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In Search Of... Having a hard time forming friendships or finding companions, lovers, or associates? Is someone pursuing an unwelcome relationship with you? Talk about your experiences here.

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Old 27th October 2017, 8:10 AM   #16
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Originally Posted by act00 View Post
You seem to have interests that fall in line with an industry that that has its fair share of problems. I met someone living in CA who found that a lot of young women aspiring to make it big in the entertainment industry were largely seeking men who could fork over money for boob jobs and head shots, and basically covering their living expenses. No matter what age group you seek, there are a lot of weeds. It's just not an easy path. That's what these first dates are about and/or some texting first. If you seek someone so young, you're going to have to deal with immaturity. If you seek someone older, they likely have baggage...not all are crazy, but you seem to migrate towards the worst of them.
Absolutely not true. I have no particular interest in any of those industries. Nor do I migrate towards anything. With the sheer volume of messages I send it's not possible to "migrate" or "gravitate". I don't even bother reading profiles until after I decide to message them i.e. swipe right. And it's only to write a witty one liner. As long as they aren't a Trump supporter or talk about God in their profile, I'll message them. But in this town, if a woman is good looking, apparently there is a 75% chance they are either an actress, singer, model, or work in the fashion industry. It's also important to note that MANY are college educated and have some long term career goal but the modelling or acting thing is either a dream or a way to pay their way through school.

The most ridiculous excuse for I cancel I ever got was about 2 months ago
Any Multidating Tips??? was from a PhD student who was none of the above (except really good looking)...

The sad irony is that about half the plain jane women I've gone on dates with were actresses as well (shakes head). They weren't flakes though, so it seems to correlate more to how much attention a woman gets, rather than their chosen profession.

I think one HUGE problem I have is that I am only available to date on WEEKNIGHTS. On weekends, I either have my daughter or am working. So I really can't date anyone who has a normal full time job. The women who can stay out all night on a Tuesday night are apparently riff-raff. Makes sense sadly...
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Old 27th October 2017, 8:32 AM   #17
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Out of curiosity what's your upper age limit?

I mean, most women in their 20s won't consider dating 45yo with a kid seriously. Unless you have something to offer them (green card, money, power). I am not surprised you have problems.
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Old 27th October 2017, 8:39 AM   #18
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You have lots of opportunities. You just aren't taking them.

There are dozens of business groups self employed people. Join one. It will get you out of the house; it will force you to network; it will help you grow your business & you will meet new people. Join your local Chamber of Commerce & go to those events.

Attend tech conferences. You have to interact with people to get clients & you have to keep your skills fresh. Industry learning events attract all sorts of people

N.B. I met my husband at a networking business card exchange.

Volunteer somewhere once per week doing something you are passionate about. Every non-profit I know needs a free tech guru. They will be thrilled to have you & you will have yet another opportunity to widen your social circle.

All your married friends -- ask them if they have single friends to introduce you to. Women love playing match maker. In that limited sense take advantage of your buddy's wives.

Join a gym. Take a walk at lunch time to see if there are single moms in your neighborhood.

Take or teach an adult education non for credit class -- ballroom dancing; golf; understanding the stock market; so you want to publish your 1st book; etc. It doesn't matter what you take. What you learn is a side bonus; you are there to meet the other students.

Go speed dating. Those groups need more men your age. The events keep getting cancelled because there are too may women.

My point is you have to make an effort. Especially as a self employed person you need to get out more.
The bolded is really not true. The women I'm interested in aren't attending those sorts of events. I am a member of LeTip international, one of those weekly business networking groups you are talking about. At 45, I'm almost the youngest person out of a room of nearly 100. There isn't one person in their I'd ever date. I binged on meetup.com for about a month earlier this year before I tried OLD. I attended meetups for snowboarding, young professional mixers, 20s and 30 somethings, board games. It was 7 guys hovering around each women that I wasn't even interested in. I did pickup a girl at the supermarket back in August and we dated for about 6 weeks, so I am trying. I do best at bars, but you can't just whip up dates on demand like you can with OLD. I think I'll give speed dating a try...
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Old 27th October 2017, 8:54 AM   #19
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Originally Posted by Eternal Sunshine View Post
Out of curiosity what's your upper age limit?

I mean, most women in their 20s won't consider dating 45yo with a kid seriously. Unless you have something to offer them (green card, money, power). I am not surprised you have problems.
No age limit. For instance, I have one client who is a single mom who really takes care of herself. She has a body better than most 25 year olds. She's 50 but I'd date her in a heartbeat. She's very flirty but I know she has a BF.

Looks-wise, probably 10% of women in their 20s. But by age 45, probably less than 1% of women. It's what I'm used to dating my whole adult life and as long as I can attract them, I won't let it go.

