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Broke off with guy I dated for a whopping 2 days


In Search Of... Having a hard time forming friendships or finding companions, lovers, or associates? Is someone pursuing an unwelcome relationship with you? Talk about your experiences here.

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Old 18th September 2017, 2:08 AM   #16
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Cookie, you're blowing it. If I was your age and in your position, I'd be killin' it with the menz. One day you're going to look back on this time and ask yourself why you didn't accept your blessings.

The only thing I can think of as to why you're farting around so much is that you don't really want it bad enough. Or maybe you're just not all that attracted to the guys you've gone out with. (I struck that, because I think it's actually relevant)

Or no.

She is younger than your age and already knows better or better yet ( for the guy that ends up with her), acts out inherently better.

Trust your instincts OP, it...might work out. Who knows.

Unless you really would like to be killin it with a bunch of menz you have no actual interest in.
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Old 18th September 2017, 6:39 AM   #17
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I don't understand why you broke up with this guy. it seems like you are intentionally trying to sabotage yourself.

It's completely normal to feel a little unsure and weird about things in the beginning of a relationship as you are getting to know someone. You don't just jump right from strangers to knowing each other well (comfort zone) -- it takes time, which may involve some uncomfortable times.
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Old 18th September 2017, 7:44 AM   #18
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I know you guys are right, but I feel better with my decision so I guess it wasn't bad? Maybe I will look back and regret.
Thanks for the insight.
And thanks again livingwater It's inheritance and savings. But I am working right now. I am looking for a new job as well
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Old 18th September 2017, 12:51 PM   #19
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Not to sound weird - I am genuinely curious...

What exactly IS there to even break off after just 2 days??????
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Old 18th September 2017, 1:29 PM   #20
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I know you guys are right, but I feel better with my decision so I guess it wasn't bad? Maybe I will look back and regret.
Thanks for the insight.
And thanks again livingwater It's inheritance and savings. But I am working right now. I am looking for a new job as well
Thanks for your answer, Cookies! I hated asking you that question because it's socially awkward to do so! But, I had a reason for asking and I admire your transparency in revealing that it's partly an inheritance.

For some multi-talented people it can be very hard to settle into achieving goals when you don't have to work and when you have a lot of options as to what you can be in life. And it's hard to have healthy self esteem when one is not achieving goals they would like to, imo.

You mentioned earlier that you were dating a guy who was out-of-your-league and that had you remained with him he'd later break up with you most probably.

But, if you can find work and stick with it, even when it becomes boring or the going gets tough you will find your self esteem will begin to grow and I believe you'll discover there is no one who's out-of-your-league. Hard work and tenacity are two great character builders! And strong character is at the base of sterling self esteem! It also catapults one to the top of the heap in the league of life!

Also, finding a goal and sticking with it will take your focus off of finding a bf.
Your avatar is very attractive and if that's you then it seems to me you most likely have a huge pool of men to date which would also be distracting and could easily tempt one to always be looking for something better.

I may be way off on all of the above but seems to me it's a distinct possibility worth considering.

Sometimes having a lot of advantages in life can be a disadvantage! Ironically, it may take a great deal of effort to overcome your advantages!

Just some thoughts to ponder from an anonymous poster who wishes you well and would like to see you prosper!
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Old 18th September 2017, 3:48 PM   #21
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Read about avoidant attachment styles, in particular dismissive-avoidants. It sounds like you might be struggling with this.

Also, you said twice in this thread that the "real you" isn't someone worth dating. ... Why not? This belief seems to be the crux of your issues.
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Old 18th September 2017, 5:47 PM   #22
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Not to sound weird - I am genuinely curious...

What exactly IS there to even break off after just 2 days??????

I don't know??? It wasn't really a relationship if we only saw each other 4 1/2 times and barely talked through text (because I didn't really answer?) That isn't even a foundation for a relationship? So nothing was lost here right
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,,,,
Just some thoughts to ponder from an anonymous poster who wishes you well and would like to see you prosper!
Thank you so much for you kindness!!!
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Read about avoidant attachment styles, in particular dismissive-avoidants. It sounds like you might be struggling with this.

Also, you said twice in this thread that the "real you" isn't someone worth dating. ... Why not? This belief seems to be the crux of your issues.
I will look into this. Thank you :!
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Old 18th September 2017, 6:46 PM   #23
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Sorry it didn't work out Cookies.
I'm sure you must feel a bit hopeless and frustrated about the situation.


I'm going to preface this by saying that I hate how often a BPD diagnosis is thrown about here and also "get therapy".
However, I think it might be looking into to help you gain some self-awareness.
Have you ever read about BPD?
If so, does any of it resonate with you?

In some of your earlier threads, a lot of people were suggesting your behaviour did seem a bit reminiscent of the disorder, and now your lack of identity here also go along with that.

