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I just can't take it anymore.


In Search Of... Having a hard time forming friendships or finding companions, lovers, or associates? Is someone pursuing an unwelcome relationship with you? Talk about your experiences here.

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Old 23rd September 2017, 11:40 PM   #46
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Originally Posted by spiderowl View Post
I wonder where you got these ideas about yourself.
Like I said. It's been confirmed to me since childhood. Girls used to line up in the hallways in grade school to tell me how ugly I was. I was always picked on as the ugly freak in high school. It's just been a known thing to all people all my life that I'm a freak who isn't to be touched. As an adult I've been approached by women in public on multiple occasions and told by them that I'm either ugly or weird looking. Everyone I meet assumes out of hand that I'm single (because what brain-dead tramp or blind woman would be with me, right?). It's a fact by this point. I'm ugly, undesirable, a loser, and I bring nothing to the world but detriment. It's
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Old 24th September 2017, 12:49 AM   #47
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The way I see it, your main problem is that you think your problems will be solved if a woman feels attracted to you. Do you really think you will feel better if that happens? Because, I mean, pretty much every single one from this forum dated boys/girls and guess what, most of us are not happy at all.

Don't make being with another woman your main goal in life: if you do that, your mindset will make you fail before even trying.

Instead of asking for girls to love you, ask yourself "how can I improve myself and my well-being in a way that makes me happier?".

You're ugly? That doesn't mean anything. I'm an average-looking guy who haven't get laid yet while there are lots of not-so-good looking people getting lucky every day.

You're f*cked up in the head? Some people find it attractive... (better stay away from those girls, they do more harm than good)

It's all in your head. Believe it or not, it's a fact.

But I guess you can also stay the same and be an unhappy son of a gun for the rest of your days. Your choice. Maybe you feel more comfy with that.
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Old 24th September 2017, 7:38 AM   #48
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It always just ends up being a belief about myself. It never can be what it actually is. A spade can never be identified as a spade.
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Old 24th September 2017, 7:51 AM   #49
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It always just ends up being a belief about myself. It never can be what it actually is. A spade can never be identified as a spade.
I believe you. But, your attitude about your plight is what CAN change.
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Old 24th September 2017, 12:48 PM   #50
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It always just ends up being a belief about myself. It never can be what it actually is. A spade can never be identified as a spade.
If something bothers you, then just do something to change it.

If you can't change it, why even bother?
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Old 24th September 2017, 11:28 PM   #51
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My mind wants to look at happiness and confidence as these forbidden things. "Remember, we're ugly and pathetic, so we're not supposed to have confidence or happiness." In other words, every time I have a moment of happiness and confidence, there's this other part that says- WAIT! What do you think you're doing? You get back here and be depressed and have low self-esteem now! The part that wants to remind me that I'm me, and that I'm not deserving of all of this good stuff is more powerful than the other part that wants to be happy and content.
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Old 25th September 2017, 6:09 AM   #52
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How can I get rid of the desire for women/sex/dating etc.
hypnotized
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Old 25th September 2017, 9:13 AM   #53
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Like I said. It's been confirmed to me since childhood. Girls used to line up in the hallways in grade school to tell me how ugly I was. I was always picked on as the ugly freak in high school. It's just been a known thing to all people all my life that I'm a freak who isn't to be touched. As an adult I've been approached by women in public on multiple occasions and told by them that I'm either ugly or weird looking. Everyone I meet assumes out of hand that I'm single (because what brain-dead tramp or blind woman would be with me, right?). It's a fact by this point. I'm ugly, undesirable, a loser, and I bring nothing to the world but detriment. It's
Now I just find this extremely hard to believe. Women find it hard enough to approach an unfamiliar man period, nevermind approach a male they don't know minding his own business, to deliver a nasty comment. Besides feeling awful about bringing someone down with an insult, who knows how the male will react...

I think threads like these are horrible for the forum. The OP just wants to wallow in his self-pity (c'mon, he *had* to know his nominal question about how to get rid of sexual desire was unanswerable). And people here just can't help themselves and so they write post after post of advice that the OP probably won't ever consider (and didn't even ask for!), wasting everyone's time. At some point it just becomes enabling.

