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Does He Know What He's Doing? Do I?


In Search Of... Having a hard time forming friendships or finding companions, lovers, or associates? Is someone pursuing an unwelcome relationship with you? Talk about your experiences here.

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Old 12th September 2017, 11:00 PM   #1
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Does He Know What He's Doing? Do I?

I've had a crush on him for years.
He's engaged.
Last week he sent me a pic of him in his underwear.

I handled it badly, then apologized.
I secretly want to see more.

Should i leave things as they are - awkward a.f. -
or risk getting into something dangerous
that might actually work out?

How do I talk to him about this so we can at least go back to being friends?
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Old 13th September 2017, 2:07 AM   #2
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How do I talk to him about this so we can at least go back to being friends?
"Hey, you're engaged to be married. No more underwear pics please. What do you think of the broncos losing?..."

Set him straight or bear at least partial responsibility for his idiocy. Also, what's the context of his underwear pic. "Hey, I got abs for my wedding!" or "I'm so good looking, don't you want me?" Or did you ask for the pic?
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Old 13th September 2017, 12:33 PM   #3
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here's the thing: he created a private account i subbed to, which in hindsight should have indicated to me where he was going with his posts.
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Old 13th September 2017, 12:34 PM   #4
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but he also sent me a pic from his regular account by direct message
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Old 13th September 2017, 12:37 PM   #5
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the thing is, i really care for him. i adjusted to the situation of unrequited lust by thinking of him as a kind of brother. that's why when i got the pics i reacted other than i would have liked. i was responding as a shocked sister, when i would have liked to have responded in kind!
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Old 13th September 2017, 12:48 PM   #6
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You are begging for him to hurt you. He is in love with another woman who he has asked to marry him. You are willing to lower yourself just to have sex with him knowing he doesn't want you. Why play games with him that you were appalled by it when you admit you want to see more? He knows exactly what he is doing (getting some strange before he marries) but it is apparent that you don't know what you are doing.
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Old 13th September 2017, 12:50 PM   #7
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I secretly want to see more.
Yeah, I know. I'm like that with an ex-girlfriend. Fortunately for me, I know our personalities won't work in the long-term. But, she's so hot! Ugh.
Quote:
Originally Posted by cope ascetic View Post
Should i leave things as they are - awkward a.f. -
Yes.
Quote:
Originally Posted by cope ascetic View Post
or risk getting into something dangerous
that might actually work out?
No.

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Originally Posted by cope ascetic View Post
How do I talk to him about this so we can at least go back to being friends?
Well, you could say, "I like you. Do not send me any more pictures without your fiancée in them. You are not single, and I am not going to interfere in someone else's relationship, or live with someone's left overs.

We've been friends, and I'd like to be friends. If you can't be above board with our friendship, then it's best I don't speak to you or your fiancée. Don't hurry to reply, but let me know sometime how things are going in your engagement and your life. Your friend, cope ascetic.
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Old 13th September 2017, 12:53 PM   #8
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Yeah on the one hand i think he's getting cold feet as the wedding nears. But as a friend i should be the one to tell him to work his **** out instead of acting out.
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Old 13th September 2017, 12:54 PM   #9
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But on the other hand, I could ask him if they are going to have an open relationship. I wouldnt' mind that!
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Old 14th September 2017, 10:09 PM   #10
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OP, don't be that person, please. Respect his decision of choosing her over you and wish him the best, that's the least you can do. If he actually loved you, he'd have proposed to you instead.
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Old 15th September 2017, 1:43 AM   #11
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He probably just wants a threesome.


Time to hoe the ***c up OP.
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Old 15th September 2017, 2:03 AM   #12
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His being engaged is a big deal but let's forget about that for a second and talk about him sending a picture of himself in his underwear.

Being sent dick pics or partially nude pics does not equal romance, at least not in my mind. It's amazing to me how many women post on these boards all twisted up and hurting over guys who never even properly pursued or courted them. They start talking to a guy which leads into some sort of sexual behaviour like sexting, then they hook up and start having sex and then the woman declares herself in love with the guy and is in agony wondering if he loves her too. Meanwhile said guy has never even taken her out on a date.

Maybe I'm old fashioned but my experience has been that when a guy really likes a girl and has romantic interest in her, he asks her out on a date, he shows interest in getting to know her, he wants to know what she likes, what her background is. He notices her qualities and gives her genuine compliments (not "nice ass"). He wants to impress her and he wants her to feel the same about him. He doesn't lead with a picture of himself in his underwear.

Now maybe you are not interested in a romantic relationship with him. You said you have lust for him so perhaps you are only interested in him for sexual purposes. However since you also have a crush on him it is highly likely that you will develop feelings for him but he most likely will not develop feelings for you, because he doesn't see you that way. If he did he would not have been so crass as to send underwear pics to you. Guys are perfectly capable of having sex over and over again with the same woman and never fall in love with her.

You know he is engaged and he knows you know that too. His pic was an offer to have sex with him. If you respond positively to that then you are essentially telling him you are all good with having a sex only relationship. That you accept being his hidden other woman and that you accept getting crumbs and left overs. Is that really the message you want to send?
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Old 15th September 2017, 2:15 AM   #13
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No, really. He just wants to see if he can get some side trash before he goes down for the big dirty. Women seem to want to romanize this **** up, but .........LOL!!!!

Last edited by Imported; 15th September 2017 at 2:19 AM..
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Old 15th September 2017, 4:17 AM   #14
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You're probably one of a harem he has on a string for an ego boost.

I know a guy who has been doing this all the time I've known him - 10 years now - a work colleague who started out as a friend or so I thought.
He started to try this with me not long after I met him - and yeah, he sent me a pic of himself in his pants too! Lol!
Took me a while to get rid of him, he'd text me out of work, send work emails with kisses plastered all over them, he still tries occasionally now too.

I know he's had a harem of women at work (he probably has some outside of work too) who he consistently flirts hard with back then and still to this day. He got married this year and was still flirting with 3 of them (who have all confided in me) whilst he was on honeymoon and since his return.

He has no boundaries and won't stop even when any of these women are in relationships, neither do they though.

Nothing sexual has happened with any of them, they are all hanging on a string just for his ego purposes.
He invites them out for lunch one on one on days he knows he won't be in the office. I knew on a recent Tuesday he wasn't going to be in the Friday but he had a lunch booked with one of them on the Friday and checked in with her on Thursday all was set for the Friday. She got stood up, totally unaware he knew he wasn't going to be there.

I've tried telling a few of these ladies what he is doing - a couple of them were completely unaware, and their jaws hit the deck when I told them and dropped him but the others insist he is into them only.

OP, stick with it if you want to but all he is doing is wasting your time for his own ego boost because he is insecure.
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Old 15th September 2017, 4:56 AM   #15
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He knows exactly what he is doing. You also know exactly what he is doing. He knows what he wants. You know what you want. He knows his current and future plans, so do you.

What's the question again?
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