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Does persistence mean real love?


In Search Of... Having a hard time forming friendships or finding companions, lovers, or associates? Is someone pursuing an unwelcome relationship with you? Talk about your experiences here.

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Old 17th January 2018, 11:26 PM   #31
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Keep him blocked...

Keep him blocked...

You know, one of my rules in later life that has served me so, so well, is the following:

Women, men in your case, get one and only one chance. ONLY ONE.

Life is too short to let yourself get sucked into something like this. So what if he can get laid, or whatever.

What he did was crazy, and you never, ever want crazy.

One of the best things about my new GF is that she is not crazy. Oh, she is beautiful, sexy, has a wonderful heart, but most of all, she is not crazy.

Stay away from all crazy people as best as you can....
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Old 17th January 2018, 11:34 PM   #32
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I used to, but I found that I suck at it. The fishing method works so much better for me, which is why I advise most men to try it.
Fishing method? Please explain.
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Old 17th January 2018, 11:41 PM   #33
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Fishing method? Please explain.
I don't chase women, ever. I just put my bait out there and watch for a bite. The key to that is to make sure the bait (you) attract attention and to actually cast your line. Once you know what to look for, it's pretty easy to know which women are interested. I only concern myself with those women.
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Old 17th January 2018, 11:51 PM   #34
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Originally Posted by Cookiesandough View Post

I've been reading a lot of articles from google. I read some that said men fall in love faster a lot of times, especially when they have just exited a relationship or they are looking for relationship. They tend to know what traits they're looking for. I also saw that love at first sight can even be real. It's a weird mixture of chemicals going off in your brain.
Don't believe everything you read online. What a load of bull.
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Old 17th January 2018, 11:59 PM   #35
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Originally Posted by enigma32 View Post
I don't chase women, ever. I just put my bait out there and watch for a bite. The key to that is to make sure the bait (you) attract attention and to actually cast your line. Once you know what to look for, it's pretty easy to know which women are interested. I only concern myself with those women.
Ah. I see.

My strategy is much the same. However, you do have to go where the fish are and use a specific strategy if you want a certain type of fish. You canít fish in a parking lot. Well, you can but .... And if I want a certain species, Iím not beyond doing whatever it takes to attract that species. Some might consider that chasing. May take persistence to be successful.

Iím not too proud to admit only being open to a select group of women. And not giving up easily when I know what I want. So, I will approach. And I will persist. Within reason.

Iíve found that targeted approaches and persistence in certain situations can be very effective.

Of course, that always requires someone liking what I have to offer and willfully choosing ... me.
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Old 18th January 2018, 12:11 AM   #36
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Ah. I see.

My strategy is much the same. However, you do have to go where the fish are and use a specific strategy if you want a certain type of fish. You canít fish in a parking lot. Well, you can but .... And if I want a certain species, Iím not beyond doing whatever it takes to attract that species. Some might consider that chasing. May take persistence to be successful.

Iím not too proud to admit only being open to a select group of women. And not giving up easily when I know what I want. So, I will approach. And I will persist. Within reason.

Iíve found that targeted approaches and persistence in certain situations can be very effective.

Of course, that always requires someone liking what I have to offer and willfully choosing ... me.
Yeah, I don't do any of that. I was able to get a few dates from actively pursuing one girl, but I failed more often than I succeeded. For me at least, if I had to be persistent, she wasn't all that interested to begin with. Now, unless a woman already shows interest in some way, she isn't even a blip on my dating radar. If I catch 5 women showing interest, I figure out which one I want to date and then reel her in.

All of my actual work in dating is done behind the scenes. I have a couple decent vehicles. I work enough to have money to take a girl out. Even though I am currently very out of shape, I still lift weights. Women seem to dig strong guys with big arms, even if they have a bit of a belly. If I was single, I would put much more work into myself just to make sure prettier girls would become available.

