I met him online...

[daisy pooh]

I met L on a dating website and we clicked instantly. We live about six hours away from each other but we have been texting for about two and a half weeks now. We have so much in common, and L very quickly started to talk about how strongly he feels about the idea of me and him - yes it felt rushed, but I liked the attention. I found him online (he gave me his full name) and he is truly a very accomplished and compassionate individual.

 

He then started insisting on meeting up, but in a couple way - as he would stay at mine or I would stay at his. This seemed a bit too much, especially since we hadn't exchanged any photos. So I asked him to send me a photo, and I sent him mine. I am slightly insecure about being a bit overweight, but he seemed to take it just fine, actually he said beautiful things about me, continued to give me his phone number and asked me to call him.

 

But for the past two days he's been kind of absent. I have only received two messages, late at night, apologising for not texting me sooner. I feel he is slipping away, when he was the one who started the big talk and wanted to meet. Am I being paranoid? Is this whole thing so unstable I should just quit? Thank you.

[Happy Lemming]

Is "L." a football fan?? It is Wildcard Playoff weekend, perhaps he is watching football with friends??

 

As far as trying to date someone who lives 6 hours away, I once dated a woman who lived 5 hours away and I had a lot of fun.

 

Before I left, I did some research on her home town and printed a list of motels and hotels, just in case the date didn't go well; I didn't want to try to do a long drive home late at night. I also printed out points of interest for her town to sight see, again if the date went south, I could go sight seeing the next day before I headed for home and justify the trip out of town and gas money to get there.

 

In the end, the date went great... We met in a public place, she showed me some fantastic sights, picked a great Tex-Mex restaurant for dinner and I really enjoyed myself. It was fun to get out of my area and explore a new town that I hadn't been to.

 

If "L." is driving to your town, make sure you date plan and show him unique and fun parts of your town.

 

As far as being a bit overweight, call him and feel him out. You should be able to tell by talking to him if this is a deal breaker or not.

 

Just my two cents, based on my own experiences.

[daisy pooh]

Okay, so my online guy and I just had a minor discussion. He said something terrible happened to him and he can now not think about anything but this. I asked him if his intentions about us have changed, he simply refuses to respond. I asked him nicely just to tell me, he says this thing that happened to him has nothing to do with me or with us, but he still won't give me a clear answer. Should I give up? I really like him but this is annoying. I also don't want to be selfish but if this is the way he will handle all his future problems if we were to be together... do I want that? He said if this is too much I should step back a bit and dedicate time to myself. Wtf? He was the one telling me how much he liked me and was happy to have met me, he was the one who mentioned some future trips and how he wanted to come by my house and meet with me. What should I do? Thank you.

[Happy Lemming]

Just my opinion, here...

 

Time to move on, he doesn't want to go out with you.

 

I really don't like the line about "step back a bit and dedicate time to myself". What makes him think he has the expertise to dole out advise to you (about you) when he hasn't even taken you out on a face to face date.

 

When I got dumped by a woman, I didn't care about the reason nor did I care about her opinion (of me). It was just going to be hurtful. I'm the best at being me and I don't have to change to fit someone else's parameters.

 

You don't have to change to fit his parameters!!

[igotoverit]

You maybe disappointed but you can and will move past this. If he gave you that advice, what else does he have to give, that is not a good response. Try being hurt over an "I am sorry to have hurt you".

[daisy pooh]

Thank you for your advice. I just dont get it. He gave me his home address and his phone number and up until a couple of days ago he was very responsive and nice. Should I block him? I have a hard time letting go.

[Fair]

Thank you for your advice. I just dont get it. He gave me his home address and his phone number and up until a couple of days ago he was very responsive and nice. Should I block him? I have a hard time letting go.

 

It was the photo. Sorry to say... probably the excess weight and he just didn't want to tell you. But TBH he sounded like a bit of a player to me, somehow, anyway.

 

Let him go, find someone who appreciates you. Have a pic up from the beginning. Lots of guys love curves.

[Fair]

I'm sorry. I can be terribly blunt but the way the story went it seems to be the case... it could be something else too... but there's no way to know if he doesn't want to talk. Maybe he's back with an ex, who knows?

 

All you need to know is that he's no keeper. I know it hurts, but you'll find someone better.