In any event the OP really should be working stuff out w a therapist, not an Internet forum.
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Last edited by Imajerk17; 25th September 2017 at 9:42 AM..
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Old 25th September 2017, 10:05 AM   #54
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Have you got a pet? Can you get one? A beautiful smart doggy who will love and adore you. If a dog is too much, certain breeds of cats are extremely affectionate and attached (Burmese come to mind). But a dog in particular you will have to walk and train, which will help with your depression and to create mindfulness. Get out into nature, that is also therapy. Work on loving yourself, whether your beliefs about yourself are true or not, you cannot ever expect someone else to love you if you do not love yourself - it is just the way of things. Try reading the Power of Now for a gentle intro to Buddhist thought and mindfulness. Practice gratitude, there is plenty to be grateful for. Learn to meditate (phones apps like Headspace are good). It has been said here before, but whether you think can or think you cant - you are right x
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Old 25th September 2017, 11:00 PM   #55
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Now I just find this extremely hard to believe. Women find it hard enough to approach an unfamiliar man period, nevermind approach a male they don't know minding his own business, to deliver a nasty comment. Besides feeling awful about bringing someone down with an insult, who knows how the male will react...

I think threads like these are horrible for the forum. The OP just wants to wallow in his self-pity (c'mon, he *had* to know his nominal question about how to get rid of sexual desire was unanswerable). And people here just can't help themselves and so they write post after post of advice that the OP probably won't ever consider (and didn't even ask for!), wasting everyone's time. At some point it just becomes enabling.

In any event the OP really should be working stuff out w a therapist, not an Internet forum.
You'd be surprised what people will say to your face when they don't value you very much or at all. And yes, there are those who will go out of their way to verbally crap on you, not the least because it makes them feel superior.
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Old 25th September 2017, 11:18 PM   #56
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Code123 - at 26, I was the female you. It absolutely sucked. Nothing I did got men interested in me, much less willing to ask me out or accept when I asked them out. It was absolutely awful - and I had a very strong libido then, so sometimes it was physically painful to be without male company! :-p

Now, I'm 35 and in the same boat. And if I could tell my 26 year old self something, it would be to put 1000% effort into being as much like everyone else as I possibly could, every single day.* If you really do have some sort of skeletal deformity, you know that you'll never be truly 'normal', so you give up on trying and become more odd and harder for people to relate to. Try to make it easy for women to like you. The rules aren't fair; when it comes to finding love, some people (us) have to really work hard at it. And it will still be a slog, but at least with concerted effort it will be a slog with hope.

Right now you seem really bitter and frustrated and angry, all of which are reasonable feelings, given your situation. But do consider normalizing yourself as much as possible. And if you don't want to do that, ok. Just know that it won't get any better, or any easier, and your luck is unlikely to change.

Also, if you can find really engrossing ways to spend your time alone, it makes things a little easier. When I was 26 I was an avid knitter, rabid football fan, and addict of YouTube makeup videos. It didn't help me with the menfolk, but I was generally quite happy when immersed in my passions!

*I don't know what is normal for men, but as a woman I should have put way more effort into losing weight, taking care of my hair, learning to do natural makeup, and shopping at mainstream stores. You get the idea.
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Old 26th September 2017, 1:19 PM   #57
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Code123, to me it sounds like you just sit around and think about women all day. You know there's scientists out there working practically all day in their field doing what they love and I can tell you without a doubt they are not depressed because they worked hard to find meaning in their life.

Find something you are passionate about and do it. Something interesting, not some dull hobby like gardening. Something to really make your mind think. After all thinking keeps your mind healthy.
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Old 28th September 2017, 1:45 AM   #58
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I know for a fact that I cannot date or attract women. I try to explain this to people and all I get is people telling to quit with the "poor me" posts. They don't understand that that's not my intention. I genuinely have major issues that make my odds of attracting women absolute zero. It is impossible for me to attract and date a woman. This has always been the case since birth. My biggest problem is that I'm so desirous of women, and constantly long for a gf and a relationship. I've got to get rid of this desire if I'm to have some peace of mind and closure to this problem. I've thought about castration, but everyone tells me I'm being facetious when I say that. I'm NOT! I'm dead ****ing serious, and I want it as soon as possible. I simply can't go on like this.
Nobody is can determine at birth that you cannot ever date someone. If you believe in odds, that's great but frankly odd are there to be beaten not accepted as some final fate.


Life is multi faceted, you cannot define who you are by you ability to date or not to date, for years I got caught in this never ending cycle of despair but honestly you can go out, even simply work, or just do things you value and enjoy. Yes, I think we all fundamentally want the same thing but the reality is as much as people like to say "there are plenty of fish in the sea" its also true to say many of them never get paired up at all.