This has been discussed ad nauseam in prior threads but I don't look anywhere close to my age. If I meet a 26 year old women at a bar, she thinks I'm her age. Women my age think they'd be robbing the cradle until I make some obscure 80's pop culture references about hair bands or cheesy sitcoms...

I do reasonably well on OLD despite my age and daughter because I have a lot to offer on paper. Tall, in shape, good school, make lots of money, interesting hobbies, witty. As Versace Hottie says, I'm the master of the humble brag... ;-)
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Old 27th October 2017, 9:31 AM   #20
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To be honest I have not read your full post since it's too long.

I'm 32, look like 25-26 mx in person, good-looking as everyone told me so.

I would never go out for a date with a 45 year old man. Too old for me.

So if your target group is in their 20s up to early 30s and good-looking, it's gonna tough unless you're ultra good-looking, successful and rich. But then again, you will attract a lot of gold diggers, I'm not sure if that's what you want.

Last edited by soyou; 27th October 2017 at 9:33 AM..
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Old 27th October 2017, 9:42 AM   #21
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I think one HUGE problem I have is that I am only available to date on WEEKNIGHTS. On weekends, I either have my daughter or am working. So I really can't date anyone who has a normal full time job. The women who can stay out all night on a Tuesday night are apparently riff-raff. Makes sense sadly...
This is definitely a huge problem for you.

I would think most women near your age who have their act together aren't looking to stay out all night on a Tuesday, and probably want to date a man who can take her out on a Saturday night. You likely need a woman in the restaurant industry or some other type of industry where working weekends or more alternative hours are the norm.

To be honest, I find it strange that that you are having such a hard time finding women closer to your age who are attractive in Los Angeles. I live in the Midwest and I see very beautiful, put together women in their 30s and 40s all over the place.

I do think most women in their 20s likely aren't taking you seriously as a dating prospect, hence all the flaking.
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Old 27th October 2017, 9:46 AM   #22
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Dating is honestly what you make of it, whether you're using OLD or actively searching in RL. I used to become incredibly frustrated about it but I have just learned to at least try to enjoy the whole process without having any expectations.

And, I have solved myself a lot of problems by learning to er on the side of caution. I will can any date plans if I get a bad vibe from a woman and certainly won't go out on a second date if the first one went badly.

OLD, for all intents and purposes, sucks. But, I have run into a few bad situations in RL lately as well. I chatted with a cute, younger woman that coaches for our school after one of the games. We hit it off, swapped numbers and made plans to meet the next weekend. I made mention of this to a close friend and he told me he was positive that she had a boyfriend. I sent her a text about it and didn't get a response. I wrote it off, didn't get frustrated and just kept moving forward. I went to a school fund raiser the next weekend and there she was, with her boyfriend and he was glaring at me the entire time. I stayed away from the two of them but I would see him scowling me from across the gym. I did meet her gaze once and she turned bright red and turned away from me. I left after twenty minutes because it was just ridiculous. This isn't the first time this has happened to me around here either.
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Old 27th October 2017, 10:11 AM   #23
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I have experienced a fair bit of that type of behaviour lately on OLD too, but from men. I think the longer people are on OLD the ruder they get! And possibly with those in their 20s, that is all they have ever done, so they are the rudest and most inconsiderate of all. Im also a slim youthful 40s and it is so depressing meeting men my age, overweight, badly dressed, clear drinking problems (red noses etc). Add education, intelligence and chemistry to the compatibility mix and its like looking for a needle in a haystack. Maybe try women in their mid to late 30s? Problem there is a good number of them want babies and are seeing it slip away. So that is something to be aware of if you do not want more children, be upfront about that as it is not fair to date a woman who wants kids at that age if you really do not.
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Old 27th October 2017, 10:23 AM   #24
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To be honest, I find it strange that that you are having such a hard time finding women closer to your age who are attractive in Los Angeles. I live in the Midwest and I see very beautiful, put together women in their 30s and 40s all over the place.

I do think most women in their 20s likely aren't taking you seriously as a dating prospect, hence all the flaking.
Maybe we have different standards. When I visit my relatives in Ohio, Minnesota, and Wisconsin, all I see is the obesity and opioid epidemic in full force. Outside of Minneapolis or Chicago, it seems like really slim pickings...

