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Getting Rejected Sucks


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Old 28th October 2017, 11:57 AM   #1
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Getting Rejected Sucks

I don't care what anybody says, rejection sucks.

You really like a girl, you take some time to get to know her and then you finally ask her out and she says no and then she ends up falling for another guy. And I know you're not entitled to her attention, or you're not entitled to a girlfriend, but getting rejected still doesn't feel good. Who woudn't be upset?

The first time getting rejected isn't so bad. You can easily bounce back. But if you're getting rejected constantly, time and time again, then you start questioning yourself and you start to think something is seriously wrong with you.

That's why I refuse to use Tinder. I had a bad experience back in 2015, just getting constantly ghosted by women. And I will admit, I had no idea how to text women, and how to ask girls out so no wonder I was getting ghosted. But I still felt really bad. Every time I got ghosted by a girl, it would ruin my day. Sometimes even my week.

How do you even cope with rejection? I don't even know.

Sometimes I wonder if the pursuit of women is really even worth it. My dating woes have caused me years of pain, sadness, and feelings of being left out. The only reason why I haven't quit chasing girls is because i'm young and horny as ****. If I didn't want women as bad as I did, I would have quit chasing years ago. I would have been like screw this dating bull****, too much pain and frustration.

Last edited by GuitarGuy7; 28th October 2017 at 12:10 PM..
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Old 28th October 2017, 12:12 PM   #2
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Originally Posted by GuitarGuy7 View Post
I don't care what anybody says, rejection sucks.
I'm not sure I've ever heard anyone say otherwise.

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You really like a girl, you take some time to get to know her and then you finally ask her out and she says no and then she ends up falling for another guy. And I know you're not entitled to her attention, or you're not entitled to a girlfriend, but getting rejected still doesn't feel good. Who woudn't be upset?
And herein lies your problem. All other things being equal, while you were taking your time to get to know her, but apparently not making your intentions clear, someone else did and now she's with him.

If I meet someone and I like them in a romantic way, I make it clear by my actions and secondarily with words, that I like them that way, from the beginning. There is no ambiguity. If they then choose someone else at least it wasn't because my intentions weren't clear from the get go.

Still sucks though...
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Old 28th October 2017, 12:24 PM   #3
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Originally Posted by GuitarGuy7 View Post
I don't care what anybody says, rejection sucks.

You really like a girl, you take some time to get to know her and then you finally ask her out and she says no and then she ends up falling for another guy. And I know you're not entitled to her attention, or you're not entitled to a girlfriend, but getting rejected still doesn't feel good. Who woudn't be upset?

The first time getting rejected isn't so bad. You can easily bounce back. But if you're getting rejected constantly, time and time again, then you start questioning yourself and you start to think something is seriously wrong with you.

That's why I refuse to use Tinder. I had a bad experience back in 2015, just getting constantly ghosted by women. And I will admit, I had no idea how to text women, and how to ask girls out so no wonder I was getting ghosted. But I still felt really bad. Every time I got ghosted by a girl, it would ruin my day. Sometimes even my week.

How do you even cope with rejection? I don't even know.

Sometimes I wonder if the pursuit of women is really even worth it. My dating woes have caused me years of pain, sadness, and feelings of being left out. The only reason why I haven't quit chasing girls is because i'm young and horny as ****. If I didn't want women as bad as I did, I would have quit chasing years ago. I would have been like screw this dating bull****, too much pain and frustration.
All absolutely true. You just need to tell yourself life goes, the sun will rise tomorrow and set again and around you will be presented with that thing called life and the many things we as people should be thankful for.


I have been where you are often, in fact I have never had a second date with anyone so I can relate.


Is it worth it, from where I am sitting not really but doesn't stop me looking at that pretty girl who walks past me in the mall what I have stopped doing is taking any OLD app seriously. See them for what they are which to me is frankly nonsense.


