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Should I put I'm clinically depressed in my dating profile?


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Old 27th September 2017, 10:00 PM   #31
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Originally Posted by preraph View Post
I don't think you should put it in your dating profile or reveal it in the first three dates. And 3 isn't a magic number. Keep it light as long as you can. If they notice something is wrong then you can tell them. But don't be too quick to tell people. In my lifetime I have known more than one pretty negative person who still managed to find someone that it didn't bother that much. Some people are more tolerant of it than others. Some people won't let someone else's mood affect their mood. Probably the more insecure someone is the more reactive they will be to it because they'll be wondering if it's them.

Obviously if for some reason you have a big episode that's over the top then maybe that's time to explain why that happened. But there's plenty of people who are kind of negative and worried about everything who are still considered Within normal parameters.
I'd just like to say that i reiterate this. And, to take your time, getting to know someone that is. I also agree that you should be more 'yourself' on these dates.

I'm very much like you (well, maybe not, but i think we're similiar in the 'front' that we put on) - an anxiety to be needed and loved, and i am extremely insecure, so i have put on a cheerful front because i haven't wanted people to see how i am really on the inside, and also because of the anxiety to keep things 'chipper'... I know, it is exhausting, and eventually, for any truly intimate relationship to form, you will need to encounter each other eventually, eg, you cannot hide the real "yous"!

So, i am saying just be yourself, and maybeit will sort itself out, eg, the thrill-seekers might not be so 'thrilled' so may look to greener pastures to find their latest hit of excitement.

Last edited by Soak; 27th September 2017 at 10:03 PM..
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Old 28th September 2017, 7:20 PM   #32
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Ty dis��

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Originally Posted by Soak View Post
I'd just like to say that i reiterate this. And, to take your time, getting to know someone that is. I also agree that you should be more 'yourself' on these dates.

I'm very much like you (well, maybe not, but i think we're similiar in the 'front' that we put on) - an anxiety to be needed and loved, and i am extremely insecure, so i have put on a cheerful front because i haven't wanted people to see how i am really on the inside, and also because of the anxiety to keep things 'chipper'... I know, it is exhausting, and eventually, for any truly intimate relationship to form, you will need to encounter each other eventually, eg, you cannot hide the real "yous"!

So, i am saying just be yourself, and maybeit will sort itself out, eg, the thrill-seekers might not be so 'thrilled' so may look to greener pastures to find their latest hit of excitement.
Lately, I've been doing this!!! Not completely. Someone basically called me weird, but they weren't scared off. I think they were turned off though xD

I'm thinking about starting up my apps again and try to be myself completely. Just put it all out there 100%. Perhaps that is my main problem.It might be a fun experience even if I scare people off.

Maybe the ones who stay around I could bond with., like you said. Have you taken your 'mask' down?

Last edited by Cookiesandough; 28th September 2017 at 7:23 PM..
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Old 28th September 2017, 7:42 PM   #33
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Have you taken your 'mask' down?
Wow, difficult question, but i love challenges. Thanks for asking actually, i actually like being 'confronted', but not many people IRL do it .

The mask.. Gee, i'm wondering if it's so stuck on that it's hard to remove. I've definately calmed down on the anxiety reactions.. Yes, i think i've taken the mask off a lot. Interesting thing is, there's also good stuff under the mask. I had lost touch with my offbeat sense of humour..

I find that people only say the 'weird' thing when you don't fit into a category they have in their head. It's kind of like, they don't know where to fit you..! It's okay, really, it's okay .

Cookies, i think it's great that you are trying on this new self (which is your 'self) and taking it out there. A strategy that I use is self-talk. I tell myself it's okay, people aren't judging you, and i try to find positives in the situation. I think it is about developing new habits.

Maybe try to ask the other person more questions (on the date) and take control..!

Last edited by Soak; 28th September 2017 at 7:45 PM..
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Old 28th September 2017, 7:49 PM   #34
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I'm thinking about starting up my apps again and try to be myself completely. Just put it all out there 100%.
That's actually a really brave thing to do. I'm going to do that next time i try OLD too (and will do it in real life). I've never done that.

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Old 29th September 2017, 11:56 AM   #35
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Dear cookie, I am so sorry you have to deal with this. My heart goes to you.

I would definitely not put it in your profile and I would talk about it in person before getting intimate with someone so around 3-4-5 dates. I would do it before intimacy because usually people get more emotionally attached at that time and it's only fair to open up about our secrets before that moment.

Chronic depression used to be taboo but not anymore. There was a lot of public education done about it and it's not feared like it used to me. I personally know people with chronic depression that had functional long term relationships and raised families.
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Old 30th September 2017, 7:33 PM   #36
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I would not put it in a profile, no, but that's because it is something best discussed in person. If you get as far as dating, you will already have a sense of what the person is like and whether they can be trusted with your private life.

I thought like you Cookie, that depression would be a huge turn-off to men. It is to some but actually once they have spent time with you, it suddenly becomes less of an issue. Don't ask me why, but they make their minds up whether they like you or not. The right guy will be supportive. I have told guys about it and they have looked a bit puzzled, then they seem to accept it as part and parcel of me. I have found, in fact, that the more they get to know you, the more they want to get to know, even if you are not perfect. A guy wants the intimacy of getting to know the real you - the person who has emotions and gets sad as well as happy. Ironically, it is a privilege when people let their barriers down and allow you to get to know them. In this 'looks-driven' world, it is easy to forget that real intimacy involves getting to know a real person, not just the face they put on.

I have heard a few guys say what they really like is if a woman can be herself with him and let her guard down. Even if you wear less make-up and are miserable sometimes, they feel privileged that you allowed them to be 'that close' to you, whereas others guys didn't get to see the 'less-perfect' woman. I know it seems weird, but it's true. Give the guys a chance to get to know the real you and see what happens. You may be very surprised.
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Last edited by spiderowl; 30th September 2017 at 7:38 PM..
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