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Does He Know What He's Doing? Do I?


In Search Of... Having a hard time forming friendships or finding companions, lovers, or associates? Is someone pursuing an unwelcome relationship with you? Talk about your experiences here.

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Old 15th September 2017, 10:59 AM   #16
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So I guess I handled it right the first time after all.
I told him how important he is to me.
I hope what i said at least gave him pause so he thinks twice before doing this with other women.
I don't think men realize they are lowering their own standards of conduct when they do this, disrespecting themselves.
I hope he's okay.
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Old 15th September 2017, 12:44 PM   #17
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So I guess I handled it right the first time after all.
Did you totally ignore him first time around? If so, yes, that was the right way to handle this.

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I told him how important he is to me.
If this was before the pants pic then you can summarise that you saying this meant diddly squat to him.

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I hope what i said at least gave him pause so he thinks twice before doing this with other women.
Hmm, nope. I very much doubt it.

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I don't think men realize they are lowering their own standards of conduct when they do this, disrespecting themselves.
This is all skewed. You are lowering your standards and the only person he respects is himself, not you, not any other women he is up to this with, not his fiancée, not her family, nor his family, none of their friends.....

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I hope he's okay.
Why would you care?
He is a douchebag and you shouldn't give him a first nor second thought.

I hope you are OK, I believe anyone is of more value than a pants pic, the question is, why don't you think you are worth more than that?
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Old 15th September 2017, 12:58 PM   #18
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@GemmaUK:

Well it's possible his fiance knows what he's up to.

I don't see the problem if everyone is a consenting adult.

I would like to have a long, meaningful relationship, but i'm not opposed to polyamory.

There's something to be said for being the one in the relationship that doesn't have to deal with all the emotional baggage.

He's actually not a douchebag.

He has a tendency to self-sabotage and i think he may be signalling he needs help. After all, it's not an uncommon way for people to try to resolve their problems.

My self-respect is intact, otherwise i wouldn't have been so baffled by his coming at me like that. I honestly think i may be the person he's seeking out to set him straight on his behavior, given what he knows about me.

But thanks anyway
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Old 15th September 2017, 1:25 PM   #19
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How many poly dates have you been on with him?

I'm guessing his fiancée is into this and knows what is going on. Have you met a few times?

It's just that I know a bit about poly relationships and they usually begin with consent and meeting all parties pretty quickly, not with pants pics.

What confuses me now though is the title of your thread...
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Old 15th September 2017, 1:31 PM   #20
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I don't know if he and his fiance have agreed that he can do this, so obviously i haven't been on a poly date with them.
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Old 15th September 2017, 2:59 PM   #21
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I don't know if he and his fiance have agreed that he can do this, so obviously i haven't been on a poly date with them.
So why are you so confident all will be OK?

Are you sure he is interested in you and not just sending you picks of himself in his pants?

It just doesn't provoke great expectations for me if a man does that. Engaged or not.
Does it for you?
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Old 15th September 2017, 4:22 PM   #22
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If I was sure everything was going to be ok, i wouldn't have posted this thread.

I would like to know how to proceed from this being an awkward situation between us after he did this strange thing.

Somehow that seems to have gotten lost in all the judging that's going on in the thread.
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Old 15th September 2017, 4:54 PM   #23
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Hahaha, I can be pretty dang obtuse, but even I have the sensibility that if I were to send someone a photo of me in my drawers, I would know exactly what my angle was.
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Old 15th September 2017, 5:01 PM   #24
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He's not a simple person, and i think there's more to it than that, but i guess i should ask him if i want to know. you folks haven't been any help at all.
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