable time and energy when you can otherwise be out enjoying life. Up to you. The choices are yours.

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