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In Search Of... Having a hard time forming friendships or finding companions, lovers, or associates? Is someone pursuing an unwelcome relationship with you? Talk about your experiences here.

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Old 11th January 2018, 2:32 AM   #31
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If you're like me, you may have gotten the advice "don't worry, it'll happen when it happens, you'll find somebody when you're not looking, just keep waiting" Years pass by, all of your friends one by one are getting into relationships, having sex, or getting married.

That's the reason why that advice is a load of horse sht. Especially at your age, you're not a young adult anymore. You're in your thirties and nothing has changed...

The truth is, if you want to find somebody you're going to have to put in the work and be 100% committed to finding someone.

The pursuit of love is not going to be an easy task. You're going to ask out women and they're going to say no time and time again, you're going to get ghosted, you're going to get ignored, you're going to be fall for somebody hard only for them to not feel the same way. You'll go weeks, months, maybe years without any success. You're going to feel hopeless and flawed and worthless, you will want to give up.

But you have to keep going, you have to find a way no matter what because life is short and you never know how much longer you have. Plus, just think how great it will feel to finally find someone after years of work and patience.

So now the question is, what are you trying to do to meet women?

You can get started by watching Youtube videos by guys who know what they're talking about. Here check out these videos from RSD.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b5mFl7ov5xk&t=376s

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iz9d4AV7WvA&t=773s
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Old 18th January 2018, 11:34 PM   #32
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I have a relative is similar and he simply gives up now....focus on making money and busy with that....but he is not happy.

I feel the best way to move forward is to make friends with women,
if u develop the skill to make friends, u will find who and what type of women really a match for you, then go to the next step.

nowadays people move too fast, I m a woman I feel it hard to cope .....
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Old 19th January 2018, 7:41 AM   #33
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I have a relative is similar and he simply gives up now....focus on making money and busy with that....but he is not happy.

I feel the best way to move forward is to make friends with women,
if u develop the skill to make friends, u will find who and what type of women really a match for you, then go to the next step.

nowadays people move too fast, I m a woman I feel it hard to cope .....


Very good post!


I think one should never give up but I do think one shouldn't focus purely on one thing. Money can bring great experiences there is no doubt about that and having never dated myself the allure of those experiences is quite strong, versus trying to date when I really don't know how to date.


Agreed, I take more value from having a friend than trying to actually date people, yes I can find them, people can find dates but its much harder to find date 2 than it is to go on date 1.


Dating isn't impossible but its very hard and truthfully I'd rather accept very hard with material rewards than very hard with rejection. That's what it boils down to for me.
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Old 19th January 2018, 10:54 AM   #34
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I guess dating is not supposed to be fun. It is a screening process. Both ways.

I guess we should take all of our dating experiance with a grain of salt.
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Old 19th January 2018, 12:09 PM   #35
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Originally Posted by staggerlee71 View Post
yes, yea your missing a lot..

your missing attraction, excitement, intrigue, perspective, growth, pain, love, lust, understanding, comprise, anger, frustration, confusion, communication, loyalty...
You can experience all that and not date, if you're not a robot...

OP, I don't date. Never have. I can't read minds so I can't figure out a man's intentions and I like to be sure so I say no because I like to keep things simple in my life. There is not one aspect of dating that I find appealing. In other words, that's my choice.

If that isn't your choice or if you're not happy with your situation, there is nothing you can do other that build up the courage to go for it and ask out this girl (or any other one) without overthinking the consequences.

Don't get too invested emotionally before getting to know them.

That's the only way.
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Old 19th January 2018, 12:28 PM   #36
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littleblackheart, you have not been on a date or had a romantic relationship? JW
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Old 19th January 2018, 12:53 PM   #37
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littleblackheart, you have not been on a date or had a romantic relationship? JW
I was married and have 2 kids so yes I was in an LTR (my only one!). We met the old fashion way, we didn't 'date', we sort of became exclusive quickly because I was naive and inexperienced with guys and he was a pro abuser. Before that I had an ONS and a couple of things but no dating. Not that I was never asked - I just wasn't interested. Now I'm back to not being interested. I don't like the hassle.

I have a lot of life experience to make up for it though! You don't need to date to figure out how things work.

Apologies for derailing your thread OP!

