LoveShack.org Community Forums

Reload this Page LoveShack.org Community Forums > Transitioning > In Search Of...

I just can't take it anymore.


In Search Of... Having a hard time forming friendships or finding companions, lovers, or associates? Is someone pursuing an unwelcome relationship with you? Talk about your experiences here.

Like Tree42Likes
 
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 28th September 2017, 3:41 PM   #61
Established Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: United States
Posts: 4,673
Quote:
Originally Posted by Code123 View Post
I can't tell you how many times I've done something I think will make me more attractive, garner compliments, etc. (such as buy a new outfit, get cleaned/fixed up, etc.) only to get into public around my friends and see them get complimented for everything about their looks, get hit on/flirted with, etc. and never receive anything but odd looks from people myself, when I know for a fact that my friends didn't do a goddamn thing but get out out bed that morning and throw on a set of random clothes, look in the mirror for two secs to see if their hair wasn't too out of place, and hit the road.

I don't even try to pursue interaction with women anymore. They're reaction is always this puzzled look, like "why would that ugly freak ever think he could approach me?" It's so remarkable and fascinating that I've starting making a game out of it. I will internally predict this response from women, and it always bears out. And no, I don't intentionally act in ways that would provoke such a response. This type of response to my existence is so reliable from women that it could virtually be established as a physical law with exact mathematical representations to acompany it. I consider it a fact that I'm undesirable and that all women unanymously despise me. And I hold that this is true across all time, all space, and all dimensions of existence.

And I'm not telling a lie when I say women have publicy approached me to inform me as to how ugly I am. It even happened to me at work from a customer. Each time has been independent of each other. I've even been set up on blind dates wherein the girl left upon meeting me. This happened once in high school, and once about 5 or 6 years ago.
So, as repulsive and socially awkward as you are, you have friends, furthermore you have friends who are both cool enough to get approached by women, AND who find you decent enough to be willing to hang out with you in public.

Yet women you've never met before, as hard as they find it to approach a man they don't know period, still somehow are able to work up the nerve to walk up to you and tell you how ugly you are.

I am trying and failing to make all this compute.
__________________
You'll thank me for saying that later.
Imajerk17 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 28th September 2017, 4:12 PM   #62
Established Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2017
Posts: 73
Quote:
Originally Posted by Imajerk17 View Post
So, as repulsive and socially awkward as you are, you have friends, furthermore you have friends who are both cool enough to get approached by women, AND who find you decent enough to be willing to hang out with you in public.

Yet women you've never met before, as hard as they find it to approach a man they don't know period, still somehow are able to work up the nerve to walk up to you and tell you how ugly you are.

I am trying and failing to make all this compute.
I wanted to put a qualifier on the word "friends". I only used that word because I didn't what other word to use. I used it for simplicity same. Please quit nitpicking mundane details. You know what I mean.
TheJorma likes this.
Code123 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 28th September 2017, 4:13 PM   #63
Established Member
 
Cookiesandough's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2016
Location: USA
Posts: 4,194
Might you have BDD The way you say people give you 'odd looks' and come up and make rude comments about your appearance makes it sound as though you do. The truth is people are usually focused on themselves. Most people could care less to give you an odd look because of a haircut. That sounds like it's in your head(no offense).If they were to say mean things it would be just to "get to you".

It can be so extreme you can hallucinate!!! You might hear people saying things about you that never occurred. With this issue, you will almost always come off a bit socially awkward because you are so preoccupied with being judged when interacting with people. That compounded with social isolation can make things very difficult. It's usually treated with CBT and sometimes medication.

Not tryna' make you doubt your sanity. Just a thought.
Cookiesandough is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 28th September 2017, 4:25 PM   #64
Established Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2017
Posts: 73
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cookiesandough View Post
Not tryna' make you doubt your sanity. Just a thought.
It's okay. On the flipside, I'm not trying to sound facetious. I've doubted my sanity since I was a kid. I've never heard of that condition, but I'll look it up.

