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Do You Think Being Friends First With A Girl Works?


In Search Of... Having a hard time forming friendships or finding companions, lovers, or associates? Is someone pursuing an unwelcome relationship with you? Talk about your experiences here.

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Old 18th October 2017, 11:40 PM   #1
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Do You Think Being Friends First With A Girl Works?

Sometimes I get the advice from people that if you want a girlfriend, then you have to be friends with her first. Do you think it is good advice? Why or why not?

I'm a little skeptical to be honest because imagine being friends with a girl for 6 months who you have a crush on. You simply think being nice to her and being her friend will make her like you romantically. So one day you finally decide to ask her out only for her to tell you she only sees you as a friend and was never interested in you romantically and she is also seeing other guys. Well guess what? You wasted 6 months of your life trying to impress a girl who never had feelings for you in the first place.
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Old 18th October 2017, 11:45 PM   #2
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This is a great question...

I translate you need to be friends first not so literally. To me, friends first means you go out on a bunch of dates, actually like the person, as in you are becoming friends, all the while your working toward a romantic relationship.

I would never consider playing a strict friend role to get to romance.

They happen at the same time
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Old 18th October 2017, 11:46 PM   #3
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I'm a little skeptical to be honest because imagine being friends with a girl for 6 months who you have a crush on. You simply think being nice to her and being her friend will make her like you romantically. So one day you finally decide to ask her out only for her to tell you she only sees you as a friend and was never interested in you romantically and she is also seeing other guys. Well guess what? You wasted 6 months of your life trying to impress a girl who never had feelings for you in the first place.
But it always works out in the movies!

Listen, it's how you play the game that matters. If you are flirting heavy and touching her frequently... you have a good chance. When you are trying to steal someones girlfriend this is a great tactic. If she isn't receptive to your flirting and is uncomfortable with you touching her... then you know she isn't attracted.
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Old 19th October 2017, 3:02 AM   #4
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Depends on your ages & the girl.

The younger you are the more friends first is important. Young teens get spooked & rightly so when asked out by strangers. Going through school together. Letting her see you are safe is a good idea.

Grown woman prefer romance & understand that the date itself is how you get to know the other person by spending time together & talking.
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Old 19th October 2017, 8:40 AM   #5
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In my experience it never worked. If you were friends first you will be friends later. You can take it slow and progress the romance in small increments, but without this progression it never worked out for me.
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Old 19th October 2017, 9:50 AM   #6
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Sometimes I get the advice from people that if you want a girlfriend, then you have to be friends with her first. Do you think it is good advice? Why or why not?
No. Why would they say that? Attraction is not predicated on friendship. Have you ever heard a girl say "wow, this doctor I met at the bar is so handsome and I want to go out with him so bad, but I can't date him because we aren't friends?"

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I'm a little skeptical to be honest because imagine being friends with a girl for 6 months who you have a crush on. You simply think being nice to her and being her friend will make her like you romantically.
Why?
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Old 19th October 2017, 11:55 AM   #7
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Why?

I mean it's always good to be nice to people. Don't be mean, don't be an assshole.

But the attraction has to be there if they want to see you as a partner. And I know for me, I can usually tell within 30 seconds whether or not I would consider dating you. So no matter how nice you are to me, if i'm not attracted to you then it will never work out. So I can assume that many women are the same way, that they either see you as a romantic prospect or not pretty quick. So based on this, I would rather ask a girl out within a month and get shot down then waste 6 months of my life being nice to a girl only because I want to have sex with her and then she tells me she's not interested.

Friends first might work if she has a boyfriend.