Its very easy to let dating woes infuse your entire life with negativity you CANNOT allow this to happy because everything will be negative and that's no way to live life, again I know this from experience.
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Old 28th October 2017, 3:29 PM   #4
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You're putting too much focus on the individual girl. If you have to work up the courage to ask her out, and then you take it personally if she doesn't accept, then you are simply not asking out enough girls. For me the compatibility with any random woman in my age group is in the single percent range. Why would I expect any different from the woman herself? So your expectations are wrong in this regard.

Don't overthink things before talking to a girl. Just do it, and do it more often.
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Old 28th October 2017, 5:29 PM   #5
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I am not trying to marginalize your feelings. I know it hurts. I want only to speculate on what my feelings would be as a man, perhaps to give another perspective. I guess not, since it is mere speculation, but humor me.

I would love to be a man. Not only do men have so much more than can improve upon than women do, they actually hold a lot of power in courtship. I know this can be spun around the other way and I'm not trying to start a gender battle here, but consider the fact that men are expect to approach


That is power to me. If I approach a man and ask him out...it's weird. There's a weird element off the bat, sexual/romantic interest aside. A man would assume I might be the 'lady of the night' or desperate. Men assume women get lots of offers, which may be true for SOME women, but let's say she wants to ask a specific man out. It's weird/different, at least in my culture.

I would LOVE to be a man, merely because I would be able to court/ask out women. That rejection was all part of it. I would get as charming as I could. I would practice confidence/conversational skills. I would work on my style/appearance as much as possible. Then I would approach/talk. And I'd do it often. I would let rejections roll off like water on a duck's back. Do this by realizing it is a numbers game. & one lady is not interested does not mean that several others do not find you desirable. There are so many reasons why a lady would say "no". I think rejection hurts so much for men because it is a vestigial feeling lingering from when we were much more confined in much smaller groups and being rejected by one lady meant more rejection from others or complete ostrazation as a sexual partner (think preselection). These days, with so many people, you're likely to not run into that lady again. JMO

Last edited by Cookiesandough; 28th October 2017 at 5:41 PM..
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Old 28th October 2017, 6:02 PM   #6
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I personally think that we will all meet that special someone when we really stop making it a priority.

Do we all have to go on Tinder/Match.com etc. In real life. Perhaps we should just chill. I know its tough, but why should a lot of us stress in this area of our lives.

When I look a some of my male friends. They did not do anything major to have their women in their lives. The women just came to them. Only one met his wife on Match.com.

To be honest. I really feel that for me personally. A woman is going to have to get me and do the leg work with me. For some reason. It does not work well when I have to be the driving force in finding a love match.

A lot of all this dating stuff is no fun. I am not going on a first couple of dates and striving to have her as my GF right away or jumping into bed.

I don't know why everything has to be so complex. My parents met in Spring of 1968 and Married in Nov 1969 and had me in March of 71 and My brother in Jan of 1973.

My brother and I are Mysterio-46/K-44 are not married with kids. It drives our parents nuts.

Its starting to come across to me like maybe having a Love life is not for us, in terms of it just being straight forward cut and dry. Its not like the women are just easy to get with. I am talking beyond sex. For a lot of us its just a chore.

Once again. I really don't know anyone that has gone long with out having somone drop into their lives romantically. My Male friends that are attached. They were not out there looking to the extreem or on the dating sites and really working it.

I think that Prayer and being open is the best way to be.
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Old 28th October 2017, 6:21 PM   #7
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Originally Posted by Cookiesandough View Post
I am not trying to marginalize your feelings. I know it hurts. I want only to speculate on what my feelings would be as a man, perhaps to give another perspective. I guess not, since it is mere speculation, but humor me.

I would love to be a man. Not only do men have so much more than can improve upon than women do, they actually hold a lot of power in courtship. I know this can be spun around the other way and I'm not trying to start a gender battle here, but consider the fact that men are expect to approach


That is power to me. If I approach a man and ask him out...it's weird. There's a weird element off the bat, sexual/romantic interest aside. A man would assume I might be the 'lady of the night' or desperate. Men assume women get lots of offers, which may be true for SOME women, but let's say she wants to ask a specific man out. It's weird/different, at least in my culture.

