I live a lonely life

[the_lost_1]

Every day I have no one to talk to, every day I have no one to hang out with and it's been pretty much like that all my life. Because of my condition, I'm unable to have friends or a girlfriend. And I see no point in living since it's obvious I don't want to live like this.

 

The pain is just too much to bear.

[Eternal Sunshine]

Every day I have no one to talk to, every day I have no one to hang out with and it's been pretty much like that all my life. Because of my condition, I'm unable to have friends or a girlfriend. And I see no point in living since it's obvious I don't want to live like this.

 

The pain is just too much to bear.

 

 

What's your condition?

[basil67]

Did you look at the information I gave you about Aspergers?

[littleblackheart]

Hi OP

 

I have Asperger's and I manage a 'normal' life like the best of them . Honestly, I've found the hardest part of it is just fighting the stigma, patronising and prejudices but once you're equipped with the right tools to deal with it, things become less fuzzy!

 

My 11yo is an Aspie too and I'm there to guide him through it all the way so

if I can help in any way (or just give you a boost or moral support), feel free to pm anytime .

Edited August 10, 2017 by littleblackheart

[the_lost_1]

i do not have aspegers. i was born healthy until i was sick which caused permanent damage to my hearing and speech.

[Usename12]

I don't know where you're from but in a lot of places, there are deaf communities with people who understand your circumstances. Maybe you are not interested in being around other deaf people, but either way, there is often support if you look for it. Also, if you have hobbies and interests, maybe find a meetup group in your area.

[basil67]

i do not have aspegers. i was born healthy until i was sick which caused permanent damage to my hearing and speech.

 

Have you read the information I posted? Do you know that Aspergers is not a sickness?

[kazen]

"I live a lonely life" would make a great song title or poem. Sorry, I digress. Anyways, when you think you are alone, there is always someone out there who feels the same as you. You speak about your disability, perhaps take up learning sign language? Not only would it help you become a better communicator, you'll meet girls who doesn't view your disability as a negative. I have seen couples where one is has a speaking disability. I always find it fascination to see them communicate with sign language. Also I think it's important to have a positive attitude despite your disabilities, women will find that quality attractive. Good luck!

[BaileyB]

It is my understanding that this young man is not "deaf" - rather he has a hearing loss that has affected the quality of his speech. There is a BIG difference - people with hearing loss do not generally use sign language and he would not truly identify with the "deaf" community.

 

OP, I'm sorry for your disability. But, I've said it before and I will say it again, your disability does not mean that you can not have friends or a girlfriend. MANY people who are deaf and/or have a hearing loss live productive, socially active lives regardless of their disability.

 

PLEASE, consider counselling. You have a hearing loss, but I would suggest to you that you also seem to be seriously depressed. Talk to your doctor and find a counsellor. Get help!

[basil67]

The_lost_1, you said in previous posts that you've attempted suicide numerous times. But you also say that you won't see a psychiatrist or psychologist.

 

Thing is, I would have imagined that each time you are hospitalised after a failed suicide attempt, you would be seen by their mental health team. What did they say to you about your state of mind?

 

Where do your parents fit into this whole thing?

[preraph]

I don't know why you think you don't need help for your mental health. Just because you feel you have other root problems doesn't mean you don't also have some issues elsewhere. Which clearly you do since suicide is mentioned in every thread you make. You need to stop being in denial and go to a psychologist and get some help. Then maybe you could cope with your partial hearing disability.

[diddilybop]

I don't know why you think you don't need help for your mental health. Just because you feel you have other root problems doesn't mean you don't also have some issues elsewhere. Which clearly you do since suicide is mentioned in every thread you make. You need to stop being in denial and go to a psychologist and get some help. Then maybe you could cope with your partial hearing disability.

 

AGREED. by staying in denial, you're closing opportunities for growth, outlets to connect with others and resolve your issues. getting the help you need will ultimately make you feel less lonely. it takes work but it's worth it.

[the_lost_1]

I'm fine. I'm just tired of being sad and upset all the time. I did go see counselling when I was in college when I was student so it did help a bit. But I don't have access to counselling anymore so yea. I'm poor so there's not much I can do.

 

I would say I'm lucky enough to have supportive parents that are understanding but I still feel like I'm not enough for them. It's like I don't deserve them, you know? It's like they deserve a better son who's perfect and have no flaws or anything and they would be very much prouder parents.

 

BaileyB, you are right I never learned sign I had to learn to speak and yea. I wear cochlear implant on my right ear which I hate and unnatural and basically it makes me a cyborg but yea lol it's like being a half human half machine 'cause I got magnet in my head that I can attach it to and electrical tubing sitting next my brain.

 

Anyways I guess the point is I'm still struggling to find passion or purpose in life but it's still not enough. However I will emphasize that I do appreciate your support, guys. Thanks for your concern, I never thought this place would have so many mature members. Thanks for your maturity.

[Blanco]

Then stop mentioning suicide so flippantly. It's an insult to the people who have had suicide directly impact their lives.

 

People have tried to help, but you seem to push back on just about all of it.

[the_lost_1]

You know, I actually hate "deaf" word with passion and it doesn't define me in any way whatsoever. Ugly word.