I agree with your last statement but it is what it is. I'm not going to lie about my age etc...
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Old 27th October 2017, 10:26 AM   #25
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OLD, for all intents and purposes, sucks. But, I have run into a few bad situations in RL lately as well. I chatted with a cute, younger woman that coaches for our school after one of the games. We hit it off, swapped numbers and made plans to meet the next weekend. I made mention of this to a close friend and he told me he was positive that she had a boyfriend. I sent her a text about it and didn't get a response. I wrote it off, didn't get frustrated and just kept moving forward. I went to a school fund raiser the next weekend and there she was, with her boyfriend and he was glaring at me the entire time. I stayed away from the two of them but I would see him scowling me from across the gym. I did meet her gaze once and she turned bright red and turned away from me. I left after twenty minutes because it was just ridiculous. This isn't the first time this has happened to me around here either.
I'll second that. The last women I dated IRL turned out to be sleeping with her ex-BF the same time she was with me. When I confronted her about it, she basically admitted she wanted her cake and to eat it too so I split. So basically she is EXACTLY like the girl you met but I didn't have a close friend to warn me that she already had a BF. She was a complete stranger...
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Old 27th October 2017, 10:30 AM   #26
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I have experienced a fair bit of that type of behaviour lately on OLD too, but from men. I think the longer people are on OLD the ruder they get! And possibly with those in their 20s, that is all they have ever done, so they are the rudest and most inconsiderate of all. Im also a slim youthful 40s and it is so depressing meeting men my age, overweight, badly dressed, clear drinking problems (red noses etc). Add education, intelligence and chemistry to the compatibility mix and its like looking for a needle in a haystack. Maybe try women in their mid to late 30s? Problem there is a good number of them want babies and are seeing it slip away. So that is something to be aware of if you do not want more children, be upfront about that as it is not fair to date a woman who wants kids at that age if you really do not.
Sounds like most of my male friends my age... For almost 25 years, I've gone on an annual camping trip with guys I've known from college. In some of the group photos, about half the guys look like they could be my dad.
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Old 27th October 2017, 10:45 AM   #27
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Similar boat to OP, what I can say is that the supply/demand imbalance is just there in most cities in the US (I'm told the southeast favors men,northeast favors women).

Any good looking woman I go out with has 20 options if not me. Up to me to be charming and witty and fun, and sometimes it happens and sometimes not, but it's not a normal 50/50 dynamic.

Don't hate the player hate the game. But OP is dead right on it and we all bitch about it behind the scenes.
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Old 27th October 2017, 10:57 AM   #28
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I can see why you're struggling, you come across as incredibly entitled to me. Maybe try dating someone your own age who isn't a barista and just wants you as a sugar daddy.
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Old 27th October 2017, 10:58 AM   #29
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I have experienced a fair bit of that type of behaviour lately on OLD too, but from men. I think the longer people are on OLD the ruder they get! And possibly with those in their 20s, that is all they have ever done, so they are the rudest and most inconsiderate of all. Im also a slim youthful 40s and it is so depressing meeting men my age, overweight, badly dressed, clear drinking problems (red noses etc). Add education, intelligence and chemistry to the compatibility mix and its like looking for a needle in a haystack. Maybe try women in their mid to late 30s? Problem there is a good number of them want babies and are seeing it slip away. So that is something to be aware of if you do not want more children, be upfront about that as it is not fair to date a woman who wants kids at that age if you really do not.
It goes both ways. I am a man who finds the same thing in women. When I tried OLD I specifically wrote that I exercise regularly, stay in great shape and am looking for the same. I still got bombarded with emails from women who were morbidly obese. It's disheartening. I am not attracted to women who are out of shape. I can't fake it. To me, obesity is similar to drug addiction - it's terrible for the body and health, and shows a lack of self discipline and impulse control.

Last edited by Highndry; 27th October 2017 at 11:00 AM..
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Old 27th October 2017, 11:04 AM   #30
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No age limit. For instance, I have one client who is a single mom who really takes care of herself. She has a body better than most 25 year olds. She's 50 but I'd date her in a heartbeat. She's very flirty but I know she has a BF.

Looks-wise, probably 10% of women in their 20s. But by age 45, probably less than 1% of women. It's what I'm used to dating my whole adult life and as long as I can attract them, I won't let it go.

This has been discussed ad nauseam in prior threads but I don't look anywhere close to my age. If I meet a 26 year old women at a bar, she thinks I'm her age. Women my age think they'd be robbing the cradle until I make some obscure 80's pop culture references about hair bands or cheesy sitcoms...

I do reasonably well on OLD despite my age and daughter because I have a lot to offer on paper. Tall, in shape, good school, make lots of money, interesting hobbies, witty. As Versace Hottie says, I'm the master of the humble brag... ;-)

You're seriously delusional if you think you actually look 26. I'm 26 and I can tell the difference within a year or two. You're kidding no one, they want free drinks. And no doubt you're buying them.
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