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In Search Of... Having a hard time forming friendships or finding companions, lovers, or associates? Is someone pursuing an unwelcome relationship with you? Talk about your experiences here.

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Old 27th January 2018, 12:51 AM   #16
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Why don't you stop "feeling" or assuming you're only capable of those things and make the effort to prove to yourself and others that you're capable of more than that?
Okay, fine, I won't say I "feel". I'm not good at anything. I offer no value, I have no worthwhile skills, abilities, or knowledge to do anything worthwhile. I have no affinities for anything that could be honest into a viable career via education. I don't "feel" that way. It just "is" that way.

Listen, I understand, too, that people have to make due and do what they need to get by. I'm not trying to insult or put down people that have bottom tier jobs. I just... had higher hopes for myself, and having spent a decade being nothing more than a bottom tier retail/ service associate, I'm tired, and I'm beaten down, and I hate myself for only being able to amount to this. I wanted more for myself. I wanted something better for myself.

And again, I'm not expecting some grand dream job, I'm not expecting to "love" my job, I'm not expecting to get rich and famous. I want to be "doing" something. Right now, the work I do isn't "doing" anything. I might as well just be an extra, unnecessary cog in a machine that could function fine without me. What am I getting out of that? Sure, a pay check, but barely enough to actually get by. Beyond that, it's nothing.

I'm not "doing" anything at my job, I'm not making an actual living, there's nothing whatsoever to make the experience worthwhile. I just come home every night frustrated and bummed out.

Like I said, I'm not against returning to school, but I want to have a "plan", so that I don't spend several more years aimlessly taking classes and wasting money. And I don't have a "plan". I have nothing to offer, nor anything to hone.

I'll try out your link tomorrow when I have more free time, but I've taken similar tests online, and often they tell me to do customer service, which is what I'm already doing, and what I hate.
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Old 27th January 2018, 10:46 PM   #17
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Hi Inflikted, thanks for sharing your thoughts on making/lacking connections. Why do you think you were able to connect with that woman but no one else? Was it that you felt relaxed around her, something about her personality? It is hard to gauge interest and terrible to go through a rejection.

Career wise, what would make a career satisfying to you? While returning to school could help, I would work on moving up in the ranks in the meantime. You seem very discontent to be at the lower ranks. Do you think you would get more satisfaction if you were higher up in your current industry? Are there any opportunities to progress into supervisory positions? Even if it is just a tiny step up, it can help a great deal to have a change and more responsibility. While imo retail is tedious at times, I was so proud of my entry role and my store, and gained so many skills from it that I didn’t get from school or anywhere else. I would have been stuffed without it. Don’t be too hung up on the low tier thing, make the most of it and climb your way up.
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Old 27th January 2018, 11:52 PM   #18
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Why do you think you were able to connect with that woman but no one else? Was it that you felt relaxed around her, something about her personality?
I dunno. It seemed like she and I were very like-minded with the way we perceived things, and the values we held. It just really felt like it fit, like it made sense.

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Career wise, what would make a career satisfying to you? While returning to school could help, I would work on moving up in the ranks in the meantime. You seem very discontent to be at the lower ranks. Do you think you would get more satisfaction if you were higher up in your current industry?
Not at all. I *hate* retail/ service, and if/ when I truly hit rock bottom, I could see myself straight up quitting my job because I want out badly. I have no interest whatsoever in supervisor roles, management roles, or anything like that. I don't want to "manage", I want to "do".

As far as satisfaction goes, I want to feel like I'm "doing" something. I want to be care about what I do and the effort I put into it, rather than just feeling indifferent and apathetic. I don't want to sigh as I get ready for work and feel unhappy going into it every single day. I don't want to come home from work every single night wishing I could quit my job.
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Old 28th January 2018, 1:40 PM   #19
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I'm not "doing" anything at my job, I'm not making an actual living, there's nothing whatsoever to make the experience worthwhile. I just come home every night frustrated and bummed out.
Still, having the pride of "doing" something you deem worthwhile is a luxury. There are countless cashiers and customer service people everywhere. It's understood that you might not receive a healthy dose of pride along with your check. But if you have that job, you realize you need it more than your pride. I understand the desire to do something meaningful, and I know this sounds harsh, but you sound spoiled. The world isn't perfect. You should be thankful you at least have a job and aren't starving to death, not complaining that the job you do have doesn't fulfill you enough. There are a billion+ people in the world who would die to have a reliable source of income, regardless of how they felt about it. I'm not saying your concerns are invalid, I'm just suggesting you put them into perspective. You're fed and sheltered. Everything else is a luxury in context.

