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Ladies who do OLD, how do you select?


In Search Of... Having a hard time forming friendships or finding companions, lovers, or associates? Is someone pursuing an unwelcome relationship with you? Talk about your experiences here.

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Old 8th January 2018, 7:10 PM   #1
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Ladies who do OLD, how do you select?

Hi. How do you choose which man you talk to when there several men who seem like they might have potential? It's just a few pics and a couple paragraphs. Not much to go on. What is your criteria on there? Do you just ignore the others? Thanks

Last edited by Cookiesandough; 8th January 2018 at 7:31 PM..
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Old 8th January 2018, 7:34 PM   #2
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Although not a woman, I would say there are three criteria they use:

1) Attraction, 2) Attraction. 3) Attraction.
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Old 9th January 2018, 7:59 AM   #3
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Although not a woman, I would say there are three criteria they use:

1) Attraction, 2) Attraction. 3) Attraction.
Lol. I guess that makes sense

But sometimes there are several similarly attractive guys with solid profiles. Most people can only realistically devote themselves to a handful of convos max. It must have to be a somewhat random selection. Right place, right time in the inbox. Then they still have ignore all the other men which makes me feel really bad and extremely anxious. I can’t really focus on the guy(s) I can talk to, because what what if one of the men I’m ignoring is a better match.

Oh well I’ll wing it.

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Old 9th January 2018, 8:14 AM   #4
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Do you contact men you think have potential, or only respond if they've contacted first and have potential?

The more proactive you are, the better your matches and chances, in my experience. Most of the women I dated initiated contact.
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Old 9th January 2018, 8:48 AM   #5
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Why do you have to choose at this point? Talk to them all. Arrange to meet them all. Then (if you don't want to multi date) choose the one you like the most.

You shouldn't be having long involved convos on there anyway so keeping track shouldn't be a problem.
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Old 9th January 2018, 10:50 AM   #6
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Yes, this sucks. It pretty much forces you to only talk to the most attractive looking one. This is why meeting someone the old fashioned way in person is so much better, because itís just you and him and not some feast. Both you and him get to focus.
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Old 9th January 2018, 11:09 AM   #7
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Do you contact men you think have potential, or only respond if they've contacted first and have potential?

The more proactive you are, the better your matches and chances, in my experience. Most of the women I dated initiated contact.
Cookies is very beautiful, so I'm guessing she doesn't have to do a lot of the initial contacting .

My advice is that most of this can be sussed out via conversations with them, so if you have interest, don't initially ignore any of them.
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Old 9th January 2018, 12:30 PM   #8
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Although not a woman, I would say there are three criteria they use:

1) Attraction, 2) Attraction. 3) Attraction.

For me, not too good looking and Iíll swipe right. Donít like posing / fake guys. Then if he sounds human and interesting Iíll talk to him. Any sexual chat = block. If heís boring = block.

Itís more about what he says than his photographs for me.
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Old 9th January 2018, 3:40 PM   #9
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Cookies is very beautiful, so I'm guessing she doesn't have to do a lot of the initial contacting .

My advice is that most of this can be sussed out via conversations with them, so if you have interest, don't initially ignore any of them.


If she's getting some of the right kinds of contacts, then yes, that works. However, some of her best prospects (or men she'd actually like best), may not be initiating contact for some reason - perhaps some would feel that she's out of their league?
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Old 9th January 2018, 3:46 PM   #10
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Yes, this sucks. It pretty much forces you to only talk to the most attractive looking one. This is why meeting someone the old fashioned way in person is so much better, because it’s just you and him and not some feast. Both you and him get to focus.

Ty all!! Thank you for such kind words CA
Yes, pops. You are going by how flashy his profile is. How good his pictures ard and how well-written his profile is. That really says nothing about your compatibility with them. You can never know until you meet, but I seem to have a history of meeting with a lot of people who I am not compatible with at all. Except for a few, I knew this before we met but I’d been talking to them for awhile(like 10 back and forths) so I figured let’s meet.

