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Do You Think Being Friends First With A Girl Works?


In Search Of... Having a hard time forming friendships or finding companions, lovers, or associates? Is someone pursuing an unwelcome relationship with you? Talk about your experiences here.

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Old 10th November 2017, 12:38 PM   #46
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Originally Posted by GemmaUK View Post
So not correct!
You can be physically attracted and then they open their mouth and...........
But if you're friends then that's not the case..

A women friend of mine always says how funny and amazing iam but if she won't date me the only explanation is she thinks I'm physically unattractive no?
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Old 10th November 2017, 12:50 PM   #47
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I think it can. I think it works for women too. Sometimes you stick around long enough and people build a sort of familiarity with you that feels a lot like love. Platonic love has the intimacy that can easily be confused with romantic love in times of desperation. I think this is the root of why people 'orbit. It works sometimes. For example, when someone has just got done going through the wringer from someone they really liked and needs an ego boost, they may sleep with you/date you if you are around... or they need someone to get married to/settle with and it might as well be you because you're around and they know you.

It's a bit exploitative in that way but I can't say it's a completely hopeless strategy if it's not too stressful being friends and the end of being with them is all you want with no context whatsoever.

Why can't it be true love that just built over time?

Does it have be instant fireworks for it to be true love?
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Old 10th November 2017, 1:54 PM   #48
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A women friend of mine always says how funny and amazing iam but if she won't date me the only explanation is she thinks I'm physically unattractive no?
It could be that and or it could be down to one or a multitude of things she knows about you.
Being friends with someone doesn't mean a relationship will happen - it doesn't work like that.
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Old 10th November 2017, 2:21 PM   #49
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I've already responded to this thread but I will throw something else out there.

I see nothing wrong with hoping that something romantic blossoms from a friendship but you have to be alright with that not working out as well. They're you're friend, you hope that it goes somewhere but understand that it will remain a platonic relationship if they don't reciprocate your feelings.

However, it's not kosher if you are striking up a friendship with someone with the sole intention of it possibly turning into a romantic relationship. That, at it's very base, is manipulative and creepy. Planting yourself in the Friendzone and then trying to dig your way out isn't something I am okay with.

I have had several girlfriends over the years that just don't seem to understand that many of their male "friends" are only angling for a relationship.

One girlfriend was a bit of an attention seeker and had many male "friends" on social media and in RL. In the first few months we dated, neither of us changed our relationship status as FB was in it's infancy and neither of us thought about it. I was uncomfortable with the way some of these guys acted on FB but she wrote it off and said "it's just Facebook..". There were guys blatantly hitting on her on Facebook and others who were sneakier (liking all of her posts and pictures, commenting on them, etc..). We had a few arguments over it so we did a little experiment; we agreed to change our relationship status to reflect that we were together. Within two days, over three quarters of her male "friends" disappeared. Literally, she went from ten-twelve "likes" and comments on her posts to one or two. As time went on, a few guys remained and only one of them was a creepy idiot. And, he paid for it seven years later when his marriage fell through because he was having emotional affairs with women via Facebook.

And, the guy I always referred to as her "Ducky" ghosted her completely. The dude went from communicating with her daily (as a "friend" of course) to NC. She was devastated over it and I felt bad for her but, on the same side of the coin, she learned a valuable lesson about how "friends" work.

Another girlfriend has a "close friend" from high school pop up and ask her out to dinner. They had been chatting back and forth on Facebook for awhile. I had no intention of being a controlling a-- about it but I was curious to see how things transpired. He demanded that he pay for the dinner, asked her out for drinks afterward and then fell off of the map when she thanked him for dinner and called it a night.

So again, to the OP, if you have a platonic relationship and are hoping it goes somewhere, that's fine. But, don't be a tool if she doesn't feel the same way.
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Old 10th November 2017, 3:18 PM   #50
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We had a few arguments over it so we did a little experiment; we agreed to change our relationship status to reflect that we were together. Within two days, over three quarters of her male "friends" disappeared. Literally, she went from ten-twelve "likes" and comments on her posts to one or two. As time went on, a few guys remained and only one of them was a creepy idiot
HAHAHA so typical !!! Women will never understand that 99% of guys talking to them do it for sexual/romantic interest, mostly the first.

I cannot stand those that still try even if they know the woman has a boyfriend already, so pathetic and low. They are always there hoping that the girl has argued with his boyfriend to talk bad things about him at the right moment, thinking that they will be the replacement.