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Like I said, I'm not against returning to school, but I want to have a "plan", so that I don't spend several more years aimlessly taking classes and wasting money.
So do you have a plan? And if not, do you have a plan to make a plan, and if so, what is it, and if not, what's stopping you from having one, what's the consequence of delaying it further, and are you ok with that alternative?

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And I don't have a "plan". I have nothing to offer, nor anything to hone.
So if you realistically believe this, shouldn't you be happy to have your current job? Wouldn't entering some field in which you didn't feel qualified be akin to, as you described in your first post of the thread, dating someone without being qualified or worthwhile to do so, which would be unpleasant?

1). If you actually, truly, believe that you can't fill the position, and there's no other hope for you, aren't you basically just complaining that life isn't fair? If so, then yes, I'm sorry. All I can do is try to put things into perspective to help you feel better. I don't know what else to tell you.

2). If this is some kind of false modesty and you deep down believe you actually might have some capabilities, then you need to go explore and refine them now before it's too late. Time and energy from posters here is finite. There's only so many ways of saying "You can do it, Inflikted, we believe in you!" A horse can be lead to water but can't be made to drink. No one here is going to force the water down your throat. At the end of the day, you need to take some progressive action or stop complaining.

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I'll try out your link tomorrow when I have more free time, but I've taken similar tests online, and often they tell me to do customer service, which is what I'm already doing, and what I hate.
So stop complaining and try hard to do something to prove the test wrong, or accept it as your fate. Stop using "feelings" as an excuse not to do things you deem necessary. Feelings are a luxury.
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Old 28th January 2018, 3:54 PM   #20
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Still, having the pride of "doing" something you deem worthwhile is a luxury. There are countless cashiers and customer service people everywhere. It's understood that you might not receive a healthy dose of pride along with your check. But if you have that job, you realize you need it more than your pride. I understand the desire to do something meaningful, and I know this sounds harsh, but you sound spoiled. The world isn't perfect. You should be thankful you at least have a job and aren't starving to death, not complaining that the job you do have doesn't fulfill you enough. There are a billion+ people in the world who would die to have a reliable source of income, regardless of how they felt about it. I'm not saying your concerns are invalid, I'm just suggesting you put them into perspective. You're fed and sheltered. Everything else is a luxury in context.



So do you have a plan? And if not, do you have a plan to make a plan, and if so, what is it, and if not, what's stopping you from having one, what's the consequence of delaying it further, and are you ok with that alternative?



So if you realistically believe this, shouldn't you be happy to have your current job? Wouldn't entering some field in which you didn't feel qualified be akin to, as you described in your first post of the thread, dating someone without being qualified or worthwhile to do so, which would be unpleasant?

1). If you actually, truly, believe that you can't fill the position, and there's no other hope for you, aren't you basically just complaining that life isn't fair? If so, then yes, I'm sorry. All I can do is try to put things into perspective to help you feel better. I don't know what else to tell you.

2). If this is some kind of false modesty and you deep down believe you actually might have some capabilities, then you need to go explore and refine them now before it's too late. Time and energy from posters here is finite. There's only so many ways of saying "You can do it, Inflikted, we believe in you!" A horse can be lead to water but can't be made to drink. No one here is going to force the water down your throat. At the end of the day, you need to take some progressive action or stop complaining.



So stop complaining and try hard to do something to prove the test wrong, or accept it as your fate. Stop using "feelings" as an excuse not to do things you deem necessary. Feelings are a luxury.


I agree with a lot of this, if you cant think well of yourself, how do you convince someone else that you are the person they want to spend time with?


Dating is selling, pure and simply, sell yourself better and you get better results. I have never ever met a salesperson who struggles to get dates, simply because they are better at selling.