The most actual chasing I do is, if I see a girl that interests me, I will try my best to make sure I see her again. Ladies usually have to talk to me a few times before they are interested. I am not good looking enough for them to immediately throw themselves at me like they do some guys.
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Old 18th January 2018, 8:12 AM   #37
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Ya know, Cookies, I've experienced enough rejection to MAYBE feel some sympathy for this guy. So here I am back at your OP doing some 'analysis' to synthesize an opinion if there is any way he deserves a second at bat ...
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cookiesandough View Post
he sent around 30 texts in row saying he knows I still want it
OMG - bat**** crazy. 'Want it'?
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Originally Posted by Cookiesandough View Post
I received 3 mysterious phone calls I didn't answer and 3 text message screenshots via the app we met on of a conversation he had with his friend. He is telling him how he messed up by overtexting me, he tends to do that when he's excited about a person and nothing makes him go crazy like being ignored. His friend said that's a classic mistake. He also wrote that he possibly lost half of his employees. at his job. His friend extended his condolences. He said to his friend "yeah but ****ing things up with [my name] was just too much for me to handle yesterday and i had a meltdown"
Could easily be staged with the help of the friend. Friend says YOU are the one who had the meltdown? Blame the victim? Both of these guys are now maxing out my creep meter and I'm a guy ferchrisakes.
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Originally Posted by Cookiesandough View Post
Then after those screenshots were sent, he wrote it was the worst day of his life and he barely managed to sleep.
Exaggeration (the worst day? Because a woman who 'wanted it' didn't put out?) = immaturity.
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Originally Posted by Cookiesandough View Post
He said please have do-over and this cannot seriously be the end can it?
Oh. And now the woman doesn't get to decide when the end is? Creep meter is now broken. I'm doing this editing in sequence. I just want to look ahead now to read what you might have written about what reason you might have to allow that second at bat.
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Originally Posted by Cookiesandough View Post
why is he acting so desperate if there really wasn't a connection? Why is he so adamant about there being a connection?
Cynical me has to ask 'You think just maybe he's a playah who just wants to take one more scalp, one he can brag to his friend(s) about how he's such a PUA that he beat your resistance?'.
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Originally Posted by Cookiesandough View Post
I can't believe I'm saying this, but he's still pretty attractive to me. I could probably still be attracted to him if he is honest when he says he will stop being this way. I was really attracted at one point.
Two pairs of gonads crying out to each other? Been there, done that. If that's what you want, then take HIS scalp.
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Originally Posted by Cookiesandough View Post

I feel bad for not giving him a shot. I feel guilty. Especially if it's true it was spurred on by possibly losing half his employees. Like maybe this is what I need at this point. I spent so much time running from it and blocking and ignoring people who persisted and it never got me anywhere. I just run in circles. I feel if I skip out on this I'll just be repeating history.... only liking it when people seem unavailable. And afterall, how bad could it be to just keep dating him? It's just a date
I don't see love bombing a woman as a reasonable reaction to losing employees. Whether it's what you need is a whole 'nuther question and totally your call to make. But .... repeating history? Is this guy the type you have broken off with in the past? Thirty texts about how you 'want it' and a vid of a talk with a friend? I hope for your sake you're also attracting guys who are more laid back. Sorry this because a rant. Us self-declared nice guys resent the hell out of playahz, even if they are young enough to be our sons.
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Old 18th January 2018, 12:50 PM   #38
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Yep, I thought this was another con (the ex girlfriend call) but she was real. I spoke to her on the phone and what she said - only someone who was very close to him may know (including the name of the friend where they have been when he assaulted her).

So Cookies - thanks for reading these, I guess you see why I'm a little too cautious with guys Btw one can argue I'm a naive person to fall into his trap: but he had a whole sequence of women, most of them very accomplished and sane-looking. Maybe the fact that he's pretty good looking helps him to queue the next woman to feel off...

For conventionally attractive guys: like any other guys, they can be high maintenance or not. It is not that correlated to their looks, moreso to how they perceive their own looks...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Cookiesandough View Post
No_go, what a nightmare. so it turned it out really to be his ex?

Thank you. I just want to make one last thing clear. When I said his job is "ok not great" I meant that he has a good job, but he is not raking in the money(I won't be making a ton either)I'm not disrespecting his work. That only matters if he is trying to manipulate me into giving him money. I've been panicked so words are not coming out right.

I've never really dated really conventionally attractive guys besides my ex because I have this feeling they are high maintenance and full of themselves. He totally is, but we had a lot in common and he was witty so I thought I'd give it a shot. I made a huge mistake.