I would LOVE to be a man, merely because I would be able to court/ask out women. That rejection was all part of it. I would get as charming as I could. I would practice confidence/conversational skills. I would work on my style/appearance as much as possible. Then I would approach/talk. And I'd do it often. I would let rejections roll off like water on a duck's back. Do this by realizing it is a numbers game. & one lady is not interested does not mean that several others do not find you desirable. There are so many reasons why a lady would say "no". I think rejection hurts so much for men because it is a vestigial feeling lingering from when we were much more confined in much smaller groups and being rejected by one lady meant more rejection from others or complete ostrazation as a sexual partner (think preselection). These days, with so many people, you're likely to not run into that lady again. JMO
Thanks for sharing your point of view and I agree that women have to deal with their own problems as well. Now I understand why some women don't approach.

I do think that there is definitely a trade off between being a man and woman. Each gender has their own advantages and disadvantages dating wise.

Last edited by GuitarGuy7; 28th October 2017 at 6:35 PM..
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Old 28th October 2017, 7:35 PM   #8
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Originally Posted by Cookiesandough View Post
I am not trying to marginalize your feelings. I know it hurts. I want only to speculate on what my feelings would be as a man, perhaps to give another perspective. I guess not, since it is mere speculation, but humor me.

I would love to be a man. Not only do men have so much more than can improve upon than women do, they actually hold a lot of power in courtship. I know this can be spun around the other way and I'm not trying to start a gender battle here, but consider the fact that men are expect to approach


That is power to me. If I approach a man and ask him out...it's weird. There's a weird element off the bat, sexual/romantic interest aside. A man would assume I might be the 'lady of the night' or desperate. Men assume women get lots of offers, which may be true for SOME women, but let's say she wants to ask a specific man out. It's weird/different, at least in my culture.

I would LOVE to be a man, merely because I would be able to court/ask out women. That rejection was all part of it. I would get as charming as I could. I would practice confidence/conversational skills. I would work on my style/appearance as much as possible. Then I would approach/talk. And I'd do it often. I would let rejections roll off like water on a duck's back. Do this by realizing it is a numbers game. & one lady is not interested does not mean that several others do not find you desirable. There are so many reasons why a lady would say "no". I think rejection hurts so much for men because it is a vestigial feeling lingering from when we were much more confined in much smaller groups and being rejected by one lady meant more rejection from others or complete ostrazation as a sexual partner (think preselection). These days, with so many people, you're likely to not run into that lady again. JMO
Has it ever occurred to you that some men don't approach or cold approach?? More common than you think...And also, do you really believe that a woman approaching a guy would immediately be thought of as a prostitute??? Really.??\

Perhaps true in your culture, but its really not that rare...In fact, esp as women get older, they probably do more of the pursuing than the men do...IME, anyway....

Well...at least we can agree on one thing...Life is kind of better as a man...But look at the bright side,...You live longer...

TFY
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Old 28th October 2017, 8:22 PM   #9
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It probably won't help but I know if a guy is interested and is driven by sexual frustration, it can come across as intensity to a woman. When I have talked with guys who are sex driven, I have felt they do not listen to me, they seem distracted, they also seem serious and intense, rarely smiling.

The above may not apply to you and you may come across totally differently, but a woman can sense if a guy is driven by frustration. The intensity feels a bit unnerving, the seriousness can feel worrying too because one wonders why he is so serious and intense looking. It is only with time that I have learned that guys don't realise they are doing this. On top of that, the distraction and lack of interest in the woman as a person, tends to make a woman take a step back and avoid being alone with a guy.

I know a guy cannot avoid feeling frustrated. I only say the above because I think it might help for guys to know how it can feel from the other side. A woman will generally want to get to know a guy before having sex with him. She tends to expect that to be a two-way thing. He tends to be thinking of sex and does not prioritise anything else. There is a real mismatch in terms of expectations and vibes.