As hard as it is you need to see something positive in life and enjoy that. Everything is about balance, like you I have very little to offer dates from a personality point of view because the consensus seems to be that I am boring but that does not stop me enjoying things I enjoy.


Its what you make of it, last night I was at a party full of pretty people but none appealed to me and I appealed to none of them but that ok, you cant always live in the negative. You accomplish nothing that way. Tomorrow I have a mega meeting, the outcome could be seriously materially beneficial to me and you know what I am more excited about that meeting than 99% of the dates I have been on.


Stop putting yourself down and get up. Nobody else will do that, they will encourage you but only you can make that step.


One thing that will amaze you, there are good people around and you can get a heck of a lot of very good what I call unintended support from them, be it a smile.


Find something that rewards you mentally, for me its work and the many things I juggle and the inherent challenge that presents. Everyone should have a reason to want to see the next day and you need to find yours.


Mine this simple motto: trying to make the seemingly impossible, possible.

Last edited by ZA Dater; 28th January 2018 at 3:57 PM..
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Old 29th January 2018, 1:18 PM   #21
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Take this test and report back with the results: https://www.careerfitter.com/
Okay, so I did this, and this is the report it gave me back:

Quote:
Your career test results have been calculated from decades of scientific research, test studies, and professional evaluation. Your results indicate you are extremely dependable and have excellent organizational skills at work. You typically come very prepared and you like to be thorough with your work projects.

You have excellent concentration and you can be counted on to meet your commitments and deadlines. When you are working in a career you enjoy, you take pride in your work and you take your work very seriously. However, your efforts and hard work may go unnoticed because you typically do not like to promote yourself. This is not a weakness but it provides insight into your optimal management style at work.

You desire precision and accuracy. You are more comfortable and optimized when your career has established routines and procedures and utilizes your stability and focus. You work very well alone and prefer to socialize when the job is done.

You are truly wired for leadership. Your commitment to productivity and accountability makes you a valued employee. Companies will benefit from your pursuit of excellence and exceptional organizational skills.

One career that fits you best paid an average salary of $128,230 last year. Our scientific research calculated your results against the research of successful working career professionals like you and discovered 31 specific careers in 6 career fields that fit you best.
In hindsight, I don't know why I thought it might give me some possible career options for free, but that's behind the pay wall, and I don't really have an interest in paying a website I'm unfamiliar with for this. I don't really know how to interpret this report otherwise. Although I'd very much disagree with the line that says "You are truly wired for leadership". I'm the furthest thing from a "leader", and I have absolutely no desire to "lead" or "manage".

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I understand the desire to do something meaningful, and I know this sounds harsh, but you sound spoiled.
The sheer fact that you say I'm "spoiled" makes me thing you've misunderstood my thoughts and feelings on the matter. Allow me to try to clarify things.

I'm not insincere to the fact that there are people in other places and other countries that are worse off and have less than I do. But that's not my reality. Yes, perhaps as an American, I take a lot of things for granted, but the culture I live in says that I should be doing more, I should be making something greater of myself, I should be aspiring to bigger and better things.

My reality is that I'm almost 30, and I work a job that a well-mannered high schooler could do. A job that I don't just dislike, but a job I actively hate, a job that makes me miserable every single day. I barely make any money, I live paycheck to paycheck, and even then, I still don't have enough money to afford a place to live, heck, for me a meal is usually a bag of chips, or a cheap frozen dinner at best. Do I still "have it better" than people elsewhere? Sure, yes, whatever. I understand that. But for someone in my position, that's pretty much bottom tier. Am I going to be a 50, 60 year old cashier, miserable about my job every single day, who's still living on small snacks and cheap TV dinners, living god knows where? That's not the life I want.

Every single day, I deal with customers who have so much more going on in their lives than I ever will. It's hard not to notice and feel like I'm on the outside looking in. People have careers, people have something they're good at that drives them forward, people have significant others and families, people travel and see the world. What do I have in comparison?

Every now and again, I look up old classmates and acquaintances to see what they're up to. And I always end up feeling bad about myself in comparison. Heck, even this kid who I went to grade school with who was a total burn out has done some cool stuff; he played in a band for a while, which while it probably wasn't profitable or a sustainable career, he got to do something cool and maybe make a small paycheck from it, and will probably remember that experience for the rest of his life. I haven't looked him up in a while, but last time I looked, he was doing some IT stuff and doing okay for himself.