Unfortunately, the incidents are real. They happened, and it wasn't just my imagination. It hasn't been just women either. I'd have someone tell me I look like x (using some ugly movie character as their comparison). I'd go home and tell my parents, to which they would say, that person is just being mean, don't pay attention to them. Then on a completely independent occasion, by a completely unrelated person, I'd be called the same thing. I've been made fun of by groups of girls. This is my whole life.
Code123 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 28th September 2017, 9:55 PM   #65
Established Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2017
Posts: 73
The peculiar thing is that I don't really care to have a "girlfriend" or "relationship". I don't think I could put up with one for a single date to be honest. And it is patently obvious that I'm not meant to procreate. But it would just be nice for women to show some interest in me at least one time in my life. But it'll never happen. It's like an AMC Gremlin's chance of someone seeing it from the highway and thinking, "Wow, that's a nice car!" It just isn't going to happen. Who could like or desire garbage?
Code123 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 29th September 2017, 12:52 AM   #66
Established Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2015
Location: Cape Town, South Africa
Posts: 2,424
Why do you care so much what others think? How relevant are their opinions anyway?


If you want to pursue this line of thinking then perhaps you would be better off adopting the "zero ....... given" approach.


Reality is for whatever reason some of us do exceptionally badly at dating, why this is I don't really know and I don't think there have been too many studies into this either but if I were to hazard a guess I'd think its purely social related. My dating life is a total mess, always has been, like you I landed up in that dark place of complete hopelessness but what did I achieve being there, nothing really.


Focus your energy onto something, yes, its not great being lonely but the more I look around I am starting to think its not so great to date either, people like you and I and millions of others want this for the experience and probably because we feel there is something missing, which there is but its not to say you have to let it cloud your entire life.


When you are in this space your perception of people will also be quite off mark.
ZA Dater is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 29th September 2017, 8:13 AM   #67
Established Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 572
I don't really have that problem - I personally don't want to be in a relationship and get tired having to explain why to people who think being paired-up is an essential part of life, when it simply isn't - but my solution for you would be to set standards so high that no woman can ever reach them.

You can train yourself to think that unless they are a Victoria's Secret model (with very precise measurements), the perfect Stepford Wife but also an accomplished and educated professional all rolled into one, you will not get interested (that's just a template, you can choose your own criteria) - aiming for absolute perfection with no room for compromise is a surefire way to kill any desire.

Good luck!
littleblackheart is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 29th September 2017, 9:08 AM   #68
Established Member
 
oldbutcurious's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2016
Location: in an island somewhere in the Pacific
Posts: 102
Plastic surgery? You can work and save for it.


I am just guessing... about your issues.

I did not go through all your dramas.
oldbutcurious is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 1st October 2017, 7:15 PM   #69
Established Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2017
Posts: 73
People on forums never seem to read my posts fully. As I've explained several times now, I don't personally want a relationship. It would just be nice for women to recognize me. It would be nice for just one to find me attractive and want me. But as I've outlined before, that's humanly impossible. It CANNOT POSSIBLY happen.
Code123 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 1st October 2017, 7:32 PM   #70
Established Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2017
Posts: 252
Quote:
Originally Posted by Code123 View Post
People on forums never seem to read my posts fully. As I've explained several times now, I don't personally want a relationship. It would just be nice for women to recognize me. It would be nice for just one to find me attractive and want me. But as I've outlined before, that's humanly impossible. It CANNOT POSSIBLY happen.
If you have no intention of dating, why the hell would you care if women find you attractive? Wanna be a heartbreaker? String people along without having the intention of being in a relationship with them? What is the goal here? Just a vain attempt a getting a little bit of validation?

News Flash! Getting validation from outside sources won't help you feel better! You have to build yourself up, but in your words all you do is tear yourself down!

Goodness! There are people in this world with cancer, extreme poverty, and they live very happy lives. Please put your problems into perspective and but a bit more grateful for your situation deary.

Code you have your youth, your health and can make your life anything you want to be but you choose to focus on getting validation from women (that you don't even intend on dating), why?

It sounds like ur creating an issue. Stop with the pity party already!! You said it yourself, you aren't looking for solutions, you just want people to do what exactly? When are your going to stop with the pity party and go out and be responsible for your happiness.

