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What do you do if you're only attracted to hot people?


In Search Of... Having a hard time forming friendships or finding companions, lovers, or associates? Is someone pursuing an unwelcome relationship with you? Talk about your experiences here.

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Old 11th October 2017, 9:38 PM   #1
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What do you do if you're only attracted to hot people?

This is an objective question. Asking for a friend. What can you do if you feel your standards might be too high/you too shallow of a dater. This feeling can make you very sad sometimes. You know it's shallow and wrong, but the only other option besides celibacy and waiting for someone that probably won't come is being with someone you aren't sexually attracted to and have no spark with. That's not good. Even if you try to stay positive, it doesn't change reality.


/whiny post

But what are some solutions to this?

Last edited by Cookiesandough; 11th October 2017 at 10:53 PM..
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Old 11th October 2017, 11:04 PM   #2
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High standards are a good thing... unless your high standards are especially about appearance. It is like, umm, the very definition of superficial. What comes to mind tho is that you should date those hot guys full force. Get to know them and see how they treat you. Either you will find that one in a million who you will be happy with once you get used to his good looks or eventually you will learn that good looks are not what makes you happy.

Over the last 3 years since my marriage ended I have dated a ton of seriously hot men because they are the ones that are running around chasing women. Over the last year or so I had been thinking that I really gotta get used to the idea that when I do fall in love its not gonna be with one of these hot player types. Looks really arent that important to me as long as there is chemistry, and I have had great chemistry with guys who a lot of people wouldnt be all that impressed with in terms of looks. So Ive been kind of trying to keep my eye out for guys who arent chasing me and dont have that look. But low and behold I met a great looking guy who doesnt have that player personality or outlook or end game. So you never know what might happen.

Its interesting tho bc as hot as he is, that's not the thing I'm excited about. I am so amazed by how we talk and how good it feels to be really open with him. It feels so satisfying just to talk. And its in no way dependent on what he looks like.
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Old 11th October 2017, 11:09 PM   #3
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High standards are a good thing... unless your high standards are especially about appearance. It is like, umm, the very definition of superficial. What comes to mind tho is that you should date those hot guys full force. Get to know them and see how they treat you. Either you will find that one in a million who you will be happy with once you get used to his good looks or eventually you will learn that good looks are not what makes you happy.

Over the last 3 years since my marriage ended I have dated a ton of seriously hot men because they are the ones that are running around chasing women. Over the last year or so I had been thinking that I really gotta get used to the idea that when I do fall in love its not gonna be with one of these hot player types. Looks really arent that important to me as long as there is chemistry, and I have had great chemistry with guys who a lot of people wouldnt be all that impressed with in terms of looks. So Ive been kind of trying to keep my eye out for guys who arent chasing me and dont have that look. But low and behold I met a great looking guy who doesnt have that player personality or outlook or end game. So you never know what might happen.

Its interesting tho bc as hot as he is, that's not the thing I'm excited about. I am so amazed by how we talk and how good it feels to be really open with him. It feels so satisfying just to talk. And its in no way dependent on what he looks like
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Old 11th October 2017, 11:16 PM   #4
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High standards are a good thing... unless your high standards are especially about appearance. It is like, umm, the very definition of superficial. What comes to mind tho is that you should date those hot guys full force. Get to know them and see how they treat you. Either you will find that one in a million who you will be happy with once you get used to his good looks or eventually you will learn that good looks are not what makes you happy.

Over the last 3 years since my marriage ended I have dated a ton of seriously hot men because they are the ones that are running around chasing women. Over the last year or so I had been thinking that I really gotta get used to the idea that when I do fall in love its not gonna be with one of these hot player types. Looks really arent that important to me as long as there is chemistry, and I have had great chemistry with guys who a lot of people wouldnt be all that impressed with in terms of looks. So Ive been kind of trying to keep my eye out for guys who arent chasing me and dont have that look. But low and behold I met a great looking guy who doesnt have that player personality or outlook or end game. So you never know what might happen.

Its interesting tho bc as hot as he is, that's not the thing I'm excited about. I am so amazed by how we talk and how good it feels to be really open with him. It feels so satisfying just to talk. And its in no way dependent on what he looks like.
Lol livingwater

Grays, thag makes a lot of sense. See, when I talk to women(and some men) who aren't into the hotties, it's usually because they been there done that. They're over it. I never really have. Just one partner my whole life who was a hottie, but if anything he just makes me want another.

I keep going back and forth, I always think I can date/fall for a guy who isn't my type and chemistry is there. but then I realize I'm not so sure. I just feel like that raw lust that comes with physical attraction is something I really need in a relationship. As long as he is nice. He could be a player or Ditsy or broke... etc. but if he's physically attractive + sweet that spark is off the hook and makes me so happy !!! Is definitely superficial, but can it be helped? I have no idea. Hopefully, or I am doomed

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Old 11th October 2017, 11:24 PM   #5
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You know I feel the same way sometimes, but I still believe there is someone out there who can make you happy.
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Old 11th October 2017, 11:32 PM   #6
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I think you should tell your friend it is normal. Being physically attracted to someone is essential to motivate a person to put in the time and energy to bond with another person. Did your friend mention why he/she feels his/her standards are problematic? Is it a lack of reciprocation by objects of desire or a feeling of guilt for being attracted beautiful people? Also, would you consider your friend objectively attractive?