The closest thing I had to a friend through grade school and some of high school, he's an engineer, he's got a good job, he's married, has a home, occasionally travels on vacation to some neat places. He's come in to my work a few times and we chat a little, and I always feel embarrassed and almost ashamed of myself when I talk to him.

All of my coworkers have their own homes, have a significant other. A couple years ago, my assistant manager vacationed in Hawaii with her fiance. Recently, my main manager vacationed somewhere and went diving with her family. Me, I've never taken a vacation in my life, I've never traveled anywhere because I don't have the money or time to do so. And don't get me wrong, I'm not necessarily "complaining" about not being able to do that kind of thing. It's just... hard to constantly have all these people around me that have so much more going on and so much more to drive them forward, reminding me of what I don't have.

And in case you're wondering, no, I'm not "entitled", I don't expect life to be "easy", and I've never wanted nor expected to be "handed" or "given" anything. I WANT to "work" for things. I WANT to earn things by working hard. I WANT a challenge that I can realistically complete. Heck, that's part of where my frustration comes in, because in my current situation, there's no "challenge", there's no potential for upward movement or advancement (again, I have no interest whatsoever in management or corporate stuff), I don't really feel like I'm "working hard" to earn anything. I'm just stuck in this draining grind, and there's absolutely nothing to actually look forward to or work towards.

At the end of the day, I'm essentially a complete and utter waste. I'm basically right near the bottom tier of the society I live in, I'm a completely expendable unnecessary person that could easily be replaced in a job that a teenager could do, I don't make enough money to have a normal adult life, and I'm in a dead end position where there's no real hope for advancement because of how untalented, unskilled, and useless I am.

Sure, I'm "surviving", I'm getting by. But what's even the point? I'm destined to be an absolute failure. Hell, at this point, I'd be happier if a car crashed through my wall right now and put me out of my misery.
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Old 29th January 2018, 3:31 PM   #22
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Okay, so I did this, and this is the report it gave me back:

In hindsight, I don't know why I thought it might give me some possible career options for free, but that's behind the pay wall, and I don't really have an interest in paying a website I'm unfamiliar with for this. I don't really know how to interpret this report otherwise. Although I'd very much disagree with the line that says "You are truly wired for leadership". I'm the furthest thing from a "leader", and I have absolutely no desire to "lead" or "manage".
Well, the website could just be something of a scam to present you with promising results to get you to pay for the specifics. In which case, I apologize. I didn't think of that. But I'm sure there are free ones out there somewhere.

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The sheer fact that you say I'm "spoiled" makes me thing you've misunderstood my thoughts and feelings on the matter. Allow me to try to clarify things.

I'm not insincere to the fact that there are people in other places and other countries that are worse off and have less than I do. But that's not my reality. Yes, perhaps as an American, I take a lot of things for granted, but the culture I live in says that I should be doing more, I should be making something greater of myself, I should be aspiring to bigger and better things.
Everyone's problems are relative, I'll give you that. But you do also have to put your relative problems in the macro context.

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My reality is that I'm almost 30, and I work a job that a well-mannered high schooler could do. A job that I don't just dislike, but a job I actively hate, a job that makes me miserable every single day. I barely make any money, I live paycheck to paycheck, and even then, I still don't have enough money to afford a place to live, heck, for me a meal is usually a bag of chips, or a cheap frozen dinner at best. Do I still "have it better" than people elsewhere? Sure, yes, whatever. I understand that. But for someone in my position, that's pretty much bottom tier.
I understand, but the problem isn't really that you dislike your job, or that you sound spoiled. It's that you don't do anything to change it because you don't "feel" good enough about anything else. At the end of the day, you don't hate your job enough to spur you to action. You're just using your feelings to justify inaction.

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Am I going to be a 50, 60 year old cashier, miserable about my job every single day, who's still living on small snacks and cheap TV dinners, living god knows where? That's not the life I want.
Well, that's what I'm trying to get at. ARE you? Because as much as you seem to hate it, you seem resistant to any path that might lead you elsewhere because you don't "feel" good about it. As it stands now, you'd rather have the job you definitely hate than the uncertainty and one you might not.

