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Do You Think Being Friends First With A Girl Works?


In Search Of... Having a hard time forming friendships or finding companions, lovers, or associates? Is someone pursuing an unwelcome relationship with you? Talk about your experiences here.

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Old 19th October 2017, 10:12 PM   #16
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There's exceptions to everything, but in general no, cultivating a friendship for any length of time and then trying to transition to romance does not work. An obvious exception might be if one or both of you is involved with other people so you can't get involved with each other and can only just be friends until the other relationship falls apart.

Women don't like hesitation and fear in men. I know it's confusing messaging Sometimes When someone tells you they want to take it slow, but taking it slow doesn't mean nothing physical in most instances and if that is what she means nothing physical she's probably just not ready to have a relationship, period. You should always be confident acting and not hesitant and not tippy-toe around a woman. Most of them if they like a guy and are attracted to them or ever will be I want the guy to really bring it bring it and not be hesitant or ambiguous about whether they're attracted to them. So get the kissing going as soon as you get the green light after the first date if possible and then move in a respectful but decisive manner.
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Old 19th October 2017, 10:27 PM   #17
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I was talking to this one girl in psychology who I like, and as we were talking, she mentioned her boyfriend. In my mind I was thinking sht!

Well there goes my chance of being in a relationship with her. God damnit, this is like the second friggin girl in my classes that has a boyfriend.

I swear to god, sometimes dating just comes down to being at the right place at the right time. I know this is going to sound super bad, but many women in their 20s who are attractive jump from relationship to relationship in a short amount of time. They find someone new within a year. So you might have only have a 3 or 4 month time-frame where she just happens to be single.
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Old 19th October 2017, 11:26 PM   #18
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I hate to tell you, but any remotely attractive woman in her 20s will ALWAYS have a boyfriend or fiance. Unfortunately, being too respectful about that comes across as weakness. The few GFs I had when I was single always monkeybranched from me to other guys - which means that it's theoretically possible to put yourself in position to be the guy who girls monkeybranch to. Guys who are good with women are good at doing this.
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Old 19th October 2017, 11:51 PM   #19
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Originally Posted by GoodOnPaper View Post
I hate to tell you, but any remotely attractive woman in her 20s will ALWAYS have a boyfriend or fiance. Unfortunately, being too respectful about that comes across as weakness. The few GFs I had when I was single always monkeybranched from me to other guys - which means that it's theoretically possible to put yourself in position to be the guy who girls monkeybranch to. Guys who are good with women are good at doing this.
Pretty much. That's why men need to socialize more. Meet all the ladies you can, keep in touch, add them to FB, and see what happens. No girl breaks up with a guy without posting those stupid memes online. Just wait for those then hit her up.
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Old 20th October 2017, 1:04 AM   #20
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I was talking to this one girl in psychology who I like, and as we were talking, she mentioned her boyfriend. In my mind I was thinking sht!
Well there goes my chance of being in a relationship with her. God damnit, this is like the second friggin girl in my classes that has a boyfriend.
I swear to god, sometimes dating just comes down to being at the right place at the right time. I know this is going to sound super bad, but many women in their 20s who are attractive jump from relationship to relationship in a short amount of time. They find someone new within a year. So you might have only have a 3 or 4 month time-frame where she just happens to be single.
Being "friends" and being "friendzoned" are not the same thing. The term Friends With Benefits should be all I need to prove to you the error of this thinking.

Now, with that in mind... just because she has a BF doesn't mean she isn't available. It's a sad truth, but most girls do not move to a new man until they already have something set up.

Quote:
Originally Posted by GoodOnPaper View Post
I hate to tell you, but any remotely attractive woman in her 20s will ALWAYS have a boyfriend or fiance. Unfortunately, being too respectful about that comes across as weakness. The few GFs I had when I was single always monkeybranched from me to other guys - which means that it's theoretically possible to put yourself in position to be the guy who girls monkeybranch to. Guys who are good with women are good at doing this.
This is how you work being "friends" to your advantage. You have to be aggressive and a little bit sneaky.
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Old 20th October 2017, 2:36 AM   #21
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Sure, you can be friends first. That's how I usually try to date. I would much prefer I spend my time dating women that I already know pretty well over some girl I just met.

Even though you are friends first, you don't treat her quite like you would normally. During that friendship period, you have to be working towards making her want you, and you have to assess whether or not your efforts are paying off. If she isn't at least a little bit flirty, shows that she wants to spend time with you, or makes you feel like she's interested, abort. Friendzone is not a nice place to be.
This nailed it for me and that's how my best relationships began.

Someone in this thread said that older women want romance - count me out of that, I'm late 40's and find romance (or the general perception of it)cheesy and cringey.
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Old 21st October 2017, 4:59 AM   #22
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Hell no, it doesn't work. Don't ever waste your time on that crap.

Single and lonely? Friends first ain't going to do squat if she was never interested.

Find out if she's interested first. If not, next.

I would venture to guess that women who want to f a man don't care about friends first.

Last edited by Chris2016; 21st October 2017 at 5:02 AM..
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Old 21st October 2017, 5:02 AM   #23
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Also, I guess it's who you ask, "Do You Think Being Friends First With A Girl Works?"

