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Frustrated with dating


In Search Of... Having a hard time forming friendships or finding companions, lovers, or associates? Is someone pursuing an unwelcome relationship with you? Talk about your experiences here.

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Old 29th October 2017, 4:31 PM   #46
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Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Los Angeles, CA
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lauwatchthestars View Post
I feel sorry that your online dating experience is leaving you frustrated -at the same time, just wanted to throw a reminder that not all foreigners are dating random people off the internet just to get a green card, though. Maybe she really only likes you because of who you are. I'm a 35-year-old woman from Italy on a temporary visa who's dating (or trying to lol) men in NYC and I can assure you that no green card *hope* will make me lower my standards or date people I'm not interested in. That's just a ridiculous cliché.
I agree with you. I noted it in the back of my mind, but it's many of the respondents to this thread who are making that ridiculous assumption...
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Old 11th November 2017, 3:18 PM   #47
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Originally Posted by CryForNoOne View Post
I've had a recent string off horrible OLD interactions that has made me not want to date at all. I never understood why women would say they were tired of dating or they hated the process - surely a free dinner or drinks was better than just sitting at home. I'm starting to get it now...

My standards for looks are pretty high and I think it is a major source of my frustration. But I went on a few dates with women that I didn't find all that attractive. They are so much easier to get along with and none of the drama. But I just wasn't that attracted so I slow faded. I decided to stop going on those dates as I was just wasting my time and worse yet, leading some women on... About 2 months ago I made a concerted effort to date women closer to my age. They are definitely more mature. Not one has cancelled or flaked, but most look much older or are noticeably heavier than in their pics. Several were hiding major skeletons - one was still married, another claimed she only had one kid but actually had 5 with 3 different fathers. Her justification for listing only was that she had no visitation rights to the other 4 - implying she must have been a terrible mom. Another said she didn't drink - which I found later also meant she lived in an AA halfway house because she was a recovering coke addict (also kinda explained her weight gain from pics). "I don't even remember age 25 to 35" does not make a great first date impression.

So in October I went back to targeting the younger pretty girls but that has led to a long train wreck of models, singers, actresses, and designers that have left me utterly frustrated. I've lost track, but of the dozen or so first meets I setup, at least half of the mid-twenties to early-thirties starlet types have flaked. First of all setting many of the meetups has been a joke. Most can't meet for well over a week, which is kinda ridiculous if we live nearby. We're talking about coffee or a drink, not a date. The further out the date, the higher the likelihood that they flake. Anything over a week and it's guaranteed. We'll chat briefly, I get a number, then text to setup a meet. 24-48 hours before I send a text to confirm and they either cancel or ghost altogether. Two women wanted to chat on the phone before they agreed to meet. No problem. But one of them scheduled, postponed, and rescheduled the call so many times, it took over a week to just talk on the phone. Gimme a break... We're now 3 weeks into trying to meet. She keeps suggesting dates, then asking to reschedule because she's either tired or had to cover someone's shift (barista while waiting for auditions). The other one I talked on the phone with wanted to meet for drinks last Friday at 10PM. She texted me at 7PM that night and said she went out with girlfriends and got too drunk and asked to reschedule. I deleted her number. The absolute winner was one I met on Tinder about 3 weeks ago. We started chatting about 11PM on a random weeknight. We really hit it off and agreed to meet that night. We had a couple drinks before last call and we both wanted to see each other right away so we had dinner the very next night. We hooked up and she ended up staying over. So far everything is great. That night, she was lamenting that her roommate destroyed her laptop by spilling coffee on it (it's important to note this was AFTER sex). I told her I had an old laptop I was happy to give her but had to delete my old data off of it. I had my daughter over that coming weekend and we agreed to see each other on Sunday night and hang out through Monday afternoon. A couple hours before we meet, she sends me the following text:

"I'm not gonna make it tonight, and I don't think I'll be able to tomorrow now. TBH, really just interested in the laptop bc you said, that's all. if not I guess that's fine lol"

I replied "Ouch. I guess thanks for brutal honesty. Maybe you can pickup next week."

She replies "Sorry man. Don't have time for maybes. yes or no. Good day to you and all of your endeavors."

Wow. What a cold b!tch. I replied "No."

There has been one and exactly one girl who has been a delight to deal with. She is a 24 year old model from Sweden who is trying to get her green card. She suggested meeting for 5PM happy hour the very next day which was a good sign. Reconfirmed that morning. Ironically, she texted me again at 4:20PM reconfirming a second time. I wasn't near my phone so I didn't reply until 4:45PM. She wound up being late because she said there are so many flakes in America (and LA in particular) that she felt the need to reconfirm over and over before actually getting in the car. The first 30 minutes of our meet was exchanging horror stories about flakes we met (or didn't meet) on Tinder. She said in Sweden if you set a date, even if it is two weeks away, you never need to reconfirm. People just show up. She said that both men and women in America are AWFUL. I like her, but I also think she is too young. I'm 45, she's 24. My criteria now is that all the other women have set the bar so low, that merely showing up, not cancelling or ghosting, and then not being a complete liar makes her the most attractive and mature of them all. She's already expressed reservations about the age difference but I'm seeing her again tomorrow.

I'm not sure where to go from here. Lowering my physical standards resulted in dates that I was going through the motions trying to fabricate feelings that just weren't there. Trying to date my age resulted in meeting a bunch of women who pretended they still looked great, but those were pics from 5-10 years ago. The pretty women in their 20's are just intolerably self-centered. I've heard many guys say American girls are undateable - and they sing the virtues of foreign beauties. I never really bought into that, but this last month has really made me wonder. I met another women in her late 20's from Russia about a month ago who was also extremely straightforward to deal with. We didn't have any chemistry so it was only one date but she was neither a flake, liar, or time waster.
It sounds like your issue is not dating but online dating, there's a big difference.
Quote:
Originally Posted by KBob View Post
You need to go into OLD with zero expectations of it working out.
Zero expectations; zero results. There no point in trying anything unless you have the initiative and are willing to fail.
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