[daisy pooh]

Thank you for your bluntness. The thing is our sweetheart communication continued well after I sent him my photo, only after that he told me he wanted to come over. I am slightly exaggerating my overweight situation, at a right angle you can't even see I have weight issues. I am 175 cm tall and 75 kg heavy. And he never really asked for my photo. It/s not like he is super hot or anything, he is average, as am I. He even told me we look alike and the female version of him is gorgeous.

 

Yeah I just sent him a message saying this is not okay, if he has issues with the way I look or if he found someone else - he should have the courage to tell me because this is not acceptable. The guy has a counselling degree for crying out loud - he should now how NOT to treat people. I told him I wanted to end our communication if this is the way it is. Honestly, I am puzzled.

[daisy pooh]

I'm sorry. I can be terribly blunt but the way the story went it seems to be the case... it could be something else too... but there's no way to know if he doesn't want to talk. Maybe he's back with an ex, who knows?

 

All you need to know is that he's no keeper. I know it hurts, but you'll find someone better.

 

So he messaged me again, told me I don't respect his personal space or his problems. The thing is, HE insisted on meeting up, he insisted on calling me this week, HE promised me he'd explain why he was not communicating with me at all for the past few days and instead I got: well, I can't tell you anything right now, just go live your life.

 

He said he hadn't met any girl and he has no problem with the way I look, I should go focus on my stuff and let him deal with his. He hasn't said a final goodbye or anything but says this kind of behaviour is indicative of the kind of person I am. So do I have a problem?

[Zahara]

The guy is six hours away. What do you realistically hope to accomplish from this in terms of cultivating a relationship?

 

Chances are he is dating other women. Women that are closer to him and very accessible. He's probably distracted and may be connecting with others -- therefore is trying to let you off gently with the "it's not you, it's me" bit.

 

Yes, he insisted on a lot of things but as usual with OLD, people move really fast and are driven by the initial excitement/highs. Most times it dies a quick death because there are a lot of distractions on OLD.

 

Date men that are closer to you.

[spiderowl]

He has changed his mind for whatever reason. If he wanted to meet you, then no matter what was happening in his life, he would say something about why he couldn't meet now but assure you that he still wants to.

 

Honestly, you need to drop this guy. You are worth more than someone messing about like this. Don't pay too much attention to what he says but pay attention to what he is doing:

 

He is not engaging with you

He is not meeting

He's told you to go and keep yourself busy

He says you are not respecting his space.

 

Sounds like he's a waste of time. A guy who really wants you will be there with you. If he can't be, for some reason, he'll make sure you know he's not neglecting you and will reassure you about when he might be able to meet.

 

Be wary of inviting any stranger from the internet into your home. Guys from long distance do tend to hint that they want to stay with you if they travel to visit. It is unwise to allow this as they could be anyone. The guy you have been chatting with could tell you anything or make up his qualifications or profession. He could have been recently released from jail for assaulting women. Try and validate any info given to you and keep yourself safe until you know him well.

[daisy pooh]

He has changed his mind for whatever reason. If he wanted to meet you, then no matter what was happening in his life, he would say something about why he couldn't meet now but assure you that he still wants to.

 

Honestly, you need to drop this guy. You are worth more than someone messing about like this. Don't pay too much attention to what he says but pay attention to what he is doing:

 

He is not engaging with you

He is not meeting

He's told you to go and keep yourself busy

He says you are not respecting his space.

 

Sounds like he's a waste of time. A guy who really wants you will be there with you. If he can't be, for some reason, he'll make sure you know he's not neglecting you and will reassure you about when he might be able to meet.

 

Be wary of inviting any stranger from the internet into your home. Guys from long distance do tend to hint that they want to stay with you if they travel to visit. It is unwise to allow this as they could be anyone. The guy you have been chatting with could tell you anything or make up his qualifications or profession. He could have been recently released from jail for assaulting women. Try and validate any info given to you and keep yourself safe until you know him well.

 

Thank you for your reply. I have found him online and he is an actual person and all of the stuff he has told me is true (found his online social network profiles, articles about him, photos of him - which correspond to the photos he had sent me).

I guess what I am wondering is whether I was too pushy. I dated a hot and cold guy before, actually, I felt he was gas lighting me, and I wonder if we are suppose to constantly play it cool. It seems to be super attractive as oppose to actually caring about what he does to you. He has basically accused me of making us the most important thing - when HE wanted to come to MY house even though I told him I was currently very busy. Maybe I have a poor taste in men? I am a very honest and naive person, I don't play games. This always gets me into trouble.