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Why Meeting People Is So Hard


In Search Of... Having a hard time forming friendships or finding companions, lovers, or associates? Is someone pursuing an unwelcome relationship with you? Talk about your experiences here.

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Old 23rd October 2017, 4:24 PM   #31
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I do not understand the animosity in this post?

The kid is 22. I remember at 22, I was going to bars and spending too much money I did not have and chasing women who I did not end up with. Looking back, it was not exactly the most mature and prudent thing to do. But I turned out all right.

I think you can advise him, based on your life experience, and make your point regarding on having reasonable expectations without being disrespectful of his hobbies and lifestyle.
For some unexplained reason, the topic of video games does not sit well with preraph.
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Old 23rd October 2017, 5:10 PM   #32
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It may not sound too demanding, but the older I become the harder criteria 3) and 4) are to meet, along with implied criteria, such as a minimum of physical attractiveness, proximity and such. I never had a problem with 5), but then again I'm a man.
I agree, I am finding the same thing but I have actually toned down my "standards" a bit on #1. I prefer dating women who are as physically active as I am far more active than most people as I'm a competitive athlete and I enjoy spending most of my free time out fishing, hiking, walking, or working out.

I think this all just comes with the territory of getting older. You date women who have been in serious relationships and/or divorced and there is bound to be drama there. I know that I have my baggage from my divorce and am working on getting rid of it. I also know that I am a little less open minded as well. Some of it is due to issues I carry with me from my divorce and I'm trying to clean that up but there are just certain things that I refuse to give on.
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Old 23rd October 2017, 10:39 PM   #33
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I'll speak to my past experiences in dating and OLD, as I now have a GF.

I'm very introverted and have significant social anxiety, which means I have virtually no friends and have trouble with confidence and initiative. But I'm fairly attractive, have a good job, make good money and am in good physical shape.

While I may have many good things going on, if you fall short in socialization aspects you will get ignored by most women worth their salt. I was never into the bar scene, and most of the women you would pick up at a random bar are not long-term relationship material.

For someone like me, it's terrifying trying to meet women in real life. At least outside of work or school given my limited social circle. So I fell back on OLD, which I quickly learned was a numbers game. Still, I took it as a step in the right direction as far as dating went.

As long as you put yourself out there and challenge yourself to new experiences and growth, you'll be okay.
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Old 23rd October 2017, 11:23 PM   #34
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I wish I could just meet a hot guy that was single. I swear if I could meet one I could take it from there. They are so hard to MEET! Where are the ones I keep hearing about who like to tag and bag average girls so much? I don't want to consider implications of it being hard for me to at least meet one of those
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Old 23rd October 2017, 11:39 PM   #35
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Live your life, be successful at what you do. she will then appear
I want some of what you're smoking
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Old 23rd October 2017, 11:43 PM   #36
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Understood, of course.

My 'wish-list' or criteria that matter:

1. Be fit/active
2. Be financially responsible/stable
3. Be free of drama/yearning from/of exes
4. Be open-minded
5. Be able to hold a conversation (educated)

Not too demanding, right? What a challenge it has been to find someone like the above in the part of the country (USA) I live....sheesh.
unfortunately a guy like that will already have 100s of women running after him. of course, he'll take the pick of the litter.
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Old 24th October 2017, 12:32 AM   #37
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Edited to add a shout out to Preraph's comments. If gaming is your idea of fun, you're really going to struggle to connect with women.
Sorry, not to hijack this thread, but what gives with this whole "video games are for children" nonsense.

The average age of a gamer these days is around 35.

I fail to see how the hobby is any better or worse than any other people have used over the years to entertain themselves.

Fishing? Football? Reading books? Watching movies? Betting on horse races? Gambling at a casino. How are any of these more noble or interesting?

If someone allows a hobby to take over their lives, then that's a different issue all together. But throwing mud at gaming as a past time is just plain old prejudice.
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Old 24th October 2017, 6:05 AM   #38
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I'll speak to my past experiences in dating and OLD, as I now have a GF.

I'm very introverted and have significant social anxiety, which means I have virtually no friends and have trouble with confidence and initiative. But I'm fairly attractive, have a good job, make good money and am in good physical shape.

While I may have many good things going on, if you fall short in socialization aspects you will get ignored by most women worth their salt. I was never into the bar scene, and most of the women you would pick up at a random bar are not long-term relationship material.

For someone like me, it's terrifying trying to meet women in real life. At least outside of work or school given my limited social circle. So I fell back on OLD, which I quickly learned was a numbers game. Still, I took it as a step in the right direction as far as dating went.

As long as you put yourself out there and challenge yourself to new experiences and growth, you'll be okay.
I have a question, you say its a numbers game, how many did you meet from OLD before you found your gf?
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Old 24th October 2017, 6:17 AM   #39
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Yes, because if it continues then he is showing an adolescent lack of ambition, he is putting it ahead of everything else, and is a general lazy person. In other words, he is not going to be a functioning person to be in a relationship with if that's what his life is like. Being fat doesn't stop you from being ambitious and being a good partner.
Those are big words and extremely judgemental. Nowhere has the OP put gaming ahead of everything else so that's a huge assumption.