 

I had to learn to speak all my life and best trying to speak smoothly and all that but.......I mean, yes I know what you're saying; I know that you're saying that I need to learn to own it or whatever but still it still bothers me 'cause it's the reality I face every day and which is primarily the reason I constantly have self doubts, self hate, you name it.

 

Yes I try to be positive but I don't think you understand how hard this is. I get rejected a lot and what I really need is a job, where I may actually have the opportunity to socialize.

[Blanco]

You know, I actually hate "deaf" word with passion and it doesn't define me in any way whatsoever. Ugly word.

 

Wait, what? Almost all of your posts are about how your hearing issues have prevented you from having friends or a girlfriend. How is that not letting it define you?

[the_lost_1]

If that's the case, how do I stop it from defining me then? You're actually right, I'm probably letting my problems define me. Damn.

 

Someone told me to read the "The subtle art of not giving a fk" maybe I'll give it a read. I like books, especially self-help & advice.

[normal person]

I would say I'm lucky enough to have supportive parents that are understanding but I still feel like I'm not enough for them. It's like I don't deserve them, you know? It's like they deserve a better son who's perfect and have no flaws or anything and they would be very much prouder parents.

 

Your worth, and I'm sure your parents' pride in you, isn't determined by circumstantial things that are out of your control. What might inspire a lot of pride in yourself is working to do things that are within your control. For example, my friend's brother has Down's Syndrome, and I'll be damned if he isn't one the most inspiring people I've ever met. He's always pushing himself, competing in sporting events like the Special Olympics, working at a job he loves, helping people, being an ambassador, meeting the president, etc. He makes his family cry tears of joy for everything he's accomplished given the circumstances. I'm sure there are ways you can enrich the world and yourself that would both boost your spirits and inspire a lot of pride. Have you ever volunteered?

 

 

Anyways I guess the point is I'm still struggling to find passion or purpose in life but it's still not enough.

 

I think you'll find that many, many people have that struggle at some point. Having a life that's overcome with passion and purpose is almost a luxury. Personally, sometimes I feel like one of the luckiest guys on planet Earth. But I'd be lying if I said I also didn't feel empty, purposeless, and/or hollow at times, like it's almost all for nothing. What gives you joy in life? What are you passionate about? Do you have goals or things you'd like to do, and a plan to achieve them?

[the_lost_1]

Again, thanks everyone for the kind posts.

 

Please don't feel bad for me or anything, it's cool. I'm not trying to make anyone feel guilty, if you felt that way, my apologies.

[Blanco]

You stop letting it define you by stop using it as a default reason why something isn't going well in your life. From your posts, it seems like you've found a way to attribute your hearing issues to nearly any negative thing in your life.

 

I'm not saying that maybe your hearing issues haven't been a factor, but I think perhaps your attitude about it is a bigger issue.

[bummer]

You can mask it, ignore it, change it. But it still defines you. In as little meta-babble as possible, you have to own it. Then wrestle it and make it your bitch. As a previous poster wrote, "once you're equipped with the right tools to deal with it, things become less fuzzy!"

 

Not giving a fk is not reading self help books teaching you how not to give a fk. But it is a start, and it's funny.

 

Put your heart-forward, then your feet forward, stumble, fall, get up, repeat.

 

Use that to go "find" a job or rather, annoy 100 places with your resume and interest that one decides to give you a shot. Then work!

 

I won't insist you need a therapist. I will insist you get out and do something to help yourself. Where's a group near you with people who can show you how/when to properly self-deprecate, how/when to say or do something to make sure you ARE a part of society, free to make any friends or gfs you want?

https://www.meetup.com/topics/deaf/all/

 

Have you TRIED applying any of the previous posts' advice? Can you share what worked or what didn't? Please come back here with something concrete you tried, so everyone can help instead of repeating themselves. To find passion and purpose you have to try and see many things to find something that resonates in your heart. Passion and purpose DO NOT fall out of the sky.

[the_lost_1]

I mean, I guess the reason I keep talking about it is because it bothers me, you know? Like, it can't stop bothering me because it's the reality I face on a daily basis.

 

For example, I met this girl from dating site and I really liked her and we would text with each other a lot and everything until we meet in person and she drops her interest. Why? Because of the way I speak and hear.

[the_lost_1]

I strive so hard to be perfect and I've been considering to join a military where I may be able to do the work and keep me busy. I don't know if they'll take me in or accept me though.

[the_lost_1]

I really like this community thanks for support guys I will try to read over multiple times what you guys wrote. Thanks.

[diddilybop]

I mean, I guess the reason I keep talking about it is because it bothers me, you know? Like, it can't stop bothering me because it's the reality I face on a daily basis.

 

For example, I met this girl from dating site and I really liked her and we would text with each other a lot and everything until we meet in person and she drops her interest. Why? Because of the way I speak and hear.

 

there's nothing wrong with talking about it but if you're not actually going to DO something about how you feel, then not much is going to happen and you're just going to keep feeling the way you do.

 

bummer couldn't have said it better, have you tried actually doing any of the suggestions we've made? not just thought about it, not just sat back and said, "well, i can't". self-help books aren't going to give you solutions but rather, inspire you, give you ideas. more importantly, in order to have purpose and feel fulfilled, you have to do the work, it doesn't just happen completely on it's own.

Edited August 11, 2017 by diddilybop