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I am not attracted to most men. What is wrong with me?


In Search Of... Having a hard time forming friendships or finding companions, lovers, or associates? Is someone pursuing an unwelcome relationship with you? Talk about your experiences here.

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Old 14th October 2017, 2:31 PM   #61
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As a man I've found that while it's crucial for there to be an initial physical attraction, it grows as I get to know the woman and find I really like her on a personal level. Without getting to know somebody further, I think it's impossible for anything to ever become clear or reach its potential.
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Old 14th October 2017, 2:36 PM   #62
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Please scratch what I said earlier. I don't know what to do! I really don't. I have been trying to lie to myself but I don't think I will find another one who gives me the sparks for a very long time. I really feel for you Hicrunchy. I've no oidea what to do or how to lower my standards realistically.....
If a guy is only attracted to blonds, but later changes to date brunettes as well... this isn't him lowering his standards. You don't lower your standards in expanding your attractions. You are instead becoming psychologically healthier.
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Old 26th October 2017, 6:53 PM   #63
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I have been starting to think that it is silly we believe that everyone is meant to find someone. Maybe I am one of those people who isn't meant to have a relationship or be loved. They exist, it happens. The fact that I am not attracted to many people could be my own my biology is telling me something.

Its sort of silly to keep hoping to find love if that is the case, isn't it. Maybe the faster I learn to accept that relationships and love aren't something that exists in my world, I can let go. Being loved romantically was just something that wasn't meant to be for me. Its something other people do. It will be sad, but healthier I guess. It worked for my mom (and dad), so since I am their daughter I am not sure why it can't work for me too.

Last edited by HiCrunchy; 26th October 2017 at 6:55 PM..
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Old 26th October 2017, 7:36 PM   #64
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Originally Posted by Cobra_X View Post
If a guy is only attracted to blonds, but later changes to date brunettes as well... this isn't him lowering his standards. You don't lower your standards in expanding your attractions. You are instead becoming psychologically healthier.
thats different because blondes/brunettes has no bearing on sexual fitness whatsoever... The health of the hair maybe, if it's all shiny and thick, or it's a brittle and thin
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Old 26th October 2017, 7:42 PM   #65
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Quality not quantity.

You don't have to find a majority of men or women attractive.
I know I don't! There has been a lot of debate on whether people can be both physically and mentally attracted to someone. It would appear that one outweighs the other for each individual.
I've met women who have said they needed an emotional spark to even consider pursuing someone. I've met others who said they won't even look at a man if he's not worth looking at. People will rarely admit that second one because they get called vain. I think either is fair. You can't fake what isn't there.
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Old 26th October 2017, 7:47 PM   #66
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thats different because blondes/brunettes has no bearing on sexual fitness whatsoever... The health of the hair maybe, if it's all shiny and thick, or it's a brittle and thin
Well.... It a way yes it does. How is it any different from the very narrow window you find attractive?

Hair color speaks of genetic makeup - and if we are talking about sexual fitness - don't you mean biological compatibility?

One a man can be very fit, healthy etc - but you still won't find him sexually attractive - isn't that correct?
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Old 26th October 2017, 7:52 PM   #67
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Well.... It a way yes it does. How is it any different from the very narrow window you find attractive?

Hair color speaks of genetic makeup - and if we are talking about sexual fitness - don't you mean biological compatibility?

One a man can be very fit, healthy etc - but you still won't find him sexually attractive - isn't that correct?
yes, i probably do account for genetic compatibility in my selection but if you follow the line of convo back I was specifically talking about no longer being attracted to much older men.
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Old 26th October 2017, 7:58 PM   #68
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Originally Posted by HiCrunchy View Post
I have been starting to think that it is silly we believe that everyone is meant to find someone. Maybe I am one of those people who isn't meant to have a relationship or be loved. They exist, it happens. The fact that I am not attracted to many people could be my own my biology is telling me something.

Its sort of silly to keep hoping to find love if that is the case, isn't it. Maybe the faster I learn to accept that relationships and love aren't something that exists in my world, I can let go. Being loved romantically was just something that wasn't meant to be for me. Its something other people do. It will be sad, but healthier I guess. It worked for my mom (and dad), so since I am their daughter I am not sure why it can't work for me too.
Holy gloom and doom....

Take a deep breath, I mean, aren't you like 23 years old?? You sound like you are on death row...'

Not trying to minimize your plight, just want you to realize that there are people that fall in love in their 70/80's.....It can happen to you, probably sooner than you think...

TFY
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Old 26th October 2017, 8:00 PM   #69
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Well.... It a way yes it does. How is it any different from the very narrow window you find attractive?