Ideally, I’d want to talk to everyone who interested in talking, but the way OLD is set up with men messaging as many women as can, that’s hard. It’s even harder for me to open up a profile and see we are not romantically incompatible and just stop talking them. No where else in the world would I just stop talking to someone because we’re not a romantic match, so I guess I don’t like it and wouldn’t want it done to me either. But that’s dating. Maybe I just need a harder shell. I have considered just not looking at messages whatsoever and being the pursuer/initiator. Maybe I’ll try that though I’m not sure it escapes the problem. I doubt that, central. Maybe I just need to learn I’m not cut out for OLD

Thank you for advice

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Old 9th January 2018, 5:46 PM   #11
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Ideally, Iíd want to talk to everyone who interested in talking, but the way OLD is set up with men messaging as many women as can, thatís hard. Itís even harder for me to open up a profile and see we are not romantically incompatible and just stop talking them. No where else in the world would I just stop talking to someone because weíre not a romantic match, so I guess I donít like it and wouldnít want it done to me either. But thatís dating. Maybe I just need a harder shell. I have considered just not looking at messages whatsoever and being the pursuer/initiator. Maybe Iíll try that though Iím not sure it escapes the problem. I doubt that, central. Maybe I just need to learn Iím not cut out for OLD

Thank you for advice
Well, set as a first rule that you only respond to men who say something beyond, "hey, how YOU doin'?" or some other very generic message they fire off to everyone. Set as a second rule that you immediately block someone who gives you a hard time if you don't respond to their message. As you know, men do this all the time. Even if you responded to every single person, out of courtesy, you'll still get the jerks who accuse you of thinking you're too good for them, so it's easier to just not respond in the first place, in my opinion.
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Old 9th January 2018, 6:43 PM   #12
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I was on eharmony which sends you matches. You can't just go browsing.

If a man reached out to me, I would go through the steps to chat with him via e-mail. E-harmony restricted contact back then. Some dropped me before those steps were done. For the few who made it to the phone call stage I met two & attempted to meet two others but that never worked out.

As for the ones I selected to message 1st I admit that it was superficial -- did I like his pictures. If I didn't I just deleted him. If I did, I kept reading. If I liked what I read, I reached out. Most never got back to me. A few labeled me GUD, geographically undesirable.
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Old 9th January 2018, 8:37 PM   #13
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I was on eharmony which sends you matches. You can't just go browsing. ... A few labeled me GUD, geographically undesirable.
I'm on several OLD sites. Almost every match eharmony has given me is GUD. Most are also more than 10 years younger than i am. I emailed their support to complain. The lowest setting they allow for a distance preference is 30 miles. That's a crow flies distance which translates to a one hour drive one way. By contrast, Plenty of Fish gives me 25 matches within 10 years of my age, within 5 miles, and that have been online within the last 6 hours. I'd say it is totally dependent on how many people use the service. Eharmony picks for you and costs money to message. PoF lets you pick and is free. Seems obvious why PoF has enough participation to provide more matches.
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Old 9th January 2018, 8:55 PM   #14
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Hi. How do you choose which man you talk to when there several men who seem like they might have potential? It's just a few pics and a couple paragraphs. Not much to go on. What is your criteria on there? Do you just ignore the others? Thanks
It is usually based on the message exchange. More intuitive than anything, after few messages I can notice if the vibe of the person attracts or annoys me.

I rarely focus on the pictures but do look at the stats, primarily age and height, also education. Also - the setting of the picture says a lot - a guy having multiple pictures with friends in bars or sports events... I usually pass.
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Old 9th January 2018, 11:11 PM   #15
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Lol. I guess that makes sense

But sometimes there are several similarly attractive guys with solid profiles. Most people can only realistically devote themselves to a handful of convos max. It must have to be a somewhat random selection. Right place, right time in the inbox. Then they still have ignore all the other men which makes me feel really bad and extremely anxious. I can’t really focus on the guy(s) I can talk to, because what what if one of the men I’m ignoring is a better match.

Oh well I’ll wing it.

Yeah it's always good to message multiple people. I think sometimes the problem with online dating is that we can pass over people who we otherwise would be compatible with simply because there's so many options. You only want super hot guys or men you find physically attractive.

If a guy sends you message and you read his profile and it seems like you two have things in common, then you should go ahead and reply even if he doesn't fulfill all of your physical requirements. There are plenty of average looking guys who can make great boyfriends and be compatible with you.
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