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Why do you think you're really single?


In Search Of... Having a hard time forming friendships or finding companions, lovers, or associates? Is someone pursuing an unwelcome relationship with you? Talk about your experiences here.

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Old 3rd December 2017, 10:31 AM   #61
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I don't have unreasonable expectations either. All I want is smart, funny, pretty, reliable and a few shared interests but those things are elusive. The next 40 years of my life are going to be a daily struggle for me and I'm not looking forward to it and I don't know that I even want too try. Somewhere along the way the person I'm supposed to be with has made a mistake and chosen something or someone else.
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Old 3rd December 2017, 11:04 AM   #62
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I have been very conscientious about explaining to a woman what I want out of a relationship in the early stages. I do know that this viewed as a turn-off for many women but I find a way to work it into a conversation and just lay things out there. I am clear with them about my deal breakers and I let the chips fall where there may.

I am single by choice at this point as I know what I want in a relationship and won't settle for less. I don't think that what I ask out of a relationship or potential partner is unreasonable and I am more than understanding of people's quirks. But, at the heart of it, I want a relationship that helps to ease some of the stress in my life and not add to it. I know that relationships take work but I'm just not willing to deal with drama anymore.
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Old 3rd December 2017, 11:46 AM   #63
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Originally Posted by Highndry View Post
I wish I knew the answer.
Exactly, I don't know. I'm open to it but haven't met that special person yet. In the meantime, I'm just living my life.
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Old 3rd December 2017, 4:32 PM   #64
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This guy explains my thoughts precisely about being single



https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_t2xdJhlM8Y
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Old 7th December 2017, 12:31 PM   #65
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I know ts something about me and always has been. But when I am happiest about who I am and what I am doing, I seem to have negative attraction to men. When I am down, I attract men, but ones I know better than to touch with a 10 inch pole....users and controllers.
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Old 7th December 2017, 12:49 PM   #66
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Some of the reason I'm single is that it took me SO long to mature enough to want a full time, live in relationship. By the time I was ready, my ex was comfortable with part time. And his nasty adult daughter caused problems. But she's a separate issue.
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Old 7th December 2017, 6:04 PM   #67
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Because:

- I don't like just clinging on to the first one I meet, JUST to be in ANY form of a relationship

- I love myself enough to have the confidence to wait till I meet a person who I am in love with and see a future with

- I am happy as I am, and do not need a relationship to feel fulfilled

- I am OK with the thought that I might have to raise children by myself if the right guy doesn't come along, as said, I am happy by myself

- I love my life and don't need validation by externals just for validation purposes. Any relationship will be an added joy, not a needed validation.


Having said all this, I would also like to express my discontent about modern society. Why do so many people feel the need to be wondered WHY I won't date? I do not understand what people's obsession with relationships is.
And the fact that they dare to verbalize it, annoys me even more.
Luckily, my friends and family are not like this...it's always the colleagues, or acquaintances.
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Old 7th December 2017, 8:50 PM   #68
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It's not by choice. It's not finding the right woman.

I've been hell bent on finding a girlfriend for the last 1.5 years. I've dated a lot (38 - 42 year old range), but was met with women who showed obvious reasons why they were single. I try not to let it cloud my judgment about new ones, but it has made dating a chore. It's gone like this:

1) Meet a girl who could potentially be a gf
2) Date for a month to several months only to have them:

- Cry hysterically after telling her I enjoy rough sex (when she asked) if the woman is into it (previous trauma) (one)
- Expect me to pay for everything, all the time (most)
- Constant need to be out having fun (almost all)
- Throw temper tantrums (a few)
- Be completely selfish in bed (many)
- Make a mess of my house (most of them - after complimenting me on how clean it is)
- Have a complete lack of financial responsibility (almost all)
- Project an entitled attitude (the better looking, the more entitlement)
- Complain about exes and project it onto me (many)
- Refuse to close the bathroom door when using the toilet (one)
- Repeatedly break into the bathroom when I was using the toilet (one - had to lock the door)
- Get up in the middle of sex to "pee". Gross (a couple) and keep the bathroom door open (one). Yuk.
- Expect every meal to be out (many), again with me paying (most)
- Make unreasonable demands on my time
- Go into detail about previous sexual experiences (a few)
- Throw my past relationships in my face when I was stupid enough to share - not gonna do that anymore (a few)

I'm at the point now where I doubt I'll find one worth more than a few months. Dating is such a chore for me now. I've been in relationships most of my adult life and this is the longest stretch I've been single. I think as you get older the good ones are already taken.