I think most guys would say no.

I think most women would say yes.

Different mating strategies.
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Old 21st October 2017, 5:50 AM   #24
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It can work, but as a general rule no. If I was to become friends with a girl with the intention of dating later, I'd feel like it just makes the job a heck of a lot harder as I wouldn't want to ruin the friendship. I'd just be comfortable as friends and thus wouldn't achieve the original goal.

I understand where the idea comes from though - if you're dating someone who you could easily be friends with, it's a sign of compatibility.
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Old 21st October 2017, 6:17 AM   #25
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Do You Think Being Friends First With A Girl Works?

It depends

Men tend to come in the
Yes
Maybe
and
No categories.

If you are in the No category it doesn't matter what you do, you can be friends for years, be supportive, be "nice", be her "rock", and yet never be considered dating material.
As soon as you make that "move" you could be a dead man as she never saw you in THAT way and she may feel deceived or she may love the ego boost and will just keep twiddling you around her little finger...
She will likely never seriously "date" you.

The Yes category is self explanatory.

I think many relationships start via friendship in the Maybe category.
Not madly attracted but not repulsed either - if a friendship develops then attraction can grow and she may indeed end up dating you.
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Old 21st October 2017, 6:58 AM   #26
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For anything to happen there's got to be attraction on both sides.
It'll never work if there isn't.

Signals need to be clear though, in that friendship period.

A guy who appears to be a friend and gives me no reason to think he is being anything other than friendly then hits me with 'feelings' that were never apparent at all makes me think the guy had an agenda, has been trying to manipulate me and the friendship was false and just a means to an end.
In those cases that end for me is always to walk away.
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Old 21st October 2017, 7:02 AM   #27
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I see women touting the "friends first" disclaimer on dating profiles all the time. I pass. It may indicate one of several attitudes, perspectives or strategies, none of which has any advantages for a man with romantic interest. Certainly you do want real friendship to develop, but with few exceptions, that friendship will exist within, and be contingent upon, the romance. It's a defensive strategy that leverages the ambiguity of the word "friends" to give a woman control (or the illusion). I just don't have the time or patience for this nonsense. It's really just another variation on the Cinderella theme.

- wants a one-way deal wherein the guy pursues diligently while she holds him at arm's length, leaving her free to develop multiple options concurrently

- unwilling to take the emotional risk that is inherent in romantic relationships

- thinks that "friends first" equals some kind of guarantee or protection

- insecure/unsure about sexuality, preferring the safety of a sexless courtship

- subscribes to the "virtuous woman" paradigm, i.e. sex is shameful

- wants the man to be completely invested first, while she remains aloof, giving her rights of first refusal and reducing her vulnerability.
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Old 21st October 2017, 7:23 AM   #28
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Talking OLD, a different scenario to this topic evolving IRL:
I've seen plenty of guys with 'friends first and see where it leads' in OLD profiles.

All it means (to me and when I've asked them also without giving my thoughts on it) was that he wanted to know we could get along well, enjoy each other's company whilst seeing how things go day to day without there being any pressure to 'be in a relationship' immediately.

It doesn't mean that sex is off the cards for 'x' period of time, or that I or he can go off doing what w want with other people, it's about giving us a chance to get to know each other without having huge expectations and demands.
Relationships grow over time, they aren't an immediate uplift from a date or two.

In the cases where I have seen it on a guy's profile we have both been interested enough to chat/meet/date they and I have experienced potentials previously who do think an immediate relationship for the long haul should transpire really fast, unnaturally fast.
That's way too much pressure to put on someone IMO and being on the receiving end of that pressure makes dating no fun at all.
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Old 21st October 2017, 9:37 AM   #29
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All of the advice -- including mine -- to not be friends first should not preclude you from being friendly. Say hello to people you find attractive or interesting . Make small talk. Take action to assure women know who you are, as opposed to being a random stranger.

What you need to avoid is turning into their emotional tampon friend, the unassuming guy they turn to for comfort when the other, sexier, more desirable guys break their hearts. Those types of friends are "friend-zoned" & the women in Q see them as eunuchs not real men.
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Old 21st October 2017, 9:38 AM   #30
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I'm not one of those guys that dislikes women in general, in fact quite the opposite, I think women are great, but in my own experiences, any time a woman wanted to be "friends" it was more because they needed something from me in a tangible way...Be it someone to call to help with something, a protector if they feel threatened, someone to do or fix something, borrow money, or any other variety of things that I could never "get back" in return...Now, I know when you have friends you aren't supposed to be keeping score or anything, but again, in my experiences, my interactions with the guy friends I have always seem to be more balanced...And the interests we share really don't jive with the average woman..And I have heard some guys talk about "needing a female perspective" on things....well...sure, its handy to have that, but you can get that from a lot of other places....Family members, internet forums, etc..

I have found that some guys just seem to get along better with women in a platonic fashion then other men do...It's not a knock on either side, it's just a fact of human nature...

If you want female friends, then have them....*shrug*...

TFY
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