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Ladies if you had a male friend you thought was hillarious, amazing but wont date him


In Search Of... Having a hard time forming friendships or finding companions, lovers, or associates? Is someone pursuing an unwelcome relationship with you? Talk about your experiences here.

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Old 7th November 2017, 11:08 AM   #1
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Ladies if you had a male friend you thought was hillarious, amazing but wont date him

Wouldn't the only logical reason you wouldn't date someone with those qualities is because you think they're very unattractive physically?

Long story short my friends ex wife and I rekindled our friendship recently..by the end of the divorce I became closer to her then him but i didn't reach out to her immediately because it was confusing who's side to take but after she reached out to me and he didn't it made my decision easy.


The past few months we've been hanging out and she tells me how amazing iam how funny iam how she loves me more then anyone in the world and shows signs of flirting but keeps reiterating how great a friends we are.

Am I just being insecure or is it safe to say she must think I'm pretty unattractive physically if she thinks i have all these great traits but won't date me right now?

Last edited by RYDV; 7th November 2017 at 11:11 AM..
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Old 7th November 2017, 11:14 AM   #2
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Am I just being insecure or is it safe to say she must think I'm pretty unattractive physically if she thinks i have all these great traits but won't date me right now?

Definitely the former. There are loads of factors that go into the mating decision beyond looks, some of them almost impossible to articulate beyond "chemistry". Maybe she simply considers you a good friend and doesn't want to screw that up. If it hasn't been too long since your divorce, maybe she sees you as too risky a prospect. Maybe she feels some sense of loyalty to your ex wife. Who the hell knows?


If you're willing to jump so quickly to "gosh, I must be some kind of mutt", then you're probably not ready to jump into the dating game, anyways.
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Old 7th November 2017, 11:15 AM   #3
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Wouldn't the only logical reason you wouldn't date someone with those qualities is because you think they're very unattractive physically?

Long story short my friends ex wife and I rekindled our friendship recently..by the end of the divorce I became closer to her then him but i didn't reach out to her immediately because it was confusing who's side to take but after she reached out to me and he didn't it made my decision easy.


The past few months we've been hanging out and she tells me how amazing iam how funny iam how she loves me more then anyone in the world and shows signs of flirting but keeps reiterating how great a friends we are.

Am I just being insecure or is it safe to say she must think I'm pretty unattractive physically if she thinks i have all these great traits but won't date me right now?
Could be that. Could be a lot of things, though. Maybe she would feel weird about dating her ex-husband's friend. I sure would.

Maybe your lifestyles don't match. Does she have kids? Do you?
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Old 7th November 2017, 11:21 AM   #4
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If it's the same woman from this recent post: Should I continue being friends with this women? there is more to it then looks. There is the whole ick factor because you were her EX husband's buddy. Unfortunately, it's more likely that you were a great set of training wheels. She initially sought you out & flirted with you because you were "safe" & non-threatening. You stroked her ego. She could play with your feelings because she never dreamed you'd take her seriously. Now that you want a real relationship, she wants to head for the door. What you thought was mutual interest was an illusion.
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Old 7th November 2017, 11:35 AM   #5
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It can be lots of things.

I have a good male friend, we have been friends for over 20 years now.

He is SMART (ridiculously smart), funny, life of the party, extremely successful professionally, has literally built a house by hand in his spare time, tall, good looking - I could go on and on gushing about him.

And I have never once had the slightest desire to kiss him. He's like a brother to me. There is zero sexual attraction even though I think he is pretty "perfect".
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Old 7th November 2017, 11:37 AM   #6
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If it's the same woman from this recent post: Should I continue being friends with this women? there is more to it then looks. There is the whole ick factor because you were her EX husband's buddy. Unfortunately, it's more likely that you were a great set of training wheels. She initially sought you out & flirted with you because you were "safe" & non-threatening. You stroked her ego. She could play with your feelings because she never dreamed you'd take her seriously. Now that you want a real relationship, she wants to head for the door. What you thought was mutual interest was an illusion.
Nah she's not heading for the door she wants me to go on vacation with her and her sister soon.
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Old 7th November 2017, 11:39 AM   #7
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It can be lots of things.

I have a good male friend, we have been friends for over 20 years now.

He is SMART (ridiculously smart), funny, life of the party, extremely successful professionally, has literally built a house by hand in his spare time, tall, good looking - I could go on and on gushing about him.

And I have never once had the slightest desire to kiss him. He's like a brother to me. There is zero sexual attraction even though I think he is pretty "perfect".
Does he have any interest in moving to the east coast?
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Old 7th November 2017, 11:39 AM   #8
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Could be that. Could be a lot of things, though. Maybe she would feel weird about dating her ex-husband's friend. I sure would.

Maybe your lifestyles don't match. Does she have kids? Do you?
Yeah she has a kid who's in high school she did kinda mention she doesn't want to date while she's in school because her kids the most important thing to her.
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Old 7th November 2017, 11:41 AM   #9
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Yeah she has a kid who's in high school she did kinda mention she doesn't want to date while she's in school because her kids the most important thing to her.
Believe her. I also really think she just might not see you in a sexual way. How long was she married? How long have you been friends with her ex and her?
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Old 7th November 2017, 11:43 AM   #10
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Believe her. I also really think she just might not see you in a sexual way. How long was she married? How long have you been friends with her ex and her?
They were married for about 4 or 5 years..I've known her ex for about 14 years her for maybe 10..

It's weird because a few times she's seemed to get a little mad when someone's mentioned another women for me.

Maybe she's conflicted where's there's some feelings there but she doesn't want to act on them right now?
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Old 7th November 2017, 11:47 AM   #11
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They were married for about 4 or 5 years..I've known her ex for about 14 years her for maybe 10..

It's weird because a few times she's seemed to get a little mad when someone's mentioned another women for me.

Maybe she's conflicted where's there's some feelings there but she doesn't want to act on them right now?
Maybe. I can only speak for myself, but I'd have trouble being physically attracted to any of my ex-husband's buddies, even the ones who are very good looking. I've just known them too long as a "buddy." If there had never been any sexual tension between the two of you prior to now, I kinda doubt it exists. But that's just my opinion.
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Old 7th November 2017, 11:50 AM   #12
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Maybe. I can only speak for myself, but I'd have trouble being physically attracted to any of my ex-husband's buddies, even the ones who are very good looking. I've just known them too long as a "buddy." If there had never been any sexual tension between the two of you prior to now, I kinda doubt it exists. But that's just my opinion.
Well it's kinda hard to build sexual tension when she's married to my buddy..and I recently just started hanging out with her again..

If you look at my last thread from a few days ago there has been some weird stuff that happened between us flirting wise
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Old 7th November 2017, 12:20 PM   #13
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Does he have any interest in moving to the east coast?
I didn't mention his ivy league education, the fact that he is a CEO of an ethically focused investment firm, has an organic farm / orchard.... Yeah he is unreal.

And he got married this summer! She is lovely, beautiful and seems perfect for him (first marriage at 43!)
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Old 7th November 2017, 2:55 PM   #14
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I can't remember loving someone's sense of humour and not being attracted to him. Maybe because I don't laugh too often, so when someone is actually hilarious it impresses me and gives him ++++ points.
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Old 8th November 2017, 5:35 AM   #15
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Even if you manage to have a relationship with her. Your still friends with her ex. Its too much of a soap opera.

I say date other women. If she really wants you. She will make a move on you.
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