Searching for someone that doesn't exist

[Zul]

I've been thinking a lot about how I handle relationships. I am very much focused on looks first, and personality second. I know it's terrible, but I cannot help it. Once I find someone I am physically attracted to, I filter it down by their personality. I like taller girls, thin, with brunette/dark hair and I'm a sucker for a cute face.

 

I look at someone, and within seconds I instantly can tell if they're a potential interest or not. It probably takes about 5 seconds for me to tell, then if they aren't I can't imagine anything with that person ever. Because of this, I'd say out of 100 girls I'd find about 5 attractive.

 

I have this unreal expectation of a girl for me, and I pay a lot of attention to their socio-economic background as well which also reduces the dating pool. I want a girl that looks like X, comes from the background of Y, and has interests of Z...

 

 

I've also found that certain situations and things attract me. This girl that I went on a date with yesterday that didn't go so well and she rejected me.... She had a minor car accident earlier this month and damaged her brand new car. She said she was hysterical and upset and doesn't deal well with situations like that.... That instantly made her more attractive, because I imagine being like superman and helping her and making her realize it'll all be okay....

 

People are always telling me "be more realistic"; but, I go for the girls I like and wind up heartbroken, ghosted or rejected in the end.

 

What am I to do?

[basil67]

Realistically, there's probably nothing you can do. You're attracted to whoever you're attracted to. I guess you just have to acknowledge that your pool of available women is very much depleted by how your attraction works.

[Purepony]

It’s a numbers game... date more and try to do the opposite of what you are doing now

[caveman621]

That's rough. We all want what we want. But if you immediately reject 99 out of every 100 potential women for dates, you're not going to have many dates. Either be more open or have a lot fewer dates.

[Amethyst11]

You are too choosy. One day you might regret this way of thinking. Unless you are very handsome and have other great qualities, I suggest you broaden your search, try others sometimes.

 

 

No one can say for sure what you should do.

[Mysterio]

My ideal relationship is this.

 

Looks- As long as I feel attracted to her and I am a face guy more than anything. Thats my focus.

 

Body- Not too heavy/skinny

 

Personality-light and playful, attracted to me and treats me. Has a lot to say and is talkative. Sweet in nature. Sharp mind. Not a loud mouth, not supr quite and dour.

 

Personal circumstances - Single/Widowed/Divorced-no kid. S/W/D with one kid maybe 2.

 

If she is separated. I may give her a year if everything else is lined up, but I have to see traction with the Divorce. No Bio kids/ living together while she is separated.

 

The more leg work she does with me, interms of wanting to spend time with me. The more I will be turned on. The more playful affectionate she is to me. The more I will be in to her.

 

For some reason in my head. Things are never ideal when I have to make all the effort in chasing after the woman. For some reason. thats where things go off the rails.

 

Its always an elusive chemistry. Why do certain people click. why certain people don't click.

 

As long as I am treated well I am easy.

[chinadiary]

Realistically, there's probably nothing you can do. You're attracted to whoever you're attracted to. I guess you just have to acknowledge that your pool of available women is very much depleted by how your attraction works.

 

 

 

I disagree with this. It is possible to become attracted to someone as you get to know them. I don't have a type. My 3 / 4 exes have all been totally different. The commonality is that for 1 reason or another, I knew them long before we got together and I was drawn in by the person, not the exterior.

 

Try friendship first.

[healing light]

Honestly, while there may not be a lot you can do to alter physical chemistry with someone, I think the part about her socio-economic background can change as an attraction factor. If a woman has ambition and an education, would that be enough? Personally, I think character is WAY more important, especially if you deem that they have the potential or skills to improve their lot in life.

 

Her discussing being hysterical as a turn on for you was a red flag to me. Sounds like you're potentially attracted to drama queens and women you have to rescue. These rarely turn out to be satisfactory partners...