Last edited by warp123; 10th November 2017 at 3:21 PM..
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Old 10th November 2017, 4:05 PM   #51
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HAHAHA so typical !!! Women will never understand that 99% of guys talking to them do it for sexual/romantic interest, mostly the first.
No, we do understand it - those guys are pretty obvious - we just ignore it and hope it goes away.
If they express it we can then say we're not interested.
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Old 10th November 2017, 4:25 PM   #52
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A women friend of mine always says how funny and amazing iam but if she won't date me the only explanation is she thinks I'm physically unattractive no?
Looks may play a part but there is a lot that goes into the selection of someone to date. I have a long time guy friend 20+ years. He's good looking & funny but I would never date him. We even had a FWB thing going on for a while but he wanted a relationship. I couldn't go there. We were not intellectual equals; we had very dissimilar interests; we had vastly different social standing & aspirations (as in he refused to come to social events in my circles; 15 years after I graduated from college he came up to school with me to watch a game but would barely hang out in the bar the night before because he didn't want to be around all those "college people.") & we had incompatible relationships with money. He is also a ranging alcoholic. Despite the many negatives, I genuinely like the guy & on occasion in places where he's comfortable enjoy his company. But as a long term romantic prospect -- not a chance.

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Why can't it be true love that just built over time?

Does it have be instant fireworks for it to be true love?
True love can be built over time. In fact I think love deepens over time. That said I always needed the instant chemistry / lust to be able to date somebody. If he didn't get my heart racing the 1st time I laid eyes on him, over the years I have learned that spark was never going to magically ignite later for me. He was already friend-zoned in my head.
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Old 10th November 2017, 4:34 PM   #53
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.



True love can be built over time. In fact I think love deepens over time. That said I always needed the instant chemistry / lust to be able to date somebody. If he didn't get my heart racing the 1st time I laid eyes on him, over the years I have learned that spark was never going to magically ignite later for me. He was already friend-zoned in my head.
Gotcha but I think people are all different with how their attraction works.

Sounds like you are very visual attraction wise and unless you find the guy very good looking your attraction can't grow.
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Old 10th November 2017, 6:19 PM   #54
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Why can't it be true love that just built over time?

Does it have be instant fireworks for it to be true love?
I am similar to d0nnovain. The main reason why someone would get filed under 'friend' category is because I wasn't sufficiently attracted to them like that. If there was a potential for something more, I would not put them in that category. I know relatively early if I'm sufficiently attracted to someone. Often only takes moments. Maybe a little longer, but not too much longer.
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Old 10th November 2017, 7:48 PM   #55
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Gotcha but I think people are all different with how their attraction works.

Sounds like you are very visual attraction wise and unless you find the guy very good looking your attraction can't grow.
Probably. My husband is gorgeous. . .


Not everybody works like me. Many people need time to get to know somebody to fall in love.

It's just problematic when people mis-use the word "friend" in the context of romance. Even people who want to take things slow don't really want to be platonic; they simply don't want to pressured into too early sex. Part of it is people misunderstand the function of a date (the noun). A date is the name of the activity where two people spend time toward each other to determine if they want to see more of each other. Going on a date is not a commitment beyond the amount of time allocated for the event.
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Old 10th November 2017, 8:13 PM   #56
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Probably. My husband is gorgeous. . .


Not everybody works like me. Many people need time to get to know somebody to fall in love.

It's just problematic when people mis-use the word "friend" in the context of romance. Even people who want to take things slow don't really want to be platonic; they simply don't want to pressured into too early sex. Part of it is people misunderstand the function of a date (the noun). A date is the name of the activity where two people spend time toward each other to determine if they want to see more of each other. Going on a date is not a commitment beyond the amount of time allocated for the event.
I hear you..with me and my friend it's kind of a weird friendship in that we became friends through her ex husband.

After the divorce it was awhile before I saw her because those situations are always difficult in to who's side you take but ultimately I liked her much more then my friend.

I saw her for the first time in a year last summer then she reached out to me this April to hang out and we've been close ever since.

The past few months were really the first time we've ever hung out with each other where it's just the two of us

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Old 15th November 2017, 3:04 PM   #57
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Honestly, i dont think so. I think it better to be upfront about intentions. If you get rejected, at least you didnt waste time. Guys dont seem happy in the friendzone.
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Old 15th November 2017, 3:09 PM   #58
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Also, I guess it's who you ask, "Do You Think Being Friends First With A Girl Works?"

I think most guys would say no.

I think most women would say yes.

Different mating strategies.
Im a girl, and i say no. Most men i friendzoned, it was for a reason. I wasnt into them at all sexually or romantically. When i look for a guy friend, i think of someone interchangeable with a female. This will make most men very unhappy esp if they spend time with you.
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Old 15th November 2017, 3:54 PM   #59
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Im a girl, and i say no. Most men i friendzoned, it was for a reason. I wasnt into them at all sexually or romantically. When i look for a guy friend, i think of someone interchangeable with a female. This will make most men very unhappy esp if they spend time with you.
Was it always a looks thing why they were just friends or were you ever friends with a guy who's looks weren't bad but there was just no spark?
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Old 15th November 2017, 4:51 PM   #60
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Was it always a looks thing why they were just friends or were you ever friends with a guy who's looks weren't bad but there was just no spark?
Sometimes he was too old, too effeminate, or not physically my type. I had a fwb who was attractive. I no longer try to keep male platonic friends. It seems very hurtful to them, snd its easy for both parties to see what they want to see.
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