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I dont know how to find the woman of my dreams.


In Search Of... Having a hard time forming friendships or finding companions, lovers, or associates? Is someone pursuing an unwelcome relationship with you? Talk about your experiences here.

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Old 3rd November 2017, 2:48 PM   #1
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Unhappy Earning a woman with no time?

Hello, im a 31 male and this is my story, ill try to make it as short as possible.

I started chatting with this lady and the more we talked, the more we found to have things in common, made a lot of jokes, we loved talking to each other. The more time passed, the more we talked, to the point where i wake up every day and already had "good morning" on my phone.

So, she is the kind of woman that likes to go very slow even to meet with a man for a drink, you have to earn her trust. We finally meet and it goes perfect! We talk a lot, laugh a lot and have a lot of fun, we were together for about 4 hours.

Sounds good by now right?

Well, i started to feel something for her, so i asked her what was that day about. Was it a date or just a friendly meeting? The answer is the latest...

She works 7 days a week, her boss is her ex and she wants to quit that job, but she is stressed not only by her job, but because she knows her next job wont be paid as good as this, one of her many options is traveling (escaping) somewhere else for a year or so, to disconnect from everything.

Basically she said she has no time for relationships until her personal situation goes better, which could be months from now.

I think that puts me either "first in queue" or in friend zone.

So i dont know what do do... should i just disappear, slowly fade out and see if she misses me, or act like nothing and see what happens?

Her situation looks bad, i know, but the is the kind of woman that i want to be the mother of my children, and trust me im very demanding, shes 100% what i want in life. Only have found one woman like this before, dated her for 2 years but didnt work out... so please note that i have a really hard time finding women like this.

What should i do?

Last edited by warp123; 3rd November 2017 at 2:50 PM..
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Old 3rd November 2017, 2:51 PM   #2
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What should you do? Take it as a rejection and move on, that's what you should do.

The bigger the story the bigger the lie.
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Old 3rd November 2017, 2:53 PM   #3
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What should you do? Take it as a rejection and move on, that's what you should do.

The bigger the story the bigger the lie.
I knew her a long time ago (but real quick) and by then i already knew she was always busy. Some years have passed and she has always told me how busy she is. This is something that she has been telling me for months, not a last minute made up story. She is busy for real.
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Old 3rd November 2017, 2:56 PM   #4
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She is the manager of 5 restaurants, also does human resources. Sorry but couldnt edit the previous post.
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Old 3rd November 2017, 3:07 PM   #5
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I knew her a long time ago (but real quick) and by then i already knew she was always busy. Some years have passed and she has always told me how busy she is. This is something that she has been telling me for months, not a last minute made up story. She is busy for real.
Yet she has time to text you good morning and chat every single day. It doesn't matter how busy someone is, if they are interested they make time. Most excuses for not wanting to date (and that's what this one sounds like, are just that - excuses). It's a soft landing so your feelings aren't hurt too badly. You're only other option besides friendzone is to go all out and start creeping on her. But that only works in the movies. IRL 99 times out of 100, she either blocks you or it ends in a restraining order...
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Old 3rd November 2017, 3:13 PM   #6
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Yet she has time to text you good morning and chat every single day. It doesn't matter how busy someone is, if they are interested they make time. Most excuses for not wanting to date (and that's what this one sounds like, are just that - excuses). It's a soft landing so your feelings aren't hurt too badly. You're only other option besides friendzone is to go all out and start creeping on her. But that only works in the movies. IRL 99 times out of 100, she either blocks you or it ends in a restraining order...
Good morning is easy to write, you can write while you get your coffee machine working.

She barely talks during the day (one line or two maximum) until she is almost in bed when she ends her shift at midnight. Most conversations are at this time, we chat for an hour or two.

Im pretty attractive, dont have trouble finding woman to bang so i doubt its the problem, and there seemed to be a lot of chemistry. Maybe her breakup is too recent?

Shes been telling me about her plans of maybe leaving way before meeting.

Or maybe you are right, i dont know.

Being in the situation or not, you can see what you want, both from my view and from outside. But i appreciate your thoughts.


Should i just totally disappear and block her everywhere?

Should i disappear slowly, stopping the daily chats and see how she reacts? (Principle of least interest) https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Princi...least_interest

Last edited by warp123; 3rd November 2017 at 3:27 PM..
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Old 3rd November 2017, 3:56 PM   #7
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You can continue along with this, but I'd definitely date other women as well
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Old 3rd November 2017, 4:00 PM   #8
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She works 7 days a week, her boss is her ex and she wants to quit that job, but she is stressed not only by her job, but because she knows her next job wont be paid as good as this, one of her many options is traveling (escaping) somewhere else for a year or so, to disconnect from everything.
I dunno. When I'm working 7 days a week and really don't want to be there, I can't think of anything better than a night out (however brief it may be) and some good sex to relieve stress. Men and women are different in that way sometimes, but not THAT different. From what you describe, she just doesn't seem interested.