Here is a quote from this website: https://www.verywell.com/borderline-...-issues-425488

Quote:
People with BPD often report that they have no idea who they are or what they believe in. Sometimes people with BPD report that they simply feel “non-existent.” Others even report that they are almost like a chameleon in terms of identity; they change who they are depending on their circumstances and what they think others want from them.
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Old 18th September 2017, 7:24 PM   #24
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Sorry it didn't work out Cookies.
I'm sure you must feel a bit hopeless and frustrated about the situation.


I'm going to preface this by saying that I hate how often a BPD diagnosis is thrown about here and also "get therapy".
However, I think it might be looking into to help you gain some self-awareness.
Have you ever read about BPD?
If so, does any of it resonate with you?

In some of your earlier threads, a lot of people were suggesting your behaviour did seem a bit reminiscent of the disorder, and now your lack of identity here also go along with that.

Here is a quote from this website: https://www.verywell.com/borderline-...-issues-425488
Thanks, olive x Yeah, I have identity issues but I think it's linked more to my depression because looked into BPD before and I don't have many of the other symptoms. I don't have impulsivity at all, self harm, extreme behaviors to avoid abandonment in relationships, or black and white perception of others and stuff like that.. none. but that article was interesting
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Old 18th September 2017, 8:07 PM   #25
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Thanks, olive x Yeah, I have identity issues but I think it's linked more to my depression because looked into BPD before and I don't have many of the other symptoms. I don't have impulsivity at all, self harm, extreme behaviors to avoid abandonment in relationships, or black and white perception of others and stuff like that.. none. but that article was interesting
Yeah that makes sense.
Doesn't sound like it's BPD.
Probably the fearful avoidant stuff we talked about before.

I'd just really like to see you do something different so that you can get a different outcome.
Maybe explore that past bullying stuff with a counsellor.

Do you have people in your life that you are close to?
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Old 18th September 2017, 8:23 PM   #26
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A good psychologist can guide you to see a pattern of how you got where you are, which can help untangle it. I know for most people it's cost-prohibitive.

Do you get depressed randomly or is it mostly caused by a situation? I am the latter. You seem like a sweet person and I don't like to see people getting on your case on here. Compared to me at your age, you are steady as the rain!
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Old 18th September 2017, 8:28 PM   #27
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I think when the right person comes along you'll want to let them in but right now you just haven't met anybody worth opening up to. But maybe that's wrong.

How long were you with your last BF for and did you find yourself opening up to him or mostly pushing him away too?
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Old 22nd September 2017, 3:30 AM   #28
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Thanks, olive x Yeah, I have identity issues but I think it's linked more to my depression because looked into BPD before and I don't have many of the other symptoms. I don't have impulsivity at all, self harm, extreme behaviors to avoid abandonment in relationships, or black and white perception of others and stuff like that.. none. but that article was interesting
Changing jobs regularly, deciding to become bf/gf after 2 days dating...sounds impulsive...

Breaking up with a guy cause "he is out of my league and probably will break up with me" Sounds like avoiding abandonment...

I wouldn't dismiss bpd so quickly cookies. Reading all your threads, it would be a pretty good explanation for a lot of your behaviour. I don't mean this as getting on your case, more just to be open to the possibility. I mean, we are all on that spectrum and display bpd traits to some degree.

Is there a reason you really don't want to just take a break from dating? Like six months maybe?
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Old 22nd September 2017, 6:17 AM   #29
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With all due respect, have you ever tried counselling. I agree with the other posters who say that you shouldn't be dating right now. You don't have a very clear sense of who you are and what you want in a relationship.
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Old 22nd September 2017, 6:24 AM   #30
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Thank you. Well said. I am ashamed to say I know very little about BPD. Symptoms are often shared or interconnected among different disorders that are not discernible to people without enough knowledge on the individual or the disorder.

For example, anxiety disorder (which I am dx with) can manifest itself by avoidance/breaking up with people. I think this is distinct from "frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment" criteria for BPD and probably more distinct when in a relationship. With BPD, you'd see a lot of fighting and tension going on with a loved one. Where with anxiety, the person will probably just avoid.

My job changes (3) are extreme for my short life, but not what I would call impulsive. I thought about each of them for at least a year. I think it's more being a depressed,lazy millennial that doesn't necessarily need to know what they want to do with their life by their 20s. Impulsivity with BPD is much more immediate insofar as you are able to do it. For example, if they are sitting at home and get a mood swing, an individual with BPD might have the thought to start drinking a lot and do so immediately without any consideration of consequence. (Again, this is my understanding. I could be wrong)

We technically dated for 3 weeks, but agreeing to become exclusive was an impulsive decision on my part. I was asked and didn't take time to reflect. But again, I'd need to meet other criteria to have BPD.

I've been to psychiatrists/psychologist/counselors several years throughout my life, discussing all areas on my life (some sat down with my parents to explain our relationship dynamic) and no one has diagnosed me with BPD.

I'm not saying that it's not possible, but having discussed my life(including relationships) indepth alongside my parents who've known me best,I have always only been dx with depression, anxiety, and sometimes minor OCD by professionals.
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Last edited by Cookiesandough; 22nd September 2017 at 6:35 AM..
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