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Every single day, I deal with customers who have so much more going on in their lives than I ever will. It's hard not to notice and feel like I'm on the outside looking in. People have careers, people have something they're good at that drives them forward, people have significant others and families, people travel and see the world. What do I have in comparison?
For a lot of people, this would be enough motivation to take action and make changes. But that isn't what you're doing because of your feelings.

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Originally Posted by Inflikted View Post
Every now and again, I look up old classmates and acquaintances to see what they're up to. And I always end up feeling bad about myself in comparison. Heck, even this kid who I went to grade school with who was a total burn out has done some cool stuff; he played in a band for a while, which while it probably wasn't profitable or a sustainable career, he got to do something cool and maybe make a small paycheck from it, and will probably remember that experience for the rest of his life. I haven't looked him up in a while, but last time I looked, he was doing some IT stuff and doing okay for himself.
So if a total burn out can get a job in IT, doing something "meaningful," maybe it's not as hard as you seem to think it is?

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The closest thing I had to a friend through grade school and some of high school, he's an engineer, he's got a good job, he's married, has a home, occasionally travels on vacation to some neat places. He's come in to my work a few times and we chat a little, and I always feel embarrassed and almost ashamed of myself when I talk to him.
Yet not ashamed enough to subvert your feelings enough to try to change.

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All of my coworkers have their own homes, have a significant other. A couple years ago, my assistant manager vacationed in Hawaii with her fiance. Recently, my main manager vacationed somewhere and went diving with her family. Me, I've never taken a vacation in my life, I've never traveled anywhere because I don't have the money or time to do so. And don't get me wrong, I'm not necessarily "complaining" about not being able to do that kind of thing. It's just... hard to constantly have all these people around me that have so much more going on and so much more to drive them forward, reminding me of what I don't have.
But not so hard that to subvert your feelings enough to try to change.

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I WANT to "work" for things. I WANT to earn things by working hard.
But not bad enough to subvert your feelings enough to try to change.

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I WANT a challenge that I can realistically complete.
And what's stopping you from competing again? Oh right, feelings. You only want to change if there's guaranteed satisfaction at the end. Well, if that's the case, I'm afraid you might be waiting a while. Life's a gamble. If your desire isn't strong enough for you to change anything, or you don't want to risk it, it's a moot point because you don't want it bad enough.

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Heck, that's part of where my frustration comes in, because in my current situation, there's no "challenge", there's no potential for upward movement or advancement (again, I have no interest whatsoever in management or corporate stuff), I don't really feel like I'm "working hard" to earn anything. I'm just stuck in this draining grind, and there's absolutely nothing to actually look forward to or work towards.
I understand your frustration.
I don't understand why you accept it and continue down this path if you hate it so much.

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At the end of the day, I'm essentially a complete and utter waste. I'm basically right near the bottom tier of the society I live in, I'm a completely expendable unnecessary person that could easily be replaced in a job that a teenager could do, I don't make enough money to have a normal adult life, and I'm in a dead end position where there's no real hope for advancement because of how untalented, unskilled, and useless I am.
Again, I'm sorry to hear that. Are you doing anything to change it? If not, what's your excuse, and why is that excuse justifiable and better than the alternative?

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Originally Posted by Inflikted View Post
Sure, I'm "surviving", I'm getting by. But what's even the point? I'm destined to be an absolute failure. Hell, at this point, I'd be happier if a car crashed through my wall right now and put me out of my misery.
Sounds like you should seek professional help as well.
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Old 29th January 2018, 4:22 PM   #23
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For a lot of people, this would be enough motivation to take action and make changes. But that isn't what you're doing because of your feelings.
The point I'm trying to make is that you're taking this "feelings" thing out of context.

I'm not "afraid to take risks", I'm not "afraid to leave my comfort zone", I'm not purposely holding myself back from doing something specific to improve my life. I don't "feel" like it's easier or safer to stay stuck in my current position.

I fully understand and agree that the power to change my life all rests with me. I get that. The problem, in essence, is that I simply don't know how to wield that "power".

