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I am not attracted to most men. What is wrong with me?


In Search Of... Having a hard time forming friendships or finding companions, lovers, or associates? Is someone pursuing an unwelcome relationship with you? Talk about your experiences here.

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Old 23rd September 2017, 12:56 AM   #46
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Nothing weiird going on your just a bit different to average these days that will date bloody anyone, why l have no clue.
And your probably a one man women too and that's a beautiful thing.
Don't worry about date sites either l got the same out or 1000s of women there was only one or two that were even really , worth even talking to for me and none , zero, l even wanted to sleep with, not one.
Mid you , from what l saw that wouldn't be surprising on date sites , shocking range of people to choose from.
but l'm the same in RL too, not many women float my boat at all , she's a one in a million thing,
l'm proud of that tbh so there's never been any point in dating for me because when l do see my one in a million it's just on all it's own and a no brainer. So there's only been 2 real women in my life the rest don't even count.

Last edited by Chilli; 23rd September 2017 at 1:01 AM..
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Old 30th September 2017, 9:53 PM   #47
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Sorry to hear about your situation. I see myself in a lot of what you said. Only one real relationship...not attracted to majority of men...I think you are just super picky.

Last edited by Cookiesandough; 30th September 2017 at 10:06 PM..
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Old 30th September 2017, 10:53 PM   #48
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I am starting to think I am just going to die alone.
Are my standards really that high? Honestly I do not think that they are.
I just want to date someone that I am attracted to, click with emotionally and someone with goals and dreams. Is that really asking for too much?

I should just accept that maybe I am not going to be alone.
Relationships are just not for me. I'm just tired.

I see couples all the time and feel really sad most of the time. It makes me miss my ex or (more so the relationship that I had with him. I remember the time when I was happy with him. It makes me mourn the relationship with him).
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Old 30th September 2017, 11:24 PM   #49
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You are 22 years old. Believe me when I say, you have lots of time.

Don't catastrophize. It doesn't help.

Is it possible that you are depressed? You sound quite sad and rather desperate... Neither of which is a good thing when you are dating and hoping to attract a new partner.
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Old 30th September 2017, 11:57 PM   #50
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You are 22 years old. Believe me when I say, you have lots of time.

Don't catastrophize. It doesn't help.

Is it possible that you are depressed? You sound quite sad and rather desperate... Neither of which is a good thing when you are dating and hoping to attract a new partner.
Thank you.

Honestly it maybe possible that I have depression. I have never been formally diagnosed by a doctor and the one time I saw a counselor they never suspected that I had depression.

I am a little guilty because part of the reason my ex was unhappy with me is because I told him I didn't love myself. Maybe a part of me still feels guilty about that.

I did act desperate when he left me I guess (letter, crying, over texting, the works, drunk texting, haha). Everything you're not supposed to do. Strangely I do not regret it, but maybe he thinks I'm crazy now tbh

This was last year of course and I have been trying to feel good about who I am and accept myself. In other areas of my life I feel a little better, and thinking about living life to the fullest. Though I am in phase in life where it feels that all my peers are advancing and I am stuck for some reason.

I actually think I am very kind, loving, beautiful etc. I don't mean so sound arrogant or anything but I think I am an attractive woman and get hit on pretty frequently. I would like to think that there is someone out there for me. Part of me really wants to believe that.

Last edited by HiCrunchy; 1st October 2017 at 12:00 AM.. Reason: spelling
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Old 1st October 2017, 12:07 AM   #51
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You are 22 years old. Believe me when I say, you have lots of time.

Don't catastrophize. It doesn't help.

Is it possible that you are depressed? You sound quite sad and rather desperate... Neither of which is a good thing when you are dating and hoping to attract a new partner.
If I were truly desperate I would have settled with one of the dudes that hit on me. No reason not to if all I want is a warm body.

I may have depression or issues with self worth but desperation (other than for my ex) I do not think I have.
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Old 1st October 2017, 1:57 AM   #52
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I'm just like you. I am not attracted to the vast majority of men. Never have been. Also tried to give a guy a chance when I wasn't attracted and it was just awful for the 6 months that it lasted. Never developed for me. I know right away by someone's looks, generally speaking, if there is ever *a potential* for me to be sexually attracted to a man (I'm a face person and tend to be attracted to feminine features in a man's face). His personality ends up being the determining factor, though. I think the label of demisexual is fairly appropriate for someone like you and me.

