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A Question For The Women


In Search Of... Having a hard time forming friendships or finding companions, lovers, or associates? Is someone pursuing an unwelcome relationship with you? Talk about your experiences here.

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Old 16th September 2017, 2:53 AM   #1
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A Question For The Women

Suppose you're out in public, at a store, the mall, produce section....You get the idea.



What would be the ideal way for a man to approach you? What would win you over immediately? Is it physical attraction? What he might say? The way he says it, or his delivery and demeanor?


Can you share some experiences?
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Old 16th September 2017, 3:14 AM   #2
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Randoms on the street are not something I enjoy. I'd be much more likely to give my number if I got chatting to a friend of a friend at a pub or party.

About the only time something could have happened with a random was when I was in my local fruit and veg store and chatting to the owner about making stock. Another guy joined the conversation and then he and I chatted all the way back to where I had to turn off to my house. I recall thinking "had he asked and had I been available, I would have accepted"

No matter where he is, a man would need to engage in conversation of sufficient length for me to know we would have a decent date before I'd give my number.
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Old 16th September 2017, 3:46 AM   #3
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No matter where he is, a man would need to engage in conversation of sufficient length for me to know we would have a decent date before I'd give my number.
Ditto to the above.

I would need to be attracted, obviously.
Showing some confidence and humour would be essentials for me.
Age appropriate too.

I walked past an older guy a couple of weeks ago, I don't know whether his intention was for me to stop but with a deadpan pretty intimidating looking face he said in a deep scary voice 'Hello baby'.
I was so shocked I walked on by as fast as possible.
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Old 16th September 2017, 4:21 AM   #4
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As long as they aren't rude, physical attraction would carry all the weight for me. I've given this some thought, and I don't think that I would find it very attractive if a stranger approach me romantically while I was at the grocery store or something. I think it gives off a ' how many other girls that you found attractive did you approach today ' vibe... it just makes the guy substantially less attractive to me. I think the best bet would be if the guy did something to counteract the presumptuousness of it, like if you found some way to break the ice that hinted to me that he was doing so for more than just liking my body

It's always flattering though. I don't think I've ever found it creepy and less they persisted
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Old 16th September 2017, 5:51 AM   #5
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I've had two instances, one that started out as me startling the guy as he came around the corner. The guy seriously jumped out of his skin. We ended up chatting for quite a bit. I don't recall what was said after we laughed about the scare, but he kept talking to me. He gave me his business card. We talked for quite a bit, I finally had to just say I had to get going, and he hugged me, which I didn't mind at all, but it was different for sure. I called him, no date came of it, but he seemed interested at the time.

The second time, I was looking for this particular fresh salsa that was found in the deli area. I waited for a guy to get his deli item and asked the deli guy. The grocery guy said something jokingly about dinner and having ribs and a little chit chat. Deli guy points out where the salsa would be located. Grocery guy was interested in this salsa, so I walked him over as I needed guacamole (they didn't sell the salsa anymore). I was walking away when he asked if it was worth it (the guacamole). I said it was and proceeded on my way. It occurred to me later he might have been interested, but we'll never know.

There would have to be a physical attraction for this to work. Not necessarily gorgeous, handsome and hot, but that chemistry and that she also feels that attraction. I can't really think of any particular words to say, but it's always a descent opener if you have something to say about the grocery product, where something might be located, or if they know which one is better...dunno, honestly. I remember hearing an old song of my youth the store was playing, and really talking to myself, said I hadn't heard it in ages and who sings it. The guy who was more or less my age didn't know, and I wasn't hitting on him, but I'm guessing if he thought I was attractive and he was available, it could have turned into some conversation.

It can come across as creepy to some women, so expect some negative reaction, but I would think that if conversation just kind of naturally flows, you're headed in the right direction. I wish I could think of some lines, but really, I can't. Oh, and be careful commenting on what's inside people's carts. Some people can be extremely touchy about that, like the carts are these zones of privacy that people pretend not to see.

Also, it wouldn't occur to me that you (general) prowl grocery stores to pick up women, but I see Cookie's point.
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Old 16th September 2017, 7:08 AM   #6
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There's no concern at all in being accused of doing it often. Women can read when you do it often just fine.

You'll be full of nerves, and that will be plain

Sir, here is the folly in asking the opposite sex what they would prefer: most don't know what we want until we first experience it.

That girl who tells you "I like x, y, and z" in bed is telling you what other guys did.

Naturally, there has to be a guy who pushes the comfort zone in order to achieve new experiences. That guy needs to be you.

I can tell you what works for me, if you want. But what works for me does so on the basis of my quirks. You need to figure something that works for your own quirks, and that is only done through trial and error.
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Old 16th September 2017, 9:16 AM   #7
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For me it is physical attraction. If I am not initially physically attracted to you then it really doesn't matter what you say to me. I will be friendly and talk but probably wouldn't be looking for anymore than that. I would be polite though, I mean we could end up being friends. If someone is attractive and rude I would ignore.