People make choices and make life decisions, and pursue things, because they have an affinity or inclination towards that thing. If someone wants to be a teacher, they'll learn how to be a teacher and pursue that. If someone wants to be a computer programmer, they'll learn how to be a computer programmer and do that.

Me, I know I want to be "something", but I don't know what. And when I don't know what my "destination" is, I can't fathom how to get there. That bothers me. Believe me, I put immense pressure on myself to try to answer this question, and I just can't ever come up with anything. And that eats away at me. It frustrates me, it makes me hate myself a little bit. I lie awake in bed at night wracking my brain and losing sleep and putting pressure on myself, and I can't come up with a single damn thing.
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Old 29th January 2018, 5:09 PM   #24
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The point I'm trying to make is that you're taking this "feelings" thing out of context.

I'm not "afraid to take risks", I'm not "afraid to leave my comfort zone", I'm not purposely holding myself back from doing something specific to improve my life. I don't "feel" like it's easier or safer to stay stuck in my current position.
I disagree in with this, because in the past I have pleaded with you to do ANYTHING adventurous. Get in your car and go on an impromptu road trip for example. But you gave lists of reasons why it wouldn't be a good idea. Most of which, when you drill down on them were a fear of failure, and a lack of any faith in yourself to problem solve and be self sufficient.

Your comfort zone is where you stay.

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Originally Posted by Inflikted;7525260I fully understand and agree that the power to change my life all rests with me. I get that. The problem, in essence, is that I simply don't know how to wield that "power".

People make choices and make life decisions, and pursue things, because they have an affinity or inclination towards that thing. If someone wants to be a teacher, they'll learn how to be a teacher and pursue that. If someone wants to be a computer programmer, they'll learn how to be a computer programmer and do that.

Me, I know I want to be [B
"something",[/B]but I don't know what. And when I don't know what my "destination" is, I can't fathom how to get there. That bothers me. Believe me, I put immense pressure on myself to try to answer this question, and I just can't ever come up with anything. And that eats away at me. It frustrates me, it makes me hate myself a little bit. I lie awake in bed at night wracking my brain and losing sleep and putting pressure on myself, and I can't come up with a single damn thing.

I am going to do some more poking you with a stick.

You know, not everyone has some dream career in mind that they then go pursue. There are thousands of us, no, millions of us that have fallen into various career paths that we may not have imagined, but have followed out of necessity.

I work in commercial / industrial title insurance. I can assure you, NO ONE in high school thinks, I know what I want to be when I grow up! A high liability commercial title insurance underwriter!

Yet, that is what I am, and I really enjoy my work, and better yet, it pays the bills.

In this industry we joke about it. "So, how did you end up in title insurance?"

Some are attorneys and simply found their niche. Some (many) started at some entry level position in the industry and worked their way up.

That is my story. I graduated college, my parents were not one to coddle me, and I was expected to find housing, work, and support myself as soon as I walked during that graduation ceremony.

I was DESPERATE for work - because living isn't free, and mommy and daddy were not going to coddle me. So I started taking positions through a temp agency, found an assignment with a good company, and decided this was work I could do, and worked hard to prove myself.

That was 16 years ago, 5 promotions, and now I make a very good income.

I can't tell you how many stories are like mine.

Did I set out to work in this industry? Nope.

You know what that "something" should be? An independent, capable adult who can pay all of his own bills, put a roof over his head, and food in his mouth.

The "destination"? A career where you can hustle, prove yourself, and work your way up.

But I don't you are hungry enough. I don't think you have enough pressure to really extend yourself out of your comfort zone and HUSTLE.

You have a roof over your head, food on the table, no impending doom if you do not make more money next week.

I tell ya, the prospect of being homeless, or having a hungry kid is a real motivator. I don't know what your's will be.
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Old 29th January 2018, 7:23 PM   #25
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I fully understand and agree that the power to change my life all rests with me. I get that. The problem, in essence, is that I simply don't know how to wield that "power".

People make choices and make life decisions, and pursue things, because they have an affinity or inclination towards that thing. If someone wants to be a teacher, they'll learn how to be a teacher and pursue that. If someone wants to be a computer programmer, they'll learn how to be a computer programmer and do that.
If someone who isn't a teacher wants to be a teacher, they make the decision to learn to become a teacher and do that.