However, you cannot actually use that as an excuse for not trying if its something you really want, if you want it enough you will find a way to enjoy some success even if it is fleeting. I am like you useless at dating but even I can say some of the experiences I have had were not bad, in fact some were great.


The problem I think is you need to get off this cycle of self loathing and self hate, enjoy something, if its a sunset great, just wake up each day with the mind set of appreciating things more. While not ideal I do believe that it is possible to live a good life not dating at all. Its not an out to give up but its just me saying you need to look more at life than to zero in on one thing because you really miss everything around you when you do that.


Don't let people put you down about dating, its a common thing when people try and help, the reality is few really understand what its like to be in your position, unless they themselves are in the same position but again most people would never readily admit to that in the first place.


Take a moment and think about what inspires you, what makes you laugh, what makes you smile, seek out those things, forever moping about being dateless does nothing for your quality of life.


If nothing else, simply believe in a better tomorrow, believe you can date, believe you can have the experiences you want because while you work towards something you need to actually believe it is possible. I might never get to date someone who really wows me but that doesn't stop me believing I can.


At the end of the day so much of what we do is in our control, the mind is a powerful tool, you can feel better or feel worse, you have to a large extent control over that. Yes, not all of us fit in, yes, not all of us are deemed desirable but you actually have to try and believe in some parity. Me, I wont compete with that muscle bound dude at the bar but I can make him look really silly with intellect. Use what you are good at, everyone is good at something.
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Old 28th September 2017, 2:58 PM   #59
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I can't tell you how many times I've done something I think will make me more attractive, garner compliments, etc. (such as buy a new outfit, get cleaned/fixed up, etc.) only to get into public around my friends and see them get complimented for everything about their looks, get hit on/flirted with, etc. and never receive anything but odd looks from people myself, when I know for a fact that my friends didn't do a goddamn thing but get out out bed that morning and throw on a set of random clothes, look in the mirror for two secs to see if their hair wasn't too out of place, and hit the road.

I don't even try to pursue interaction with women anymore. They're reaction is always this puzzled look, like "why would that ugly freak ever think he could approach me?" It's so remarkable and fascinating that I've starting making a game out of it. I will internally predict this response from women, and it always bears out. And no, I don't intentionally act in ways that would provoke such a response. This type of response to my existence is so reliable from women that it could virtually be established as a physical law with exact mathematical representations to acompany it. I consider it a fact that I'm undesirable and that all women unanymously despise me. And I hold that this is true across all time, all space, and all dimensions of existence.

And I'm not telling a lie when I say women have publicy approached me to inform me as to how ugly I am. It even happened to me at work from a customer. Each time has been independent of each other. I've even been set up on blind dates wherein the girl left upon meeting me. This happened once in high school, and once about 5 or 6 years ago.

Last edited by Code123; 28th September 2017 at 3:07 PM..
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Old 28th September 2017, 3:19 PM   #60
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I can't tell you how many times I've done something I think will make me more attractive, garner compliments, etc. (such as buy a new outfit, get cleaned/fixed up, etc.) only to get into public around my friends and see them get complimented for everything about their looks, get hit on/flirted with, etc. and never receive anything but odd looks from people myself, when I know for a fact that my friends didn't do a goddamn thing but get out out bed that morning and throw on a set of random clothes, look in the mirror for two secs to see if their hair wasn't too out of place, and hit the road.

I don't even try to pursue interaction with women anymore. They're reaction is always this puzzled look, like "why would that ugly freak ever think he could approach me?" It's so remarkable and fascinating that I've starting making a game out of it. I will internally predict this response from women, and it always bears out. And no, I don't intentionally act in ways that would provoke such a response. This type of response to my existence is so reliable from women that it could virtually be established as a physical law with exact mathematical representations to acompany it. I consider it a fact that I'm undesirable and that all women unanymously despise me. And I hold that this is true across all time, all space, and all dimensions of existence.

And I'm not telling a lie when I say women have publicy approached me to inform me as to how ugly I am. It even happened to me at work from a customer. Each time has been independent of each other. I've even been set up on blind dates wherein the girl left upon meeting me. This happened once in high school, and once about 5 or 6 years ago.
Describe what you look like. Are you disfigured in some way?
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