I do not mean to be harsh but honestly, you need to undergo CBT because your view of yourself is severely distorted. If women find you attractive or not should be the least of your concerns darling. Work on your view of yourself and self worth. That will be a better use of your time.
LurkerXX likes this.
HiCrunchy is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 1st October 2017, 8:24 PM   #71
Established Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2017
Posts: 73
Quote:
Originally Posted by HiCrunchy View Post
If you have no intention of dating, why the hell would you care if women find you attractive? Wanna be a heartbreaker? String people along without having the intention of being in a relationship with them? What is the goal here? Just a vain attempt a getting a little bit of validation?

News Flash! Getting validation from outside sources won't help you feel better! You have to build yourself up, but in your words all you do is tear yourself down!

Goodness! There are people in this world with cancer, extreme poverty, and they live very happy lives. Please put your problems into perspective and but a bit more grateful for your situation deary.

Code you have your youth, your health and can make your life anything you want to be but you choose to focus on getting validation from women (that you don't even intend on dating), why?

It sounds like ur creating an issue. Stop with the pity party already!! You said it yourself, you aren't looking for solutions, you just want people to do what exactly? When are your going to stop with the pity party and go out and be responsible for your happiness.

I do not mean to be harsh but honestly, you need to undergo CBT because your view of yourself is severely distorted. If women find you attractive or not should be the least of your concerns darling. Work on your view of yourself and self worth. That will be a better use of your time.
None of that is an accurate representation of my position, or even my status in life. I don't have my "youth", for starters. I'm 26 years old.

It doesn't work like you're saying for me with my extreme abnormalities, deformities, and personality problems. There's not this "wonderful, youthful life" that I have to be living and developing. People tend not to understand this because they got the luxury of being normal, and growing up normal.

And where did I give the impression that I wanted to break hearts and be "hard to get". Gosh, why do people ascribe all this extra crap to things I say? The only thing I said was that all my life girls have been repulsed by me, have all but avoided me, and have even told me to my face I was ugly. Never has a girl been attracted to me, liked me, or anything. I've watched girls dote over other guys, go after other guys, and I've had to deal with the fact that I'm an undesirable and ugly freak, and that I'm viewed this way by every female in existence. It would just be nice for women to like me for once. But it's impossible, even on a day 1,000,000 times better than my best day.

Last edited by Code123; 1st October 2017 at 8:26 PM..
Code123 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2nd October 2017, 8:27 PM   #72
Established Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2017
Posts: 252
26 in every sense is young deary. No one would argue otherwise (other than you for some reason). If you said you were 70 then you'd be "old".

Explain why are you "not normal?" What specific qualities and details about yourself deviate you from the norm?

I didn't think you were hard to get or wanted to break hearts. I was trying to make guesses as to what the point would be to get women to like you if you do not intend on dating?


Quote:
Originally Posted by Code123 View Post
It would just be nice for women to like me for once.
BUT WHY??? I literally do not understand why you want women to like you if you have no intention on dating? It makes no sense other than if you want validation. If you want validation having women like you isn't going to give it to you. You need to see your own self worth. Nothing in this world will give it to you.


If a woman called you ugly to your face, tell that ugly souled bitch that looks fade, but nasty personalities stay forever. **** those bitches and learn not to give a ****.


If you want, you can get a nice girl to be with you. And remember there are "less-attractive women too". You can go for them. Science shows people generally date people within their "league". If you think ur ugly, try and find an nice ugly girl to date. Plus, even if her looks are "ugly" she may have other qualities that will make her beautiful. Her laugh, her kindness, her ability to sing etc. Learn to find beauty outside of appearances.
LurkerXX likes this.

Last edited by HiCrunchy; 2nd October 2017 at 8:43 PM..
HiCrunchy is offline   Reply With Quote
 

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

 

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
I cant take this anymore. cgrigsby Coping 1 17th June 2011 4:15 AM
I don't care anymore...wait...I don't care anymore! w00t! Toki Coping 2 15th March 2010 6:53 PM
I Cant Take It Anymore Broken_Unspoken Coping 2 14th December 2009 2:40 AM
she said she cant be with me anymore..she isnt in love with me anymore. illu5i0n Breaks and Breaking Up 3 13th November 2008 2:27 PM

 

All times are GMT -4. The time now is 1:13 AM.

Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.


Copyright © 1997-2013 LoveShack.org. All Rights Reserved.