Basically, a guy being friendly and relaxed is nicer to be near. One can feel safe with such a guy, get to know him, relax and laugh. There is no shortcut to sex, unless you are fantastic looking or have an incredible, sparkling personality. I would say stop expecting a shortcut, accept it might not happen, just relax and enjoy the company of women. You might find that things change when that sexual intensity is taken out of the equation.
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Old 28th October 2017, 8:49 PM   #10
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But look at the bright side,...You live longer...

TFY
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Old 28th October 2017, 9:55 PM   #11
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Has it ever occurred to you that some men don't approach or cold approach?? More common than you think...And also, do you really believe that a woman approaching a guy would immediately be thought of as a prostitute??? Really.??\

Perhaps true in your culture, but its really not that rare...In fact, esp as women get older, they probably do more of the pursuing than the men do...IME, anyway....

Well...at least we can agree on one thing...Life is kind of better as a man...But look at the bright side,...You live longer...

TFY
lol xD of course. I think it's a 'power' they do not exercise nearly as often as they should or they abuse it to the point that we need harrassment laws, but if I were a man, I would cold approach and face rejection constantly.

If by approaching you mean starting a conversation and then having the man take the lead, I would agree with you it's not usual. But a woman cold approaching where I'm from (usa) outside of a bar scenario where the woman is plastered or the woman is naturally very bold in general isn't common. It's also usually when the woman is VERY into the guy, whereas not uncommon a man asks out 5 "good enough" women a day.

Do you disagree if a Monica Bellucci approached the average neckbeard saying "hey there...I couldn't help but notice how handsome you are. Was wondering if we could go out sometime" red flags would NOT go up in his mind? Yet this is quite common in reverse and no one bats an eye save for flirtatiousness

Last edited by Cookiesandough; 28th October 2017 at 9:58 PM..
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Old 28th October 2017, 11:06 PM   #12
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Do you disagree if a Monica Bellucci approached the average neckbeard saying "hey there...I couldn't help but notice how handsome you are. Was wondering if we could go out sometime" red flags would NOT go up in his mind? Yet this is quite common in reverse and no one bats an eye save for flirtatiousness
Didn't know she was into them neckbeards

I'm not gonna lie, if a hot girl approached me and started hitting on me, i'd probably think it was some sort of joke or some ulterior motive. Like she wants me to follow her to her house so I can get kidnapped?

Because for us dudes, getting approached by women happens so rarely.
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Old 28th October 2017, 11:37 PM   #13
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You are making two mistakes with your approach to dating. Fix these and you will have more success.

Yeah, getting rejected sucks, especially when you invested so much into one girl. That is one of your problems, investing too much into one girl. You should approach dating more like a fisherman. Get some good bait, cast it out, and wait to reel her in. Forget Sally down the road unless she already seems interested. I don't care how hot she is. Put yourself out there and learn to notice signals that ladies are interested. Investing your time and energy all into one girl who may or may not be interested just leaves you feeling like crap if she is not.

Another thing that makes rejection suck is the fact that you really aren't all that used to it. How many times have you been rejected in your life? Seriously? Unless you are an especially busy guy, I have likely been rejected more in just one evening. Back in the day when my friends and I would hit the town, I was the guy they used to draw the ladies in. Not because I was the best looking, but because I had the nerve to talk to women. On your average night out, I would approach any pretty girl that either my friends or I would find interesting. Nine times out of ten, I would get rejected, often harshly. Yeah, it hurt. Sometimes a lot. You know what, after a week or so of doing this, I no longer cared. By the end of that summer, if a girl rejected me, I always had a witty retort. Sometimes that would earn me a laugh was even occasionally enough to get her to rethink her rejection. Either way, I no longer care if some girl isn't interested in me.

Start by talking to random women everywhere. On the subway, in the deli, your cashier, all of them. I don't even care what they look like. Sometimes, you will notice they are into you. Learn to see that, and those are the women you ask out.
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Old 28th October 2017, 11:41 PM   #14
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lol xD of course. I think it's a 'power' they do not exercise nearly as often as they should or they abuse it to the point that we need harrassment laws, but if I were a man, I would cold approach and face rejection constantly.