For some people, it may be different. They can become attracted overtime to someone
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Old 19th October 2017, 1:50 PM   #8
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Go into the Dating first. Don't try to be friends. Just go straight into it. The women will usually be chill if she is not into you. If she says no. Move on. Don't analyze it. Just say she told you that she is not your type.
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Old 19th October 2017, 3:49 PM   #9
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I mean it's always good to be nice to people. Don't be mean, don't be an assshole.
Well there's a difference between being nice and being a friend. You can be nice and not a friend, and you can be a "friend" and not nice. You can be nice to people you aren't really friends with, like a woman you meet at the bar. I think you might be fighting an uphill battle if you're not "nice," (although there are varying degrees of this that warrant another discussion), but that doesn't rely on a strong friendship, it's just basic decency

The thing is, I think it's good to delineate between a platonic relationship and a romantic one very quickly when you meet someone. That way you avoid all this confusion, and she finds you more confident. Also, being friends first really complicates things as if things go south once you start a relationship, you ruin a friendship. I dated my best friend for a bit, now she's married and we don't talk anymore. I wouldn't dream about dating my other friends (aside from the fact that I know they aren't right for me), but because then things get real weird if you break up. You make your other friends take sides or have to choose who to invite to places, or you're both at the same place with everyone, you have act normal like nothing ever happened if you now dislike the person (I have friends like this).


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But the attraction has to be there if they want to see you as a partner. And I know for me, I can usually tell within 30 seconds whether or not I would consider dating you. So no matter how nice you are to me, if i'm not attracted to you then it will never work out. So I can assume that many women are the same way, that they either see you as a romantic prospect or not pretty quick. So based on this, I would rather ask a girl out within a month and get shot down then waste 6 months of my life being nice to a girl only because I want to have sex with her and then she tells me she's not interested.
I totally agree with your philosophy but I think "within a month" would be too long of a time frame for me personally. Meet her, if there's good chemistry and sexual tension, then go for it. Otherwise she's going to get tired of waiting for you to move on it and find someone more proactive.

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Friends first might work if she has a boyfriend.
Maybe. Even if they break up, you've got to wait out the residual lingering feelings. Otherwise you're probably going to inherit some trouble.

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For some people, it may be different. They can become attracted overtime to someone
I think women are more capable of this than men. I've heard of a lot of women warming up to a guy over time even if they don't find him particularly attractive. Not so much with men, if there's no sexual attraction, there's not likely to ever be any. Just from what I've noticed.
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Old 19th October 2017, 4:09 PM   #10
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Ask her out on a date, make your intentions clear and go from there. I strongly advise against putting yourself in the "Friendzone" and then trying to work your way out of it. You're much better off showing self-confidence and honesty by saying asking her out.
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Old 19th October 2017, 5:25 PM   #11
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Sure, you can be friends first. That's how I usually try to date. I would much prefer I spend my time dating women that I already know pretty well over some girl I just met.

Even though you are friends first, you don't treat her quite like you would normally. During that friendship period, you have to be working towards making her want you, and you have to assess whether or not your efforts are paying off. If she isn't at least a little bit flirty, shows that she wants to spend time with you, or makes you feel like she's interested, abort. Friendzone is not a nice place to be.
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Old 19th October 2017, 5:35 PM   #12
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Friends first rarely works, unless you are already part of a group that hangs out together so you already sort-of know each other. Dating is for determining romantic compatibility. If you start as friends, you'll probably end up hearing about her dates with other guys - and you'll end up in the friend zone permanently.

So if interested, ask her on a date, but be clear that it's a date, even if the progression to romance is slow (especially if she or you both are inexperienced). If you both have plenty of dating experience, then things may progress quickly.
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Old 19th October 2017, 5:50 PM   #13
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Friend-of-a-friend or acquaintance is okay, but usually if you're friends first, unless she's blatantly attracted to you (for an average guy, this happens like 1% of the time) she'll only ever see you as a friend.
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Old 19th October 2017, 6:15 PM   #14
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if you like a girl it's probably best to ask her out right away. that being said there are instances where you can be "friends" with a girl and still date her later on. by "friends" I mean more acquaintances, not real friendship.
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Old 19th October 2017, 9:58 PM   #15
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Being a friendzone veteran, I can tell you that in the same way most men can separate sex and love, women tend to separate friendship and romantic interest. Once you are on the friendship track, there is no going back. Even though the best relationship foundation would be built on a “friends first” beginning, it just won’t work from their side - there has to be some kind of instant “spark”, so just declare your intentions right away.
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