Lazy person? Judgemental much based on what exactly?


A hobby should NEVER be a reason to throw someone away, someone who doesn't look after themselves is a far greater negative in my opinion. Do you then throw the girl away who goes to watch ballet or classical music because well nobody really does those things?


For me kudos to anyone who does what they enjoy irrespective of the judgemental nature of society.
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Old 24th October 2017, 6:33 AM   #40
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I find it hard to trust guys under 35 who don't play video games. Or at least board/card games
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Old 24th October 2017, 6:57 AM   #41
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I find it hard to trust guys under 35 who don't play video games. Or at least board/card games
I can't remember the last woman I dated under 35 who didn't play video games, mostly on phones or tablets though. I also remember running into a bunch of women in line at Best Buy with the Dawn Shadow (Pink) Xbox One controller on the day it came out.
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Old 24th October 2017, 11:24 AM   #42
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I find it hard to trust guys under 35 who don't play video games. Or at least board/card games
I think the question is rather on whether you substitute one aspect of your life with video games. Otherwise most people play some form of electronic game these days. I'm a casual gamer myself, but it largely displaced watching TV, not my social interactions. In fact, I find watching TV far more isolating.

It becomes a problem IMHO if you'd rather play games when you have something worthwhile to do.
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Old 24th October 2017, 12:04 PM   #43
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If someone allows a hobby to take over their lives, then that's a different issue all together. But throwing mud at gaming as a past time is just plain old prejudice.
I think any form of passive escapism (videogames, tv, movies) where you just sit and consume things, don't learn anything, and aren't a better person as a result, are kryptonite to getting what you want out of life. Yeah, it's fine to use escapism to blow off steam for an hour here or there, but when they siphon the time and energy that could be otherwise used to get what you want, then it's a problem, as it seems to be for OP. He wants to meet girls, but he admits he's happier staying at home and playing video games -- which, in my mind, is a comfortable, convenient, escape from what he ought to do to get the things he actually wants. I would say the same thing about anyone who's overly reliant on comforts and unwilling to face discomfort for something greater.

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Originally Posted by ZA Dater View Post
Nowhere has the OP put gaming ahead of everything else so that's a huge assumption.
He said he'd rather sit on the couch and play video games than go out and meet women, and the purpose of his thread is to lament how hard it is to meet women. Therefore, he's putting videogames ahead of meeting women.

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A hobby should NEVER be a reason to throw someone away, someone who doesn't look after themselves is a far greater negative in my opinion. Do you then throw the girl away who goes to watch ballet or classical music because well nobody really does those things?
If the girl wants to watch ballet to the point that it negatively affects her life and she complains how she can't do other things, then yes, in my opinion, it's a perfectly valid reason to remove her from dating contention. The same goes for videogames, watching football, or anything else. The issue is not the form of escapism (though I think videogames are particularly bad), it's the way and degree to which the person uses it and the negative consequences thereof.

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For me kudos to anyone who does what they enjoy irrespective of the judgemental nature of society.
And yet, OP seems like he would enjoy meeting more women, but can't make it work because he's afraid of how he'll be judged or rejected. If he really just wanted to do what he wanted regardless of judgment, he'd simply just do it and there would be no thread. So clearly meeting women is the thing he wants to do but doesn't for fear of judgment. The videogames are just the placeholding, warm blanket activity that he ends up doing instead.

Yeah, potential partners are judgmental. And we all still want them. Some people will face that judgment, discomfort, and uncertainty head on to try and get what they want. Others will be afraid of that judgment and let it hinder or stop them from trying. So in a way, OP is the opposite of the person you give kudos to.

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Originally Posted by Cookiesandough View Post
I find it hard to trust guys under 35 who don't play video games. Or at least board/card games
Guys under 35 have careers to build, relationships to develop, families to raise, money to make, mouths to feed, college educations to save for, etc. Any notable amount of time to staring at a screen pretending to be someone else siphons valuable time and energy away from those real life pursuits. I'm yet to hear a convincing argument about how video games are somehow a better use of time than any of those necessary, pragmatic, life-changing endeavors. The more time you spend staring at a screen with no dividend, the more separated you become from your real world responsibilities and goals in life. That's why I'm always in shock when I hear things like this, or when girls say "I prefer a guy who plays video games." Wouldn't you prefer a guy who, say, spends his time learning how to fix cars, or studies for law school, or plows driveways in the winter for extra money? To each their own, but it just doesn't make sense to me.
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Old 24th October 2017, 12:24 PM   #44
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I can't remember the last woman I dated under 35 who didn't play video games, mostly on phones or tablets though. I also remember running into a bunch of women in line at Best Buy with the Dawn Shadow (Pink) Xbox One controller on the day it came out.
I don't know any women who play video games
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Old 24th October 2017, 12:37 PM   #45
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I don't know any women who play video games
Use your steam account and check games outside of the most common FPS games. You'd be surprised. I know female retirees who sit at home playing MMORPGs, so you better watch out.
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