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Is looking for a committed relationship at my age useless?


In Search Of... Having a hard time forming friendships or finding companions, lovers, or associates? Is someone pursuing an unwelcome relationship with you? Talk about your experiences here.

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Old 1st October 2017, 3:06 PM   #1
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Is looking for a committed relationship at my age useless?

Iím starting to think so. Iím 23, have a stable job, I have hobbies, I go to the gym. My friends have even mentioned to me how surprised they are that I donít have a boyfriend.

Iím just starting to wonder if itís guys in my general age group that just arenít looking for real commitment. Most of the time the guys Iím talking to are a year or two older than me, I had hoped that would maybe make things easier but it doesnít appear to be that way.

The other part of me wonders, do I just suck? Why do I keep falling into these same dating patterns?

I have had two serious relationships, one lasted a year, another lasted nearly three years. Itís been two years since my last serious relationship.

At first, I was fine with it. I enjoy being single, I enjoyed getting to go out with my girlfriends and flirt with whoever I wanted. But honestly, after a while it gets old. Especially when everyone around me seems to be settling down, and I just wonder when my turn will be?

Seriously in the past two years every relationship has gone like this: I start talking to a guy, we date for a few months, I think the longest so far has been 3-4 months, then they either say theyíre not ready for commitment or they ghost me. Then, months later they reach out back to me saying they miss me. This has happened more times than I even want to think about. And now my ex from my 3 year relationship has been reaching out to me again. WHY??

Most recently I thought I had found a great guy. Everything was there for me, both the physical and emotional connection. He was supposed to visit this weekend and told me to clear my weekend plans. I know heís in town. I reached out to him yesterday and radio silence. Iíve been ghosted yet again.

Iím just getting tired of it. It hurts my ego to have this continue happening to me. I go months without talking to guys or even attempting to put myself out there, but now I question should I try being single even longer? Is there something wrong with me that is causing all of these relationships not to go anywhere? Or is it just trying to get someone in their 20s to settle down that is so hard?

I donít know if I should actively be using dating sites. I deleted tinder a long time ago because I donít think it attracts the right crowd. Bumble seemed to have been better...but half of these ghosters have been from bumble, so I donít know.
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Old 1st October 2017, 3:23 PM   #2
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I'll tell you why they ghost or say no....they got bored. Hun, men are sexual creatures. They don't care if you have a job or a PhD. They want a sex kitten, flirty, lookin hot, laugh at their jokes and focused on them, strokin their ego. You need to be the whole package with lacy lingerie.



I'm not telling you to be promiscuous, they want a seductive, teasing, deliciously tantalizing lady.
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Old 1st October 2017, 3:52 PM   #3
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I don't know you at all but based on your description, you are in the age 18-24 age bracket. During this period of life, you are transitioning from the teenager's mentality to the adult one. During this period, your mentality is still very much that of a teenager's but the difference is that you are no longer (or MOST everyone is no longer) living at home with parents, or you have moved out for a bit (ex. went to college) then moved back home. In terms of the women, being that we THINK we are adults and it's time to settle down like one, we tend to think that this is the time. IN terms of the men, they are probably encountering their first tastes of freedom and they are encountering women who want that commitment from them. And, 80% of the time they dump the woman because, in a classic move, the woman wants more of a commitment out of the man and he doesn't want to commit. Doesn't matter what the reason or excuse is or is not, whatever the language is or is not it's the man always saying he doesn't want to commit.

This is a probably if not the most painful time a person goes through, for women I think. I was subjected to such cowardice and misery from guys during this time, but we are also going through another kind of growing pain, which is what I like to call Living in the Tabloids phase. Think Paris Hilton in her heyday : that's when you are staying out until dawn, partying with drugs/alcohol, and, chances are, being rather promiscuous at the same time. And, we get stung by someone or something, and we settle down. Why don't we hear from Paris Hilton anymore? Because, she said in a recently quote in the press, she's done, she wants to live a quiet life now. And she does, and we do now.