So if a man approaches me and I am physically attracted to him (and single) I'd give him my number at least. I'd like to see if we are compatible and see where it goes from there
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Old 16th September 2017, 9:08 PM   #8
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When I am out and about, such as running errands at the store, mall, dry cleaners, etc... I prefer not to be approached as I am generally on a mission - to get my stuff done.

If I was at a bar with a girl friend, I would not mind being approached. Of course physical attraction would need to be there. I love a man who smells wonderful.

Something just came to mind, in the movie Hitch, with Will Smith. I would not mind a man approaching me the way Will did when he approached Eve Mendes. He was confident, alluring yet unassuming. I bet he smelled good too!
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Old 16th September 2017, 10:06 PM   #9
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Logo View Post
Suppose you're out in public, at a store, the mall, produce section....You get the idea.



What would be the ideal way for a man to approach you? What would win you over immediately? Is it physical attraction? What he might say? The way he says it, or his delivery and demeanor?


Can you share some experiences?

I'm very introverted and shy... so it would have to be quick and direct... "ideal way" would be a smile and eye contact and a small introduction, like "hi, my name is Matt, what's yours?"... "are you seeing anyone?, id love to get your number"... something along those lines when it's in a situation like that where you don't really have a lot of time to talk.
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Old 25th September 2017, 9:35 PM   #10
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For me, genuine conversation - which takes a few minutes. It's best if the situation creates the opportunity for the convo, but sometimes commenting on a book I'm reading or shoes I'm wearing or whatever can work, too.

That said, as a fat woman when men chat with me it's just that: conversation. It ends and we go our separate ways.

For my attractive and average looking friends (all female), it's pretty much what the man looks like. As long as he's not totally rude, bigoted, or stupid (or at least not so much that it overpowers his appearance), and they're single, they'd be down. They'd be cool with a cold approach, a 'hello, what's your name', etc.
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Old 26th September 2017, 1:25 AM   #11
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Logo View Post
Suppose you're out in public, at a store, the mall, produce section....You get the idea.



What would be the ideal way for a man to approach you? What would win you over immediately? Is it physical attraction? What he might say? The way he says it, or his delivery and demeanor?


Can you share some experiences?

say hello, and then something relatable and fun.
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Old 26th September 2017, 6:16 PM   #12
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Just very casual commenting on something in the store. Geez, it's not even Halloween but they're already playing Christmas music. In line: If I was sure you were single I'd buy us some popcorn and a Coke to pass the time because I think we're going to be here all night. Why does what you're making for dinner look so much better than what I'm making? Excuse me, do you think this tie goes with this shirt? My ex-girlfriend assured me I shouldn't try to dress by myself.

The least I can do is help you carry your junk. But if that creeps her out, back off. It is hard to go from casual talk in a one-time store encounter to getting a number. It just seems too fast. But if both people are gregarious, it can happen.
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Old 26th September 2017, 7:24 PM   #13
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... "ideal way" would be a smile and eye contact and a small introduction, like "hi, my name is Matt, what's yours?"... "are you seeing anyone?, id love to get your number"...
Way too blunt for me! If the person can't even engage in a little casual conversation or banter first, I would unfortunately think he lacked social skills and was a little too gauche and awkward. I'm not volunteering myself for a prolonged version of that on a first date.

IME, guys usually chat about the situation we're in or something I'm doing and pivot the conversation from there to interests/hobbies/whatever before making it clear they're asking me out. It's just a couple of minutes of casual conversation first, but it gives you a flavor for the person--social skills, who they are, etc. The other common tack that works is asking for directions, and then using that to engage in conversation for a minute or two, before you ask.

A few good places:
  • Lines (as in cashier lines not pickup lines). You're both stuck waiting. May as well pass the time having a pleasant conversation
  • Anywhere where you're just sitting or waiting--e.g. on the plane, metro, or subway.
  • Anywhere where people linger and browse: produce aisles, museums, bookstores, art galleries, etc.
I wouldn't approach someone who appears to be in a rush to get somewhere. Oftentimes they're late or something and are not going to be amenable to being delayed for a couple of minutes of semi-idle chit chat.

Hope that helps.
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Old 26th September 2017, 11:02 PM   #14
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I'm a guy, but I would think women would be more receptive to a stranger chatting them up in a public place if it wasn't blatantly obvious he was putting in work. Casual banter that doesn't feel forced or like the guy is trying to remember what line he's supposed to say next.

In other words, you just talk to them like they're a person. If you do that right, most people in general are receptive to you, even if they aren't romantically interested.

Now granted, it's a lot easier to do this for most people when they don't have a romantic/physical stake in the other person. It's one reason I'm so charming with elderly women.
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Old 26th September 2017, 11:06 PM   #15
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Originally Posted by somuchfortheone View Post
I'm very introverted and shy... so it would have to be quick and direct... "ideal way" would be a smile and eye contact and a small introduction, like "hi, my name is Matt, what's yours?"... "are you seeing anyone?, id love to get your number"... something along those lines when it's in a situation like that where you don't really have a lot of time to talk.
Oooo, I don't know about this. You aren't speed dating here.

Unless you're ridiculously handsome, you'll probably need to sell yourself a bit through casual chatter (not to be confused with mundane chatter) before you even hint at wanting to ask her out or for her number.
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