If by approaching you mean starting a conversation and then having the man take the lead, I would agree with you it's not usual. But a woman cold approaching where I'm from (usa) outside of a bar scenario where the woman is plastered or the woman is naturally very bold in general isn't common. It's also usually when the woman is VERY into the guy, whereas not uncommon a man asks out 5 "good enough" women a day.

Do you disagree if a Monica Bellucci approached the average neckbeard saying "hey there...I couldn't help but notice how handsome you are. Was wondering if we could go out sometime" red flags would NOT go up in his mind? Yet this is quite common in reverse and no one bats an eye save for flirtatiousness
Don't buy into that "5 cold approach a day" bullcrap...In fact, I watch guys out on the street doing this...Its no wonder they strike out all the time..Its not common....Only idiots do that...I mean,think about it.. only some desperate and undesirable fool would just start hitting on women like that...Anyone worth a shyt couldn't find 5 women that fit a certain criteria in an entire year, maybe more...So why bother hitting on all these women??

Look...I get it....You are a bit timid...NOT every woman is like that, nor should you start to adopt that methodology...And maybe this is something that happens only in certain locales..

But i've seen it on a number of occasions....Heck, even one time I was driving a truck and needed fuel. so I pulled off into this backwoods town somewhere and kinda got lost...I stopped in a local convenience and there was only a clerk(who didn't speak much English) and a woman who I hadn't even noticed at the time...I ask the guy for directions and he has no clue, I start walking out and the woman stops me and goes into this long winded explanation of how to get where I need to go,. then proceeds to ask a bunch of personal questions and ....well...is basically holding up a sign for me.. ...I just thanked her and left..

But the point is, women do it all the time...Your example is kinda silly as a woman like that of course isn't going to be that direct, nor would she settle for some idiot on the street, but who knows? Maybe in her circles she sees what she wants and goes after it....

TFY
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Old 28th October 2017, 11:43 PM   #15
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I would love to be a man. Not only do men have so much more than can improve upon than women do, they actually hold a lot of power in courtship. I know this can be spun around the other way and I'm not trying to start a gender battle here, but consider the fact that men are expect to approach
The grass is always greener on the other side.

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That is power to me. If I approach a man and ask him out...it's weird. There's a weird element off the bat, sexual/romantic interest aside. A man would assume I might be the 'lady of the night' or desperate. Men assume women get lots of offers, which may be true for SOME women, but let's say she wants to ask a specific man out. It's weird/different, at least in my culture.
Women occasionally hit on me and I don't immediately jump to the conclusion they are a prostitute. Now, if you were incredibly hot and me being the average looking guy that I am, I might be a bit shocked if you showed interest without first getting to know me, but my self esteem would have to be real crap to assume you're a hooker.

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I would LOVE to be a man, merely because I would be able to court/ask out women. That rejection was all part of it. I would get as charming as I could. I would practice confidence/conversational skills. I would work on my style/appearance as much as possible. Then I would approach/talk. And I'd do it often. I would let rejections roll off like water on a duck's back. Do this by realizing it is a numbers game. & one lady is not interested does not mean that several others do not find you desirable. There are so many reasons why a lady would say "no". I think rejection hurts so much for men because it is a vestigial feeling lingering from when we were much more confined in much smaller groups and being rejected by one lady meant more rejection from others or complete ostrazation as a sexual partner (think preselection). These days, with so many people, you're likely to not run into that lady again. JMO
Easier said than done. We all have our gifts, and not everyone is gifted with charm. If some creepy lookin dude started trying to work on his charm, where do you think that will get him? Just some odd stares and a bunch of creeped out ladies. You are pretty and I am a good BSer. Sure, you can practice your talking a bit, and maybe I can work on my appearance some, but our gifts remain the same. It's no easier for men than it is for women, trust me.

It's only a numbers game when you don't have feelings for someone.
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