In fairness, all my dating had been from online (various sites)
I have to admit some of these made me laugh a little. The bathroom door thing and the getting up in the middle of sex to pee. These small things are totally fixable (or tolerable) in the grand scheme of things, and if you like them as a person otherwise then I wouldn't break a relationship over it.

Also, when you gotta go, you gotta go lol.

Maybe you should really think over what you find important in a person rather than nitpicking small habits about them that bother you. It may help you out in the long run.

Good luck.
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Old 7th December 2017, 9:37 PM   #69
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SevenCity View Post
- Get up in the middle of sex to "pee". Gross (a couple) and keep the bathroom door open (one). Yuk.
Quote:
Originally Posted by HiCrunchy View Post
I have to admit some of these made me laugh a little. The bathroom door thing and the getting up in the middle of sex to pee. These small things are totally fixable (or tolerable) in the grand scheme of things, and if you like them as a person otherwise then I wouldn't break a relationship over it.

Also, when you gotta go, you gotta go lol.

Maybe you should really think over what you find important in a person rather than nitpicking small habits about them that bother you. It may help you out in the long run.

Good luck.
Hahaha TOTALLY.

Clearly SevenCity is having a hard time imagining how it would feel getting deep dicked with a full bladder.

It's not unusual for my husband and I to have sex for a few hours..... Believe me, both of us will have to use the restroom eventually.

I had no idea that this was a "deal killer" for some people.

IDK, I am not single and rarely have been.

A good relationship is not only about finding a suitable partner, but also being a good partner.

That means knowing when to pick your battles, what to compromise on, how to communicate and negotiate etc.

There are a lot of things I simply let roll off my back. Bad treatment, disrespect etc aren't on that list, but little things like tidiness and or different hobbies get stashed away in the "don't sweat the small stuff" box.
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Old 7th December 2017, 9:43 PM   #70
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Get up in the middle of sex to "pee".
I recently started having sex and I have to say that while most positions I've tried are fine, there are one or two where it feels like he is hitting my bladder the entire time when he goes deep. Maybe it's the position with the woman's anatomy.
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Old 7th December 2017, 11:07 PM   #71
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Healing light, I was thinking also the rough part of that. People need a little more awareness of anatomy.
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Old 8th December 2017, 9:54 AM   #72
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As silly as it is I ponder this question many times a week.


Ultimately I think for me its down to simply not having much of a social life, I never really have had one to be honest. A friend of mine hangs around with 20-23yo's (he is older) he invites me out often but I just simply don't have any interest in going. I don't connect with people easily socially, when it comes to business I have no issue but then there is an objective in mind.


Sure, I can try get dates and sometimes I do but almost never are they anything to get excited about and for the most part the people don't interest me on any level at all. Date 2 never happens for me, I have never met up with the same person more than once which tells you how poor my impression must be!


Ultimately you choose to be happy or otherwise, yes the right person can add to that but the wrong one can equally add more unhappiness. I do wish I got to experience what others have in terms of being loved and wanted, its a huge regret I have and yes, people say but you are young, perhaps yes that's true but its difficult to explain no history, history seems important to lesser and greater degrees.


I will say this though, dating and one ultimately failed pursuit made me a better person and for that I am thankful.
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Old 11th December 2017, 3:16 PM   #73
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Simple, two-pronged conundrum:

1. I never meet available, attractive women in my regular goings-on in life.

2. I'm too ugly for Tinder / online dating.
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Old 11th December 2017, 3:42 PM   #74
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Originally Posted by alpha__waves View Post
Simple, two-pronged conundrum:

2. I'm too ugly for Tinder / online dating.
If thats your photo on your profile - this statement is hog wash!
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Old 11th December 2017, 4:03 PM   #75
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If thats your photo on your profile - this statement is hog wash!
Well, it's going on five years since my last date... let's put it that way. I'm very much not up to snuff for the Tinder / Bumble / OkCupid crowd.

I don't think I'm a bad looking guy, necessarily. I like what I see in the mirror in the morning. I put good effort into grooming, dressing decently, going to the gym, and all that. The standards are so high on dating apps, though, that I'm firmly in "ugly guy" territory. My hobbies/passions (making music & seeing shows, cooking and cuisine, road tripping and travel) aren't interesting enough to make up any ground, either.

I don't bother much with dating apps anymore after trying pretty hard for a number of years. The ROI is just abysmal, and the whole experience makes one feel bad.
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