In general, Iím a fan of holding out and not settling. The only thing guaranteed when going against who you are and what you want is heartbreak. Your friend will find what he/she seeks.
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Old 11th October 2017, 11:37 PM   #7
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I think you should tell your friend it is normal. Being physically attracted to someone is essential to motivate a person to put in the time and energy to bond with another person. Did your friend mention why he/she feels his/her standards are problematic? Is it a lack of reciprocation by objects of desire or a feeling of guilt for being attracted beautiful people? Also, would you consider your friend objectively attractive?

In general, I’m a fan of holding out and not settling. The only thing guaranteed when going against who you are and what you want is heartbreak. Your friend will find what he/she seeks.
Guy45, thanks for empathizing but sorry you feel that way.

OneLov, thank you much! Yea, it's pickiness and lack of options. She is intimidated by attractive men too. Unfortunately I would say she's average and perhaps more importantly socially awkward .

(This is me, btw. Sorry for being misleading. I'm just embarrassed)

Any advice appreciated

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Old 12th October 2017, 12:08 AM   #8
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How old are you, Cookies? I think this will change for you over time.
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Old 12th October 2017, 1:04 AM   #9
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You said you're looking for a short term casual relationship right? That would make sense because people who are looking for casual sex or flings are more likely to place a higher emphasis on looks. Studies have backed this up as well.

But...

This is also the case in many people who are looking for serious relationships as well.

For guys, the physical attraction has to be there in order for him to approach a girl he likes. A huge part of a woman's overall attractive is how physically attractive she is.

What motivates a guy to approach a girl even if it's for a long term relationship is whether or not he is physically attracted to the girl. You see a guy is mentally swiping yes and no to every woman he meets. Luckily for men, they find a good chunk of women within their age-range physically attractive. Maybe around half.

And only if he finds the girl physically attractive, that's when he will make a move to get to know the girl. And from there, he's trying to find out whether or not he and the girl are compatible with one another.

For a lot of people, they can meet someone who's nice, who's sweet, who has similar interests but if the physical attraction isn't there, it will never workout. Iv'e met girls like that, where I thought I would like them but as soon as we met up, I just didn't feel any physical attraction. And i'm sure many girls have felt the same way about me.

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Old 12th October 2017, 1:11 AM   #10
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I think physical attraction is an important ingredient to have a fulfilling long-term relationship. IMO dating someone who you are not physically attracted to is more of a problem than waiting. Everyone wants to feel desired physically and emotionally for who they are. I believe love flows from that feeling.
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Old 12th October 2017, 1:35 AM   #11
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The whole point of being with someone is physical attraction at least while young. For companionships friends are more appropriate. Of course being with someone who is both attractive and supportive is best.
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Old 12th October 2017, 6:29 AM   #12
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Cookiesanddough - if this is, as you admit really about you, and the avatars you sometimes have up on your account are actually pictures of you, and you consider yourself "average" then: Holy cow! What do you consider good looking? You are absolutely stunning? Or are those pics not you?
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Old 12th October 2017, 6:32 AM   #13
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Oh, and to answer your question: Nobody wants to be with someone they find unattractive. But as time goes by that is, I think, less and less important. If you are young and looking for one night stands, hookups, FWB, then, sure! A lot of people might not agree with my, ahem, morals? But I think, when you're young, then go for it! Have fun! Sex is fun! Enjoy it!

But most people EVENTUALLY want a LTR. For that, personality and personal connection are important as well. Yes, being attracted to that person is important, but if you have the most beautiful man in the world, but he has a horrible personality, then it might be fun for a while, but he'll eventually drive you crazy.
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Old 12th October 2017, 6:42 AM   #14
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Attraction is so loopy now a days. I have two women friends that are attractive. One is 66 the other is 36. If I had to choose between the two. I think that the 66 yr old would be more fun.

There are different Conduits to relationships and attraction. Its always a question of how you feel about your physical looks vs the person your attracted to.

When I look at myself. I see a Cute/Handsome fellow with snippits of sexy-ness. I am clean shaven and I shave my head as well. So I know my appeal. If I was cast in a movie. I would be more the Junior Detective to the main star. I know that I am a great guy and the woman getting me would be very lucky.

The only thing with me is that I am not gung ho about having kids. Bottom line we have to start believing in our selves a bit more than breaking down.

I know that the real reason I am not with anyone, is because I have not been in a romantic situation that is ideal. Until that happens. I will be single.

Looks only can go so far. I am more of a Face guy than anything. I would rather be with a women that is slightly heavy with a great face, than a average woman that has a average face, but a banging bod. So for me. Its about face/warmth/kindness and interest in me that turns my head.
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Old 12th October 2017, 7:41 AM   #15
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First of all hot is subjective not objective. For example a lot of people think Brad Pitt is hot. Most of the time, I think he's a hot mess. Similarly there are certain people that may look good on the outside but once they open their mouths or you get to know them, you quickly learn how ugly they are as people.

Second, you are attracted to who you are attracted too. You can't force chemistry (but see above; staying with a bad "pretty" person is no answer)

If you can be flexible within the standard of what you find attractive that will help. For example, if you prefer tall men, refusing to go out with somebody who is only your height flat foot is short sighted.

Finally, get off OLD. People who are that hot don't need the service. Also being on it too long warps your sense of who is attractive because the visual aspects of the sites are primary. Put more effort into meeting people in the real world.
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