If someone who isn't a computer programmer wants to be a computer programmer, they make the decision to learn to be a computer programmer and do that.

You're talking out of both sides of your mouth. You're focusing on a granular degree of specificity in this issue rather than the important one: people who wanted something more than what they had went and got it. The "thing" they wanted is irrelevant. What is relevant is that they, like you, weren't satisfied just with what they had, then didn't waste years fretting and saying that they didn't know what else they wanted, and used that as an excuse not to go after what they want. Time isn't on your side. You don't have the luxury to sit around and wait for the idea to just come to you. You need to pick a path imminently. You also don't really have the luxury of being too picky about what the upgrade is. I say if it provides you with some meaning, purpose, and the ability to sustain yourself without hating it, it's a better job than a lot of people have and you should perhaps be thankful you have it.


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Originally Posted by Inflikted View Post
Me, I know I want to be "something", but I don't know what.
Your feelings are still holding you back. You want to feel good about the thing you do. Which is a normal desire. But I also think it's a luxury for a lot of people.

How much of your life are you going to waste using this as an excuse? If you can get on a path to any kind of an upgrade, you should be thankful, in my opinion. Answer this: which is worse, picking the path that isn't necessarily perfect but still a satisfying upgrade (the most likely outcome, I think), or never picking a path, staying in your current life forever, and living with the regret?

If I were you, assuming I couldn't find something that made me "feel" good, I'd quickly move on and try to find the next best thing -- something that didn't necessarily satisfy me totally, but didn't destroy my soul or make me feel bad either. Something tolerable that could afford me to enjoy other aspects of my life.
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Old 29th January 2018, 11:39 PM   #26
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You know, not everyone has some dream career in mind that they then go pursue. There are thousands of us, no, millions of us that have fallen into various career paths that we may not have imagined, but have followed out of necessity.

I work in commercial / industrial title insurance. I can assure you, NO ONE in high school thinks, I know what I want to be when I grow up! A high liability commercial title insurance underwriter!
I'm not saying that. I'm saying that most people have some specific thing that they pursue or aspire to get to. Whether they necessarily end up in their dream job, they end up on a path to what they end up doing. I'm sure when you went to college, you eventually figured out a major you wanted to pursue, and you did so. Maybe it didn't directly lead you to your career, but it helped get you on the right track to it.

I maintain that I'm not "afraid" of failure or coming out of my comfort zone. Rather, I find motivation in specific goals. I don't have the mind to think about and look at things in a more abstract conceptual way. I find motivation in having a specific goal. Without something specific to drive me, I have no interest or motivation.

For instance, in the case of school, I want to go into it with a plan for a major that I can commit to and finish, because I don't want to end up aimlessly taking classes and wasting time plus money.

That's just what motivates me and what drives me. I can't find drive or motivation without something specific that I can work towards.

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Your feelings are still holding you back. You want to feel good about the thing you do. Which is a normal desire. But I also think it's a luxury for a lot of people.
That's the thing, you keep saying I want to "feel good" about what I do, and you're putting too much emphasis on that. I'm not expecting to have a job that I jump out of bed every morning ready to go to. I just want something that I can actually do, that provides a reasonable but doable challenge for me. Honestly, it's much more accurate to say that I want a job I don't absolutely hate and feel miserable about, rather than a job I actively "feel good" about.
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Old 30th January 2018, 1:42 AM   #27
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Despite what you may think, it sounds like you are articulate and have more potential than you give yourself credit for.

If you don't know what direction to go in yet, perhaps it would be better to start off by taking small steps and use the skills you already have to start making some changes.

For example, if you have experience in customer service and have a basic understanding of using computers then you could try looking for work as a call center operator. There are so many industries that require a help desk, you could gain experience in all sorts of areas, such as banking, hospitality & tourism, government, and IT. It would certainly make a change from face to face customer service, and it will also pay will be much better and give you additional skills and experience.

My other suggestion is to look for volunteer opportunities in your area that you think might be interesting or positive experiences for you. You could try anything you like. Not only will you be able to help support a cause that will make you feel like you have done something worthwhile with your time and make good about yourself, but it will also help you discover more about what you like and feel passionate about, at slow pace with little risk involved.

