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I just can't take it anymore.


In Search Of... Having a hard time forming friendships or finding companions, lovers, or associates? Is someone pursuing an unwelcome relationship with you? Talk about your experiences here.

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Old 20th September 2017, 10:27 PM   #31
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To be happier you have to learn to like yourself more. Once you are happy in your own skin & content with your own company you will no longer seek relationships. Now they are a form of external validation. You want others to fill in the missing pieces of your soul. The reality is you have to fill them in yourself. Once you do that you will be happier & more content. Upon achieving that state of self acceptance it will actually be easier for you to find a fulfilling relationship.

Have you ever considered studying the eastern philosophies? Mediation & Buddhism could probably help you find enlightenment.
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Old 20th September 2017, 10:33 PM   #32
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To be happier you have to learn to like yourself more. Once you are happy in your own skin & content with your own company you will no longer seek relationships. Now they are a form of external validation. You want others to fill in the missing pieces of your soul. The reality is you have to fill them in yourself. Once you do that you will be happier & more content. Upon achieving that state of self acceptance it will actually be easier for you to find a fulfilling relationship.

Have you ever considered studying the eastern philosophies? Mediation & Buddhism could probably help you find enlightenment.
Yep. Nailed it. This is your only choice if you are indeed correct that no woman would ever want you. We have no choice but to believe you, so this is the best advice you could be given. Up to you if you want to go to the extreme of surgery to remove sexual arousal from your life.
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Old 20th September 2017, 11:27 PM   #33
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To be happier you have to learn to like yourself more. Once you are happy in your own skin & content with your own company you will no longer seek relationships. Now they are a form of external validation. You want others to fill in the missing pieces of your soul. The reality is you have to fill them in yourself. Once you do that you will be happier & more content. Upon achieving that state of self acceptance it will actually be easier for you to find a fulfilling relationship.

Have you ever considered studying the eastern philosophies? Mediation & Buddhism could probably help you find enlightenment.
Or maybe just mimic Trump?
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Old 21st September 2017, 1:10 AM   #34
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Look, I had been single for 14 years. I was convinced that no one could look past my systemic health issues. I'm chronic mercury poisoned and allergic to the chelator that could help me. So I tremor violently every time I relax. It's not uncommon for me to go days without sleeping at all. I can't eat at restaurants from rampant allergies. A few years ago, I was literally starving to death from reacting to everything I tried to ingest. I'm in significant student debt from studying Chinese medicine the past 5 years. I grew up in an abusive household. As a result of sheltering myself from dating, I am an older virgin. Blah blah blah blah blah. This isn't even a comprehensive list of all the ****.

And I just found a man who looks like he models in his free-time. His 6 pack has a 6 pack. Women are crawling all over themselves in pursuit of him. And he treats me really, really well and doesn't mind waiting until I'm ready.

The thing he likes the most about me? My personality. He loves my sense of humor, who I am, and the fun he has with me. I've coped with my life by learning to laugh. He told me I'm the most interesting woman he's ever met (and I can guarantee you that the vast majority of my conversations have nothing to do with the superficial, boring stuff you described as typical of the women you know). So he doesn't care about all that other crap that I thought would bar me from ever finding anyone.

My point is, if you play the one card right that you can control--who you are and what you choose to believe--you will open doors that you didn't even know existed.
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Old 21st September 2017, 7:35 PM   #35
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My point is, if you play the one card right that you can control--who you are and what you choose to believe--you will open doors that you didn't even know existed.
Not even remotely true. There's nothing I can do. I have no cards to play. Not a single one. No girl has ever showed the slightest modicum of interest in me, not even girls who would be considered by the mainstream to be "unattractive". There is no human female that has ever existed or will ever exist in this universe that could be attracted to me. This is a fact irrespective of my attitude or my outlook. It has no bearing on it whatsoever.
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Old 21st September 2017, 7:44 PM   #36
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Not even remotely true. There's nothing I can do. I have no cards to play. Not a single one. There is no human female that has ever existed or will ever exist in this universe that could be attracted to me. This is a fact irrespective of my attitude.
With all due respect, that is simply untrue.

But, if that is what you truly believe, there is nothing anyone can do or say on this site to help you. And, nothing will ever change for you.
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Old 21st September 2017, 9:06 PM   #37
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With all due respect, that is simply untrue.
I've yet to see an example to the contrary in my 26 years of life.
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Old 21st September 2017, 10:08 PM   #38
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So, what are you hoping to get here? This is basically turning into your last thread that finally got locked.
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Old 21st September 2017, 10:46 PM   #39
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So, what are you hoping to get here? This is basically turning into your last thread that finally got locked.
Info on how to get rid of the desire. The meditation/buddhism thing was good advice I'll admit.
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Old 21st September 2017, 11:15 PM   #40
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With all due respect, that is simply untrue.

But, if that is what you truly believe, there is nothing anyone can do or say on this site to help you. And, nothing will ever change for you.
“Whether you think you can, or you think you can't--you're right.”
― Henry Ford
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Old 22nd September 2017, 1:02 PM   #41
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Code123 do you know what a waifu is? It's basically a digital wife. One from say a video game you might be attracted to. It might sound pathetic or whatever but it sure improved my quality of life. I would just turn on my video game and hang out with the waifu. Cured most of my loneliness regardless of her being real or not. A lot of guys do this, at least while their single.
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Old 22nd September 2017, 1:48 PM   #42
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Code123


Is there anything you do like about yourself? Anything that you think makes you unique / different / interesting? It doesn't have to be profound.