Hair color speaks of genetic makeup - and if we are talking about sexual fitness - don't you mean biological compatibility?

One a man can be very fit, healthy etc - but you still won't find him sexually attractive - isn't that correct?
And it still stands whether i'm unintentionally selecting for good genes or compatible genes i cant change what i'm into, right? Or maybe I can. I should take more of the picture into account. Maybe I can stop putting so much emphasis on it because it doesn't matter except for casual...I just miss my ex.

Last edited by Cookiesandough; 26th October 2017 at 9:23 PM..
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Old 26th October 2017, 9:03 PM   #70
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I'm kind of the same way, but then there's no telling when I will find someone attractive. For me, it's more about who they are. I'm with you on celebs. For me, most actors are too plain vanilla mainstream for me and I only find a couple attractive. Don't worry about that.

What made you attracted to your ex? Were you at first? Was it instant or after you learned more about him? I think the key will be to find someone with whom you have strong common interests and stimulate each other, though you did say intellectual talk wasn't doing it for you.
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Old 26th October 2017, 9:42 PM   #71
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Originally Posted by Cookiesandough View Post
And it still stands whether i'm unintentionally selecting for good genes or compatible genes i cant change what i'm into, right? Or maybe I can. I should take more of the picture into account. Maybe I can stop putting so much emphasis on it because it doesn't matter except for casual...I just miss my ex.
Who says you can't have the total package???

TFY
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Old 26th October 2017, 10:33 PM   #72
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And it still stands whether i'm unintentionally selecting for good genes or compatible genes i cant change what i'm into, right? Or maybe I can. I should take more of the picture into account. Maybe I can stop putting so much emphasis on it because it doesn't matter except for casual...I just miss my ex.
I wish more men and women will value what they had because replacements are not easy.
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Old 27th October 2017, 7:35 AM   #73
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Holy gloom and doom....

Take a deep breath, I mean, aren't you like 23 years old?? You sound like you are on death row...'

Not trying to minimize your plight, just want you to realize that there are people that fall in love in their 70/80's.....It can happen to you, probably sooner than you think...

TFY
Yes I am 22 and my birthday is coming up in Jan.
Not sure if itís even worth it to wait until Iím 70 at that point Iíd rather just die.
I appreciate the uplifting post, I cried yesterday (idk why I did) and this made me feel a little better
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Old 27th October 2017, 8:00 AM   #74
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I'm kind of the same way, but then there's no telling when I will find someone attractive. For me, it's more about who they are. I'm with you on celebs. For me, most actors are too plain vanilla mainstream for me and I only find a couple attractive. Don't worry about that.

What made you attracted to your ex? Were you at first? Was it instant or after you learned more about him? I think the key will be to find someone with whom you have strong common interests and stimulate each other, though you did say intellectual talk wasn't doing it for you.
Iím not sure if you were referring to me or cookieís post.

I was attracted to him physically first (instantly) and then I got to know him and fell in love. He actually told me he loved me first and I couldnít say it back when he did. But then I fell in love with him so hard. I guess thatís why I miss him so much.
He was funny (as in he told really bad puns and Dad jokes. Most people donít like them but I thought they were charming. It was one of the things he liked about me), he was really smart, he was analytical (the always thought before he spoke. He would pause in the middle of conversation just to think before he formulated his response. He wasnít afraid of the awkward silence), I loved how he planned dates and wanted to talk with me as a person, his cheeky grin, I liked how he was a good balance between being extroverted and introverted, he was out going, and career oriented (he is currently getting his PhD in physics, I liked how he was a private person and wasnít into gossip or drama. He was athletic (it motivated me to try to get in shape), and everyone loved him. He was very popular in college. Haha I donít wanna ramble.. He was a great guy and I miss him.

No He said the intellectual part wasnít doing it for him.
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Old 27th October 2017, 8:49 AM   #75
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Originally Posted by HiCrunchy View Post
Yes I am 22 and my birthday is coming up in Jan.
Not sure if it’s even worth it to wait until I’m 70 at that point I’d rather just die.
I appreciate the uplifting post, I cried yesterday (idk why I did) and this made me feel a little better
C'mon....I got shirts older than you....(no, not kidding)


Try to put it all into proper perspective...The world is at your feet at your age.....Save this nonsense when you turn 60 and have a bunch of cats, waste your days yelling at the neighborhood kids playing, and then you can lament on why it hasn't happened for you..Not now, ffs..

This may be a bit harsh, but at your age, there is a very good chance that what you thought was love really wasn't...You will clearly understand this at a later time..

It's too early to go in the tank, kid...Way too early...

TFY

Last edited by thefooloftheyear; 27th October 2017 at 8:52 AM..
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