You guys helped me a lot. I will go back into my hole now.
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Old 18th January 2018, 2:41 PM   #39
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As a rule of thumb - when you have just met and barely know each other, whatever goes on in their lives is not your responsibility. They managed before meeting you and will manage after meeting you. No matter how infatuated you may be, you are still strangers. If something legitimately bad happens (a close relative dies, house burns down), you can offer support but still you are not their first line of defence, so to speak.
Any kind of ďdramaĒ in such an early stage is a red flag. If not something worse, it shows lack of boundaries and it is not healthy.
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Old 18th January 2018, 4:32 PM   #40
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Honestly? I would see your ideal partner as a steady Eddy. Someone who can make you feel safe and secure. Someone who will have a calming vibe to ying to your nervous energy yang - not this guy.

This guy seems to reflect all the same anxieties etc that you have - look how much he has already negatively affected you.
This, a thousand times.

I have an anxious streak and I can somewhat relate, believe me, this a wise advice. You definitely don’t need “complicated” people and extra stress in your life to add to the anxiety that already has a quite high baseline to begin with but rather a calming presence.
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Old 18th January 2018, 4:52 PM   #41
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This, a thousand times.

I have an anxious streak and I can somewhat relate, believe me, this a wise advice. You definitely donít need ďcomplicatedĒ people and extra stress in your life to add to the anxiety that already has a quite high baseline to begin with but rather a calming presence.
Yes! Recent is very much on point. I can relate to cookies too in being very anxious and the only people that have been able to tame it were the ones with complimentary energy: ones that make me feel safe around them.

This guy, even if he's not a conman (which I think he is) will make Cookies anxiety skyrocket because he's very anxious as well.

Cookies I think indeed you need a guy like this: someone who can buffer your emotional highs and lows, and not stress you out additionally.

After reading this thread: that's my own dating goal as well
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Old 18th January 2018, 4:59 PM   #42
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This, a thousand times.

I have an anxious streak and I can somewhat relate, believe me, this a wise advice. You definitely don’t need “complicated” people and extra stress in your life to add to the anxiety that already has a quite high baseline to begin with but rather a calming presence.
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Originally Posted by No_Go View Post
Yes! Recent is very much on point. I can relate to cookies too in being very anxious and the only people that have been able to tame it were the ones with complimentary energy: ones that make me feel safe around them.

This guy, even if he's not a conman (which I think he is) will make Cookies anxiety skyrocket because he's very anxious as well.

Cookies I think indeed you need a guy like this: someone who can buffer your emotional highs and lows, and not stress you out additionally.

After reading this thread: that's my own dating goal as well
YEP! I know this well.. because I am the steady eddy, and my husband is more prone to being anxious.

I am the calming force "it will all BE FINE - I promise honey!"

I call him "worst case scenario guy" because he tends to worry, and jump to the worst possible scenario. (so we talk those out, and I do my best to dispel them)

While I tend to be exceedingly even keel (been accused of not being emotional enough), and a bit of an optimist. He adds emotion to my life, I add a calming force to his.

You need a ying to your yang Cookies. I think commonalities are very important in a relationship, but so is balance.
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Last edited by RecentChange; 18th January 2018 at 5:02 PM..
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Old 18th January 2018, 7:16 PM   #43
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Like RC and the others said...

Quote:
Originally Posted by No_Go View Post
Yes! Recent is very much on point. I can relate to cookies too in being very anxious and the only people that have been able to tame it were the ones with complimentary energy: ones that make me feel safe around them.

This guy, even if he's not a conman (which I think he is) will make Cookies anxiety skyrocket because he's very anxious as well.

Cookies I think indeed you need a guy like this: someone who can buffer your emotional highs and lows, and not stress you out additionally.

After reading this thread: that's my own dating goal as well
I just don't understand this from so many angles. In general women seem to deal with a lot of anxiety (RC as one of the exceptions).

I know that some guys can be this way as well.

I don't understand why any girl would deal with a guy that is anxious (again RC excepted).

For me, I focus on being calm. Not only does it make me feel better, it always makes the woman that I am with feel secure.

I guess that I am old fashioned, but it seems to me that men are supposed to be that way. That is probably sexist though, Oh well...
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Old 18th January 2018, 7:28 PM   #44
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Anxious doesn't look good on anyone.
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Old 21st January 2018, 12:14 AM   #45
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Well, you said you were not a match. Why? And why are you doubting your initial assessment?
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