Last edited by littleblackheart; 19th January 2018 at 1:02 PM..
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Old 19th January 2018, 1:32 PM   #38
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People at work are paid to be friendly and cooperative with the other employees, so work is the last place you can get a feel for if someone is interested, and it's also the riskiest place to try to date because dating usually doesn't work out, leaving you with an awkward or angry situation to come to work to every day. I suggest you get social outside of work to meet people. Then the risk factor goes way down and all you have to lose is your pride.
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Old 20th January 2018, 4:22 AM   #39
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Originally Posted by ZA Dater View Post


Dating isn't impossible but its very hard and truthfully I'd rather accept very hard with material rewards than very hard with rejection. That's what it boils down to for me.
Why is it so hard to accept rejection?......

we all get rejected from such as job interviews, the worse is like some of us including me , being rejected by own family, brother or sister, etc......
but yes, it hurts like hell,
then by time and time, its like the muscle, it gets stronger.....
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Old 20th January 2018, 12:30 PM   #40
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Why is it so hard to accept rejection?......

we all get rejected from such as job interviews, the worse is like some of us including me , being rejected by own family, brother or sister, etc......
but yes, it hurts like hell,
then by time and time, its like the muscle, it gets stronger.....


The difference is simple to me, get rejected at a job interview, you go back and work getting more qualified then maybe you can apply for a similar job in the future.


The issue with dating rejection is you never really know WHY so its not like you can take any steps to improve and then maybe achieve a different outcome if you don't know what people don't like.


Perhaps the solution is to simply enjoy life for the good things it brings. There are so many unhappy relationships, failed marriages and abusive relationships I sometimes wonder if its really worth it at all because unless you KNOW you like the person in totality or close to then chances are you are going to heavily compromise which is fine so long as the pro's are greater than the cons.


I have been reading the OP posts for some time and he comes across as articulate and respectful, you would thing someone like this would enjoy some success at least.


Rejection is bad but there is something arguably worse and that's watching people make poor, ill advised decisions.


Of course depending on what you actually want there are solutions to being alone and rejection, if you can stomach the huge downsides. Its telling the proliferation of sites which promote so called sugar relationships, again you need to ask if everything is so perfect why these sites even exists and the same can be said of more seedy type arrangements.


Lastly think about this. What makes us want what we want? Nobody acquires fictional wants, well most anyway, what we want is largely determined by our environment and interactions.
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Old 21st January 2018, 11:46 AM   #41
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As I look back at my life. The only time a romantic relationship works out for a while is when I don't care and don't pursue. I have to wait for a woman to come into my social dynamics and makes a play for me.

I am more turned on by a woman that likes me. Than me going on the hunt. I have also observed watching my friends with their SO. The women all dropped into my male friends lap for the most part.
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Old 21st January 2018, 10:41 PM   #42
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ZA Dater ,
true, the job interview is totally different, it is easy to cope......I wanna make u feel better or encourage u more, but used a wrong example.
the rejection by a partner is like a knife cut in the heart , we human were programed/created in this way, maybe that's why love is so precious too....
myself after being dumped by ex and etc, after therapy, I feel view this in a different view now.
u r right , there r so many things much more important than dating or marriage.
actually I feel dating is a disturbing thing too, cant quit it totally cos I still living in the society.

Lostsoul25,
u will lose nothing just go out with a girl for a dinner or ,no expection, just do it for practice.
or just make some online chat, sharing music, videos, etc,
find a common topic to get closer to them.
don't think too far, just do it for happiness.
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Old 21st January 2018, 11:55 PM   #43
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Originally Posted by Mysterio View Post
I guess dating is not supposed to be fun. It is a screening process. Both ways.

I guess we should take all of our dating experiance with a grain of salt.
Thing is though, dating really should be fun.
If it's not fun then why even bother with it.

People, more over crappy people make dating not fun.
Unfortunately crappy people are everywhere now.
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Old 22nd January 2018, 12:30 AM   #44
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I am daft, she said that she thought would get a new mug for xmas to replace the one we were discussing, later i remembered I had a mug hot chocolate set id bought as a present but not given to my sister, to maybe bring it in. a bit too much though id say
Perhaps, or she might have thought you were a very thoughtful sweet guy. It might have brought you two just a little bit closer. It has to start somewhere.

I know you wrote that a while ago now, but I'm just suggesting if you're feeling a bit apprehensive, start by taking little steps and see how it is received.
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Old 25th January 2018, 3:44 PM   #45
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You have to give girls or women a good reason to go out with you!

Just asking probably will not work. I found that out the hard way. Don't ask for the sake of taking a risk. Risks usually fail.

All I can say is talk to her as if she is another guy if you can--you won't be nervous then. And SMILE. Dress cool.
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