It may not appeal to you, but I would encourage you to look up volunteering where you live and just have a look. Anything that can bring you a feeling of self worth and meaning is a good thing.

Just take small steps until you feel ready to make big ones, and try not to compare yourself so harshly with others. Everyone has a different journey in life, and some take a more unconventional path, whether through choice or circumstances.

Don't give up.
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Old 30th January 2018, 11:19 AM   #28
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Originally Posted by Inflikted View Post
That's the thing, you keep saying I want to "feel good" about what I do, and you're putting too much emphasis on that. I'm not expecting to have a job that I jump out of bed every morning ready to go to. I just want something that I can actually do, that provides a reasonable but doable challenge for me. Honestly, it's much more accurate to say that I want a job I don't absolutely hate and feel miserable about, rather than a job I actively "feel good" about.
Semantics.

Even so, it shouldn't be that hard to get a job you don't absolutely hate. Either way you're still making excuses as to why you can't get one, or do what you need to do to get one. What's stopping you? You can't figure out what that job is? You don't feel like you have an affinity for anything? This is what I mean by "feelings."

You want something else, but you're going to waste an extraordinary amount of time not doing it for some relatively innocuous reason. You can get a job you don't absolutely hate without too much effort. It shouldn't be a months or years long process. If the only real criteria is that you don't hate it, then this all sounds a bit dramatic, don't you think?
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Old 30th January 2018, 12:02 PM   #29
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It's all excuses.

You are more intelligent, articulate and dare I say probably even capable than the average block.

You talk yourself out of everything.

Like I said - specific goal? For a man your age? Should be moving out of the house and cutting the umbilical cord with Mommy.

A better paying job would facilitate that.

But.... You don't want that. It's scary, so you stay, you flounder, you are stuck and not progressing in life.

Like I said before you are both HUNGRY for it. There is no hustle.

You can talk the same circles for years, and nothing will change until YOU make a first step.
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Old 30th January 2018, 2:03 PM   #30
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Semantics.

Even so, it shouldn't be that hard to get a job you don't absolutely hate. Either way you're still making excuses as to why you can't get one, or do what you need to do to get one. What's stopping you? You can't figure out what that job is? You don't feel like you have an affinity for anything? This is what I mean by "feelings."

You want something else, but you're going to waste an extraordinary amount of time not doing it for some relatively innocuous reason. You can get a job you don't absolutely hate without too much effort. It shouldn't be a months or years long process. If the only real criteria is that you don't hate it, then this all sounds a bit dramatic, don't you think?
But I don't really see how that's an "excuse". If you want to get and keep a job, you have to be able to perform the required duties. And in most cases, in order to even GET a job, you have to demonstrate to the employer that you know how to do this and have some kind of relevant experience. There's nothing that I'm "good" at, there's nothing that I have experience in to demonstrate my skills, nor do I have the "charisma" to lie my ass off and "fake it til I make it" to an employer.

To me, an "excuse" would be "I CAN do this thing, but I won't, because reasons!". It's not like there's some thing that I can pursue that I'm just refusing to pursue "just because". I'm not good at anything. I have no skills. I have no experience. I have no specific knowledge. I legitimately have no idea what I could reasonably pursue and excel at. I'm not just lounging around refusing to do a thing. I don't know what I can do. I don't know why this is a hard concept for some of you to understand.

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I said - specific goal? For a man your age? Should be moving out of the house and cutting the umbilical cord with Mommy.

A better paying job would facilitate that.

But.... You don't want that. It's scary, so you stay, you flounder, you are stuck and not progressing in life.
Yes, getting a better job and being able to live on my own is a goal of mine. But again, as far as jobs go, I DON'T KNOW WHAT I CAN DO. You guys keep acting like there's a blatantly specific job or career I should be pursuing that I'm just not going after.

I'm sorry that I'm getting agitated, here, but it just feels like you guys aren't understanding me. "You're lazy, you're scared, you're afraid of failure, you don't want to take risks. Just go do it!". GO DO WHAT? In order to be able to move out, I need a better job that pays more. In order to get a better job that pays more, I need to be able to qualify for said job and convince an employer as such as well. How can I do that when there's nothing I can do that's worth a damn for anything that would be a better, higher paying job?
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