In no particular order some of the things that make me "different" include my love of Dalmatians; my enjoyment of wine; my addiction to Pepsi, my favorite color red & my alma maters (where I went to school). I'm also reasonably intelligent & kinda funny, sometimes. You don't to post here but can you come up with a few things that make you the person you are? Build on that. Get more involved in things that make you happy.


My therapist had me start a gratitude's list. I suggest you try. Again it doesn't have to be profound but every morning when you wake up you have to write down 3 things that you are grateful for & you have to write down another 3 at night before you go to sleep. If possible they should be different from day to day. Over the past few days some of the things that appeared on my list included that it's been warm enough to sleep with only a sheet (I don't like winter so I'm hanging on to every last bit of Indian summer); that all my friends in the various hurricane zones are safe even if without power; that I had fun with my sorority sisters this weekend; that I have new t-shirts with my college logo on them; that the Pepsi I had was quite refreshing; that the pain I felt after my dental procedure Monday finally subsided; etc. When I feel blue, I'm supposed to read the lists. It sounds silly but it really does help. I encourage you to try it.
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Old 22nd September 2017, 6:42 PM   #43
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Look, I had been single for 14 years. I was convinced that no one could look past my systemic health issues. I'm chronic mercury poisoned and allergic to the chelator that could help me. So I tremor violently every time I relax. It's not uncommon for me to go days without sleeping at all. I can't eat at restaurants from rampant allergies. A few years ago, I was literally starving to death from reacting to everything I tried to ingest. I'm in significant student debt from studying Chinese medicine the past 5 years. I grew up in an abusive household. As a result of sheltering myself from dating, I am an older virgin. Blah blah blah blah blah. This isn't even a comprehensive list of all the ****.

And I just found a man who looks like he models in his free-time. His 6 pack has a 6 pack. Women are crawling all over themselves in pursuit of him. And he treats me really, really well and doesn't mind waiting until I'm ready.

The thing he likes the most about me? My personality. He loves my sense of humor, who I am, and the fun he has with me. I've coped with my life by learning to laugh. He told me I'm the most interesting woman he's ever met (and I can guarantee you that the vast majority of my conversations have nothing to do with the superficial, boring stuff you described as typical of the women you know). So he doesn't care about all that other crap that I thought would bar me from ever finding anyone.

My point is, if you play the one card right that you can control--who you are and what you choose to believe--you will open doors that you didn't even know existed.
I really like stories like yours. It gives me hope that one day I will find someone. Thank you for sharing.
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Old 22nd September 2017, 8:51 PM   #44
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OP if you think that you are inherently unattractive and unlikeable, you will be giving out vibes to deter women from approaching you. They will pick up on the vibes and keep a distance because they will be confused about the vibes. If you were giving out happy and fun vibes, it would be totally different.

I wonder where you got these ideas about yourself. How did your parents treat you? What was their attitude towards you? My father told me no-one would want me. I totally believed it for many years, rejecting the approaches of men because I did not know why they were approaching me. I thought it could not be good as I was so ugly and unlikeable. I must have given off very depressed and confusing vibes. I find now that men do like me and are interested in me. It has been a revelation. It took me over 30 years to get to this point

If you are feeling unhappy and 'bad' in some way, it can seem logical to think you must 'be' bad. This is a fallacy. If I had flu and felt bad as a result, it would not make me inherently bad as a person, would it? It is just the same with a feeling of 'badness'. If you are looking at life through this 'unloveable/unwanted' mental filter, then you will interpret everything people do in that light. If you were feeling happy, high and loved, you would interpret what people are doing as being like that towards you. It is very much a mental filter. You are filtering out the good and focusing on the bad ideas.

I know from my own experience that it is fiendishly difficult to change how one feels and to change that filter. One becomes locked in to it because at some level there is a fundamental belief that it is true. Have you ever tried antidepressants? They can help you to relax, feel more secure and reduce the power of that negative mental filter. It could be that some chemical or process in your brain is constantly reinforcing this belief about yourself that you have, which is why you face such difficulty in changing it. People with OCD have similar problems. No matter how often people reassure them they don't need to check something a hundred times, they still feel the need to and are not convinced.

Therapy may help. Antidepressants may help. I don't think you need to be looking at ways to deny your natural feelings. It is almost as if you think you are not worthy of the chance that therapy or medications could give you to improve your mood and to start to feel better. Give yourself chance, regardless of whether you think therapy is going to work. It sounds to me like a repetitive/compulsive train of thought that you are suffering from along the lines of "I'm ugly, people see me that way, they don't want me, they behave differently because they don't want me, there is no hope, so there is no point trying anything." I think you may need medications to help you out of this compulsive circular thinking which will then give you a chance to work with a therapist to improve things.

What we all have is individuality. That is what makes us special, not perfection. People are attracted to each other's individuality, that something that no-one else has. At the moment, you are undoubtedly pushing women and friends away with your unhappy vibes. Please give yourself chance to get out of this vicious cycle of thinking.
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Last edited by spiderowl; 22nd September 2017 at 8:57 PM..
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Old 23rd September 2017, 5:31 PM   #45
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Code. Once again. Just go into councelling. Even if you get some woman interested in you. Is it going to be that easy. What if some days she is off and your off in mood and temperment.

To be honest. All this, We need love to thrive is a bit too much. Its nice to have, but its not the be all of everything in life.

I want love to, but not at the expense of my daily sanity.
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