I'm in CA and I notice I find men a lot more attractive on the East coast for some reason. I meet very few here that physically have enough spark for me but when I visited my sister on the opposite coast while single, I felt like there's hope. Haha! If you go on a vacation, you may want to look around and see if it seems any different for you.
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Old 1st October 2017, 7:31 AM   #53
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If I were truly desperate I would have settled with one of the dudes that hit on me. No reason not to if all I want is a warm body.

I may have depression or issues with self worth but desperation (other than for my ex) I do not think I have.
No, don't settle. But also... don't be afraid to take the risk if there is a possibility that it may be someone you are interested in dating.

When I was younger, I wasn't attracted to many people either. With age and maturity, I realized that what makes someone most attractive is not entirely their physical appearance, but who he is and how I feel when I am with him. When I first met my boyfriend, I thought he was good looking enough... But now, I find him very attractive because he is a wonderful man and I love him dearly.

Go out with people. Have some fun. See what happens... And keep working on your self esteem and self confidence (it's a lifelong journey...)
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Old 10th October 2017, 4:55 PM   #54
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It's weird. I used to have a more confined type. I didn't date guys out of my age group, but now that I am looking for them, I am seeing them in a different light.. There are quite a few older men(and women)that have obviously taken great care of themselves and blow youngins out of the water with those genes and lifestyle! Men throughout 40s into 50s in great shape. I am very curious about exploring this. It's very intriguing that I can find some (few, but still new to me) men in the older age groups attractive. Maybe I'm just getting older ;P. As long as they resemble an older version of my ex they can be very attractive to me.

Maybe just start to try looking at different guys in a different way. You may be very surprised. Don't try to force attraction though

Last edited by Cookiesandough; 10th October 2017 at 5:14 PM..
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Old 10th October 2017, 9:44 PM   #55
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My advice is to take your time. Just like you found your ex, you’ll find your next. You will find someone who you are attracted to—I promise. It will likely happen when you least expect it.

Do not sell yourself short and believe you will intuitively know when to pull the trigger. To know what you specifically are looking for isn’t necessarily a bad thing. Good things come to those who wait.
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Old 10th October 2017, 10:03 PM   #56
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This is normal. I am not attracted to men either. It's kinda instant for me. But personality makes a difference if I want a relationship or not. I also think you're still stuck on you ex, but if you found someone better you would be off him. You're so young, believe me, men come and go. One day you will look back and realize it was for the best.
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Old 10th October 2017, 10:59 PM   #57
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Wink

you get three great loves

2 to go
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Old 11th October 2017, 8:20 PM   #58
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I'm just like you. I am not attracted to the vast majority of men. Never have been. Also tried to give a guy a chance when I wasn't attracted and it was just awful for the 6 months that it lasted. Never developed for me. I know right away by someone's looks, generally speaking, if there is ever *a potential* for me to be sexually attracted to a man (I'm a face person and tend to be attracted to feminine features in a man's face). His personality ends up being the determining factor, though. I think the label of demisexual is fairly appropriate for someone like you and me.

I'm in CA and I notice I find men a lot more attractive on the East coast for some reason. I meet very few here that physically have enough spark for me but when I visited my sister on the opposite coast while single, I felt like there's hope. Haha! If you go on a vacation, you may want to look around and see if it seems any different for you.
I am actually from NYC. Nice to know you think out men out here on the east coast are handsome lol. My ex was from the bay area in the west coast, I am not sure if he has a look that is popular there because I have never gone. Maybe I am more attracted to CA boys haha.
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Old 11th October 2017, 9:30 PM   #59
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Please scratch what I said earlier. I don't know what to do! I really don't. I have been trying to lie to myself but I don't think I will find another one who gives me the sparks for a very long time. I really feel for you Hicrunchy. I've no oidea what to do or how to lower my standards realistically.....
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Old 14th October 2017, 11:37 AM   #60
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Get to know people before dismissing them as unattractive. A lot of times you might not like someone at first glance but they grow on you as you get to know them. The love of my life was someone I didn't look twice at when we first met. Also maybe you're just picky (and there's nothing wrong with that) - after I lost my first love it took me ten years to love someone else. There's nothing you can do except keep an open mind and keep looking.
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