Dating during this phase of your life SUCKS because of this. Be ready if you're not there already.
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Old 1st October 2017, 3:54 PM   #4
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Quote:
Originally Posted by smackie9 View Post
I'll tell you why they ghost or say no....they got bored. Hun, men are sexual creatures. They don't care if you have a job or a PhD. They want a sex kitten, flirty, lookin hot, laugh at their jokes and focused on them, strokin their ego. You need to be the whole package with lacy lingerie.



I'm not telling you to be promiscuous, they want a seductive, teasing, deliciously tantalizing lady.
At this age? EXACTLY. If you can be a sex kitten behind closed doors as an adult woman, even better for them, but they want to see you do it BEFORE them as they are more visual.

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Old 1st October 2017, 3:59 PM   #5
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Conventional wisdom may say that all 20s something just want to party & be fancy free. But I knew plenty of people who were contemplating marriage at that point. Many of my friends kids are in committed relationships.

It may be where you are looking
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Old 1st October 2017, 3:59 PM   #6
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I say at any age. If I was single today at 53, you better believe it I would be putting on the sex appeal to capture a man's heart that I desired. No shame in that. And of course being a good cook.....queen of the grill. Work my magic.
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Old 1st October 2017, 4:02 PM   #7
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Conventional wisdom may say that all 20s something just want to party & be fancy free. But I knew plenty of people who were contemplating marriage at that point. Many of my friends kids are in committed relationships.

It may be where you are looking
I agree it may be where you are looking, BUT I met my husband at a night club, so it can also depend on how you project yourself, or how that person is and what they are looking for.

IMO if you are the total package, many minds can be changed.
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Old 1st October 2017, 4:07 PM   #8
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Originally Posted by smackie9 View Post
I agree it may be where you are looking, BUT I met my husband at a night club, so it can also depend on how you project yourself, or how that person is and what they are looking for.

I met my husband in a bar in my late 30s. I'm not being judgy.

However, a 20 something who wants "serious" would be better served looking some place serious people go -- school, work, a money management / investment class for adults, etc.
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Old 1st October 2017, 4:08 PM   #9
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Guys want what Smacky is talking about to the grave. xD If you're 85 and not working dat, you're doing it wrong. sad but true.
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Old 1st October 2017, 4:34 PM   #10
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You are 23... keep looking.
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Old 1st October 2017, 4:56 PM   #11
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Originally Posted by Cookiesandough View Post
Guys want what Smacky is talking about to the grave. xD If you're 85 and not working dat, you're doing it wrong. sad but true.
LOL this is so funny! ....but true
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Old 1st October 2017, 4:58 PM   #12
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Originally Posted by d0nnivain View Post
I met my husband in a bar in my late 30s. I'm not being judgy.

However, a 20 something who wants "serious" would be better served looking some place serious people go -- school, work, a money management / investment class for adults, etc.
I was 20 something and he just turned 20. There were plenty who wanted a relationship before him....just I wasn't interested in them, until I met my hubby....it only takes one to be the one.
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Old 1st October 2017, 5:01 PM   #13
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some good-looking men do flit about and I suspect that you are a victim of that
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Old 1st October 2017, 9:00 PM   #14
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I'm not diggin' this "sex kitten" answer. Sure, men are sexual and visual creatures and yep, you'll get laid if you dress and act trampy. And when I went through that phase, while it's true I had no shortage of partners or sex and plenty of choices,....knowing what I know now, nope, I'd never go that route again, nor will I. I don't want to be seen that way.

I'm a conservative dresser, I don't drink alcohol or party, and am extremely eclectic, unusual, have odd interests in everything from music to books and film and art. The most recent example is I found myself getting excited, (and yes, sexually) by someone who engaged my heart and brain without "hitting me over the head" and forcing the sexual agenda on me. In fact, I find it a turn off.

Now, what I am like with my partner will vary depending on the relationship but I am not some doll to be on display and dressed up as a sex-bot for everyone else's amusement. That may limit certain TYPES of potential partners but that's totally fine by me. I want someone looking for more than fancy tail feathers.

Agree to disagree.
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Old 1st October 2017, 9:18 PM   #15
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You've got nothing to worry about, you're a girl. At least you're not an ugly freak like me who's never had a date and never will.
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