I'll share a current interaction I'm having that is exactly what I'm talking about. I've been texting back and forth with a girl for 2 or 3 weeks now. She kept agreeing to meet, but was VERY slow to respond to texts and flaked every single time. She complained constantly about how busy she is and that various aspects of her life are stressing her out. I finally got tired of it and deleted her number. Wednesday night she texts me yet again about meeting. I agree only because I'm already out and told her to come to where I was. Well we finally met and really hit it off. She has now texted me good morning two days in a row. Called me last night and talked on the phone for an hour. Last night she also mentioned being very spontaneous and is hinting at plans for next week. What happened to busy, stressed, and can never meet??? Women play these games...
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Old 3rd November 2017, 4:04 PM   #9
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So you're telling me she can travel and escape for one full year but can't leave her 24/7 job with her ex for a more reasonable one because it pays well?
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Old 3rd November 2017, 4:19 PM   #10
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You can continue along with this, but I'd definitely date other women as well
If would definitely date others, same as ive been doing before meeting her in person.

The thing is, how would you "continue along"? Should i act like nothing? should i be colder...?


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I dunno. When I'm working 7 days a week and really don't want to be there, I can't think of anything better than a night out (however brief it may be) and some good sex to relieve stress. Men and women are different in that way sometimes, but not THAT different. From what you describe, she just doesn't seem interested.

I'll share a current interaction I'm having that is exactly what I'm talking about. I've been texting back and forth with a girl for 2 or 3 weeks now. She kept agreeing to meet, but was VERY slow to respond to texts and flaked every single time. She complained constantly about how busy she is and that various aspects of her life are stressing her out. I finally got tired of it and deleted her number. Wednesday night she texts me yet again about meeting. I agree only because I'm already out and told her to come to where I was. Well we finally met and really hit it off. She has now texted me good morning two days in a row. Called me last night and talked on the phone for an hour. Last night she also mentioned being very spontaneous and is hinting at plans for next week. What happened to busy, stressed, and can never meet??? Women play these games...
Well she works until midnight and wakes up early too, shortest shifts are 10 hours.

Your girl was making excuses to NOT meet. Mine does want to meet again, its just that she is at least for now not expecting to end in an LTR

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So you're telling me she can travel and escape for one full year but can't leave her 24/7 job with her ex for a more reasonable one because it pays well?
She would rent her apartment while she is away.

Last edited by warp123; 3rd November 2017 at 4:22 PM..
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Old 3rd November 2017, 4:25 PM   #11
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Are you definitely sure her ex is really her ex?

Being always busy and midnight texting may be a bit suspicious...
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Old 3rd November 2017, 4:27 PM   #12
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She has her priorities but dating you isn't one of them. I'd accept it and turn your attention elsewhere - great if she initiates meeting up for coffee or a drink sometime, but I'd stop putting effort into daily chats.
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Old 3rd November 2017, 4:32 PM   #13
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Well she works until midnight and wakes up early too, shortest shifts are 10 hours.

Your girl was making excuses to NOT meet. Mine does want to meet again, its just that she is at least for now not expecting to end in an LTR
Something doesn't add up. Anyone who works shifts is hourly. If she works 7 days a week and 10 hours a day, that's a minimum of 70 hours but sounds like 80, 90, or 100 hours. And she works in HR? It sounds like many labor laws are being violated unless she opts out and chooses to be there. But I thought she doesn't want to be there?

What is the difference between making excuses not to meet or making excuses not to date. If the end game for you is marriage and kids, there is no difference except you're wasting your time if you agree to continually meet someone who doesn't want the same thing from a relationship as you do...
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Old 3rd November 2017, 4:33 PM   #14
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Are you definitely sure her ex is really her ex?

Being always busy and midnight texting may be a bit suspicious...
It would make sense to lie if we were actually dating, but we are not.

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She has her priorities but dating you isn't one of them.
Why does it have to be "date me" and not just "date" in general?

I mean why do you make it so there has to be always a person or another person? When i left my ex (i was the dumper) i didnt feel like meeting any girls for many weeks, even if it was just for sex.

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Something doesn't add up. Anyone who works shifts is hourly. If she works 7 days a week and 10 hours a day, that's a minimum of 70 hours but sounds like 80, 90, or 100 hours. And she works in HR? It sounds like many labor laws are being violated unless she opts out and chooses to be there. But I thought she doesn't want to be there?

What is the difference between making excuses not to meet or making excuses not to date. If the end game for you is marriage and kids, there is no difference except you're wasting your time if you agree to continually meet someone who doesn't want the same thing from a relationship as you do...
Its not in the US to begin with.
Like i said before, when im stressed, like when i dumped my ex, i dont feel like meeting anybody. Never happened to you?

Last edited by warp123; 3rd November 2017 at 4:37 PM..
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Old 3rd November 2017, 4:46 PM   #15
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The thing is, how would you "continue along"? Should i act like nothing? should i be colder...?
You said she wants to meet you again, so continue to go on spending time with her.

THROW the relationship, bf/gf crap out the window. Don't worry about all that. Get that garbage out of your head and have fun with her
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